Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

“Hey, there,” Reese said in a slightly sing-song voice. “I hope that you can understand me. My name is Reese.”

The snallygaster seemed to listen but didn’t offer a reply.

“It may not look like it but we have a lot in common. I am also both dead and alive.”

The snallygaster furrowed its brow and pulled its head back. They were listening.

“ I know, right?” Reese stuck her sword into the grotto floor and propped herself against it. “The main difference is I am this way by choice. I wanted to live alongside a loved one. Unlike you, I wasn’t excreted from the underside of the underworld. Not that any of this is your fault, mind you. The blame lays solely on that wretch that lays before you. He’s a selfish little ogre that was willing to risk destroying all of Time. That’s Time with a capital ‘T’.”

The snallygaster harumphed.

“That being said,” Reese continued. “ It would be great if you could detach from one another, return to your original forms, and crawl, or insert, yourselves back inside that guy. Pick an orifice, any orifice. It’s up to you. Creatures’ choice.”

The snallygaster pondered for but a moment. From its maw, a choir of voices replied,” No.”

Reese, as well as the rest of her companions, was taken aback.

“No?” she responded, amused yet perturbed. “Can we discuss this a bit further?”

“No!”

“Wait a minute!” A singular voice sounded from within the beast. “I’d like to hear what she has to say.”

“Me, too!” said another. “I had fashioned a pretty cozy spot for myself behind his spleen. Now, I’m sharing a space with god-knows-who somewhere beneath the sternum!”

“You are but two out of thousands!” The choir chided. “Be quiet!”

“You’re not the boss of me!” Another voice protested.

Dissension rumbled within the snallygaster’s midsection. It appeared there were more than three revenants that weren’t thrilled with their new body. The rumble rose until it became that of a small crowd. The roar escalated and then split into two distinct factions. One group argued that they wanted to return to the body from whence they came. The other wanted to give their newly formed figure a shot.

It was not surprising that those embedded in the Phoecock raved about their new form while those residing in the fishy parts weren’t as enthusiastic.

“Easy for you to say, Mister-I’m-part-of-the-majestic-wings-and-head! Try being down here in the literal bowels of the beast!”

“Maybe there’s a reason you’re down there. What did you contribute to your past life? I was internet famous.”

“Internet famous? Look what that got you. A lovely trip to Hades and the opportunity to be jettisoned from that guy’s keester! We are all junk from that jerk’s trunk! Get over yourself!”

Reese did a quick backstep to the group.

“This situation may sort itself out!” She laughed.

“I’m rooting for the junk-in-the-trunk guy. He’s a hoot!” Leslie said.

“It’s always a plus when there is infighting amongst your adversaries. It makes for a great distraction. See if you can stir the pot a bit,” DeLeon urged.

Reese gave a two-fingered salute and trotted back to her place beside her sword. “I say we take a vote!” she exclaimed as if part of the dissenting group.

“Vote! Vote! Vote!” roared the midsection.

“SILENCE!” the choir bellowed. “There is no need for a vote. Those who wish to return to that disgusting carcass may do so. Simply relocate into the scaly bits. We are certain the sword-wielding Amazon will be happy to assist by severing you from this body. ”

“It would be my pleasure!” Reese curtsied.

The trunk of the snallygaster twisted and contorted as a portion of its inhabitants migrated south of the waistline.

“Push down as far as you can into the tail,” the choir urged. “We would like to salvage as much of this body as we can post-amputation.”

The area nearest the fluke began to swell, accompanied by grumblings of how uncomfortable the accommodations had become at the far end of the snallygaster.

“This shall all be over soon!” the choir assured the grumblers.

“Reese, is it?”

“Yes.”

“Reese, please sever the tail. Slice it as close to the lump of deserters, if you would be so kind.”

Reese approached the tail and placed her blade alongside the bulge. She checked for a sign of approval. The beast pinched two of its talons together, suggesting a smaller distance. Reese repositioned her sword and received a talon-laden thumbs up.

“It’s a girthy tail. It may take a few slices.”

“Try a stab and pull type motion,” the choir suggested. “It may be more efficient than hacking at us as if we were a hunk of sausage.”

Reese nodded her acceptance, reversed her grip on her sword, raised it above her head, and plunged it into the center of the tail. She pulled forward, creating a gaping gash in the iridescent flesh. A pitch-black ooze began to crawl from the lesion and toward Charlie, who remained balled in the fetal position between them and the main body of the snallygaster. Reese maintained her grip on the hilt of her blade, vaulted to the other side of the tail, and repeated her maneuver. A horde of Draugr poured forth with a hiss of “Thank you”s.

Before she could utter a “You’re welcome”, a fiery blast ripped past her, singeing her hair as it ignited the surge of revenants. She backflipped, dodging a series of short blasts that strafed the length of the severed tail. The dismembered appendage erupted into flames. The Draugr lit up like tinder.

“We hope you like your traitors extra crispy!” the choir sniggered, quite amused by its humor.

Reese took advantage of the creature being full of itself and bolted. She used her newly acquired dexterity, breakdancing and pirouetting her way through the fiery aftermath. As she leaped toward a clearing beyond the edge of the destruction, blackened hands snatched her mid-air and drew her into the open wound at the base of the beast.