The Kingdom of Secrets and Ruin

Ruairi

I thought I went too far last night.

As soon as Dalliah left to find my sister, I replayed the conversation over and over in my mind, trying to identify where I went wrong or should have just shut my mouth. I stayed awake long after Avery and Tedric caved and barely closed my eyes before we were due to set off again.

Horse riding is officially no longer a treat but a chore, and it’s made me a bit irritable to say the least, but that’s nothing compared to the overwhelming guilt.

She didn’t know, how could she? It’s not like the royal families would have taught their people the atrocities they committed when invading our land. But I couldn’t help my reaction, even 15 years later the anger is still fresh and I can’t picture a time where it won’t strike a nerve. It’s the kind of scar that lasts a lifetime.

Needless to say that breakfast this morning was tense, though I wasn’t the only one who was struggling with their own thoughts, and the ride itself wasn’t much better.

Tedric was as quiet as usual, though I can’t deny the small part of me that was expecting him to be happier as we travel to his court. This place was a gift, an honour, and it pains me to think that it’s not as lucrative as I thought. I’ll need to look into this more when the tour is over, make sure he’s rewarded properly for his loyalty and not just being landed with more responsibility.

Avery on the other hand wasn’t his usual self. In fact, he’s decided that today of all days is the perfect opportunity to teach himself how to whittle. Though really, I suspect it’s an excuse to play with his knife while riding shotgun in one of the wagons so that he can sulk.

His argument with Odelina last night must have upset them both, but I’d not get involved for all the money in the world where I can help it. It’s one thing to mock them, another entirely to actually try to insert myself.

I’ve learnt that the hard way with my idiotic marriage idea and looking back, the only explanation I can think of is that the war must have blinded me.

As we arrive at the castle, I make haste to clean up, unpack what I need for the evening meal and set off in hunt of my companion. Whether to apologise or just speak to her I have yet to decide, even after all of the time I’ve spent stewing, but all I know is that I need to see her.

There are more rooms than I expected hidden away in this place, and after far too long, I find Dalliah reading by the fire in the library, Tedric’s favourite part of the palace. Hell, he prefers it so much I’m surprised not to find him lurking in here too, and I wonder how selfish that makes me to be this glad to find her alone.

This library is larger than the one back in Apheya and it’s one of the reasons I’ve left it to him, as while I might not share his obsession for the dusty pages, I’d rather they be appreciated by the right people. It could use a bit of restoration though, and I store that idea at the back of my mind for when I’m looking for it later.

As I watch her lost in the words, there’s a part of me that wants to walk up to her and move her back slightly to protect her, as now that she shares some of my sister’s skirts, I’m having visions of them going up in flames at any moment. But I doubt she’d appreciate me taking that liberty, especially after yesterday.

“If you’re cold I can have furs brought up for you,” I break the silence, not realising how oblivious she really was to my presence, as I have suspected she was ignoring me on purpose.

But I was wrong and her whole body jerks at the sound of my voice, the book in her hands goes flying and as luck would have it, it ends right in the middle of the fire.

“Nooo!” She squeals and I reach her just in time to stop her from putting her hand inside to try and fish the pages back out.

They’ve already alighted and whether she likes it or not, I’m not letting her go with it. I’ll buy Tedric another book as it won’t be that big of a deal, even if the cover was quite beautiful.

“I’m so sorry - I just - you scared me - I didn’t - now it’s gone!” She stutters, trying to find the words she wants to express and I find myself making soothing noises to try and get her to stop.

I never thought I’d find someone this upset over the burning of a book, and here she is apologising when it was my fault for scaring her in the first place.

“Dalliah, calm down, it was my fault anyway.”

I place my hands on her shoulders, another liberty she probably won’t like once she realises, but it’s better than watching her spiral over something so trivial. I’d do anything for her to just stop and breathe for a second, even Tedric would care less in this moment.

“It’s gone, I just-” She stops herself, trying to regain some composure.

But I swear there looks to be tears in her eyes just now and I can’t for the life of me understand why. Is she okay? Has someone upset her, making this more than ruining some random book?

“I’m being silly, sorry. It’s just that I started it a while ago.” She hiccups, her breathing still quite shaky, “I lost my copy, and didn’t think I’d ever get to finish it… now it seems I really won’t.” She forces a laugh which only serves to break my heart, as pathetic as that sounds.

“It must have been a good book to get you this…” I trail off, not wanting to offend her while also trying to make light of it. I’m terrible in situations like this and Avery would have been better suited to find her just now.

Give me an army to motivate any day of the week, but comforting a woman is far from my strong suit.

“Dramatic?” She finishes my sentence for me and the laugh that escapes her is genuine now, “Yes, it was a very good book and maybe one day, I’ll see how it ends.”

She brushes her skirts with her hands, stepping back away from me now that the moment is over and I wish I could stop her but it would be wrong of me. Besides, it’s hard to dwell on that fact when realising that this is the most she’s spoken to me without my having to pepper her with questions.

It would have been easy for her to simply apologise if that’s how she felt and let the conversation drop. But here I am, now knowing a bit more about her and I’d kill to keep that coming.

“I was actually going to beg a favour which is why I’m here, and regrettably it looks like your evening is suddenly free.” I gesture to the cinders and quickly hope that I’m not being too cavalier about the lost book.

“A favour?” Her eyebrows scrunch as if wanting to read between the lines that aren’t there.

I try not to roll my eyes at her distrust, knowing it’s not her fault the last king was so cruel. Maybe one day this will changed but only time will tell I guess.

“You know, a kindness one does for another out of the goodness of their hearts… you are familiar with the concept, aren’t you?”

I can’t help but tease her, it’s so easy and I know if the roles were reversed she’d be tempted to do the same to me behind her mask of indifference.

“Yes, I believe I am.” She holds back any other words that may have wanted to make themselves known.

“Excellent. You see, Avery and Tedric have made it their business to rid me of my best wine, and since we’re now no longer drinking on my coin, I was hoping you and my sister would help return the favour... Share it amongst as many as you like, go wild.”

I’m not stupid enough to think she’d want more of my company, but to spend an evening with my sister and some other women might be nice, it might even help her forget about yesterday.

I just hope she can accept the olive branch.