Touching the Heart of Ace

I had decided. I had to move on. Not just emotionally but physically also. What if my being not physically attracted to Tristian was because I never tried?

??He?? was different. With him there was an underlying desire to always touch him, but he started it first. In guise of bad jokes and pats, he touched me and I let him because I loved it even before knowing what love was.

Then somewhere along the way we forgot to take back our hands from the other. I wanted that feeling again. I wanted that with Tristian.

I could do this.

If I could do that with ??him?? who was not mine, I could surely do that with my boyfriend.

There was something really troubling Tristian. His work was getting more boring day by day and he was vocal about it.

Poor guy!

I had been hinting I was ??ready??. But Tristian being the gentleman, was waiting for me to make a move, which I had no idea how to.

I thought kissing on lips was a tell-tale sign. Or cuddling to a slightly erotic movie was a sign.

How would I know? The only guy who I was ever with, was kind of in a perpetual need, all the time. I could not look into his eyes for three seconds before he pounced on me and...

This was not about him.

This was about Tristian and I.

My boyfriend and I.

So, I had to make a move.

Mom knew that I had someone in my life and his name was Tristian. Jason had met him once though they could not talk because Jason was here for business, and he could not stay for long without ??him?? being so suspicious.

At least the guy at the bar was not Robbie, because if it was him, he would have made some kind of move on me, right?

Right? Right.

It was not him.

But...

No, not him.

I was not thinking about that anymore.

About Tristian.

I had to do this on my own terms. I sighed.

Tristian was calling and a smile was plastered on my face. He was so charming and knew how to put me on good mood. The only difference between him and Jason was, I kissed Tristian on lips. ??Hey.??

??Hi. I am sorry David. Can we skip on the dinner date today???

??Okay.?? I was disappointed. This was the first time I was taking him on a date. I ordered a bouquet for him when I went to pick him up. ??May I know why???

??The meeting is going nowhere and we cannot leave until some decision is made, I am getting frustrated.?? He sighed. ??I am sorry, are you sad???

??Only a bit because I cannot take you out. Some other time then. How about I cook something fancy and we can have a home-date? I will pick you at 8.30? That okay??? ??Precious, I will come to your dorm right away. No need to run back and forth. I have to go now. Like I have told you already, you have done so much for me. See you.?? He hung up before I could insist.

I had to go shopping right away.

I thought it was a sign.

A sign to accelerate the pace we were going. I could pick few things up and since we were staying at home, it was right time. I could feel the warmth of my own cheeks.

Shopping went smoothly even though I could not make up my mind on what to cook. Tristian liked... no, loved food. He would eat two portions of food easily, so I had to make something fulfilling and fancy. I liked going to supermarkets because they had everything... ??everything??.

There was a beginner??s kit, which had a sample of all flavours and kinds, with one Trojan. It was... was... what was the word? Helpful?

I had no idea how Tristian was downstairs. I blushed.

I hoped the self-check-out was working, there was no way I could face the cashier and bag-boy with this thing in my basket.

??That cashier is a fine lady; she would not ask any awkward questions.?? An emo girl chewing a gum told me with a straight face. ??I bought a dildo last week and she did not bat an eye, checked the product, gave me the free lube as advertised and billed it. Self-check-out is a mess, it would beep until every technician comes to the rescue. If you are embarrassed, that lady is your woman.??

She walked away popping the gum and I was choking on spit.

Was I that obvious?

Dammit!

I gingerly walked to the counter and waited. I hoped the blush went away. I saw the lady staring at me.

Understanding flashed through her eyes. ??Basket, please.??

I almost dropped everything in hurry.

I looked at everywhere else except her.

??Anything else???

??No, thanks.?? I handed my card without looking again. She personally bagged everything and handed me the bag.

??Thank you so much. Really. Thank you.?? I told her again even though I refused to meet her eyes. She just saved my day. She deserved all the thanks.

??No problem.?? She could hear her smile.

I walked away with my tomato face. Tristian better appreciate this, or I was going to slow cook him along with the pot roast.

I could not believe it was only two months. Well, two months and some.

Tristian made me feel like we knew each other for so long. He was my comfort. I hoped it got extended to my dreams too. So I could...

Something was not right. I could not put my finger on it, but something was not just right.

