The Curse of the Guardian

I was laying on my back in the softest bed ever made. I could feel the sun gently warming my cold body and the wind brought to me smells of delight and happiness. I was at peace. Nothing hurt and for the first time in forever I felt truly happy. I smiled but I did not open my eyes. I knew that as soon as I opened my eyes the illusion would end and the world would come crashing down on me with all its might. So I stayed there, hoping that I could just stay here forever.

Eventually I had to open my eyes and face reality and when I did finally look around I was no longer home. I was laying in an open field surrounded by sunflowers and other wild flowers that seemed familiar, but I didn’t know their names. It took me a while but when I finally stood up I noticed that I was wearing a tunic of coarse white fabric that felt as light and airy as if I was wearing sheer silk. There were red symbols embroidered at the edges and somehow, even though I have never seen this tunic before, it all seemed so familiar and right. I was barefoot however when I walked around the field my feet weren’t hurting at all, it was as if I wore the softest of shoes.

I laughed loudly, because I suddenly realized that I was dead. There is no other explanation. I twirled around in my tunic and decided that being dead is not all that bad. The sun was warm, the breeze was cool, the flowers smelled nice but not overwhelmingly nice and I felt no pain. I walked, looking around and trying to find out what the afterlife is when I noticed a well worn path, leading out of the field of flowers. I hopped like a little girl down that path, feeling lighter than I ever have in my life. The road led me out of the field and down, all the way to a three forked crossroad.

A young woman was standing there, seemingly deciding on which path to go. She turned around when she heard me and smiled. I smiled back, because you just couldn’t help yourself not to smile when you saw that beautiful face of hers. She stood there naked with only periwinkle flowers adorning her long dark blond hair. Her skin was toned, like she spends all her days in the sun but she looked soft as if she didn’t work a day in her life. Her brown eyes shone with the power of the summer sun behind them, and her lips were full and red, as if she was just kissing the love of her life. Truly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, but I also realized at the same time, she was not a woman at all. She was the representation of summer, of life itself and her name was Zhiva, the goddess of life. She blew me a kiss and walked down the left path, whistling a song with the birds that flew next to her. I don’t know how long I stood there, but before I made a sound or a move toward her, she walked far enough away to disappear.

Another person was standing next to me now and she arrived so silently I almost screamed when I finally noticed her. How long had she stood there? Did she also watch the goddess Zhiva walk down the path? A thought came to the front of my mind, that the kiss that the goddess blew must have been meant for the person next to me, because the longer I looked at her, the more I realized she was not like me at all.

Morana, the goddess of death, looked down on me and walked ahead. She was as beautiful as Zhiva was, but in a different, more terrifying way. Morana was tall and deathly pale, as if a corpse was walking down the road. She had long black strands of hair, but they were more than black, it was more like the emptiness of any color. Her lips were dark red, the color of the heart blood and her eyes were so blue they pierced through me. The goddess of death and rebirth, of nightmares and winter was dressed in spider webs and she looked more nude than she did dressed. She looked upon me with as much warmth as Zhiva did, as if she was a mother looking down on her beloved but misguided child. Eventually she turned around and walked the right path, not glancing back.

The left path leads to life and all its sorrows and the right path leads to death and rest, with a promise of rebirth. But there was a middle path as well and I stood there in the crossroads, not knowing what to do or where to go. Were the goddesses there to tell me that I have a choice? A choice whether I live or die? And why did I have such a hard time making this decision? Wouldn’t anyone jump on the left path, the path of life already lived? I mean who would choose death? Even if it comes with a promise of rebirth and a new life? What was the middle path? What is there beside life and death?

I stood there like an idiot while the sun was slowly setting. I sighed and eventually sat down, cross legged, debating what to do. Part of me wanted to die. I never wanted the responsibility of a guardian, I wanted to be like my mother was, a stay at home bear with a bunch of cubs, living a happy and uneventful life. However there was another half of me, the one who wanted to be someone important, the one who fell in love with an old vampire, who experienced life and adventure. But I was so unhappy with my life, being stuck to Mia, being her guardian, being always the second, never being able to be me. I was her shadow, her second since I was eight years old and I didn’t see a future where that would change. One path leads me down to Mia to be whatever she requires me to be and when she requires me to be, with no fate of my own, only that which is tied to hers. The other path leads me down to oblivion, to rest, to new life, one that is my own, but I will forget everything and everyone. How could anyone ever decide their own fate this way?

“Feeling confused, do you?” A sudden masculine voice yanked me out of my own head. A man was sitting, also cross legged mimicking me, down the middle path. He was old, with white bushy beard, white hair and dark skin. He looked like a perfect grandfather, happy and safe, and the only thing that made him look like the God that he was, was horns that were growing on his head.

“Not many have this option and yet you don’t seem to be happy about it.” He continued in his booming voice. He should seem intimidating, bigger than life itself and yet, he felt like home. Veles the god of magic, underworld, chaos, trickery and among other things, bears, was staring down at me.

