The Counterfeit Lover (War of Sins Book 3)

My body is fitted to his as we huddle together on the stretched out seat. Raf is gazing down at me with such gentleness, I cannot believe this is my reality—that he’s here, with me.

‘Your brother will soon start looking for us,’ he whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind my ears.

I roll my eyes at him.

‘Didn’t you see how he ignored me earlier? He’s probably relieved I’m off his hands.’

‘That’s not true. He knows I’ve got you. If anything, he would have felt like a stranger when all your attention was on me, like mine was on you,’ he explains softly.

‘He could have at least tried to talk to me,’ I grumble. ‘But I must admit I’m enjoying this little car adventure,’ I smile sheepishly as I trace my finger over his naked chest. ‘I kind of like being naughty with you,’ I whisper, my cheeks heating up at the admission.

‘You like being naughty with me, pretty girl?’ he chuckles. ‘Then I’ll strive to be more naughty with you in the future,’ he says right as he moves on top of me, suddenly kissing me and tickling me.

It’s not always I get to see this playful side of him, and I know it’s one only I know. He’s never shown anyone this part of him—the carefree, truly laid-back one.

He might put his social mask on, but there’s an underlying tension to playing that role—one that doesn’t let him be comfortable in his own skin. And if there is anything I want to accomplish in this life, it’s to make sure he’s always comfortable in who he is.

The only expectation I’ll ever have of him is his love. The rest… The rest is moot. As long as he loves me and I love him, nothing else matters.

Raf continues his ministrations. If before, everything had been hyper-sexual, now there’s only playfulness and joy—the pleasure derived from laughter and making each other laugh.

I giggle as he tickles a particularly sensitive spot, kicking at him as tears stab at the corners of my eyes.

‘Stop. I give up, I give up,’ I cry out, unable to stop myself from laughing.

Suddenly, he stops.

His blonde locks are damp from perspiration, an intense look settling on his face.

‘You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, Noelle,’ he declares, the sincerity in his voice my undoing.

‘Maybe for you,’ I mumble shyly.

He shakes his head.

‘For me you’re the only one,’ he winks cheekily before getting up, nodding for me to do the same and dress.

Reluctantly, I acquiesce since we do need to face the outside world at some point. As much as I’d love nothing more than to have him steal me away, take me to a far, far away place where no one knows us and we don’t know anyone, I know we can’t.

There are responsibilities. Things we still have pending.

With a resigned sigh, I push myself up, settling on the chair next to the driver’s seat as I search for my dress.

Raf is faster, though, grabbing it from the floor and beckoning me to come closer so he can slide it over my head.

A smile pulls at my lips. I know what he’s doing. He has an odd fascination with doing everything for me—dressing me, feeding me, just taking care of me. It’s such an endearing quality of his that I can only comply, shuffling closer and raising my arms.

He grins in approval, pulling the dress over my body and smoothing out the wrinkles.

‘There’s my domestic husband. You’re good at everything, aren’t you?’ I raise a brow at him.

‘I was born for this, pretty girl. Of course, I’m an expert at everything that is you,’ he winks, making to grab his own clothes.

But if he can take care of me, then I certainly can take care of him too.

I watch as he pulls on his pants, but before he can do more, I simply move, sliding between the seats as I grab his shirt.

A curious look of surprise crosses his face, but he doesn’t protest when I help him into his shirt, my fingers focused on getting the buttons right.

He’s smiling, watching me indulgently.

Especially as I get lower and lower. As I’m about to zip up his pants, I’m met with the surprise that he’s still hard. My fingers brush over his erection as I reach for his zipper, and he hisses at the sensation.

‘It’s not fair,’ I whisper, my eyes on that part of him that seems to grow even harder the more I stare at it.

‘What’s not fair, pretty girl?’ he voice is thick, need shadowing his tone.

‘That you can make me come so many times but you come only once,’ I pout.

There’s a pause and I lift my eyes to his face, surprised to see an amused expression tugging at his lips. He releases a chuckle.

‘You should take that up with Mother Nature,’ he fires back.

‘Still not fair.’

