The Year They Burned the Books

At nearly nine o’clock that night, while Jamie was doing homework and trying to ignore the aching bruises on her arms and shoulders, her mother called up to her. “Jamie! Phone! It’s Nomi.”

Her heart suddenly racing, Jamie picked up the extension in the upstairs hall. “Got it!” she called to her mother, and then, into the receiver, said, “Hi, Nom’, what’s up?”

“Oh, Jamie,” Nomi said breathlessly, “I’ve been thinking all day about that awful thing in the cafeteria, and Clark and I have been talking about it, and Jamie, I’m so sorry! I know it’s kind of late, but—well, can I come over?”

“Um—sure,” Jamie said after glancing at her watch. “I guess. Okay.”

By the time Nomi arrived, Jamie had told her parents she was coming, had helped Ronnie understand a lesson in using quotation marks, and had tried unsuccessfully to finish the social studies homework.

Suddenly Nomi was there, standing hesitantly at Jamie’s door. Jamie got up, and a moment later Nomi was hugging her, as if there’d never been a quarrel between them.

“Oh, Jamie,” she whispered, “I can’t imagine how scared you must’ve been today!”

“Pretty scared,” Jamie said. “But I didn’t really feel it till after Mr. Bartholomew came and it was over.”

“If he hadn’t come …”

“If he hadn’t come,” Jamie said slowly, “or if it hadn’t been at school, I think they’d have dragged us someplace and raped me and made Terry and Ernie watch. And I think they’d have raped them, too, or beaten them really badly. But the important thing is that Tessa got Mr. Bartholomew and he came, and he suspended Brandon and Al and the others. So I guess …” She winced inwardly, thinking of Ernie on the beach. “I guess we’re safe, at least for now.”

“Jamie, some things …” Nomi’s voice was low, shaking. “I couldn’t think of much else today, like I said. I—oh, Lord, I don’t know.” Nomi covered her face with her hands and sank down onto Jamie’s bed.

Jamie sat beside her, gently rubbing her back. “What is it, Nom’? What?”

Nomi took her hands down; her eyes were brimming with tears. “I believe in my religion. I believe in God and Jesus and the Bible, and that what the Bible says is right. And, forgive me, Jamie, I believe homosexuality is wrong. But the Bible says to hate the sin and love the sinner, and I do love you, Jamie; I always have. I wish you weren’t a—a …”

“A lesbian,” Jamie said quietly, though her hands were sweating and her heart was racing again.

“A lesbian. You are, aren’t you? It’s true what Karen Hodges and Brandon and all of them say, isn’t it?”

Slowly, Jamie nodded. “I think so, Nomi. At least I’m pretty sure. Tessa isn’t, by the way. We’re …” Jamie cleared her throat. “She knows about me, but we’re—we’re just friends.”

Nomi closed her eyes for a moment. “I kept wishing you weren’t a—you know. But I guess I’ve known it for a long time, sensed it, anyway, even before this year. I didn’t think it was true back when we were younger, but now—Well, Clark’s wondered, too; we’ve talked about it. And we talked about it a lot today. At first I thought it meant you’d changed, but you haven’t. You’re a fine, strong person, Jamie. That doesn’t fit with what I’ve always thought about—lesbians.”

“I guess lesbians are like anyone else, Nomi. Some good, some bad. Like some fat and some thin, you know?” She smiled, trying to get Nomi to smile, too.

But Nomi didn’t. “Those boys in the lunchroom? A couple of them, one or two others besides Al, are from Lord’s Assembly. And the pastor says violence is wrong. But he also says it’s our responsibility to seek out evil and destroy it. He says the right way to do that is through education and through making sure the wrong messages don’t get out, like in sex ed and in those books. But I’ve thought about it a lot, and about Clark’s op-ed and your editorial, and I guess maybe I can see now that if the pastor and Clark and I have the right to say we think yours are the wrong messages, it’s only fair that you have the right to say you think they’re the right ones. And I guess maybe Matt’s been trying to show us that we each have a responsibility to do that.” She took Jamie’s hands. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Very sure. Especially since you came over. Thank you.”

“I was so worried.” Nomi squeezed Jamie’s hands. “I’ll pray for you, Jamie,” she said softly as she hugged her quickly again. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind,” Jamie told her, wondering if she did. “It’s nice of you. But Nom’,” she added as Nomi reached the door, “try to remember that I’m not hurting anyone by being who I am.”

Nomi gave Jamie a tentative smile and left.