Chapter 40: Distorted Thoughts
As Mika emerged from the barrier, she was almost bowled over by the wall of sound—of cheering—that struck her. Her ears were still ringing from the earthquake she had endured. She had no idea how loud Tobias Zan’s magic was going to be. Now her ears ached, and the roar of the crowd only made it worse. She wanted to get back to the guild so Doc could work his magic on her ears. More than anything, she wanted to find a quiet place to sleep.
During her fight, Mika had felt the impact of her lack of sleep on her performance. She had almost reacted too late to Tobias’ last attack. Luckily, Tobias had hesitated at the crucial moment; otherwise Mika would have actually been split in two. She resolved not to make the same mistakes again, because her next fight was likely to be harder.
The instant Tobias yielded, she’d felt a warm sensation on her hand. Again, a message appeared on her palm: Three days from now, be at the fountain at midday. Clearly, that was an instruction for her second round. This time, Mika knew exactly who her opponent would be: Jazmine Ado, whose magic remained a mystery after the bizarre end to her last fight, in which she hadn’t lifted a finger.
The fact Jazmine’s opponent yielded without even attempting to fight was a red flag. Clearly, there was something suspicious about that, especially given how calm Jazmine had been throughout her opponent’s ordeal.
I’ll need to be very careful, Mika thought, glad she’d have two days to rest and prepare. After a quick analysis, she realized there would be five rounds between her last fight and the next.
Her side of the bracket was complete. Four rounds needed to be completed over the next two days before the tournament returned to her side of the bracket. Mika would have to pay close attention so she could learn as much as possible about her possible opponents. Though she still needed to defeat Jazmine and face off against Master Beng or Bishop Tempest’s candidate in the following round, it was important to keep analyzing the strengths and weaknesses of other opponents.
The more she knew about them, the better she would be at thwarting their magic. They, of course, would also be watching how she fought. She couldn’t let them gain an advantage.
Mika was glad she hadn’t needed to go all-out to defeat Tobias Zan. On top of being exhausted, she was strategically keeping many tricks up her sleeve. She knew the best way to defeat her opponents was to keep her magic prowess a secret.
Mika passed through the crowd with relative ease. The people might have been gaping and cheering in a way that hurt her head, but they respectfully parted for her, as though she were royalty. Nevertheless, some trailed her, mostly children. She heard their chatter in the background, speculating about her identity and powers.
She’d hoped that they would give up on following her after a while, but Mika was being treated like a sort of pied piper. As much as she tried to ignore their proximity and whispers, she couldn’t help but be annoyed. She was exhausted and desperately longing for peace and quiet.
Hoping to lose them, she began to run toward an alley she had discovered, after months of exploring the streets of Monsoon, where she thought she might be able to get away. She made a quick succession of turns, with short bursts of running, in hopes of eluding them. But the children were persistent. She could still hear their scurrying feet behind her.
Apparently, it’s not going to be as easy to lose them as I thought. She bolted across the street and tried another back-alley route, looking over her shoulder periodically. She’d lost a few, but there were still about five children chasing her down. As much as she wanted to be done with the crowds, she suddenly recognized this as a challenge that could be fun.
As she ran through another series of alleys she knew well, she changed her strategy. Rather than finding the shortest way to the guild, she deliberately took the most complex route.
The children did not give up, even though Mika was working them hard. This is more than a game, she realized. Maybe it’s kind of dumb to be running away from kids.
They seemed to idolize her, which made them as committed to following Mika as she was to avoiding them. So, in a moment when she was lost in thought and oblivious to her surroundings, she turned another fast corner—only to collide with someone.
Caught within the stranger’s arms, Mika looked up, embarrassed and ready to apologize.
And found herself face to face with the smiling Jazmine Ado.
She sprang back, instantly on guard. What is she doing here? Mika wondered, her heart pounding. Jazmine was the last person she’d expect to run into—the last person she’d ever want to run into.
“Oh, wow, you seem like you are in a rush. You really should watch where you are going,” Jazmine said, in an exaggerated positive tone.
Mika was about to respond when she heard the children catching up behind her and glanced back to see how many were left: three.
“Aww, now I can see why you were running. I would have run, too, if Filth flocked towards me,” Jazmine said, being as cute as she could as she gazed at the children.
Mika looked back again. The children were standing still, horrified expressions on their faces. Instantly, they turned and ran away, leaving Mika alone with Jazmine. Mika had had no idea they were Filth children, since the ability to distinguish Filth and mages was the one skill she still had never been able to develop.
Mika was intrigued that Filth children had flocked to her, and wondered why. But at that moment, it was the least of her worries.
She felt acutely uncomfortable about finding herself in an isolated place with this woman. She knew better than to think this was a coincidence. And she had no intention of letting her guard down, even if they were well outside the tournament arena. Mika had no idea what Jazmine was capable of, or willing to risk, when it came to the rules of the tournament.
