The Shadow Alpha

I stripped off my clothes when I thought I was far enough from her and shifted into my wolf form, without a look back I took off running between the trees.

Why does it feel like no matter what I do, it's always a mistake, someone always gets hurt.

My mood had plummeted gravely, her thoughtless words had sunk in and not even I could deny that they held some truth.

When did I become the person who selfishly flirted with a man who hadn't found his mate? I took comfort in his attention. How was it any better than Devin flirting with other girls; something that I had only a few weeks ago been so upset about?

I mentally chided myself for being a hypocrite. I knew I owed them an apology and that was a bitter pill to swallow.

When did I become the person who willingly and ignorantly ruins someone's life? I was so caught up in my own world and doing what I needed done that I had overlooked the impact it had on Devin’s life. He wasn't distant, because he was coming to terms with the changes in his life, he was distant, because I was the one who had shifted his axis and threw his life out of balance.

The painful realisation dawned on me that this time I wasn't the victim. I was the cause of my own broken heart and his severed family.

My thoughts held me prisoner, drowning out my surroundings even as I zipped through the forest. My heightened senses were groggy; I was relying on pure instinct to guide me through the forest to my unknown destination.

My body lurched as I skidded to a stop, the sudden halt made me snap back to reality. I noticed the spot in which I was standing; it was the same one I stood in almost five years ago. I stared at my reflection in the calm flowing river and the memory of the first time I saw myself as this beautiful creature flashed through my mind.

“So much has changed since then.’ I pondered sadly.

"You've grown up.’ If I was stunned by the intrusion, I didn't show it. I couldn't.

“Devin... What are you doing here? * I questioned, a little anxiously.

“Looking for you." he smiled wolfishly.

“Why?’ I probed warily.

I don't hate you Allison.” My breath hitched at his revelation. I couldn't even wonder how he got into my thoughts, let alone be able to link me.

“It's okay Devin; you can go, I am fine.’ I assured him, silently hoping that he would leave me alone. “Allison, please... Please don't push me away. I know I don't deserve it, but you do.’ His voice was low and a little sad.

Having his voice in my head was slightly strange, but somehow intimate and in a moment of weakness I couldn't resist the pull. I shuffled closer to Devin and laid my head against his neck; he stiffened for a moment, but relaxed just as quickly.

“I'm sorry Devin, I am sorry for destroying your family, I am sorry for being such a terrible mate.” I sobbed and he whimpered in return.

“Allie Cat, no. Don't ever apologise for something you are not responsible for. You did not ruin my family; that was my father's doing, you only helped me see the truth and I could never hate you for that. In fact, it makes me respect you even more. I know I have a hell of a way of showing it, I have been insufferable and horrible to you these past few weeks, but I do. I respect you so much more than you'll ever know and you are in no possible way a terrible mate or anything as such. You were there for me through it all and no matter what I did, you stuck by me.’ no matter how convincing he sounded and as close to the truth as he was, I couldn't find it in me to believe him so I remained silent.

'l was so caught up in my own misery that I isolated myself from the world. I convinced myself that I was better off alone, that everyone would just betray me in the end like my so called parents did, so I pushed you away." I pushed away from him feeling hurt by his assumption that I would hurt him and lie to him the way they did

“I did it Allison.” The faraway sound of his voice puzzled me, but before I could ask he continued,

'I gave her the vial of Silver potion.” Shock ran through me at his revelation. He gave April the Silver potion to kill herself?

'What?!" I hissed unable to grasp the new information.

“I went to visit her the day that I left for my territory. I guess I wasn't as hurt by Austin’s betrayal as I was by hers. Allison regardless of what she'd done, she was always good to me and she never made me believe that she wasn't my mother. She was just as much a pawn in this game as any of us and seeing her suffering in there was the worst thing, she begged me to help her and I couldn't deny her, for she had a mother's instinct.’ His words were steady and calm, he was at peace somehow. “Why didn’t you tell me?’ I asked more curiously than hurt.

“It was something that I had to do on my own. I have spent too much time leaning on others for support; it is time that I stand on my own two feet." I felt a sense of pride, the air that surrounded him seemed more powerful and in control.

“Why the sudden change of heart? I was intrigued.

“Believe it or not, seeing you with Oliver made me realise that I wasn't the person that I needed to be. He made you smile when all I ever did was hurt you, I knew it was risky to leave you with him, but I prayed every day to the Moon Goddess to give me a chance to win you over when I gained control of my life." He chuckled with a relieved sigh.

“Hunter told me about Oliver's mate. No matter what, Allison, I need you to know that she was wrong and that will never change.’ I rubbed my snout against his neck in appreciation of his words. “I will never forgive myself for the mistakes I made and the hurt I caused you and I will not ask you to forgive me, I am asking you to forgive yourself, because you deserve it. You deserve peace.’ As soon as the words were spoken Shadow hummed her agreement. I didn't realise that I had been the cause of my own pain, I had been punishing myself for Devin's actions, because I did not understand them and he never explained them till now.

“Thank you Devin. Thank you so, so much.’ I nuzzled his neck and he purred appreciatively.

“The building is complete. I had an interior designer assess the living space and draw up a plan for the décor of the pack house. The families that will be residing in their own homes are each being given a budget that they can use to buy furniture and whatever it is they will need. We were able to salvage some of the items so we're not starting from absolute scratch. I am really happy with the progress thus far.” Devin explained as we walked back to the pack house together and I felt a pang of sadness at the thought of the pack leaving.

“Devin...” I muttered coming to a halt.

"Yes?" he turned to me curiously. I can't deny that I wanted them to stay, but would it be selfish of me to ask that of them? I shook my head, his pack deserved to have their lives back, I can't take that from them.

“Never mind, it doesn't matter. It's stupid.” I sent him a fake smile and walked to my office. As I expected though, Devin followed me in there and closed the door after himself.

“Allison?” He said nothing more, but there was an undertone of power in his voice which instead of making me angry, made me shiver with pleasure.

“We should make arrangements for April's funeral.” I tried to divert the topic, but he wasn't having it.

“No need, she asked that her body be cremated and her ashes be spread at the place where she met her mate the first time, no funeral. Now, stop trying to change the topic. What did you want to tell me out there?” he insisted and I sighed.

“I told you it doesn't matter, please just let it go.” He narrowed his eyes at me for a few moments before sighing.

"Fine, but this isn't over.” He warned and walked out. I heaved a heavy sigh, plopped down on my seat and dropped my head in my hands.