Together Forever

****

Yes, I have changed.

I am not that pretty little good girl I used to be. I am not that nice anymore once I was. That girl died. I killed her myself. Now the girl who exists is cold, rude, who is heartless, who doesn't have any feelings, who doesn't know the meaning of love and who.......

Many more

But this is what was supposed to be, wasn't it?

How can you be soft and sweet when the cruel world around you is insisting on making you cold?

How can you be good when the person you love hurts you?

How would you feel when the mother who should grow you up with love and care leaves you because you are a burden to her?

Yes, I have changed. I have changed from the best into the worst. But I wasn't like this. My cruel fate forced me to be heartless.

I was 5. Just 5 when the woman I depended on most left me because she needed to enjoy her life, she needed freedom and I was ruining her free lifestyle. I was the biggest mistake, the biggest burden of that so-called mother of me. That bitch just couldn't bear me so she left me alone with my dad and married another man.

I still remember the day she left me. I was too young to understand that she was leaving me forever. I thought she was going shopping as usual and she would come back again. But she didn't. I had cried the whole day sitting beside the window waiting for her. But she didn't come back. And that was the day the good girl died.

I hate her. I hate her most in my life. How could a mother leave her child like that? Isn't a mother supposed to love her child most? And here she left me like I am some kind of useless stuff. That was the last day I saw her and I don't want to see that ugly stigmatized face once again. I don't even think she dares to face me after what she has done to me.

My dad tried his best to keep me well, not to miss that bitchy woman. He didn't even marry again so that I don't get hurt. All his life, he looked after me and just tried to make me feel better. What he did for me, not even a mother can do for her child. He is the best father in the world, he is the father every daughter wants to have.

Though I didn't get my mother's love, I am the luckiest daughter in the world just for my dad. But the thing is that I don't deserve him. He wanted to raise me as his soft-spoken, little princess but I failed him. I turn out as a cold-hearted, workaholic, hardcore who doesn't let anyone get into her own life, not even her dad.

I failed him.

I don't question my father for the girl I am today. I can never. I don't even accuse the judgemental society, the judgmental people who are always there to judge you but not to understand you. I accuse myself. I myself made the me I am now. But I don't regret it.

Even a bit.

Why?

Because trust me when I am saying this; to live in this heartless world, and to deal with heartless people sometimes you just need to be heartless. You can never make everyone happy. If you want to do that, you will end up hurting yourself.

No matter what you did and how perfectly you did, people will judge you. In every sphere of your life, you will have to face judgment. Some people just wait to catch flaws in others. You want to dye your hair pink, they will say, "OMG, what a choice!" You did a new neck tattoo, "Eww... gross. Are you coming from the jungle?" Heck, they will even say your nose is so fatty like gorillas and your ears are so ugly like elephants.

What a comparison, right?

We are free human beings. We have the right to live our life. And might I remind you; our look is ours, our personality is ours and our choice is ours. And for this fucking reason, a girl has the right to cut her hair in Justin Bieber's style if that's what she wants.

NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO JUDGE.

But our society...

At the end of everything, again comes that judgment. We are free but still, we are captivated into the prison of judgment. There is no way to escape from this prison.

If you are brave, then there's a way...

Never pay any heed to what the hell they are saying. Just go ahead with your aim, have the courage to make your dreams true, and have the gut to ignore all the hate they are throwing at you. Never expect they will shower you with praises in fact the other way is true. Hate will chase you every moment of your life but if you want to see yourself as the way you dream of, you must be strong.

That's what I learned and that's why I am like this.

Does it feel so good when the children you are supposed to play with, say that they won't play with you because you are a 'naughty' girl that's why your mother left you? And nobody even tries to make them understand that their guessing was wrong?

Was I really that naughty? Was everything my fault?

No. It wasn't. Nothing was my fault. Nothing happened on my own wish. But now everything will. Everything will happen the way I want.

I am cold-hearted?

Oh wow, it sounds great.

That's what I want to be. And talk about what others think of me. I don't give any fuck about that. They can think whatever they want. But I am the way I am. I will never change.

I don't let anyone hurt me now, if someone just tries to get into my way, I destroy them. If someone even tries to put any scratch on me or my loved ones, I make their life hell.

You call it heartless?

Yeah, I am.

Now everyone knows it's not good to mess with me. Because, the ones who dare to do that, I give them treats which they really don't enjoy. I have learned how to retort back.

You found me rude?

No problem.

Now I don't trust anyone so easily, I don't let anyone make a place in my heart so easily because I know the one who is smiling at you now might be the one who will backstab you the next moment.

I have come to realize that I am the one I can rely on. Just I am the one I can trust. It's the lesson I have taken from my life, from the sorrow of my life.

When I was in pain, no one tried to make me feel better, no one came as my savior. And now I will trust them?

Never.

But no, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that everyone is evil. There are still some good people in this bad world. But for being good, they don't get compliments, they are called weak, naive, failure. That's usual actually, isn't it? Is this world fair?

But to me, they are the bravest. In this cruel world, they still have the courage to cherish soft hearts. They still have the heart to love the ones who hurt them. Hats off to them!

But unfortunately, I couldn't be like that.

I was heartless from a young age.

When I was a kid, I didn't really have any friends. I always thought 'friends' are short terms. In the end, everyone will leave. That was what I believed until Leah came into my life. She was different. I don't know why she chose to chase the weird mafia girl out of all the students. I didn't talk to her either but she kept on trying to enter my painful life. She succeeded in finally proving me wrong.

I started liking her and now I love her. At least she didn't let me down. She won't ever, I know. The way she takes care of me, guides me, loves me, sometimes I forget that she is not my own blood. Once I was alone. Now I have everything. A loving dad, caring sister, work, success, fame everything. This is my family.

But still every time, I come to New York, the dark past, the hard days of my life rush back to me. No matter how much I try to forget them, they are like shadows that never leave my mind. Memories, good or bad, always stay with us and we carry them all our life.

The one thing that helps me to get rid of those bad memories is solitude. Spending some time alone being isolated from the world is what I do when I get tired of those burdens.

And there can't be any other reason for why I am now in Central Park at night. I know it's not a safe place, no place is safe for a girl at this late-night moreover when It's dark, secluded, and quiet areas like this. But I just don't feel like leaving. I feel so good and I need it.

I exhale a deep breath and look down at my hands.

Oh my God, I forgot to inform Leah that I would be late today.

I quickly open my purse and take out my phone. I switch on and...

20 missed calls from Leah.

Great! Exactly what I thought.

What time is it?

Holy fuck!

12:20 am!

How did it become this late? How is it possible? I am here for three fucking hours! What will I tell her now?

I am about to dial Leah's number when she calls me again. I answer the call and the first thing I hear is barking,

"Evie, where the hell are you? It's midnight and you are not at home. I don't even know where you are, what you are doing. Do you have any fucking idea how worried I was?"

"Listen" -

"I don't want to fucking listen to you! You listen to me. Do you know how many times I called you? You didn't even bother to pick up my call. Why would you care? Who am I to you?" "Lee, please" - Again she cuts me off.

"Where the hell are you?"

"Central park."

"What? You are in Central Park at this late-night? Did you start consuming alcohol? Are you drunk?"

"No, I am not. I..." -

"Then what are you doing there? Chatting with thieves and robbers?"

"No, I was just sitting. I am coming."

"Why? Stay at that bloody hell the whole night. How can someone be so careless!"

With that, she cuts the call. I jump off the swing I have been sitting on for the last couple of hours and rush towards my car. I am really scared.

Not of the thief, robber, or Mafia but of my Leah.

My feisty friend!

****