Torn (All Torn Up Book 1)

My love,

Come back to me.

My heart misses you.

My soul aches for you.

My body needs you.

My mind craves you.

You

Are

My

Forever

Tor

Three days ago I woke up in a hospital bed with the worst headache of my life and feeling like someone put me through a high-speed blender. And that may as well have happened, because parts of my flesh appear to be pureed. I don’t remember getting hit at all, which is probably for the best because I’m feeling a rage towards the person who did this to me. When I first woke up, my mind felt empty. Blank. I couldn’t think backwards, and it scared the shit out of me. I sat in the creaky bed in silence, waiting for my head to clear and for the incessant throbbing and nothingness to subside. Sydni was there, spouting her love for me, talking about coming home with me and our future together. My head swam with confusion and pain as my brain tried to fight through the curtain it was shrouded in.

I nodded dully at her as she went on and on about getting married and having a family. It’s what I wanted. It sounded good.

But it felt wrong, and I couldn’t put my finger on why. The more I thought about it, and tried to reverse back into my memory, the more pain shot through my head, and the nurses gave me more meds. And then the curtain would fall over my thoughts again.

On day two I saw Kenzi, hovering somberly in the doorway, her green eyes capturing mine from across the room, and it all came back in a monstrous wave.

She’s my love. The one I’m going to spend my life with. Not Sydni, who has managed to position herself back in my life while I laid here beaten and in a fog.

I have a vague memory of my sister kissing me goodbye and whispering in my ear ‘I have your phone and everything else. That bitch went through the stuff you had on you when you got brought in, but I took it all. She didn’t get to your phone, thank Fuck. Kenzi is staying at your house until you get home. She said to tell you she loves you.’

Pain pierces through my head again as I realize what has sparked Sydni to suddenly try to become girlfriend of the year.

When we pull into my driveway, Kenzi’s Jeep is there. Thank God. I can’t wait to see her and have her in my arms. I could feel the worry and sadness coming off of her the few times she visited in the hospital. I wanted to scream at everyone to get the hell out of my room and give us a minute alone, but doing that would have made everyone suspicious of why I’d want to be alone in my hospital room with an eighteen-year-old girl.

Sure I could have called her from the phone in my room after visiting hours. If I knew her number. I’ve called her cell phone and house hundreds of times over the past years, but always from speed dial on my cell phone. I have no freakin’ idea what those numbers are, and Asher’s number is unlisted.

Technology, you are a sick fuck, thinking you’re making our lives easier with your one touch buttons. Fuck you.

Sydni insisted on driving me home after I was discharged and I didn’t want to cause a scene so I agreed, just to get out of there. But now I’m putting an end to this charade.

I grab Sydni’s arm as she reaches to open her car door. I’m not letting her walk with me into my house. This is going to end right here in the car.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asks. ‘Do you need help getting out of the car?’

‘No. We need to talk.’

‘Okay, let’s go inside and talk then. You can send Kenzi home now, she’s just been pet sitting.’

‘No.’

She turns in the seat with a confused look. ‘No what?’

‘We’re not together, Syd. Nothing has changed. I appreciate you coming to the hospital and driving me home, but now I want you to leave.’

She frowns at me like I’m an unruly child. ‘What are you talking about? You said you wanted to give us another chance, Tor.’

‘I said I would think about it after your tour if you didn’t sleep with anyone. But a lot has changed since then.’

‘I don’t understand. I’ve been here for you. What could have changed?’

‘A lot, actually, and I’m sorry, but we’re not getting back together. Ever.’

She shakes her head, her mouth twisting in confusion. ‘I saw the ring with your stuff at the hospital, Tor. It was in the bag with your clothes.’

I cringe and brace myself. Of course, I would get hit by a car after picking up an engagement ring – I hope it’s not some kind of bad omen.

‘The ring isn’t for you.’ I say quietly.

I’m pissed at her for even touching something she had no right to be anywhere near, getting her bad mojo all over it. Now I’m going to have to burn sage next to it.

‘What?’ she asks.

I turn to face her and my ribs scream in pain. ‘It’s not for you. I’m sorry, Sydni.’

‘Then who the hell is it for?’

‘That’s none of your business.’

‘What the fuck, Tor? Are you insane? Did you just meet someone recently and decide to get married? Just like that?’

I shake my head slowly. ‘No. It’s someone I’ve had feelings for for a long time.’

She stares at me, dumbfounded. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Yes.’

‘Is it Lisa?’

‘No.’

‘Then who?’

‘I’m not discussing this with you.’

‘Why the hell not? Don’t I have a right to know?’

I let out a sick laugh. ‘No, you really fucking don’t.’

‘We’ve been in a relationship forever, Tor. You don’t think I deserve to know how you just suddenly fell in love and are going to propose to them? That’s supposed to be me!’