‘See, that’s where you’re wrong,’ he continues in a suave voice, and I find myself frowning in confusion. ‘Your pleasure is my pleasure. You have no idea the high I get from seeing you come,’ he tells me, his palm cupping my cheek in a light caress. ‘The look on your face, the sound of your voice as you cry out in pleasure—pleasure I give you. There’s nothing more satisfying than that. Yeah, blue balls suck, but that little thing aside I’d be happy to pleasure you for the rest of my life without getting anything in return. That’s how much I love making you come,’ he states seriously.

‘You’re insane,’ I whisper.

I’ve always known he was a selfless lover, but I’d never realized to what extent.

‘If that’s insane, then no, I don’t ever want to be sane.’

‘Well,’ I lick my lips suggestively. ‘It’s good you have me as your wife, because I could never let you come just once.’

‘Noelle,’ he groans, but he doesn’t make to stop me.

In fact, he leans back into his chair, getting more comfortable just as I brush my palm lightly over his length. I tease him for a few moments before I reach inside his pants to wrap my hand around him.

‘What is that devious little mind of yours up to?’

‘You’ll have to see,’ I smile sweetly.

Bending across his seat, I swipe my tongue over the head, lathering it in spit and enjoying the way his reaction is immediate. His fingers are wrapped in my hair and he barely catches himself in time to not choke me on his cock.

‘Fucking hell, pretty girl. You like having me out of control, don’t you?’

‘Hmm, maybe,’ I say just as I blow some air over the spit dripping down his shaft. ‘I like watching you drop your façade and show me the raw, real you.’

I wrap my lips around the tip, hollowing my cheeks and sucking him deep in my mouth.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck,’ he swears, his grip tightening as he pushes me lower. Shielding my teeth with my lips, I allow him to push his cock deeper inside my mouth, breathing through my nose as I let him use me.

His hand in my hair, he thrusts in and out of my mouth, the tip hitting the back of my throat, retreating just as I’m about to gag.

His breathing intensifies just as his groans grow louder.

Using my tongue, I play with the underside, knowing exactly what he likes and what gets the most reaction out of him.

‘Fuck, almost there, pretty girl. I’m almost there,’ he mumbles incoherently.

My spit dribbles down his entire length and I use my both my hands to grip him tightly, continuing to suck him until he’s mindless with pleasure.

A sudden knock on the window of the car makes me still.

Raf, too, startles.

‘Is anyone inside?’ an unknown voice asks, still knocking.

His cock is still in my mouth,  and as his fingers dig in my scalp, I don’t stop. I squeeze the base of his shaft, the head of his cock twitching as it swells in size just before his hot cum coats my entire mouth.

‘Noelle,’ he pants, and even his hand becomes slack in my hair.

The knocking intensifies, but Raf is slow to come to his senses.

‘You should check that,’ I giggle, lifting my head and wiping my mouth. And to show him what a good wife I am, I tuck him in, zipping him up and giving him my most adoring smile.

He releases a loud sigh, bringing his hand to scrub his eyes.

I can see the man waiting outside the car, but most glaring is his uniform.

‘You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?’ he gives me a side glance, shaking his head in amusement as he pushes a button to lower the window.

‘Officer,’ he plasters a smile on his face as he greets the policeman. ‘What seems to be the problem?’

The man narrows his eyes at Raf and me, almost as if sensing we were up to no good in the car.

A smile threatens to overtake me, but I rein it in, leaving Raf to get us out of this mess.

‘Your car is parked illegally,’ he states, deadpan.

Raf blinks, looking around—as if he just now recognized his surroundings.

A low laugh escapes me and Raf gives me a severe look.

‘I see. Well, we’ll just move the car, then,’ he says, always the polite gentleman.

The policeman doesn’t look quite ready to leave, eying us suspiciously.

‘I’ve had reports from residents about your car for the past two hours,’ the man started, struggling to keep a straight face as he continued, ‘and the various noises coming out of it.’

‘It must have been the speakers, right, Raf? We were listening to an audiobook,’ I quickly interject, a pleasant smile on my face.

As if feeling my lips tip up in that semblance of a smile, Raf suddenly turns, giving me an odd look as he pushes me further into the car and away from the man’s view.

‘My wife is right. We got caught up in the story and didn’t realize how much time passed. We’ll move now.’