“Come now, why do you have to be so tense?” Jazmine asked. “I’m not going to do anything. I know the rules.”
Mika was not reassured. She was trying to come up with something to say to avoid conflict, but Jazmine kept doing all the talking.
“In fact, it’s actually great that we ran into each other. I wanted to talk to you about the tournament,” she said, with a fat smile.
What could she possibly want to talk about?
“It is in regards to our next round,” Jazmine continued, as if reading Mika’s mind. “I have a proposal for you. It’s quite simple, really, because it is non-negotiable. You have two choices: either yield to me at the beginning of the round, or die,” she said, cheerfully.
Jazmine didn’t wait for a response but simply walked on, purposely bumping into Mika as she passed. Mika was on the verge of exploding. After all, she had the ability to make her body so cold that it would freeze Jazmine on contact. But she restrained herself from being the instigator, primarily to avoid running afoul of the rule against fighting outside the tournament. Maybe that’s exactly what she wants, Mika thought.
“No need to be so cold next time, by the way. I’m not such a bad person, since I’m giving you a way out,” Jazmine said as she walked out of sight.
Mika hadn’t said a word during the whole strange exchange, and now her mind was racing. Maybe Jazmine was right, maybe it is best to yield before I get killed in this tournament.
She shook her head; this was a completely foreign thought. She’d had no doubts until that moment, but after this conversation with Jazmine, something felt wrong inside her head. She wondered if Farl Tobb had the same conversation with Jazmine.
Suddenly Mika’s head was throbbing. She needed to get back to the guild house to rest. It wasn’t far anymore, but the closer she got, the more exhausted she felt. She needed to suppress her distorted thoughts with rest.
As she finally entered the guild house, intending to go straight to her room, she met Tink and Zaya in the main hall. They had obviously been waiting for Mika to return, and both looked ecstatic.
“Mika, what took you so long? We’ve been waiting to congratulate you on your victory!” Zaya exclaimed. “You sure did take your time getting here. You really need to tell us about how you pulled off that last move against Tobias! I’ve never seen anything like it!”
“Can we talk about it later? I’m actually super-exhausted and I really want to sleep,” Mika responded, a little too impatiently. Her head was feeling heavy.
“Uh, yeah. Sure thing. Did you get hurt in the tournament? Because it looked like you were fine,” Zaya said, concern in her voice.
“It’s actually my fault. We spent the whole night talking, and Mika didn’t get any sleep,” Tink answered, looking ashamed.
Zaya gave Tink a mean look. “What could have you have talked about that was more important than her fight? We are supposed to be helping Mika prepare for her fights as much as we can,” she said, anger rising in her voice.
“Agreed, which is exactly why we are going to let her sleep.”
“Fine,” Zaya said, turning back to Mika, “but when you wake up you’ve got a lot of explaining to do, missy! Then we need to talk about some sort of strategy in fighting that green-haired chick.”
Jazmine Ado was the last thing Mika wanted to think about. The sheer thought of her sent a chill down her spine. It was odd how she was feeling now; she hadn’t realized how badly her lack of sleep was affecting her mind. Besides the rest she needed, sleep would also give her a chance to spar with her father and take her mind off the real-life tournament.
Mika was able to get to her room without running into anyone else. She figured her guildmates must be off celebrating somewhere, since they hadn’t greeted her at the guild house. She was glad, because she wanted no distractions from sleep, and she needed to subdue her racing thoughts, which were all focused on doubts. It was as though there was a new part of herself who kept insisting: Give up. You can’t win.
Mika lay in bed, trying to quell the civil war in her head. Her normal self was confident and determined; this new self was full of doubt and conflict.
After she finally dropped off to sleep, she opened her eyes again and found she was no longer in bed, but in a dark, empty room, lit faintly from above. Mika was certain she was asleep, but her dream was vivid—almost as vivid as her dreams with her father, though in a new place. She was conscious, in a way, of being conscious. She didn’t like this place; it unnerved her.
“You don’t need to be afraid,” she heard herself say out loud.
Had she spoken aloud? She didn’t think so. The voice seemed to come from behind her, so Mika turned about quickly to see who was behind her. She found herself looking at … herself. It was like looking in a mirror.
“What is going on?” Mika asked herself.
“You are safe in here,” the other Mika replied. The person she was talking to was her. Unlike the clone she had created with her magic in her fight against Tobias, this seemed to be a real, physical manifestation of Mika. Mika was talking to a living version of herself.
“Who are you?” Mika asked.
“I’m you, and you are me,” the other Mika responded.
“Okay, then, where are we?”
“Like I said, we are in a safe place,” the other Mika repeated.
“I heard you the first time. What do you mean by a safe place?”
Mika was becoming frustrated.
“This place is safe because it keeps you safe from yourself,” the other Mika replied, as if the answer was obvious.
