The Many Faces of Tully

After that, I start isolating myself. After I had lost access to Nash’s mind, his powers came back. He’s back to normal now but I still feel horrible about what I did. Nash tries to explain to me that it’s all right, that he deserved to be shot at least once in life. I force a smile, while the inside of me is writhing with guilt. I can’t look him or Gunther in the eye any more. I can’t really look at anyone in the eye. Only Jace.

Only Jace knows what I am going through, to an extent. He doesn’t understand why I have to keep tormenting myself about it. He keeps telling me that it was done and over with. Nash was healed up perfectly fine and actually thought it was the coolest thing ever. There was no harm done, and that it was an accident.

But it was hardly an accident. I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t stop. I tried to take away his power. I did it on purpose, without thinking about the consequences. A part, a rather large part, of me wanted to do it, to know that I could. To see what else I was capable of. Thanks to that part of me, the other part is dealing with the consequences. The guilt and horror.

What else am I capable of? What other great evils can I do? How am I safe to be around these people when I can kill them all? How do they not cower every time they see me? How do they not want to kill me themselves? I’m starting to question if someone can kill me. My powers would probably preform some miracle to keep me alive. My body is just a host for them to rein terror on this world. I’m just subject to these horrendous miracles and held liable for them.

I think Jace can tell how miserable I feel. I don’t say it out loud. I just tell him I feel bad for what I did, and he tries to reassure me. I don’t tell him that I feel like a monster for doing what I did. For what I have done. He’ll just brush it off, tell me I’m not a monster and leave it at that. He doesn’t understand.

I don’t push him away though. He is the bright light to my dark life. I need him. I love him. I’ve realized it now, with just two weeks to left until the battle. I am in love with Jace. He always see’s the good in me, and I need that. He balances me out. I know it sounds corny but he is the yang to my yin. I probably would have left by now if it wasn’t for him. Or maybe I wouldn’t have left, just isolated myself more. They need me, so how could I leave when they needed me? I would just lock myself away until they needed me. I know Jace needs me every day. Maybe not necessarily need me, but he wants me around, and I’ll give him whatever he wants.

That’s how I’m going to try to redeem myself. If I can make Jace as happy as possible, then that should blot out some of the evil in me. If you care for someone so good, that makes you somewhat good too. If you give your all to someone you love, to someone as pure as Jace, then that should give me some credit. Some leeway to whoever is judging me. I’m trying to be good. But I just can’t seem to do good things without equaling them with something bad.

Every night Jace tries to talk me up. This is how I know he can tell how bad I feel. After however long it takes him to finally stop, and for me to try to convince him that I believe him we go to bed. Every night he would cuddle up to me and hold me tightly to him. He would always be the big spoon and would wrap his arms around my waist and shoulders. He’d squeeze me into him, kissing my shoulder and neck. It does make me feel better, letting the heat coming off his body warm me up. I’ve been unexplainably cold recently, probably because of my mood. I knew Jace could feel it if he tried to. I never noticed him glowing green at night, though.

We have a little over a week and half left. You can feel the tension in the air, almost as if it is a tangible thing. Also the excitement. I can tell that the guys are more than ready to finally use their powers for real. In real live action, not just practice. Almost as if this is a sport and it is our championship game. The downfall is that we still don’t have any stats on our opponent. They are still a faceless enemy with unknown powers. But how can one person defeat all of us, with our many different powers? Maybe that’s why everyone is so confident.

Tonight is our last meeting, and it’s strictly a strategic meeting. Calchas, Kato, Rozen and Jace had finally agreed on a plan and they are all confident it will work. Jace won’t tell me what it is. He said it would be unfair for me to know before the guys. I argue, saying he knows, but he stumps me by telling me it is his plan, so of course he knows before everyone else. Of course it was his plan. Only someone as smart as him could come up with the right strategic plan against this great evil.

“All right children, that’s enough,” Calchas says harshly. Everyone was talking rowdily, except for me, Kato, Rozen and Jace. I’m sitting on the floor against the far back wall. I’m close enough to be considered in the conversation but not close enough to seem like an active participant.

“Children?” the twins scoff together. I roll my eyes.

“You two are young enough to be my children, so yes, children,” Calchas snaps back at them. “Listen up. You need to pay attention to this. Take it away Rozen.” He steps aside for him.

I frown at my shoes as he starts talking. Just hearing him explain it is going to make me want to refute it. The only thing that stops me from doing so is the fact that it’s Jace’s plan.

“We have finally come up with a strategy that I am confident will work. Calchas, Kato, Jace and Tully will not be a part of the initial battle.” My head snaps up.

“What?” I and several others demand.

“We think it’ll be more strategic for us to try to defeat this evil without you at first. We don’t want any,” he stalls, “accidents to occur. We know that your power sometimes does things on its own and we don’t want that to happen when something crucial is going on.”

I’m about to argue when Jace cuts in. “Tully. We don’t want you to get too caught up in the battle and then accidentally explode on us. That wouldn’t help us at all if you knock out our team, even if it does kill the great evil,” he explains to me calmly but forcefully. It makes sense, but this is what I thought they were training me for?

“Well what about you?” Nash cuts in.

“I’m going to be on the sidelines because it will not be beneficial for us if I get injured. If any one of you guys get hurt I will have to heal you and I won’t be able to if I’m busy healing myself and or trying to take down the great evil.”

“But what if multiple of us are injured?” Zazu interjects.

Jace is about to answer but Rozen gets to it before him. “That is why Tully is on the sides too. If you guys can’t take him down, then we send her out. We just think it’ll be better if you try without her first, just to protect us from anything that might happen with her on the field.”

They’re all nodding, as if agreeing that it’s a good plan. I’m torn though. It’ll be better if I just go up against the guy on my own, that way no one will have a chance of getting hurt. Maybe I’ll make it my own mission to get there before them and take him out before they get there.

“Now, for you guys on the field, this is how I want you guys to try to attack. Damon, first thing first, try to control him and make him stop and surrender peacefully. Gunther is up second if you can’t control him. Just try to kill him, Gunther, simple enough. If he can somehow block or not be hurt by you, then Zazu and Hutsi are up. He might be able to survive bullets but he might not survive the elements or random objects.

“If he can, Mirage, Toshi, Haides and Elsu are up. Mirage, do what you do best, make him see something other than the field. Toshi, Haides and Elsu, try your hardest to get to him. He might have to be taken out close up. If he can block or shield you, Edmund and I will attack. If we can’t do it, then it’s up to you Nash. If that fails too, then it’s on you Tully.

“I am sure with one of our powers we will be able to get to him and stop him or kill him; whichever we have to do. If anything happens to any one of us, like we have said, Jace will come and heal us. Kato and Calchas don’t have powers that are useful to us in battle so that’s why they aren’t on the field. Any objections?” he finishes and looks at all of us.

I don’t meet his eyes. Yes I have objections, but it doesn’t matter. I’m not supposed to. I’m supposed to agree with what he says, like everyone else is right now. They’re all nodding in agreement and murmuring on how it’s a good plan. He turns them into mindless drones almost. It’s scary for multiple reasons. He has that much influence and that influence doesn’t work on me.