‘I should remind you that public indecency is punishable by law.’

‘What indecency?’ Raf asks, but his tone changes, the polite persona he put on slowly slipping from him.

‘I’m only repeating what the resident reports said.’

‘Let me get this right. You’re saying we engaged in public indecency, despite the fact that no one could actually see inside the car. In case it has escaped your notice, the windows are tinted.’

‘There’s also the matter of the sounds,’ the man persists.

‘Which were coming from the audiobook,’ Raf lies with a straight face.

The policeman blinks, finding himself at a loss for words as he cannot accuse us of anything but the illegal parking.

‘Let’s get one thing straight, Officer Winston. If you have a problem with the illegal parking, please issue a ticket. As for the other reports, please go ahead if you think you can prove any of those claims. If not, then I’d appreciate it if you let us leave. As I’ve said earlier, I’ll move the car,’ he states matter-of-factly.

‘I… I guess I could let you leave,’ he scratches the back of his head, looking confused for a moment.

‘I guess so, too,’ Raf adds, outrageously. ‘Please issue the ticket,’ he says right as he turns the engine on, in two smooth moves getting us out of the parking spot and leaving behind the befuddled cop as he stares at the departing vehicle.

I can’t stop myself from laughing, bending over until tears are leaking from my eyes.

‘I can’t believe you did that,’ I swipe him playfully over the arm.

He has a satisfied smile on his face as he drives two blocks down, now parking right in front of my brother’s place.

‘What, you’ve never run from the cops before, pretty girl?’ he winks at me as he stops the engine, this time on a proper parking space.

We both get out but as soon as we come face to face we both burst into laughter.

He throws his arm over my shoulders, guiding me towards the entrance of the house, all the while joking about what just happened.

The moment we step into the house, however, it’s to be met by my brother’s chilling gaze.

He’s by the stairs, his hands folded over his chest as he takes us in, his eyes seemingly seeing everything.

A chill goes down my back.

If there’s someone in this world that I should be scared of, it’s him. Yet there’s also an oddly contradictory side to him—one he always denies having but that shines through nonetheless at the strangest times.

‘You’ve taken quite the detour,’ Cisco speaks first.

Raf’s smiling features harden, his countenance changing immediately.

‘I wanted some alone time with my wife,’ Raf replies, stating it matter-of-factly.

Despite their partnership, they don’t see eye to eye—there’s no way they would ever see eye to eye.

Raf is a completely different person than my brother or Michele. He’s not the type to wage senseless wars, or play with human life. His values and integrity would never allow him to do so. And as much as it pains me to admit because I know what Michele’s done to him, I don’t think he’s capable of killing him.

Not my Raf.

But that’s exactly what I love about him. That soft core of his and the way he sees the world that, at times, is antonymous to how I see it.

He brings the best in me.

But he brings the worst too.

I shut down that line of thinking, grounding myself in the present.

‘I need to talk to Noelle,’ Cisco mentions, already heading towards his office.

I sneak a glance at Raf and he sighs in annoyance. Bending to kiss the top of my head, he whispers in a soft voice in my ear.

‘It’s up to you if you want to talk to him. I won’t ever prohibit you that, nor will I push you to do it if you don’t want to. I’ve already made some arrangements to move so we can have our own place, away from everything. Just say the word and we’ll leave right this moment.’

Warmth spreads through my being at his thoughtfulness and the fact that he values my opinion so much.

Isn’t that what made me fall for him in the first place?

‘I’ll talk to him. Don’t worry about it,’ I raise myself on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

He nods.

‘I’ll be upstairs packing,’ he tells me as I head to Cisco’s office. All the while, Raf doesn’t move from the landing of the stairs, watching me until I open the door and step inside.

Already my spirits are high, my husband’s mere presence charging me with some ineffable type of energy—one that makes me feel like I can take on the world and win.

Not even the sight of my brother with his back to me, looking out the window of his study while cigarette smoke envelops me can tamper with that.

‘You wanted to see me?’

I step deeper into the room, taking a seat and waiting to hear what he has to say.

He swivels, narrowing his eyes at me.

‘You don’t look that much worse for the wear,’ he mentions dryly.