‘At one time I thought it could have been you. But I was never enough for you. You always wanted or needed someone else. Several someone elses. Face it, Sydni; you don’t want to be married. You just want to know I’m yours. You want a safety net.’ I look towards the house, my heart pulling me to go inside and see the woman who does love and want me. ‘And I’m not going to be that for you.’

It bothers me that she’s hurting, and that she jumped to a crazy conclusion after she went through my things and got her hopes up. Of course I care about her, because she’s right – we do have a history together, but it’s over for us.

‘Well, good luck, Tor. I hope she’s everything you want.’ She says bitterly.

She is.

‘I still care about you, Syd. And I hope you find what you’re looking for.’

‘Just get out.’ She pushes my arm, right over the raw, tore up section that’s covered in bandages, and I see stars for a moment from the pain.

Fuckin’ bitch.

I climb out of the car, my body still stiff from pain, and walk slowly to the front door as Sydni backs out of my driveway and peels out down the street. Kenzi opens the door for me, then closes it when I get inside. Diogee and Kitten are waiting with her, the dog wagging his tail and howling at me while the kitten rubs all over my legs. This is how I want to come home every day, only without being beat to hell.

Kenzi stares up at me, her eyes shimmering with tears. ‘Can I hug you?’ she asks. ‘Or will it hurt?’

I snake my arm around her and pull her against me. ‘You better hug me, Angel,’ I whisper, burying my face in her hair. ‘I don’t care if you crack another rib. Just don’t let me go.’

‘I was so worried about you.’ She gently wraps her arms around me and rests her head against my chest. ‘I couldn’t get near you with Sydni there, and Tesla had your cell phone. I didn’t know she knew about us.’

‘Yeah, I told her. I’m sorry about Sydni, Kenzi. I didn’t know how to get rid of her without causing a scene.’

‘It’s okay. I’m just so glad you’re okay and you’re home.’

‘You have no idea how much I missed you.’

She peeks up at me. ‘Yeah, I might have a good idea.’

I lean down to kiss her but she pulls back from me and looks down at the floor.

‘What’s wrong?’ I ask as worry settles in my gut. She’s never backed away from me before. ‘Why are you pulling away from me?’

‘I saw Sydni kissing you, Tor. I know you were hurt and not even really awake, but I wasn’t there much. She was.’ She swallows hard. ‘I need to know if that kept happening.’

‘Absolutely not. I couldn’t stop her from coming every day. My head was fucked at first from the concussion but I definitely did not kiss her. I could barely move, Kenz. I just told her in the car two seconds ago that I appreciate her visiting and driving me but that we are completely over and I’m in love with someone else.’ I wish I could tell her about the ring and how Sydni assumed that it was for her but I refuse to wreck anything to do with my proposal to her just because Sydni was an idiot. I have no idea when I’ll be proposing. It could be two months or ten years, but I wanted to have the ring in case I decide to be spontaneous. I don’t care if we’re engaged for years, I want her and the rest of the world to know I’m serious about spending my life with her.

‘I believe you. I’m sorry I even asked, it was just upsetting to see her touching you and I wasn’t able to even talk to you.’

‘I wanted to call you from my room but I didn’t have your number memorized. Do you believe that shit? I just sat there staring at the phone like an idiot.’

‘Oh! Why didn’t I think to call your room after visiting hours? I totally forgot there was a phone there. I’m so stupid!’

I laugh and kiss the top of her head. ‘No, you’re not. We were both stressed. I just want to put this crap behind us.’ I take her hand and lead her over to the couch so I can sit and rest. My back is already starting to hurt again. ‘Thanks for taking care of these guys for me.’

‘Don’t thank me. I love them.’

‘We love you, too. More than you know.’

She smiles at me and I wish I could push her back on the couch, kiss her everywhere and make love to her for hours but with my wrist and my ribs being all fucked up I can’t. Laying in the hospital all banged up sucked but it sucked even worse not being able to be close to her.

I lean back against the couch and let out a sigh. ‘It’s good to be home. I’m going to be home for at least a week before I go back to work. Maybe two.’

She kneels on the floor in front of me and takes my boots off for me, and it’s a mix of sweet and sexy as hell watching her do it.

‘You need to rest. Your brothers all said they would take care of the shop for you.’

‘Good. Ya know what I want?’

She puts her hands on my legs and looks up at me. ‘Tell me.’

‘I want you here with me every day while I’m resting.’

‘Ooh. Can I play nurse?’ Her playful, sensual voice wakes up my cock, which thankfully escaped getting road rash.

I touch her cheek affectionately. ‘I was hoping you would.’

‘I can kiss all your boo boos better.’

‘I have a lot.’

‘That’s okay.’

I cup my hand behind her neck and pull her up to my lips. ‘I really want to spend as much time with you as possible. I missed you like fuckin’ crazy.’

‘Then I’ll be here every day. I can’t stay overnight, though, even though I want to more than anything. Sleeping here without you was like torture. Now that my Dad knows you’re home, I can’t.’

‘I know.’ I sigh. ‘And I’ll deal with it. I’ll take what I can get.’