“How can I be safe from myself?” Mika asked, annoyed.
“Your confidence. Your determination. Your hope. They are all false emotions that will get you killed,” the other Mika replied casually. What is she talking about?
Suddenly, the faint light from above became brighter. Mika looked up and understood immediately where she was. She realized she was in her mind, or perhaps her own subconscious, somehow observing but not in control. Mika watched, from the light above, as her body was controlled independently from any of her own thoughts.
She continued to observe, in disbelief, as she saw herself rise out of bed, though she hadn’t decided to do that. Mika turned to her other self.
“What is going on?” she asked frantically.
“I have to protect you from your suicidal thoughts,” the other Mika responded plainly.
“Who is controlling my body?”
“I am. I’m protecting you, Mika, because we are the same. We have the same goal: survival,” the other Mika replied.
“You aren’t me,” Mika said forcefully. This was absurd. She needed to get out of this place. She knew this other Mika was not an ally, but a parasite controlling her body. She was not about to be trapped.
So Mika started to use her magic.
Within the strange void, Mika attempted to attack the parasite. She formulated and threw an icicle at the other Mika, but it was shattered midair by another icicle. It was as if she had thrown a projectile at a mirror. She tried throwing multiple projectiles, but they were all stopped midair by replicas of themselves. The other Mika was perfectly mimicking her attacks.
“How is that possible?” she said out loud after her attacks failed.
“I am you. There is no way you can defeat yourself. We are the same, so it is pointless to keep resisting,” the parasite responded.
“Why would I do this to myself?” Mika shouted angrily at the corrupted version of herself.
“I am trying to help preserve your life. All you need to do is yield to Jazmine and you won’t die. Is that really so hard? I am doing this for your protection,” the parasite replied.
Mika stopped fighting to consider what she was doing. She looked through the window of light that illuminated the void. Through the window she could see the real conscious world. She was not at the guild anymore, which made no sense. She could see the streetlamps from Monsoon. Only a couple of minutes had passed, so there was no way she had already left and gone somewhere else. Then Mika realized in horror that, in her distraction, she hadn’t noticed how fast time was passing. From the window she saw the sun’s quick movements; she saw dawn pass, and soon after dusk. Time was moving much faster in the real world, so every second she was wasting in this prison of her mind meant more severe consequences.
Mika mounted an all-out attack, using every trick she had learned and mastered to try to overcome the parasite. Everything she tried was anticipated, copied, and parried perfectly. All her training seemed useless when it came to fighting herself. She was her own worst enemy.
Mika had failed. And she was spent: completely out of breath and on her knees after putting everything she had into this fight. She looked up and found herself standing inside the barrier, right in front of Jazmine Ado. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Had it really been three days? She had somehow made it to the tournament, but she had no idea of what others might have observed in her during the intervening time.
Farl Tobb—had he struggled internally the same way? And had she been acting the way he had?
Mika had not understood what was happening to him then, but she knew what had happened to her. This was Jazmine Ado’s doing. Somehow, she had used her magic on Mika without detection or consequence under the tournament rules.
Mika felt, deep within, that she was about to succumb as Farl Tobb had—to yield. She suspected that, every time she struggled with herself, she was having an outburst audible to the real world. She felt doomed. Everything she had worked for up until now was going to be wasted.
She was on the verge of accepting defeat until she felt something defiant stir inside her.
“No,” Mika said aloud to herself.
“What?” the parasite Mika responded, as if she hadn’t been expecting Mika to say any more.
“I won’t yield.”
“How can you still say that?” the parasite said, in a panicked tone.
“You aren’t me,” Mika said, as she stood up with renewed strength. “I know that, because I would never yield.”
As she straightened, something deep within Mika was awakened. Something more powerful than magic itself. In the bright light, the dark prison she’d been trapped in vanished. The parasite version of herself screamed and disintegrated. In that moment, Mika was neither Filth or mage.
She was finally Arcane.
She moved her arms, took a step forward, and realized with relief that she was back in control of her body. She saw that Jazmine was immobile in front of her, with her arm extended. Mika looked down and realized Jazmine had just stabbed her. But the shank she was using hadn’t penetrated; it had been halted by the hard ice surface that protected her skin.
Mika’s body was cold, so cold that contact with it had frozen Jazmine and turned her into an ice sculpture. Her frozen green eyes had lost their color; her face was frozen in a confused expression.
Mika stared at the reflective surface of Jazmine’s ice-covered body, and saw in it the reflection of her own eyes. They were no longer just one color, but many, and in the myriad colors reflected there she spotted a symbol that seemed familiar, though she couldn’t remember where she’d seen it before. She blinked, and when she looked again, her eyes had returned to their usual icy blue.
With no reason to remain, Mika turned to leave the barrier. Bojo’s commentary was loud and clear: she had just won the second round.
What wasn’t clear was what had happened over the past three days.