Their End, My Beginning

The three words that I have now begun to hate the most came from the one I love the most

"Who are you?"

"You have forgotten me and every precious moment we had when you had become a famous, eligible, successful billionaire. Haven't you? Good to know that I no longer have any anything that can keep me sane and myself again. I will not imagine for you to use me to be who you are now because I know what we had was equally important to you as well. Anyway, I will no longer waste your time I just want to inform you, I am arranging a funeral for my parents this evening 4-6. Please come because you were like a son to them." With saying that, I turned away from him. Walking to my uncle, who observed me.

Instead of saying anything, he understood the answer to the unasked question. I am glad that he said nothing about that otherwise I would have broken down in front of him. Which is the last thing I want to do. Well now, I have one reason to keep my mind on organising the funeral than lingering around.

There were so many people who came to the funeral. Familiar and unfamiliar people. I heard all consoling words and your parents were good people. You shouldn't go through this and blah blah from people I didn't even know. I never knew these words can be so hurting. It was like opening your wounds, and I also was one among those people when I used to go to others' funeral with my parents.

When people were coming, my eyes always went to the church door looking for Ryder. I may seem to be needy or desperate for him, but the truth is I was distracting myself from this harsh reality. I wanted to know why Ryder is the person he is now. Why did his eyes that held so much love and adoration, that made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl and that I was his world, gave me a disdainful look?

I don't want to be here, I just want to be alone and cry to my heart's content. I always hated to be weak in front of people, well that's what I learnt to be, from my father. He always said, "Be strong or people can manipulate you easily. Never show your authentic emotions to anyone, they can stamp on it with no guilt."

I was numb to all the ceremonies happening in front of me. My dad's family and mom's family came and said consoling words. But the truth made me want to cry. The truth that I will no longer get any consoling from my parents made me feel more miserable.

We were seated at first row. To my left was my best friend, and I sat at the extreme right. Occasionally, I was glancing at the entrance to see of any signs of Ryder. Unfortunately, there was none.

And then I heard my name. I stood up, woke to the podium and stood before the crowd. I glance to my left, seeing my parents sleeping peacefully; I don't want to use any other word other than sleep otherwise I will burst into tears and that's the last thing I want to happen besides what is happening.

While trying to avoid this reality, I forgot, or rather I didn't have enough willpower to prepare a speech. After a long one-minute silence which seemed like hours, I started saying the first thing that came to my mind.

"The worst day of loving someone is the day you lose them. Said by one of my favourite character Elena Gilbert from one of my favourite series "The Vampire Diaries". When I used to watch this series, I didn't even get out of my room I used to take my food to my room. My mom used to scold me for not getting out of room for getting some fresh air or at least see their faces, and I said I can spend time with you forever but I have to finish this series or I may die out of curiosity and my mom laughed at that. How wrong was I, I didn't realise what I said was stupid until now? Do I regret seeing that series? Nooo." I chuckled humourlessly and continued. "Do I regret saying that to her? Yes. I never thought the time I had was less. Never thought the promise of forever never existed. I am not a person to say goodbyes because I hate to say so afraid of what may come next, so I will not change that habit. Mom, dad I won't say goodbye to you because I will never leave you nor will I let you leave me. Not saying goodbye means having a chance to say one in the future." With that I looked at my best friend she gave me an agreeing smile that didn't reach her eyes. And with that, I got off.

The entire time I had Mandy with me, holding me and not saying a word. I appreciated that more than anything. I knew that just like me, if she opened up, she will cry, which is something I do not want to see at all. She was the anchor that kept me alive. What would have I done if not for her comfort?

-------I