“I don’t know what to do,” I finally admitted with tears in my eyes.

“One path leads me to always be second, but I will be able to protect my family. I will be able to watch them grow and prosper and I will be able to see her as she changes the world as we know it. I know she can and she will, because that is her destiny. And yet, what kind of life is that?” I wondered out loud.

“I know I should choose life no matter what, because I promised her, I promised to protect her for as long as I live!” I looked upon the face of the old man.

“But I died, didn’t I? I fulfilled my duty and I can finally be done. I can be reborn and maybe this time have my own fate, have my own purpose, not to be tied down to someone else. Or at least I hope that I can be reborn as someone who can control her own fate.” I cracked a small smile, knowing full well that fate would most likely put me in a worse situation.

The old man produced a pipe out of thin air and started smoking.

“Are you sure that your life was as you say it was? Was it truly fate that tied you down to a witch or was it you? Did you take something that was meant to be a gift and made it into a curse?” I blinked in surprise.

“I don’t understand what you mean,” I said silently. He blew smoke that formed a bear cub into my direction. I was absolutely mesmerized with just how much the bear looked alive instead of just a puff of smoke that it actually was.

“Humans are so small that often they see only a fracture of the picture. How could you understand who and what you are, when you limit yourself? You have said it time and time again, that you are the guardian of the people, and yet, you think you are tied to one witch? Was that truly what fate wanted you to be or was that your choice? Were you tied by fate and magic or were you tied by yourself? Or,” he paused for dramatic effect.

“Were you tied by a third force all together?” I understood the words he was speaking, and yet I could not wrap my head around it.

“Are you saying my life was not supposed to be this way or…” He made a noise that my grandmother used to make, a noise that lets you know that you are a disappointment and you are thinking about the wrong thing.

“I told you what I think. You are not seeing the bigger picture, you are not seeing what you were meant to see. You have limited yourself to a role and that role makes you unhappy, and yet you seem unable to shed that role.” He stood up and patted the pockets on his tunic as if he was searching for keys or something. It was such an odd gesture and yet so familiar.

“Live or die, it is your choice. But know this, sometimes it is more than fate what brings you to a certain path in life. It is not easy to disrupt fate, but other things? That might be easier.” He turned around and walked down the middle path, leaving me more confused than ever.

The moon was rising on the three paths and I was starting to get tired. The right path would lead me to my death, the left would lead me to my life, so what is the point of the middle path? I got up and closed my eyes. I was eight when I first saw a creature that wasn’t supposed to exist and that creature led me to my missing cousin, promising me powers beyond my imagination. I followed the magic and found Mia, alone and hurt in the middle of the woods. My fate has been irreversibly tied to hers since that day, but I loved her more than life itself so I didn’t mind. But now, looking back, my life wasn’t my own at all. Since that day I have been riding the wave of Mia’s fate, fate that pushes her toward some unattainable goal of the Gods, something that Mia has to ultimately achieve on her own. What if the left path leads me toward that same life, life where Mia is everything to me, so much so, I would deny myself love and my own life, in favor of hers? So, what if the middle path is the one that leads me to my own life, life that would break me free of Mia’s fate? I loved Mia with all my heart, but I needed to know what else is there in this world without her shadow looming over me.

I walked down the middle path with the confidence that I did not possess.

The path was long and more than one time I regretted making this decision. It was twisting itself, it went up and down and twice it looped in a circle because I swear I saw the same batch of trees over and over again. I was starting to get frustrated and there was a fear inside of me that maybe I chose wrong and this will be my afterlife. Walking down the path that leads nowhere. I mean, Veles was the god of trickery and chaos and playing a prank on unsuspecting souls does sound like something he would do.

Eventually, after walking for the entire night, I finally saw the end. Mountains. I started to walk faster until the mountains were right there, so close that I could run to them. But again, I found myself at a crossroad, two roads leading their separate ways. I stopped at the crossroad, and I knew that I would either cry in frustration or scream in anger. I took a long hard look on the right path, the path that leads away from the mountains. The more I looked at it, the better it looked. The path was suddenly paved with bright red bricks, not a speck of dust on them. There was a sound of laughter and screams of joy rolling down the path, promising me an easy life. The other path was waving through the forest as ancient as the world itself and it ended next to a cave entrance and I could see plenty of bear cubs playing in that forest, with their mother sleeping lazily in the cave.

Goosebumps covered my whole body and I knew immediately what I had to do. I looked down the right path, and I knew what would have awaited me there. Happiness. I smiled to myself and went down the left path, toward knowledge. As soon as I stepped down the left path a hand grabbed me and pulled me back. I was so surprised I fell on my butt, but my legs were laying on the left path still, with my upper body on the crossroads. I turned around to see a woman holding me back, a woman of immense power and beauty. She was a small brown haired woman, whose hair was let loose and feral. She was staring at me with dark blue eyes that reminded me of an ocean in the storm, gray and wild. I pulled my arm out of her hand and got up, making sure I was still on the left path. There was pain in her eyes and she truly looked troubled over my choice. I didn’t know why, but she gave me the creeps and I just wanted to be away from her. I walked backwards, making sure I had my eyes on her at all times. Finally she pulled herself together and magic surrounded her as a cloud and she looked as powerful as any of the Gods, even though she was only human.

