The Scalian Legacy

June 21st, 2015 in the Amazon rain forest on Earth

It was a rainy morning in the northern Brazilian rain forest as Robbie Felder enjoyed a hardy breakfast with the group he and his business partner, Marcelo Souza, were leading on their second day towards the famous pink dolphins of the Amazon. The group included Robbie’s younger brothers, Kenny and Jack, as well as Jack’s coworker and friend, Chris Anderson.

Despite the rain, the sun was visible at the edge of the horizon. Sun showers were common in the rain forest, and were one of the Amazon’s features Robbie enjoyed most. The cool mist was refreshing, and yet he could still see all the brilliance of the forest, from the brightly colored plant life to the plentiful, winged wildlife. In addition, the morning background sounds of chirping birds, ribbitting frogs, crickets, and the occasional howling monkey soothed Robbie’s mind.

“Does it ever stop raining in this godforsaken place?” Chris Anderson’s complaint ruined Robbie’s reverie. Robbie had become quite tired of Chris’s constant griping. The man thought he was going to be able to go from the hotel in the city of Macapá straight to the dolphins and then back to the hotel that same night. The night before, his bickering about the sleeping arrangements—fairly new, sturdy hammocks—lasted until past midnight. The irony was that this trip was easy, as Amazon adventures go. Robbie and Marcelo traveled only by boat, and had prearranged campsites. Robbie thought of the pleasure he would take in dropping this whining, skinny man in the middle of the jungle.

“Does your complaint mode have an off button?” Robbie sniped.

“Not as long as I’m stuck out here,” Chris said. “Dude, I don’t remember how it feels to have a dry shirt.” He tried to pull his t-shirt off his dark, wet skin.

Robbie was about to fire back at Chris, when he witnessed the tall, slender African-American with glasses, taking things out of his two duffel bags - which was much more baggage than one person needed for a four-day trip through the Amazon. “How many wipes did you bring…and what is that?” Robbie pointed at a medium-sized, brightly colored container.

“Body wash,” Chris replied.

“Seriously? Want us to draw you a bubble bath after breakfast?”

“That would be nice,” Chris shot back, “but I’m assuming it wasn’t included in the ridiculous price tag for this trip into hell.”

“Guys, come on,” Kenny said. “We’re here for Jack, remember?”

They all looked over at Jack, the youngest of the three brothers, who appeared to be smiling as he finished eating his eggs on a log by the campsite’s central fire ring that was now struggling to remain lit in the rain.

“He seems to be enjoying our discussion just fine.” Robbie shrugged. “Heck, if we fight more maybe he’ll snap out of this…” Robbie stopped himself.

“You guys are all idiots,” Jack said. The smile had disappeared as Jack got up and walked away to prepare his bags for another day of travel.

“No,” Robbie screamed at Jack as he walked away, “you’ve lost your sense of humor!” Aside from Chris’s whining, Robbie had also become annoyed at how his once-brilliant little brother had turned into a pouting recluse.

“Dude, what’s your problem?” Chris broke in. “You three have only seen each other once over the past three years, and that was for Ellen’s funeral. And yet within a couple of days, you are all at each other’s throats.”

“Eles têm sempre sido como que,” Marcelo said in Portuguese. Unlike the others in the group, Marcelo was all-Brazilian and looked it, with dark skin, dark eyes and shoulder-length dark hair. He understood English fairly well, but struggled to speak it.

“No, we haven’t always been like this,” Robbie contested.

“Well….” Kenny said, remembering the fights they had whenever Jack would come for holidays. Although most of the time, he thought to himself, it was Jack and Robbie who got along best—and that’s not been the case on this trip.

“I’ll talk to him.” Robbie sighed and left the group to follow Jack into his area of the campsite. Despite being only half-Anglo, his mom being of Brazilian decent, Robbie Felder seemed out of place in the Amazon, with a fairly pale complexion, blue eyes and long, light brown hair. In his mid-forties, Robbie looked more like a sixties British rocker than a Brazilian rain forest guide.

Jack had been mostly shut off from everyone else during the trip. His small, white headphones were plugged into his ears nearly all of the time. With short, dark hair and dark eyes, he came the closest among the Felder brothers to being able to pass for Brazilian. Still, his complexion was light enough to provide a hint he had some non-Latin genes within him.

Robbie approached his little brother, struggling with how best to help him.…Was being firm and direct cruel? Was enabling his depression worse? Robbie couldn’t imagine how his brother was feeling, but he knew it wasn’t healthy for Jack to wallow in his misery like this. Self-pity could become a comforting addiction, as difficult to break free from as any drug.

“Want to take those out of your ears so we can talk a little?” Robbie asked somberly. Jack complied, and Robbie continued: “So, what do you have in that nowadays?” He pointed at Jack’s new iPhone.

