Chapter 3
It was as if I had blacked out, when I returned to some semblance of reality. I wasn’t even sure how long it had been since my last attack. I knew it was right before Aliyah’s parents moved to Alaska. Just then, my mind had been going from the tropical island dream again, to replaying my past, over and over. I was having a very short lived moment of lucid thought, but it wouldn’t last.
I was shaking and sweating, the desire for the orange drug so powerful right then I couldn’t think of anything else, once it came back. Goosebumps had broken out all over me. I knew beyond any doubt, only the orange stuff would make this overwhelming need go away. That was another of the lingering effects from my time at Oakmont, the continued addiction to the drugs.
Unable to stop myself, and not sure what I was really doing, I climbed out of the closet and headed for the mudroom. Once there, I slipped my boots on, grabbed a coat and walked out, not even noticing if I closed the door or not. At that moment, I didn’t really care. Oddly, Mom and Dad weren’t around, although I didn’t really care about that either. Aliyah was out with her parents, since they had just moved to Alaska and wanted to spend some time together as a family. I wasn’t sure, but this might have been the first time I’d ever been left alone.
It took me about 15 minutes to walk to the grocery store, which was Fred Meyer. I never went to the grocery store anymore, since everyone was trying to keep me from seeing any orange liquid. That was exactly what I was hunting for, though.
In the logical part of my mind, I knew that just any orange liquid wouldn’t work. It had to be the right orange liquid, and I couldn’t get that at a grocery store, no matter how big or well stocked it was. The problem was, my logical mind was almost completely shut off.
The walk there was really bad, as I kept seeing movement out of the corners of my eyes. I’d jump and look over to find nothing there, or maybe just some kid playing in their yard. I almost attacked one kid, barely stopping myself in time, and it was really close.
I thought I felt a probe touch my mind once, but in the state I was in I just flicked it away like a small bug. Finally I made it to the store, and almost ran inside. It took every bit of my will not to run through the store, tearing stuff off the shelves in my search.
Without knowing where it was, I started aimlessly wandering through the place. It was huge and had all kinds of junk, none of which interested me. Unfortunately, all I was seeing was the junk. Pet supplies, household items, tools, all kinds of stuff that meant nothing to me. The effort to maintain some semblance of control was getting harder. Finally, I saw the groceries and knew the object of my desire was in that area. It had to be!
“Mel,” I heard, just before I began running. My shields instantly slammed in place. I spun around and saw Aliyah coming up behind me, breathing heavily for some reason. Her parents were far back, still trying to catch up, her little sister trailing after them.
“What,” I asked in reply, with a bit of venom in my voice, knowing she was there to stop me. My face was angled down, but my eyes were peering into her. I was certain I looked insane.
“Let’s go home,” she said, stopping in front of me, as she finally caught up.
“No,” I replied, turned around and resumed my search, my eyes probing everywhere.
“Please, Mel,” she begged.
“Leave me alone,” I said, raising my voice a little. A few people in the area noticed and looked over at us, but I didn’t care.
Suddenly, it was as if my mind went blank, or rather, my ability simply disappeared. I couldn’t access my telepathy or any of my other powers. I knew it was Aliyah doing it and my shields seemed to have no effect on her. I had always wondered about that.
“Let me go,” I ordered her, with a quiet, menacing voice, hatred welling up in me. I slammed every bit of my will into trying to regain my power, but it simply wasn’t there.
The anger and hate erupted inside me. It was a monster unleashed at the unjust restraint placed on me by my supposed best friend. She was betraying me!
With that short effort, my energy dropped to nothing and I fell to my knees. I looked up at her, every ounce of anger I had in me pouring through the heat in my cheeks and eyes.
“Let me go!” I yelled at her, tears pouring down my cheeks. There were tears pouring from her eyes as well, as I looked up at her, but there was something different about her tears.
As I saw her, I realized her tears were leaving red streaks down her cheeks. She was bleeding from her nose and eyes. There was a lot of pain on her face too. That’s when it hit me. This was my friend, my sister. She was trying to help me, not hurt me.
“God, please forgive me,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if I was asking Him or her for forgiveness, but it may have been both.
