The Counterfeit Lover (War of Sins Book 3)

Oh. My. God.

I must be drunker than I thought.

Not only did I practically dare Raf to have his way with me in a darkened alley, but I just gave myself away at the least opportune moment.

‘Fuck, Noelle… How is that possible?’ he breathes out, confusion swirling in his beautiful eyes.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I need to backtrack, or at least make it seem like it’s just one isolated episode of my returned memory.

For weeks now I’ve been imagining the moment I would say those words and I just wasted them like this…in a drunken outburst.

‘I don’t remember everything, but I’ve been having some flashbacks,’ I confess shyly, wrapping my arms tighter around him. He’s still pulsing inside of me. ‘The computer you got me from my mother’s house brought some of the memories back. I saw our chats…’ I trail off, pretending it’s been as confusing to me as it is to him.

‘I can’t believe this,’ he mumbles in my hair, holding me closely. ‘Three times I fell for someone,’ he rasps. ‘Three times, Noelle. And every time it was you.’

‘You…’ I draw back, blinking. ‘You fell for me then too?’

I shouldn’t ask more. I should just change the topic. But I can’t not know.

Not when I’ve been in love with this man since the first time we bickered online, falling deeper and deeper with each conversation and every moment in which he would seek to listen to me, understand me.

No one had done that before.

He’d turned my life around just by being there for me—by telling me my opinion mattered.

Before, I’d never cared what he looked like, for I’d known his soul. I’d known his core values and the fact that he was a good, good man when I’d thought them a myth.

But then I’d seen him.

I’d seen him and I’d fallen so irrevocably in love with him, I hadn’t thought myself capable of feelings of that magnitude.

Yet I’d never been sure of his intentions, or his feelings.

He’d always been a true gentleman online, never making me uncomfortable, always keeping things strictly platonic. When he’d agreed to meet me I’d been over the moon, but it had still been at my incentive.

To hear now that he might have felt something for me, too…

‘You were my best friend—my only friend. You have no idea…’ he chokes on the words. ‘God, you have no idea what I went through after you cut off contact. I was miserable,’ he admits in a low voice.

‘I didn’t want to,’ I cup his cheeks, softly caressing his flesh as I urge him to look me in the eye. He blinks, a renewed vulnerability evident in his gaze.

I may lie about a lot of things, but not this—never this.

 ‘My brothers caught me. They took away my computer and cut my connection to the internet. I had no way of contacting you, Raf. I’m so sorry.’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ he shakes his head. ‘Not anymore.’

But it does. Can’t he see how much it matters to me? To hear that I was the cause of his anguish cuts me on the inside.

‘You’re here now,’ he continues. ‘The past no longer matters, pretty girl. Not when I have you by my side. Not when I know that despite everything, we found our way to each other. I love you,’ he declares poignantly. ‘I’ve loved you under many names, and many guises. But it’s always been you. God,’ he closes his eyes, ‘I still can’t believe this is real.’

‘It is,’ I assure him. ‘I’m here, and I’m never going away.’

As long as you don’t send me the way. 

Those unspoken words are always at the back of my mind. If he finds out everything I’ve done…for him, for us, for this love that is more potent than any other force in the universe.

But he can’t. He can never find out.

A smile appears on his lips as he kisses my forehead, slowly pulling out of me before removing the toy and cleaning me with a napkin. He’s silent as he tends to me, first between my legs, before moving up, fixing my clothes and finally, getting another napkin to dab at my face and fix my ruined make-up.

Yet all that silence speaks louder than any other word.

His eyes are damp with unshed tears, the blue of his irises a stormy shade that speaks of restless nights, of pain and suffering, but finally, of light at the end of the tunnel.

‘Blue,’ the word is out of my mouth before I can help it. He’s always been Blue to me. Before the hacienda, before everything. He’ll always be my Blue.

‘My darling girl,’ he whispers, gazing at me how I imagined he would all those years ago—with a love to equal my own.

Now I’m not alone in this madness that’s been my driving force for so long. No, he’s here with me. All the way with me.

When he’s finished with his ministrations, he takes a step back, looking thoroughly satisfied with what he’s seeing.

‘Shall we?’

I nod, a little wobbly from the combination of sex and alcohol. He sees that, tugging me close to his body.

‘No more drinks for you tonight.’

 I pout at him. But he simply chuckles as he leads me towards the entrance of the club where we’re immediately received once the bouncer sees our bracelets.

Already a little tired from dancing—and other exertions—we decide to head straight to the VIP section and rest for a while.

We’re barely a few feet down the red lit hallway when someone calls us from behind.

Raf stops, frowning as he turns to deal with whatever inconvenience arose, tucking me gently behind him—ever my giant protector.

I sneak a peek, seeing a man saunter towards us, a crooked grin on his face as he whistles slowly.

Raf tenses by my side, keeping one arm around me as he pushes me further behind him.

‘What did you just say?’ Raf grits out, aggression rolling off him.