Was it because Tristian was awfully silent? Or was it because he was only picking on his food? Was it because he did not smile when I handed him the flowers in ??ray of hope?? arrangement? He looked dejected, sad and... lonely? I was here. I should take his loneliness away the way he had tried to take mine away.

??Do you not like the food???

??David, we need to talk.??

I swallowed air and took a sip of water.

That meant that thing right? This was that time, right? Was it something I did?

?? Did I do anything wrong??? I ignored him, I dreamt of someone else, thought of someone else all the time....

Gee, Ace, did you do anything right?

He did not even know my real name. I told him that my name was David Scott. To Tristian who cared for me like a man-in-love did. ??No, you did nothing wrong. It is just...?? I waited for his answer but he picked on his food.

??I could try to change if you...??

??No... No... You are perfect. Beyond perfect. You are precious.??

I chuckled. It sounded so dry. ??Why are you breaking up with ??perfect?? then? People do not let go of ??precious??, right???

He winced.

??It is not...??

??What is it, then???

??Can we talk in the living room???

We put away the leftovers, and I kicked the ??gift?? under the couch before he would notice. Of all the days, I could decide to make a move, my timing was so perfect.

??I am not breaking up with you because of anything you did. I swear to God.??

I nodded. What else could I do?

I was more embarrassed than hurt. I thanked the heavens for not giving him the ??gift?? along with the bouquet. I cringed. I was thankful no one knew.

??I get it. I am precious, beautiful, smart, whole-package and I cook divine foods. Just tell me the reason, Tristian.??

??I am sorry.?? He was so guilty. I took his hand in mine.

??Spit it out.??

??There is someone else.?? He whispered.

Of course. Of course!

Of course.

O fucking course!

That obvious reason, Ace! I was ashamed to say I was surprised.

I nodded.

??I have been crushing on this guy for long...?? He waited for my response. I nodded encouragingly. ??... before I met you. I thought he was off-limits.?? I nodded ??... he says he wants me.?? ??Okay. Thanks for telling me.??

??Sorry for hurting you. I thought I could let him go, but I cannot. I tried.?? He was so guilt-ridden.

??Nothing to apologize. Thanks for telling me and breaking up with me. People do not think I need an explanation. Thank you for giving me one.?? I patted his back, hugging him.

??I want you to know, it is not your fault. I just can??t...??

??Shh... everything is fine. I am fine.??

??I am leaving with him to Germany.?? He broke our hug.

??Oh.??

We awkwardly sat there for some time.

Was there something else to add?

??What is his name??? I asked before I could think of anything else. He had a deer-in-headlights expression. Why would he??

??Oh, sorry, I was just curious. Not going to snoop or hack or anything. Not my style. I kind of... Forget it. I thought how awkward we are being and...??

??Dominic Dante. I call him Dom... or Dante when I am angry.??

??That is... cute.??

He cringed. ??Sorry, I shouldn??t have...??

??No, when you are in love, you boast...??

??I am not in love.?? He panicked.

??You would not leave your boyfriend and leave for someone else, if not for love, Tristian. And you are trusting him to take you to Germany. Is he German???

??No hot accent.??

??Dammit.?? I laughed; happy he could still make me laugh.

He was going away.

This was not the time to be selfish. I blinked away the tears.

??Will he treat you good? You deserve the best, Tristian. I am sad, I could not give you that.?? I was. He was so kind, handsome, charming, smart.

Just not mine which was given. No one was mine. I was precious and perfect but... no one wanted to be mine.

He sniffled. ??You did. You have no idea. Believe me, please.??

??You did too. I am sorry we did not work out.?? I was sorry.

?? Are you really??? Why was he asking? I narrowed my eyes.

??Yes.?? My life would have been so much easier and happy if we worked out.

He stood up, ??I should leave.??

I agreed.

??Can I... can I have this??? He took that pen-drive with crashing programme.

??You can, but it will crash on fifth run, only I have the authorization code. I could make it right and give it to you.??

??No, I want this. Nothing else.??

??You can, I told you already. It is yours. If you are going to sell any programmes, please call me. Do not sell it without showing it to lawyers. You will be in...??

He hugged me tight. ??You are one of a kind, David.??

??Make sure your guy treats you right.?? I sniffled.

??Yours too. You do not believe it now, but you deserve the best. And I am not the best.??

He walked out of my door wiping his tears.

He walked out of my life for someone else.

I hoped one day I would stop being so surprised.☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