With my whispered plea, she knelt down, and wrapped her arms around me. “Let’s go home,” she whispered, her voice shaky. I rose up with her, letting her help support me, even though I should have been supporting her.
There were several people around watching us, obviously not sure what had happened, but curious. There was an odd feeling in my mind though, something I’d felt before. I couldn’t place it right then, and at that moment, didn’t really care.
Aliyah’s parents finally walked up as we got to our feet. The entire episode took only a few seconds to play out, but it had taken a lot out of both of us. I wasn’t sure how we’d hide the fact that I had caused Aliyah’s bleeding and Mrs. Stone would have no doubt what caused it, not to mention my parents and anyone from the program that happened to be watching.
As we got home, Aliyah’s dad picked her up and carried her into the house, while her mom helped me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, tears in my eyes.
Aunt Sarah didn’t reply, just looked at me with an unreadable expression. Eliana, however, looked at me with her big beautiful eyes, “It’s okay. You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
“I’m a monster,” I replied, as I walked away from her and into the house. I probably shouldn’t have said that to her, but I was such a mess, I couldn’t stop myself. I really was a monster. She deserved better from me.
Her sister was still a marvel to me. She was like a little clone of Aliyah, same hair, eyes, everything. She was also as outgoing and energetic. The only real difference was that she was a lot more girly, and neat. Of course, the neatness might have been because of her Mom. Eliana was a wonderful kid, though.
Mom and Dad were with Uncle Mike and Aliyah, so they didn’t notice me stealthily move past them and down the hall. I went directly to my room, closed the door and returned to the back of my closet. Curling in the corner, I pulled the blanket up to my chin and sat there, rocking and crying. I was shaking pretty bad too.
Aliyah had stopped me at the store, but she hadn’t helped my emotional state. I guess she couldn’t, considering how badly I hurt her.
Although they had convinced me that I wasn’t a danger to them, back when I woke up from that coma, I was beginning to see just how wrong they were. This latest incident had made it very apparent that I was definitely a danger. There had been a few incidents over the last two years, but nothing like this. These things were beginning to happen more often, along with the nightmares, and they were getting worse.
The counselling that I had been going through hadn’t done anything to help either. They kept promising me that it took time, but I’d been doing it for most of the two years since I woke up, with no improvement. Although I had been much worse before I went into the coma, I was beginning to get back to that point and I knew it. And I had actually attacked my best friend...and hurt her.
“Mel,” I heard, a good while later. Although I didn’t respond, Dad came into the closet, as good as he was able. He was a bit too big for it.
“Sweetheart, what happened today?” he asked, once he was sitting in front of me, looking like some kind of contortionist.
“Nothing,” I automatically replied, feeling guilty, because anyone with half a brain knew that it wasn’t nothing. He only looked at me. The look on his face wasn’t like he was mad for my reply, but more like he was disappointed. I suppose he should have been. I cringed further into the corner, trying to melt into the wall.
“I’m a monster, Dad,” I finally said, unable to stop the tears that were coming out even worse.
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am!” I yelled at him, putting my head down in shame.
He opened his mouth to try and argue with me but I cut him off.
“You don’t trust me, and I know it. But you can’t trust me because I lie to you. I’ve gotten so good at lying I even convinced myself that I was better, but I’m not,” I said, almost yelling the last and pausing to let myself calm down. Dad didn’t seem to know what to say.
“I hurt Aliyah to try and get the orange stuff. I’m dangerous and I’m going crazy,” I said, barely whispering the last part. I didn’t know what he was going to say before I cut him off, but he didn’t say anything for a long time after I was done.
“Melanie, you have had a very hard life. You’ve suffered more than any child should ever suffer. We thought you had forgotten the worst of it,” he said with a long pause. “But I wondered sometimes how much you actually remembered,” he said, and held his hand up to stop me before I replied.
“No, don’t tell me. I know you remember more than we thought. I wish you didn’t, if for no other reason than to give you some peace. I wish I could tell you that it will all just go away one day, but I honestly don’t know. Sweetheart, I wish more than anything that I could take it all away,” he said, and I looked up to see tears in his eyes.