I blink. I hadn’t heard what the other man had said, but clearly it’s something that pissed Raf off.

‘Come on, don’t play dumb,’ the man counters.

And as he comes closer, I notice he’s swaying from side to side ever so slightly, probably drunk.

‘Don’t mind him, Raf. Let’s go,’ I tug on his sleeve. The last thing we need is to get eyes on us by getting into a conflict with someone.

‘Stay out of it, Noelle,’ my husband warns, the sweet man from before all but gone. ‘Let the man repeat what he just said.’

His voice is laced with danger, and once more I have to wonder what the man must have said to get him so worked up.

‘I said,’ the guy comes closer, ‘why don’t you share that piece of ass. She has a mouth on her, that’s for sure,’ he chuckles just as my eyes widen in shock. ‘Aren’t you curious what she could do with two c…’

‘Raf,’ I whisper his name, but he’s already gone from my side, the reaction immediate.

Using his left hand, he pushes me further behind, and using his right, he simply grasps the other man’s nape, lodging his fingers tightly into his flesh before bringing his head into the wall, smashing his face.

‘What?’ I jump up in surprise, though a certain warmth unfurls in my stomach.

‘Say it again,’ Raf demands in a harsh voice. The man is trying to get out of his grasp, but the position Raf has him in is not to his advantage, nor is the size difference. The man is at least a head shorter than Raf.

‘The fuck man,’ he curses. Seeing he can’t grab on to Raf with his hands, he uses them to prop himself against the wall, pushing just as Raf tries to knock him into the concrete again. ‘All for a piece of ass…’

‘Say. That. Again,’ Raf continues, not even giving him the opportunity to talk before he’s on the guy again, his foot making contact with the back of his knee as he pushes him to his knees. Momentarily disoriented, it’s enough for Raf to gain momentum and strike his head against the wall again.

Blood pours out of the man’s nose. From my angle, I can see his brow ridge is also busted, his teeth stained with red.

At this point, he can’t even talk anymore, half limp from all the blows.

But Raf doesn’t care.

There’s a small crowd forming behind him, no one passing towards the club as they all watch in awe the altercation.

I blink as I realize I’m seeing a new side of my husband. One that…thrills me.

Licking my lips as I watch the one-sided fight and the way he easily subdued the other man, I can’t help but feel bubbles of excitement build inside of me.

Maybe I’d half-joked when I’d told him I wanted to see him kill for me. But watching the spectacle before me, I have to admit the sight isn’t a bad one.

In fact, my tummy does a somersault when the other guy tries to fight back and Raf parries all his blows, punching him in the gut and putting a stop to all the struggle.

Butterflies dance in my stomach—in my entire body—as I continue to watch my husband, his expression so serious, his features tense and grave. And damn if that doesn’t make me hotter, an ache forming between my legs when I should be thinking of anything but that.

Blood is spattered on his white shirt and up his neck, his knuckles already drenched in the red liquid.

But it’s his ferociousness that strikes a chord in me. The fact that he’s defending me.

The man who’s never been a fan of violence is engaging in it for me.

The other guy is on the ground, breathing harshly as more blood pours out of all his orifices. And it’s only now that the bouncers decide to show up, coming straight for my husband.

Kicking the man to the floor, Raf turns, saying something to them in a hushed voice, and I’m amazed to see they leave him alone.

They do absolutely nothing. Taking a few steps back, one of them reins in the crowd while the other whips up his phone to make a call.

Immediately, I fear the worst—that they’re calling the police.

But I soon realize that’s not the case when Raf bends, grabbing the man by the hair and bringing him to my feet.

‘Apologize to the lady,’ he demands in a deadly tone.

The man blinks, opening his mouth and closing it, as if he doesn’t know how to proceed.

‘Apologize for the names you called her, and apologize for disrespecting her,’ Raf continues, his voice chilling.

Even to my ears he sounds different—too different.

I know my husband. I know he’s done bad things in the past, things he’d had to do as his position required—that he’s killed people, but never out of want, only out of necessity.

So, who is this man before me? Who is this man with the cold features and even colder eyes? Who is he and why does he make me feel more alive than ever?

The man is one step away from me, watching me with what I can only describe as terror in his eyes.

He opens his mouth, yet no sound comes out. In fact, one tooth seems to have been displaced.

‘Apologize,’ Raf demands again, kicking him so hard he gasps for air.

‘I-I’m s-sorry,’ he whizzes, coughing more blood which splatters on my feet.

I swing my gaze to Raf, thinking he would accept that apology, but his eyes are affixed to the blood on my feet, his expression turning more murderous than before.

‘You piece of shit,’ he grits out, his hand in his hair as he whips his head back. ‘I told you to apologize not to sully her skin with your lowlife blood.’

It’s like I’m in a different reality, watching my sweet husband behave not so sweet.

