Tyler (Blue Halo Book 6)

Emerson sank lower into the tub, letting the bubbles cover almost her entire body. Other than her head, her toes, and the hand holding the glass of red wine, she was completely submerged.

LSD. Levi had been taking LSD. Why? Out of all the drugs available that could have helped him with his pain, why choose a hallucinogenic? A drug that made him even more dangerous. Even more paranoid. Gave him reason to do unspeakable things.

She sank lower again, letting the bubbles hit her chin.

When the delusions were caused by past trauma, PTSD, his actions were somewhat forgivable. But now, knowing this? No. How could they be? From what she could tell, it was his fault he wasn’t in his own mind.

She’d been through pain. She knew it intimately. And when people had offered to help her, she’d grabbed onto it with two hands. Why hadn’t Levi done the same? She’d wanted to be there for him, and he knew it.

Anger and pain and hurt mixed together in her chest to create a dangerous, painful concoction.

She sipped her wine, the roller coaster of emotions from the last few weeks overwhelming her. This would have killed Pixie. Her son had always been a hero in her eyes. And he’d been Emerson’s hero too…once upon a time.

Her phone buzzed from beside the bath. She set her wine down and swiped open the message from Rowan.

Are we still okay to meet tomorrow?

Argh, she’d completely forgotten. She did not feel up to talking to her ex-husband tomorrow. She’d texted to finally let him know about Levi’s blood work, and almost right away he’d called. But she’d ignored that call.

Sorry, Rowan. I’ve got a lot going on right now. Call me when you get back to Vermont and we can talk.

She set the phone down and took another sip of wine. Drinking probably wasn’t the best idea, considering her mood, but she was past caring. She’d tied her hair into a bun on top of her head, filled the biggest wineglass she could find and slid into the hot water, hoping her bad day would slip away with it. So far, it hadn’t.

A year of searching for a man who didn’t want to be found. Of trying to help a man who didn’t want help. What was wrong with her?

She knew what was wrong with her. She loved her brother. She owed him. And not just him. Pixie, too.

She raised her arm out of the water to look at the scrapes. They were healing well, but a few of them would no doubt scar. Reminders of that terrible day at the hotel. Caused when she was running from Levi.

Gone. The brother she knew and loved was gone. She had to accept that. Even if it hurt. Even if it went against everything she’d believed since she was a kid.

A knock sounded at the door.

She set her wine on the side of the tub and sat up a bit. “Come in.”

The door opened, and there he was. Tyler. Looking big and sexy and worried. Some of the anger and hurt in her chest dimmed. She’d come to realize that looking at him was like medicine in itself.

He crouched beside the tub and grazed his fingers along the back of her neck. Her skin tingled, the fine hairs on her arms standing on end.

“Are you doing okay?” he asked in his deep, rumbly voice.

“Not really.” She touched the crease between his brows. “You look worried.”

“I am.” Another stroke of her neck. “I can tell you’re upset and angry.”

She was definitely both those things. “I shouldn’t be surprised. He hasn’t been himself for a long time.” She’d just told herself it wasn’t his fault. That he’d been taken advantage of when he was in pain and now struggled with mental illness as a result. But the truth was, all of it had been conscious decisions made by him. He could have chosen differently at every step, but he hadn’t.

“There still might be more to the story.”

“What more could there be?” She frowned. “He chose not to get help for his PTSD. He chose to join Project Arma. Then he chose to take LSD, which gave him dangerous delusions.”

He shifted his gaze between her eyes. “What can I do to help?”

She sat up, water sluicing down her body, and cupped his cheek. “You, Tyler Morgan, have done so much already. If I didn’t have you, this news would have made me crumble. Heck, these last few weeks would have left me a miserable puddle on the ground.”

His lips twitched, but his words were serious. “You’re stronger than you think.”

She grazed her thumb over his cheek. “I don’t deserve you.”

“I think it’s the other way around, honey.” He tilted his head. “Why would you say that?”

“Because you’re beautiful and kind, and I’ve been asking you to help a man who hurt you.” Guilt. That was another emotion she could add to the long list.

“You asked me to help your brother. And you love him.”

She swallowed. “Does that make me a terrible person? That I love a man who can do all that he’s done?”

“You don’t love a bad person, Em. You love the man you remember.”

She studied Tyler’s eyes. Eyes she could easily get lost in. Then she moved closer and curved her hand around his neck. “I’m so grateful you came into my life.”

“You have no idea, honey.”

God, this man owned her heart. Not a little fraction of it. All of it. The little slivers that had never been touched by anyone before. The big chunks that thought they knew what love was but really had no clue.

“Can I tell you something?” she said quietly.

“Anything.”

“When I was married to Rowan, I thought love was supposed to feel comfortable. I thought it was supposed to be easy and not hurt when there was distance between you, and that moments of boredom and the absence of any excitement was normal.”

She swallowed, unable to look away from those bright blue eyes of his. They pierced her. Claimed her.

“But I was wrong. Love is supposed to be so much more than that. It’s breathless. Short gasps of air because you can barely breathe when your heart’s so full. Trembling fingers because each touch is so electric. And a deep hopefulness even in the darkest moments of despair.”

That was what he gave to her. What he made her feel. Every. Single. Day.

His brow creased, emotion washing over his face.

She grazed his cheek once more. “I love you, Tyler Morgan. You make me breathless. You make my fingers tremble, and you give me hope when I should be completely hopeless.”

His eyes flared with heat and need and…something else. Something she was almost too scared to name in case she was wrong.

“I watched my brothers fall in love,” he said quietly. “I saw their lives change. And I wondered how that felt. Now I know.”

Her breath cut off, her tummy doing a little flip.

His large, warm hand covered hers over his cheek. He turned his head and pressed his lips to her palm. The touch lingered, and she felt it as if he’d kissed her everywhere. “I love you too, Emerson Charles. I can’t not.”