“I’ll never be normal. I need to be locked up.”
“Melanie, I wish I had all the answers baby, but I don’t. I don’t know how to help you and I don’t know what the future holds for you. I will fight for you with my last breath, though.”
Unable to stop myself, I scurried over to him, crawling into his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” I pleaded, a decision having sprung in my mind. The idea had been in the back of my mind for some time, but I kept pushing it away.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, angel.”
“Yes I do. You just don’t know it yet.” That made him pull away a little and look at me very intently. But I just clung to him even tighter, not letting him look into my eyes. I was afraid of what he’d see there.
“Will you tell me.”
“I’ll tell you some, since you’ll find out soon anyway.” I paused for a moment, sure my shame was on display on my face. I know I felt ashamed. “I attacked Aliyah today and I’m pretty sure someone saw it”
“When you say ‘someone’, I assume you’re not just talking a random person.” I just shook my head, confirming his assumption, which was a little weird since my head was resting on his shoulder.
“That means that your telepathy is working,” he then said, taking the next logical step. I nodded.
“How long have you been hiding it from me?” he asked in an almost accusatory tone, as he began connecting the dots.
“Since I woke up.”
“That long?” I could hear the shock in his voice. “I wish you had trusted me...I have to assume you knew your secret would eventually get out,” he started, which I again nodded agreement to. “And I would further assume, if you have put that much thought into it, you must have had some ideas for when it did,” he continued. Again, I nodded, never having lifted my head from his shoulder.
“You always did plan ahead, just like your Momma. Will you tell me what you’re thinking, or planning?” I shook my head. There was no way I could tell him and I was pretty sure he knew my response before he asked. Instead, I turned it on him.
“Would you tell me the stuff you’ve been keeping secret from me?” I asked, knowing he couldn’t, or wouldn’t.
“You know I can’t,” he said, and I was pretty sure he wanted to say something else. I could feel his muscles clench as he fought within himself. That would have been a golden opportunity to get some good information with little effort, but I couldn’t do that to my father. I wasn’t that far gone...yet.
“See, you don’t trust me, but I understand why, even though I was there, and I know as much about Oakmont as you do,” I told him. His arms squeezed me tighter as I said that.
“Sweetheart,” he began, but I interrupted him, tightening my grip on him.
“I love you Daddy,” I whispered. I didn’t want to make him try and avoid it, or come up with excuses of why he couldn’t tell me stuff.
“I love you too, angel.” He either understood, or he decided to go along with my change of direction to appease me.
“I’m not an angel,” I said, so low I didn’t think he heard me.
I knew then what I had to do, although I was worried and hurting inside. But it had to be done. I had to leave.
It wasn’t long before I crawled off my father’s lap, not wanting that feeling to go away, but knowing it had to. Dad pried himself out of my closet, and it was clear he had to unbend slowly. He was rather oddly positioned in there, but he did it for me.
Fresh tears bloomed in my eyes, knowing how far he’d go for me. I didn’t deserve that, but he would do it anyway, never hesitating or complaining.
I went to sleep a while later, visions of that white sand, and blue water, playing in my mind. For a short time, I found a semblance of peace on my tropical island, but it never lasted.
“Sir, we have a report on the Brager girl,” John reported to the Headmaster.
“More of the same?” Headmaster Raughlin asked with a sneer.
“On the contrary, sir,” John replied, bringing an interested look from his superior.
“Apparently, she entered a local grocery store looking very disoriented. The report suggests that she looked strung out. What is clear is that the Draper girl came in shortly after and confronted Brager. The contact said that there was a mental fight between the two.”
“You’re sure?” the Headmaster asked.
“The contact watched and saw the connectors from both girls. He is certain. Sir, it appears that the Draper girl actually controlled the Brager girl,” he added, as if it was of greater importance.
It was, but the fact that Brager was functional was just as big to him. He had suspected that she was hiding the truth and now his belief was confirmed. She had made her fatal mistake, the one he had been waiting for. There was now a public incident to give him leverage. Raughlin leaned back in his chair, with an expression that looked like a cat about to get its mouse.