Rolling my eyes at him, I simply ignore the jibe.

‘Get to the point.’

Coming closer, he doesn’t take his eyes off me as he takes the seat opposite me.

‘He hurt you?’ This time, the question is serious, his tone almost betraying a hint of emotion.

I shrug.

‘Depends on your definition of hurt. He didn’t do much physical harm if that’s what you’re wondering.’

He nods quietly.

‘You’re different,’ he observes as he takes a deep drag of his cigarette.

‘Am I?’ I smile, suddenly standing up and moving towards his decanter.

I can feel his gaze boring into my back, the tension thick as I wait for his next decree.

Pouring myself a glass of whatever Cisco has around, I take a sip, turning and watching him over my glass.

‘You remember,’ he states.

My lips quiver with unreleased laughter. And as I lower the glass, I can’t contain my amusement anymore.

It’s just that Cisco doesn’t share it.

He’s staring at me intently, his body taut, his entire countenance murderous.

Without taking his eyes off me, he reaches for his phone, dialing a number.

‘Don’t come back to the house with the kids tonight.” The immediate switch in his tone tells me exactly who he’s speaking to.

‘Don’t tell me you’re scared of little old me,’ I chuckle.

A harsh look crosses his face.

‘You remember. That’s enough for me to know I need to protect my family.’

‘Cisco, Cisco,’ I tsk at him. ‘You’re being awfully paranoid, you know that?’

‘What I know,’ Cisco grits out, ‘is that if there is someone in this family who is most like myself, it’s you. And I know what I would do.’

I shrug.

‘Maybe I’m biding my time.’

‘Don’t force my hand, Noelle.’

‘Or what? You’re not in charge of me anymore. That means you have no control over me.’

‘Interesting. What about your husband?’

‘What about him?’ I play his game, swirling the liquid in my glass as I meet his gaze head on. ‘In case it has escaped your notice, my husband is head over heels in love with me,’ I smile sweetly. ‘Nothing you can say or do can change that.’

‘Ah,’ he smirks. ‘I’d almost forgotten this mercenary side of yours. Rafaelo might be in love with you, but I doubt he knows everything, does he?’

‘Oh, he knows enough. In fact,’ my lips quirk up in satisfaction, ‘it was him who remembered first.’

Cisco mulls over my words.

I’d never kid myself that he wouldn’t kill me if it came down to me or Yuyu. It’s the simple nature of their relationship, just as it is of mine and Raf’s.

‘You have nothing to worry about from me, Cisco,’ I lean back in my seat. Maybe it would be more fun to truly bide my time and keep him on his toes. But I don’t have time for games, and I don’t want to think of what he might do to retaliate.

‘I won’t harm you or your family. You have my promise.’

Those words don’t seem to appease him. If anything, he looks even more suspicious.

‘I don’t believe you. Why?’

‘Fair enough, I wouldn’t believe myself either, all things considered,’ I nod appreciatively. ‘But I’m not entirely heartless. Not like you,’ I smile at his scowl. ‘You took him from me once, but you gave him back to me, too. And that’s enough for me.’

His cigarette in his mouth, he continues to study me with those shrewd eyes of his.

Too bad his brand of intimidation doesn’t work. Not anymore.

‘So that’s it? You won’t do anything? No revenge? Nothing?’

He almost sounds…disappointed?

‘Those days are behind me now,’ I wave my hand dismissively. ‘I’ve turned over a new leaf if you haven’t been able to tell,’ I chuckle. ‘The past is long gone. Everyone is dead. And so is that Noelle.’

It seems there were some perks to my amnesia and the fact that everyone thinks me a harmless fool—one that’s always trying to rebel, but a fool, nonetheless. I’m not about to correct that assumption. Not when I finally have a second chance at life—at living.

‘Dead doesn’t mean buried, Noelle,’ Cisco adds when I get up to leave. ‘Some things never stay buried.’

‘This time they will,’ I assure him, turning my back to him.

‘What about your baby?’

My steps falter, a barrage of images assailing me. I stop, my face scrunched up in horror, pain, and the smell of death.

‘He’s dead,’ I reply, my voice devoid of any emotion.

