Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

Cadence squirmed perched on the ledge of the ancient gazebo. She scanned the cavern for a private area, but no corners or alcoves were to be found.

“I’ve been sitting here with my legs crossed, but I really can’t hold this any longer. Is there a place where I can tinkle?” Cadence clenched her knees a little tighter.

“Tinkle?” DeLeon queried. “Like a bell?”

“Pee pee,” Cadence responded.

“I know what you mean. I’m just teasing.”

“C’mon, I’m going to burst!”

“There’s a lot of urns about. Pick one,” Charlie pointed.

“I’m not going to do my business in front of you two!”

“Charlie, I’m ashamed of you! That’s no way to treat a lady!” DeLeon shook a finger. “There’s a facility just above us. Go up the ramps and take a left,” Deleon traced the path in the air as he spoke.

“She can’t leave! What if she tries to escape?’ Charlie protested.

“Where is she going to go? It’s the fifteenth century out there. It’s not like she can call an Uber!”

“What the hell is it with you guys and Ubers?” Charlie sighed.

“You’ll find a basket of fruit, loaves of bread, and cheeses up there that were meant for the recharging ceremony. There might be some wine. I don’t remember if I drank that or not. Bring that back down with you. I could use a snack. It might be a handful, but you still have the one, so you’ll do fine.” DeLeon smirked.

Cadence faked an exaggerated smile and scrunched up her nose.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Charlie objected.

“Then go with her,” DeLeon countered. “I’ll be fine. I’ll give you a call If the armor shows up while you’re gone.” DeLeon repeated the face that Cadence had just thrown at him.

“Just go pee!” Charlie shooed away Cadence with a flick of his wrist.

Cadence ascended the ramps as quickly as she could while being careful not to make any movements that could cause her to spring a leak. The knowledge that she could soon relieve herself amplified her bladder’s willingness to purge. She reached the top of the ramps and immediately turned left as DeLeon had instructed.

The facilities weren’t much more than a private alcove carved into the stone wall. A slab of stone spanned the space. A center hole with a smoothed and polished edge was positioned above a hole in the floor that was deep enough that darkness prevented its bottom from being seen. A stack of small linen squares was piled on either end of the slab. Cadence dropped her pants and scooted onto the rock shelf. The cool touch against her backside signaled that she had made it, but the feeling of panic continued until her bladder emptied. She reached for a linen square.

“Single-ply,” she thought as she grabbed a second square.

Cadence exited the alcove and followed a torch-lit hallway to a much larger space that had a familiar feel to it. She was certain that she had been there before. The toppled basket of foodstuffs DeLeon mentioned lay on the ground. She hooked the basket over her handless arm and gathered the stray fruits and bread from the cobblestone floor. The stone tiles led out toward the center of the grotto spiraling into a torch-lined circle. Everything fell into place. Seeing the mosaic compass rose confirmed it. She was in the grotto. The lab and holding cells were missing. They would be added in the centuries to come.

“Bowooo,” echoed softly from the darkness. “Bowooo.”

Cadence squinted in the direction of the call. A faint shimmer rippled across the grotto’s far wall. She pulled one of the torches from its stand and made her way toward the dancing light.

Everything about the cave was as she remembered except for the body of water at its center. When the Great Koi had brought her here, they emerged from a beautiful pool of glistening, crystal-clear water. The small pond that was now in its place was just large enough to hold the magical fish. One edge of the water was lined with stones. They weren’t neatly stacked, but it was easy to see that their formation did not occur naturally. The Koi sat partially submerged on the opposite edge. Cadence walked to it.

“Bowoo,” it said as she approached.

“Hello, Mr. Bowoo, It’s very nice to see you again!” Cadence replied.

The great fish didn’t seem to recognize her. It ducked just beneath the surface. Only its dorsal fin remained visible.

“Oh, that’s right, we haven’t met yet! I’m Cadence.”

She stepped forward and squatted near the water. Mr. Bowoo stayed put.

“Would you like something to eat?”

Cadence broke off a chunk of bread and tossed it into the pool. The koi moved toward the morsel but stopped abruptly. He tried to move closer but seemed to be restrained. Cadence continued along the water’s edge to get closer. Mr. Bowoo continued a tugging motion.

A large rock had fallen upon one of the koi’s fins, pinning it in place.

“You poor thing!” Cadence cried. “Let me help you.”

She set the basket down and climbed across the stony bank. The offending rock was much larger than she had anticipated.

“I’m sorry! Even with two hands, I wouldn’t be able to lift this!”

“Bowooo,” the fish lamented.

“I got an idea! Wait right here!” Cadence chirped and then realized her blunder. “Sorry, I didn’t…”

“Bowoo.”

Cadence ran back into the grotto and returned holding a pole from one of the torches. She analyzed the situation and repositioned a smaller rock beside the one atop the fin.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold this so be ready to move,” she directed.

Mr. Bowoo blinked.

“I sure hope you understand me.”

Cadence jammed the pole beneath the rock and twisted it back and forth to get as far under it as possible. She took a breath.

“Ready?”

Bowoo blinked again.

Cadence wrapped both arms around the pole and leaned backward. The stone rose slightly, but not enough to make a difference.

“Damn it!”

Cadence moved to the opposite side of the pole, wrapped her arms around it, braced it against her shoulder, and pushed as hard as she could. It was even less effective. She took a step back and scanned the room.

“I’ve got it!” She said out loud. She returned to the basket and dumped out its contents. She began loading it with rocks. “I just need more weight,” she explained to Bowoo. “If I fill this sucker up it will provide the added weight I need! At least, I hope it will!”

Cadence loaded the basket, checking to see if she could lift it every couple of rocks. When it got to a point where she was struggling, she dragged it back to the pole. Holding the basket and gripping the pole at the same time would be problematic, especially being one-handed. She removed her belt and strung it through the basket handle to create a strap. She then squatted and looped it over her head and shoulder.

“Lift with the legs, not with the back,” she reminded Bowoo who blinked in agreement.

“Mother Pussbucket!” she grunted as she stood. She worked her way over to the pole and wrapped an arm around it. “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Am I right?”

The cavern remained silent except for the lapping of water against the rocks.

“Ooh, tough crowd,” She laughed. “Get ready!”

Cadence embraced the pole so that it nested inside the crooks of her arms. As she inch-wormed her way up, the pole flexed back. The water made a sucking sound as it began to fill the gap forming between the rock and the mud at its base. Cadence wrapped her legs around the pole and shimmied farther toward its end. A prolonged slurping sound followed.

“Try now!” Cadence urged.

Bowoo tugged but still couldn’t break free.

“Keep trying!”

Cadence began to bounce as she inched to the pole’s end.

Slurp.

Slurp.

Slurp.

CRACK!

Cadence plunged backward. The cluster of rocks that hung around her neck pulled her deep into the water. She wrestled to free herself but only became more entangled with the basket. She continued to sink. A gentle nudge caused a sudden shift in direction. She gasped for air as she breached the surface. Cadence remained prone, looking at the dome of the cave above her. Bowoo carried her to shallow water and deposited her at the water’s edge.