“Half are the same songs I’ve always listened to. You know, the ones you gave me…” He paused and forced a smile. “The others are a bit eclectic, like Five for Fighting and Black Eyed Peas.”

“Still no Brazilian music, huh?” Kenny said as he walked up smiling and sat with his brothers. An executive at a large bank in São Paulo, over two thousand miles away, Kenny Felder was the shortest of the three Felders and resembled their father the most. Yet Kenny was also the one most assimilated into his Brazilian mother’s customs and habits.

The three spoke of their last trip to the forest together, fifteen years earlier, and reminisced about their father—to whom they had promised to return to see the dolphins together. The small talk had been slowly evolving into more serious conversations as the trip progressed. However, the subject of Jack’s wife, Ellen, who had unexpectedly passed away five months earlier, was not discussed. Instead, Kenny spoke about his three daughters, while Robbie spoke of his frequent trysts.

Deeper introspection was not something Jack was ready for just yet.

“So, ready to get going?” Jack said as he stood to wrap up the conversation before it turned more serious.

It was not long before the group was back on the river, headed for the famed pink dolphins. They rode on a slightly beat-up, off-white, twenty-foot skiff with a small outboard in the back and four rows of wooden seats. As usual, Marcelo rode in the back manning the tiller while Robbie was out front making certain there were no surprises ahead of them. While their trips were mostly for pleasure, the Amazon had plenty of danger to look out for. In fact, both Marcelo and Robbie usually carried guns to protect their clients in case something were to catch them off-guard.

Along the way the rain finally stopped, and Chris began to press Jack about some pending work back home in Boston. Above all, Chris was fairly single-minded, which is what made him so successful: No matter where he was, his mind was on his latest project. “Jack,” he said, “I really think we can achieve consistent entanglement of photon pairs by…”

“Chris, I really don’t feel like talking about that right now.”

“Jack, our nanophotonic chip design has been on hold for months and we’re going to lose funding. We need to start talking about it eventually or…” Chris paused.

“Or you need to replace me…” Jack said. He paused for a moment. “I know. And I think you should go ahead and do it.” Jack had been hoping to delay this conversation until after the trip, or at least until the way home, but this seemed as good a moment as any.

“What? No. Fine, we don’t need to talk about it now. I just wanted to make use of this time and…”

“It’s not that, Chris. I’m going to stay in São Paulo with my mom and Kenny when this is done,” Jack said. “Mom could use the help with her ailments and I can get a teaching gig there easy.” Jack knew this would not go over well with Chris, but he felt his mind was set on it.

“What? Isn’t that a bit of a rushed decision?” Chris looked around to the others on the small boat for support, but they remained silent. Robbie didn’t even bother to turn around, while Marcelo and Kenny looked blankly at Chris. “Did you all know about this?” Chris looked around again, but still no one responded. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’ So, I’m the last to know?” Chris shrugged in disappointment. Then a thought came to him. “Wait, even Marcelo knew?” Marcelo just smiled awkwardly. “Why the hell did you have me come on this crazy trip, then?”

“I only decided after I got here. I just think this is the place for me right now. Ellen was the only reason I stayed in Boston in the first place. I had always planned to return to São Paulo.”

“Jack, dude, I get the pain of losing Ellen, but an M.I.T. summa cum laude playing nursemaid in Brazil? Come on!” Chris was dumbfounded. He had not seen Jack’s desire to stay in Brazil coming at all.

“Chris, for once I have to agree with you.” Robbie turned around to face the group as he couldn’t hold back anymore. “Jack, we all lose people. It’s hard, but we need to move on. It would be a waste for you to squander your gift out here.” Robbie wasn’t certain if this was the time to press his little brother, but remaining silent felt wrong. His brother couldn’t ruin his life over this. He had to move on.

Robbie’s comment touched something deep inside of Jack, in a way only Robbie could.…Who is he to judge how I’m feeling? Jack thought. What does he know? He fumed and shot back: “You could never understand, Robbie. Out here, you don’t ever get close enough to anyone to care about losing anything.”

“Hey, I care about Marcelo,” Robbie replied lightheartedly.

Robbie’s flippant response only angered Jack more. “I don’t know why I ever looked up to you. You’re nothing like Dad. You couldn’t understand what it means to be dedicated to someone, like Kenny and I, or how to commit yourself to something beyond yourself!”

This finally touched a nerve with Robbie. Here I am trying to help my little brother and this is what I get? Robbie thought. I’m looked down upon by someone I’ve done so much for? And he’s elevating Kenny to a higher standard? Robbie couldn’t help but attack, and he replied instinctively: “Yeah, Kenny’s always been very dedicated…” As soon as he said it, he wished he could take it back, but it was out there now, and he knew the conversation could get ugly.

“Hey, keep me out of this,” Kenny protested.

