Chapter 17: Sing
When I got home I was so tired and I needed a good bath before they came.
It's so quiet and dark outside and that feeling of being scared is back. I hate it when I'm alone, luckily not for so long I thought.
I run my hand through my hair while I sight laying with my back to the door as my mind recall the familiar face of my father that I saw today at my work place. What is his business with the Maasdorp family, what can it be.
He didn't even call me to let me know that he was in the city, don't he care about me anymore, did he forget that I exist as his daughter. Is this how he love me. Maybe he didn't saw me. He did see me he was just ashamed of how he treated me for the few days.
Maybe it's life, I have to accept that mom and me doesn't play a big part in his life anymore. if we ever did. He was never home, never looked after me and mom.
I'm feeling not so well. My eyes starts to get wet one tear drop roll down my cheek. He doesn't deserve my tears. I wipe my face with my right arm.
I look at my watch around my left arm for the time. Oh my God look at the time 5:40pm i said to myself dropping my keys and the bags at the door running up to my room straight for my bath room.
I turn the tape for the water to run down in the bath throwing my strawberry wash liquid in the water. I walk back into my room and look through my closest for something to wear.
I'm so confused in what to wear, but it's not a date so why must I overstress myself so much what to wear.
After finding something to wear, my Grey track pants with long sleeve west keeping the cold from my skin.
I switched on my phone seeing two misscals from mom and chrissy. I'm going to call them back when I'm done with my bath. I put some music on on my phone playing Dance with my father by Luther Vandross missing my dad so much. I don't know why I even miss him he doesn't care about me then.
I climb in the warm bath relaxing at the warm water laying down in the bath with my head back on the bash listen to the songs and the wind blowing at the outside.
I think back to good memories of me, mom and dad, what a nice family we was, yes we can never predict life.
I start sing with the song.
If I could get another chance
Another walk
Another dance with him
I'll play a song that will never, never end
How I love, love, love to dance with my father again
Ohhh ohh
When I my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He made me laugh just to comfort me
Hey heyyy
Then finally made me do
just what my mamma said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a novel under my sheet
Never dream that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one finale grands
One finale snap
One final dance with him
I'll play a song that will never, never end
Cause I love, love, love to dance with my father again.
I sing the song till the end, but suddenly my neck felt hurt by the uncomfortable way It is I caress my neck where it hurt and listen to other song to the end. I didn't know I'm crying till I heard me sobbing. how could he, how could my dad the best men in my life left me just like that and don't even look back. I didn't know it will have so much affect on me, I just hope mom don't see me like this it will hurt her even more then what she shows and I'm still angry at her for drinking. It won't solve the problem.
I get out of the bath wrapping the towel around my body letting the water flow out of the bath and walk to my room drying my hair.
I smiled at the next song playing which is a gospel song, As for me by Benjamin Dube, yes I have gospel on my phone because I'm a Christian, I love the lord. when dad left us he became my father. I know he says in his word "that when your mother and father left you, I will never left you. I will became you father"
I dressed myself still singing with the song that plays on my phone.
As for me
I trust in you
As for me
I trust in you
As for me
I trust in you
As for me meee and my family
I trust in you
From the crown of my head
I trust in you
To the soll of my feet
I trust in you
Cause you are my Lord
Even thou I walk in the valley of the shaodw of den
I trust
I will not fear no evil
I trust
For all, you restored the cup for me
When I'm done dressed. I walk up to my mirror and do my hair. It was frizzy and it is every time I wash them. I put it in a pony, because I didn't know what to do with it.
Ohh ohhh ohhhh
I trust in you," I sing
I can't wait to see them. I'm so shy as hell, I just hope I'm not going to be a creep acting strange around them, but I'm use to them. I just can't believe she asked to come over. I need to call mom I need to know where she is.
I have to prepare myself if she is drunk and would come home finding miss swartz and baby LJ here, but she won't be nasty with them I know but I don't know how she will react.