Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

“Are you sure that you don’t want to visit the magic koi and have that leg fixed?” Dorian asked. “It’s in the lagoon on the other side of the grotto.”

“I don’t want to navigate past ol’ Chuck and. . . whatever you want to call what’s happening to him. Just splint me up. I’ll visit the koi in the comfort of my own home.”

“Use this.” Leslie extended his sword. Dorian reached for it but had his hand swatted away by Reese.

“We’re not going through that again! I’ll handle this.”

As DeLeon was being bound, Leslie assisted Griffin with attaching his mechanical legs.

“Chaps are quite a fashion statement,” Leslie mused.

“They highlight my best feature!” Griffin turned and wagged his stubby tail. “No one can resist a corgi butt!”

“That is a universal truth, my friend!”

Reese helped DeLeon to his feet. He was wobbly but could walk with some assistance.

“Now what?” Dorian asked. “This feels like that awkward part of the evening, you know when it’s time to leave, but no one wants to be the first to go.”

“My ride is currently absorbing soul pellets through every orifice in his body, so I have to be that guy who leaves with someone other than the one that brought him to the party. Anyone give me a lift?” DeLeon asked.

“We’re all in the same boat. We used the breastplate to get here, but it’s drained of all its power.”

“We can all cram into the Aquamino. There’s plenty of room in the truck bed if you scrunch together,” Dorian offered. “We’ll need to go back through the gazebo.”

“Shotgun!” Griffin yelled.

“Would you deprive a lady of riding inside the car?” Reese queried with puppy dog eyes.

“You can have it,” he sighed.

“Sucker!” Reese snickered.

The battle-weary quintet headed toward the gazebo as the unsettling sounds of soul pellets re-entering their previous place of residence faded in the distance. Dorian and Leslie propped up DeLeon. Griffin and Reese followed a few steps behind.

“So, where are you going to go once you recharge that thing?” Griffin motioned at the breastplate.

“I’ve got to find a lifestream where my family is safe and Danny is still alive. That is number one on my list. Hopefully, that lifestream will also resolve Joey’s issue.”

“And that is?”

“He wants to find his sister,” Reese groaned.

“Do you have a problem with that?”

“Listen, I love the guy, but his sister, little miss Jayne with a Y, is a bitch with a B. She was DeLeon’s girlfriend-slash-handmaiden. They caused Danny’s death, and I will never forgive them for that.”

“Funny, I know a Jayne with a Y, but she can’t be the same woman. My Jayne had this kid named Trevor…”

“ That’s the bitch!” Reese interrupted.

“She seemed nice when we dated!” Griffin objected.

“You dated?!”

“Not really dated. I helped her recharge one of the bracelets and we…”

Griffin’s voice tapered into a mumble.

“You didn’t! Eeww!”Reese gasped.

“I wasn’t built like this! It happened when I was still one hundred percent human!”

“I didn’t mean it that way! I was taken aback by the fact that you would want to be with the likes of her.”

“I did. She was very alluring.”

“I’ll give you that,” Reese conceded.

“ But, look where it got me,” Griffin whined.” I’m a mishmash of creatures that lives on the outskirts of the underworld!”

Reese softened, realizing Griffin’s anguish.

“But you’ve got a great butt!”

“Damn nice butt!” Griffin confirmed.

“You’re welcome to join us if you want. Maybe, you’ll get to see your girlfriend again!” Reese gave him a nudge.

“Maybe you’ll get to see your girlfriend again!” Griffin mimicked in a nasal voice.

Reese laughed.

“Seriously,” Griffin continued. ” I appreciate the offer, but I have someone waiting for me when I get home. We’ve been through our share of adventures, and it’s about time we just kick back for a while.”

“Are you guys serious?”

“I think so.”

“White picket fence and a family kind of serious?”

“Fence, maybe. Kids, I’m not so sure.”

Reese nodded, “Sounds nice.”

The band of comrades stood at the edge of the gazebo. DeLeon settled onto the ledge and dipped his hand into the swirling waters.

“Do we just hop in and flush ourselves home?”

“I’m pretty sure that you just step in, and it takes care of the rest. I’ll go first,” Dorian offered. He stepped into the waters and slowly sank, spinning slightly with the flow of the whirlpool.

DeLeon spun his legs to the other side of the ledge, slid into spinning water, and disappeared beneath the surface. Everyone followed suit until the cavern was empty.

One by one, the group exited the base of the water column, shaking free a few droplets, but virtually as dry as when they entered. Dorian stood a few yards down the path, looking ahead to the marketplace.

“Rest stop up ahead!” He called. “Last chance to hit the garderobe before the ride home.”

“ I could spend a penny. I’m holding a flagon’s worth,” DeLeon offered.

“What are you two going on about?” Leslie asked.

“He said it’s the last chance to hit the potty before we go bye-bye in the car. I said that I need to pee-pee.”

Leslie shook his head in exasperation.

“What? He started with the medieval lingo!” DeLeon rebutted.

“When in Rome,” Dorian stated. “Or whatever the medieval equivalent, thereof.”

The group arrived at the edge of the cobblestone roadway. The shopkeeps and patrons went about their day as if seeing such a band of unusual characters was commonplace.

“This is quite the place! Any souvenir shops? Is there a place to eat? I’m a bit peckish,” Griffin tapped at the end of his beak and waited for a response.

Nothing.

“Tough room!”

“Rethink the dad thing,” Reese suggested,” you’ve got the humor down.”

“How do you feel about pie?” Dorian raised an eyebrow.

“You can get us some pie?” Griffin probed.

“I know a guy,” Dorian boasted.