Titans

LOCATION: Base Planet PORHOM1, Quadrant 1, Aion Universe

I’m running and it feels like I’ve stepped into every chase scene in every movie ever made. My heartbeat is a thunder in my ears, blood pulsing through my brain, a current surging through my body. My throat is like sandpaper as I take gasping lungfuls of icy air. I roll my ankle on the rocky ground once, twice, three times. In the darkness, there is no good place to put down your feet – there are only leaps of faith and the hope that you won’t step on something sharp or steeply uneven. Or worse: take a step only to find there is no ground and end up falling, blind and alone, into a pit.

It is a chase scene – my own, personal, terrifying brand. There are no obstacles. No human extras. No cars or buildings or trees. It’s just flat and dark, cold and empty and silent. Horribly silent. There’s no one chasing me either; I’m chasing myself, running from the creature inside of me, separating myself from all the terrible things I did on board the Hermes. I am splitting my soul in two, barricading myself in one half, shoving away the truth.

I’m surprised to find that I’m crying. My tears run down my cheeks, leaving behind icy trails that burn my flesh. I tell myself to stop – to toughen up. But I don’t. I cry and I stumble and I run as far as I can go – and then farther.

Distantly, I hear Merc shouting my name. I hear the ships engine, fading into the black sky. I don’t run towards either. Fear – of myself, of them – keeps me on a straight path to nowhere, where there’s nothing to break and no one to hurt.

Suddenly, something barrels into my side and knocks me to the ground. My face collides with the dirt. My head strikes something hard. Small rocks slice into my palms from where I tried to break my fall. I open my eyes to complete darkness and spinning stars.

“Merc?” I say, and gag on the metallic taste in my mouth.

“Guess again.”

I’m up and running in a heartbeat. Fear takes control of my body, drives it forward even though I’ve barely any energy left. There’s a gunshot, deafeningly loud and horrifyingly close.

Then Lilith’s voice in the night: “You can’t run from us forever, Atara!”

And again: “You will pay for what you did!”

Her voice grows fainter the more distance I put between us. There’s a second gunshot, but the aim is off. She’s lost track of me again.

It’s in this moment, as I’m running, the sound of her malicious shouts in the background, that I realise the truth to her words. I can’t run from her forever. At this point every step is a marathon. I’m gasping for breath and my head is pounding from where I hit it. If there was anything to see, I’m almost positive it would be shaky and out of focus.

“Atara!” Lilith screams. “Atara, you coward!”

At last, my legs give way. I collapse against a small boulder and slide down to the dirt, using it to prop me up. The two halves of my soul re-join as I slip closer to unconsciousness. I feel the alien part of me waking up, growing larger, expanding to fill the gaps I can no longer maintain.

Two more gunshots ring out in the darkness, closer than the last.

Something within me sparks.

I feel the alien energy bubbling up and I’m hopeless to stop it. It rises, expands, explodes past the barrier of my skin and erupts into the night. In the seconds before it all slips away, I register a single shockwave of bright white light that shatters the darkness. The world lights up, flashes. And I see, for an instant, Lilith, shoulder covered in blood, eyes so angry and desperate that they’re almost sad. I see Merc, mouth hanging open, hair plastered to his sweaty skin, turning towards the light with wonder and fear.

And I see all of it wiped clean: the blood from Lilith’s shoulder, the sweat from Merc’s face, the knowledge from Cal’s mind – the fear and anger and panic wiped from all their eyes. Somewhere out there, all the damage I did to the Hermes is erased. And the memories go with it – everything we’ve ever known, ever cared for, ever loved. All the pain and the hatred and the fear.

Everything. The universe reset in a single moment of light.

The shockwave evaporates. The darkness returns. I feel myself fading – and then, all at once, I slip away.