Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

Dorian only half-listened to Cate as he focused on the color of her aura. Lenny had told him the purity of color was more important than the color itself. Her halo was glowing brightly, so she was being truthful.

“Duh!” Cate’s voice broke into his thoughts. “It’s our sole purpose to be truthful.”

“Did you just read my mind?” Dorian asked.

“We didn’t need to. You were thinking out loud.”

“I was?”

“Her halo’s glowing brightly so she is being truthful.” Cate mimicked.

“I’ve got to stop doing that.”

“It would make you a little less doofusy,” Cate advised.

“I don’t think that’s even a word.”

“If it isn’t, it should be, because you are.”

“Well, your face is doofusy!” Dorian responded.

“What does that even mean? Which face would you be talking about?” Cate tilted all three heads in unison.

“I don’t know.” Dorian hung his head. “Besides, you started it!”

“Yes, we did. Didn’t we? Our bad.”

“Our bad?” Dorian laughed. “That’s so ‘street’ of you.”

“We believe that we used the term correctly.”

“Yes, you did. You’re one hip cat.”

Dorian waited for a reaction.

“Hip cat. Nothing?” Dorian urged.

Cate’s heads looked at one another.

Dorian sighed.

“Shall we get back on topic, Dorian?” Cate suggested.

“Sure. What were you saying?”

“We were asking for your assistance. We need you to keep Charlie from doing something really stupid. He’s made a deal with DeLeon that he thinks will break him free of the Chronostream, but he isn’t thinking things through.”

“The Chronostream? I have no idea what that is.”

“Ugh!” Cate sighed. “It’s the main stream, the standard that all other life streams are based upon. It is linear in the most literal sense. It starts at the dawn of time and continues to grow one day longer with each trip around the sun. He has spent eternity attached to it, never experiencing anything outside of its current. The thought that there have been a group of mortals, albeit a very small number of you, that have jumped from life stream to life stream eats at him. It has consumed him.”

“So, what we’re experiencing right now is part of the Chronostream? Cadence being taken, me gaining this power, is all part of the mother of all life streams? Why would I play a part at the core of something so important?” Dorian asked, highly perplexed.

Cate laughed. “Every single original experience that occurs becomes the prime instance for the main lifestream and is absorbed into the Chronostream. As soon as an event takes place, alternative outcomes are generated exponentially and continue multiplying throughout eternity. All elements, from the tiniest of details to the most fantastic events, have alternative versions.”

“You’re saying that me, a doofusy motel clerk, holding a conversation with you, a three-headed cat, is part of the grand master plan?”

“Just as much as Granny battling a giant metal golem using enchanted water balloons.”

“Whaaaat?” Dorian choked. “Never mind. I don’t think I want to know!”

“You’re probably better off,” Cate agreed.

“Why does Charlie think DeLeon will break him free of the Chronostream? I mean, we did the ritual, and he took Cadence as a proxy. Doesn’t Charlie have to return DeLeon to the present day? He doesn’t owe Charlie anything.”

Cate nodded her heads. “But DeLeon is way smarter than Charlie. He’s using him to retrieve the armor. We told him that it was a horrible idea, but he wouldn’t listen. That’s why we had to come up with a plan of our own.”

“And you chose me as your partner? Why in the world would you pick a doofus like me?”

“Boy, you can’t let shit go, can you?” Cate sighed.

“I’m a sensitive guy. I bruise easily. I’ll only bring it up a few more times.”

“Charlie wanted the proxy to be the best possible bait. There were only three viable choices that we had. Three pairs of you that had the kind of bond that was strong enough to ensure that if one of you were taken the other would pursue. The henchmen, well, we don’t think we need to explain why they weren’t chosen. Conan and the werewolf . . .”

“Dayhound,” Dorian corrected. “Their names are Leslie and Gary.”

“Very well. Leslie and Gary had supernatural baggage that far outweighed their other attributes. You and Cadence were by far the best choice.”

“So, Charlie took cadence because he thought that it would be easier to take the armor from a doofus,” Charlie groaned.

Cate rolled her eyes.

“That’s the last time,” Dorian promised.

“If not for your recently upgraded abilities we would agree with you. Now, we think you will prevail.”

“But how? The plan has fallen apart. I don’t have the armor anymore. Griffin has it.”

“Your mission hasn’t changed, has it? You still want to rescue Cadence, don’t you?” Cate confirmed.

“Yes!”

“Charlie doesn’t need to know that you don’t have the breastplate.”

“I thought that you can only speak the truth.”

“That’s true. We always do.”

“What if Charlie asks about the armor?”

“I can answer his questions without lying.”

Dorian thought for a moment. “What can I do for you?”

“It’s more about what we can do for you. You came into this realm hoping to find and rescue Cadence. We know where she is and can give you a means of getting to her.”

“What then?” Dorian asked.

“You can carry out your rescue plan.”

Dorian stared blankly.

“You do have a rescue plan, don’t you?” Cate confirmed, shaking all her heads.

“I was hoping to find her and hit the reset on the armor. I don’t have that option anymore.”

“But you do have an armful of talent at your disposal.”

Dorian studied the bracer wrapped around his multi-hand. “I was hoping to use my additional talents to avoid confrontation. I’m a lover, not a fighter.”

“Not according to our assessment,” Cate teased.

“I didn’t mean it in a literal sense, I just mean . . .”

“We know,” Cate cut him short. “Besides, most protagonists don’t have time travel at their disposal. We guess that you’ll have to rescue your maiden the old-fashioned way, with brains, brawn, bravery, and a three-headed cat that knows her way around the underworld.”