If there’s one thing I don’t want to think about, it’s him.

Mali.

The little boy who never stood a chance in this world. The little soul unfortunate enough to have me for his mother.

If I gave in… If I let the despair overtake me… Then everything would be lost.

‘He died a horrible death, Noelle. And I know you saw it. That’s not something you get past easily…’

My eyes squeeze shut at the memory, disgust rolling in my stomach at everything that happened. But like everything else, I push it aside. I can’t give in. I simply can’t.

‘I did see,’ I pivot, facing him and letting him see the blank canvas that is my face. ‘But like I said, he’s dead. Nothing can bring him back, so why dwell on it?’ I say carelessly, though just speaking about it re-opens that big chasm inside my heart—one that will never heal.

Lips pursed, he shakes his head at me.

‘It’s not normal,’ he mutters. ‘You rewrote your entire reality to cope. How is that normal?’

‘It’s my normal. And who are you to question that? I know you did your best to keep me alive when I was sinking, and for that you’ll have my eternal gratitude. Because if I had succumbed,’ I give a bitter laugh. ‘If I’d given in to my despair, then I would have never found him again.’

‘You should still speak with your therapist,’ he suggests, ever the control freak. ‘You tried to kill yourself three times, Noelle. Three fucking times,’ he grits out, rising from his chair and coming towards me. ‘You rewrote your entire past so you wouldn’t deal with that pain. Don’t tell me that’s remotely normal.’

‘Oh, but it is. You would have done the same if you thought everything was lost,’ I tell him, watching the way he pales at my words because he knows how true they are.

Cisco is right. We are extremely similar in one regard. We would do anything to protect those we love. And without them… Well, without them there’s nothing left. It’s as simple as that.

So he can lecture me all he wants because we both know that at the end of the day he would have done the same.

From the beginning there have only been two choices. Death or…forgetting.

And when death had failed me, the only other option had been wiping every memory related to Raf—every little piece of myself that brought me, step by step, to the point of no return. I can see it clearly now, how my brain had acted to protect me from my own damn self.

It had created an alternate reality for me. One in which I could live with myself. One in which I wasn’t the bad guy. A reality in which I was finally worthy of my Raf.

Too bad it didn’t last.

‘That’s not to say you couldn’t relapse…’ Cisco gives me a solemn look.

‘I won’t,’ I reply confidently. ‘Those weren’t chronic attempts, Cisco. They were the precise actions of someone who had nothing left to live for.’

‘I’m worried about you,’ he awkwardly admits.

Unfortunately, my control only extends so far. I burst out laughing, looking at his concerned face and becoming more amused by the second.

‘So you care now? Color me surprised,’ I add sarcastically. ‘I think we should just agree to not stand in each other’s way. I promised I won’t retaliate for anything, in any way and I will keep that promise,’ I pause to look at him.

And because I think there might be a small part of him that does care, I assure him that I’ll take care of myself, too.

‘You gave me back my reason to live, so I will live,’ I give him a tight smile. ‘I’ll even continue to seek therapy. But don’t,’ my voice turns deadly, ‘ever bring up the past again. To Raf, or to anyone.’

The last thing I need is for Raf to take a closer look at my lies—my mountain of lies. Because it’s not just happened at the hacienda. It’s everything before that, too.

A sad smile appears on his face as he regards me with an expression bordering on melancholy.

‘Fine, Noelle. It will be as you say. I may not know everything you’re hiding, but I know one thing. The past never stays buried. I just hope, for your sake, it won’t come back to haunt you later. Even I won’t be able to help you then.’

‘I won’t ask. I know what I’m doing. You’ve always underestimated me, Cisco. You all did. Because as it turns out, I’ve been capable of helping myself all along.’

And with that, I turn, leaving the office and heading back to my room where the one person who’s always mattered the most awaits me.

When my memories suddenly returned, I made a harsh decision—and one that I will commit to.

Raf can never know the truth about what actually happened at the hacienda.

He may love me. He may love me more than I ever thought possible. But the greatest love can turn into the greatest hate.

And that’s when I’ll truly break. When the vile memories of the past will infiltrate every crevice of my mind until there’s nothing left but madness.

Madness and death.