“Walk down your own path little one, but don’t forget those who steered you this far. You may have a destiny of your own, but I will not let you destroy her destiny in the process. Be careful when listening to them, as they don’t think of human life as having any significance at all. We are all just pawns to the Gods, doing their bidding, but if we die they simply choose a new pawn and we are forgotten. Whatever you think your destiny is, you are not the first to hold it and you most likely won’t be the last.” The more she spoke, the darker the sky got. It was as if her words were summoning a storm that would break down the forest and push me around.

“Choose happiness,” she pointed toward the right path.

“At least that way you will be happy. Don’t make the same mistake as I did, thinking knowledge is power and that power could change one’s destiny.” With those words she turned around, watching the left path. I could swear I could see tears in her eyes, but she disappeared in a puff of smoke before she turned to me again.

Of course I didn’t listen to the crazy lady who looked more feral and crazy than anything else and continued down the path until I finally reached the mountains. It was a lot bigger than it seemed from far away, so much so that what I thought were bear cubs looked a lot like full grown bears, and the mother bear was enormous. I mean the size of a house enormous. I stopped at the clearing in front of the cave and gawked at the scene.

“Come closer my child,” Mother Bear finally said. Her voice was echoing all around, but no other bears responded. Some were napping in the shade, two were climbing on trees, one was eating a bunch of apples that were on the forest floor and the rest were just chilling around. I walked closer to her, hoping that bears are friendly and I won’t be seen as an intruder.

“Why are you here?” She lowered her massive face toward me and I realized that her eye was the size of my entire arm. She seemed bigger than life, bigger than the mountain itself.

“Because this is the path I choose,” I whispered, wondering if she even heard me.

“Why did you choose it?” She said, still eyeing me intensely. I swallowed the hard lump that formed in my throat.

“I want to know.” I said, but I knew I left a lot more unsaid. The mother knew it too, as she asked again, this time with less patience.

“Why?”

“I want to know if Veles was right and I lived my life wrong.” The Mother huffed, looking away from me.

“What is a life wrong lived? How would you know whether your life was right or wrong?” Her question caught me by surprise.

“Was I ever meant to be a guardian?” I asked.

“You mean were you meant to protect your family from evil?” She retorted. I was quiet for a while.

“I just don’t want to be the second character in Mia’s story anymore.” Mother laughed loudly enough to startle all of the bears around me, who started laughing as well.

“I see now. You speak of magic that binds you to one person, magic powerful enough to awaken your true potential too early and you confuse it with your destiny?” I was stunned into silence. I could feel something in me break and I slid on the forest floor.

“I don’t understand.” I whispered mostly to myself. A bear that was closest to me walked up and sat so close he almost trampled me.

“We are all Mothers’ children, but not all of us receive Mothers gifts. Every few generations one of us is born, with potential to do more, to be more, to change the world if it needs to or if he wants to. But every generation also has someone or something who wants to bind that gift, use it for themselves, and abuse their power. I was bound by my enemy and instead of helping him, I chose honorable death. Our gift makes us powerful not only in body but in mind as well and many want that gift to work in their favor. Your cousin was already more than a witch, she had the potential to be the greatest witch of them all, but she was caught in a web larger than her life and she dragged you in it. Instead of you two growing and developing your own fate, you have been caught into a story larger and grander than you could have ever imagined.” The bear finally looked at me.

“She did not do it on purpose, but you are bound nonetheless. Even in death you carry her magic around your soul, and in that magic we see more than just her magic. She too, is influenced by forces bigger than she thought.” Bear sighed.

“Whether you like it or not, this is your path. You came here in search of knowledge and this is what I can share. By the time you wake up, you will have no memory of this encounter or anything else, but because of Mothers gift you will be aware that something has happened and I will grant you advice as well.” He lifted his paw and covered the top of my head as if he was patting a young child.

“Lift the veil around your heart, break the bondage around your soul and live as you were meant to live. Guard and protect those you love and you will be happy. It is a hard life and often not a very long one, but it is filled with happiness. Protect the children, guard the witch, make yourself proud and next time we meet, have some stories to share, not just sorrow and tears.”

He pushed me back with such force my body slammed through the forest floor into the big vast emptiness of space and I was floating, flying, falling. I had no body, no thought, no feeling, I simply was, until I was nothing.

And then I saw it. I was laying in my bed, in my bedroom, people around my dying body, trying to heal me, wishing me to take a breath.

So I did. But not for them. I did it for me.