The True Love Experiment

Post-Finale Confessional Transcript

Connor Prince: Well. Felicity Chen. Here we are.

Fizzy Chen: Here we are.

Connor: How are you feeling?

Fizzy: I’m feeling like I was driven across town to film a confessional in this trailer when I should have been driven to your house to film our first sex tape.

Connor: [laughs] I mean about tonight, the finale, and the revelation of our score, you muppet.

Fizzy: Oh, it was the best night of my life. The surprises, the celebration with everyone onstage, the after-party.

Connor: God, there are going to be some horrendous hangovers tomorrow.

Fizzy: Tex was drinking beer out of his hat.

Connor: I don’t think Nick ever found his shoes.

Fizzy: Yes, well, some poor choices were made, but not by us.

Connor: Indeed. Our night is only going to get better.

Fizzy: Promise?

Connor: Oh, I promise.

Fizzy: In that case, I think it’s fitting that our score falls in the category of Titanium Matches. [winks at the camera]

Connor: I believe that’s an erection joke and I’m going to move on.

Fizzy: You always assume I’m being dirty. Maybe it was just a joke about the strength of our bond.

Connor: Was it?

Fizzy: No, it was an erection joke.

Connor: You are ensuring that this footage never sees the light of day, aren’t you?

Fizzy: When were you going to show this anyway? The finale was live!

Connor: I presume there will be demand for a follow-up or reunion episode of some sort. Brenna said “trending” and “viral” about seven hundred times tonight.

Fizzy: Okay, then just edit my boner joke out with bleeps and eggplant emojis; what’s so hard?

Connor: Ah, note to self to add a cymbal crash there.

Fizzy: See, I didn’t even mean to make that pun! You’re as bad as I am.

Connor: Maybe that’s why this is true love.

Fizzy: I think with a score of eighty-eight, there are a lot of reasons why this is true love.

Connor: Why don’t you come over here and show me one?

[Editor’s note: Minutes three to twenty-seven have been intentionally cut from footage.]

Connor: Right. We’ll cut that.

Fizzy: You’ve got lipstick on your… just there.

Connor: Ah. Cheers. All right. Where were we?

Fizzy: True love.

Connor: True love.

Fizzy: Our happily ever after.

Connor: The one thing you promise your readers when they pick up one of your books. You know more about the importance of an HEA than most everyone watching this.

Fizzy: You know, it makes me a little sad that all these people watched the show, they wanted us together, and they won’t be able to see it play out. Our future is going to be amazing. [looks at the camera] I am not volunteering for another reality show, Blaine.

Connor: Well, you could tell the viewers all about it right now.

Fizzy: All about our happily ever after?

Connor: Sure. What’s it look like, do you reckon?

Fizzy: Oh, wow. Okay, well, we wrap this up and go back to my place, where we don’t leave the bed for a full twenty-four hours.

Connor: I like this future already.

Fizzy: We spend next week with friends and family. Isaac enjoys his prize money, and I choose you to go with me to Fiji.

Connor: Not sure that’s going to fly with the North Star executives.

Fizzy: Technically, I get to choose who I’m taking.

Connor: I don’t doubt your ability to argue your case with Blaine.

Fizzy: When we get back, it’s better than we could have ever imagined. People give us our privacy and we take a couple months off before beginning prep on the second season.

Connor: We?

Fizzy: I’m your new co-producer, don’t you know?

Connor: Ah. Noted.

Fizzy: You cosplay as Luke Skywalker at Comic-Con and I’m your Yoda backpack.

Connor: A dream come true for me to carry you around in a dense, sweaty crowd.

Fizzy: We move in together next summer.

Connor: When it feels right, I ask Stevie how she would feel about having a fellow Wonderland stan for a stepmother.

Fizzy: I accept your proposal before the question is even out of your mouth.

Connor: Our wedding is the best party ever thrown.

Fizzy: Debauchery is my brand.

Connor: And every day of my life from this point forward, I will be able to sincerely say I love and cherish you with every fiber of my being.

Fizzy: Jesus Christ that’s swoony. Can we get started on this future now?

Connor: Yes, my darling. We can.