A confused Jack asked his brother, “What’s he talking about?”

Kenny took a deep breath and looked away.

“Oh my God,” Jack said. “You’ve cheated on Gloria? How could you? How many times?”

“You thought I was prolific?” Robbie said. Disdain still riling him, Robbie couldn’t seem to help himself by throwing fuel on the fire.

“Thanks a lot, bro!” Kenny threw up his hands. “You can really be an asshole, you know that?”

“Does Gloria know?” Jack continued his befuddled questioning.

“No. And we’re going to keep it that way, right?” Kenny looked purposefully at his younger brother.

“What would Dad have thought of this?” Jack said with disgust.

Kenny stirred with anger at being judged by his little brother “Let’s just say he wouldn’t have protested too much, okay?”

“What?” Jack asked. “What are you…?”.

“Dammit, Ken, why did you go there?” Robbie said. “You couldn’t just let it sit?”

“Don’t look at me, bro. You started it!” Kenny said.

“What I say?” Marcelo chimed in with his broken English. “They all time fight.”

“Stay out of this, Marcelo.” Robbie looked at his partner sternly.

Jack finally got a word in. “Are you all saying Dad had an affair?”

“Not ‘an’ affair,” Kenny replied.

“Ken, seriously?” Robbie looked as if he was about to take a swing at his middle brother.

“Wow. And this is what you are leaving Boston for?” Chris sighed.

The boat turned silent in a flash.

The next few hours were mostly quiet as the group calmed down. They had all thought of suggesting ending their journey, but none of them brought it up. They all simply stewed in their seats and let the beauty around them slowly improve the mood. As the sun began to set, Robbie and Marcelo began to look for their typical stop on their last night of camping before reaching the dolphins.

The group set up the campsite in silence, including lighting the fire ring and setting up the hammocks, while Marcelo prepared dinner. The group ate quietly and enjoyed the last few minutes of daylight as darkness enveloped the area. After dinner, Jack got up and sat on a protruding rock, about ten yards from the others. Robbie decided to join him.

“You okay?” he said.

Jack had come on this trip to rekindle those wonderful feelings of his childhood, when he and Robbie had spent weeks guiding others to their “experience of a lifetime”, treacherous as it was at times. He felt it was part of his reprioritization-of-what’s-important-in-life plan. But instead of rekindling childhood feelings, his memories were being invalidated as lies.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about Dad?” Jack said.

“You were just a kid when he passed away. Why ruin your memory of him?”

“Did Mom know?”

“Oh yeah. They had many fights, but they subsided over the years, and I don’t remember any after you were a year or two old. Not sure if Dad changed his ways or Mom gave up being upset about it.”

“Then how could Kenny turn around and do the same shit? How can I even face Gloria and basically lie to her for the rest of my life? I’m going to be living with them for who knows how long, Robbie. And his daughters…did he think of them?” Jack was mourning the loss of what Kenny had—a loving family. He couldn’t conceive of taking it for granted or risking it all for extra attention, no matter how young and pretty.

Robbie sighed, trying to figure out how to console his brother, and a thought came to him. “When I was thirteen, I once got out of school early and got a ride home because I knew Mom and Dad wouldn’t be home for a while.” Robbie spoke in a low, somber tone. “Well, as it turned out Dad was home, and I walked in on him with, well, you know.”

“He was with someone?” Jack asked, and Robbie nodded. “Sorry,” Jack instinctively replied, and then the correlation hit him. “And you had to keep that secret to yourself, didn’t you?”

Robbie nodded again. “Yeah, it was like I was carrying a boulder and couldn’t ask anyone to help me with it. It sucked!” Robbie sighed. “But the point is… I took Dad’s advice and learned from it. As he always said, ‘Separate the lesson from the person.’”

“You still quote Dad after that?” Jack said sarcastically. “What could you possibly have learned from that lovely experience?”

Robbie laughed. “I learned not to judge others too harshly. If my own father has such faults, who am I to judge anyone else?” He looked at Kenny, who was about ten feet away, near the fire ring, as if to make the point clear. “By the same token, I recognize Dad was a great man in many other ways. People are complex. I guess by coming out here—” Robbie lifted his hands, pointing out the forest around him “—I made the decision to simplify my life.” He ended his brief sermon with a smile.

Jack reflected on Robbie’s words. Chills ran down his spine when he realized he was smiling back at his brother, admiring him in the same way he had so many years ago. Those feelings of admiration came with a surge of other feelings he had been holding back. Jack didn’t understand why everyone thought he was depressed. He had convinced himself he was simply reprioritizing his life, but was he actually running away from it, like Robbie had so long ago? Jack placed his arm around Robbie and wiped a tear from his eyes.

Then, Robbie and Jack began to hear a low hum and the birds became eerily quiet….