‘I-I’m s-sorry,’ he apologizes again, his eyes so crazed with fear he uses whatever strength he has left to rip some material from his shirt and offer to wipe it for me.

‘Good,’ Raf nods, but I quickly put my hand up.

‘I’ll do it myself,’ I say as I use two fingers to pick up the piece of sweaty material and fling it aside. Instead, I merely put my hand in Raf’s pocket, withdrawing a napkin and quietly cleaning my legs.

‘Now, what do you say to these two gentlemen over here?’ Raf continues, seemingly not done with the spectacle.

It’s then that I notice that two more men have appeared besides the bouncers. Both tall and muscular, they are dressed in expensive suits, which indicates that they aren’t just regular employees or club goers.

One of the men sports a buzz cut, his steely blue eyes devoid of any feeling as he scans the room. The other is more laid back, an easy smile on his face as he glances at the man writhing in Raf’s grasp.

‘Upstairs,’ he simply says, pointing to a door to the side I hadn’t noticed before. Raf nods, dragging the man with him and asking me to stick by his side.

We go up a flight of stairs, ending up in what looks like an office—one that has a glass view over the entire club. My mouth tugs in a smile as I realize it’s a one-way type of glass since from the inside of the club you can’t see anything.

‘And what do we have here, Rafaelo,’ the man makes a tsk sound. ‘You made quite a ruckus in my club.’

Green eyes set against an olive complexion, he looks more like a cover magazine model than the owner of a club. Certainly, he is one of the most handsome men I’ve ever seen, and I’m not the only one noticing as Raf’s cheek twitches in annoyance when he sees me peruse the newcomers.

I raise a shameless brow at him before I wink—my quiet way of letting him know he has nothing to worry about. There may be many handsome men in the world, but there is only one of him.

‘Why don’t you repeat to Enzo here what you were saying about my wife,’ Raf adds, bringing the man closer to the two men.

He looks wildly between the two of them, and whatever he sees in their gazes convinces him to speak, spelling out all the horrible things he’d said about me.

Good lord, but I see why Raf would take such umbrage. I’m surprised I hadn’t heard all of it, but maybe it’s for the best since I might have reacted a bit too…vehemently. Every word that comes out of the man’s mouth is vile and offensive, and he doesn’t shy away from calling me a slut, a whore, and saying I needed another cock up my ass by the way I was moaning in the alleyway.

My eyes widen in shock, and as I look up at Raf, it’s to see him barely in control of himself. He’s trying to stop himself from killing the man, that much is apparent.

‘I see,’ Enzo nods thoughtfully.

One moment he’s in front of the man, the next he’s crouching by his side, a knife against his throat as he gives him a deadly look.

‘I don’t allow this type of behavior in any of my clubs,’ he starts in a stern tone. ‘Didn’t the bouncer give you the memo? This isn’t a hunting ground. Here, you respect women.’

‘What should I do with him, sir?’ The man in the back steps forward, leaning to whisper something in Enzo’s ear.

‘No, that won’t be necessary,’ he puts a hand up, turning to look at Raf and giving him a nod.

Pushing his hand into the man’s pockets, he fishes out a wallet, taking it out and perusing his IDs before handing them to the man by Enzo’s side.

Surprisingly, he already has a tablet in his hand that he uses to scan the ID.

‘You were right, sir,’ he says in an even voice, handing Enzo the tablet.

Enzo rises up, and getting to Raf’s side, he shows him whatever results he found.

‘What’s that?’ I ask, curious when I see a flash of anger cross Raf’s face. Taking a step forward, I lean into him, wanting to see too.

Enzo chuckles when he spots me pushing my face into the tablet, but finally, I can see what got them so serious.

When the other guy had scanned his ID, he’d pulled all his info, including police reports. He is currently on bail in a sexual assault case involving…gang rape. My gaze whips up to meet Raf’s.

‘I know his father,’ Enzo comments. ‘He works at the mayor’s office, isn’t that right, Jonathan?’

Jonathan groans in pain, staining the floor with his blood.

‘It’s probably how he got out on bail,’ Raf adds. ‘And seeing the various records of possession, I’d say you’re quite the addict, aren’t you Johnny boy?’ he asks as he kicks at Jonathan.

‘Coke? Rich kid drug of choice,’ Raf turns to Enzo.

‘Maybe in the beginning,’ Enzo shakes his head. Going down on one knee, he grabs Jonathan’s mandible between two fingers, forcing the man to look at him. ‘I’m guessing meth is more his thing now,’ he indicates his ruined teeth and the skin lesions running down his neck. ‘My guess? Daddy stopped funding his habit.’

‘So he’s out here trying to score some?’ Raf raises a brow.

Enzo nods.

‘I smell the desperation on him,’ he says right before he throws him to the ground, getting up and taking out a handkerchief to clean his fingers.

‘You’ve seen his file. It’s up to you what you want to do since he insulted your wife,’ he tells Raf. ‘But I know if he insulted my wife what I would do,’ he smirks.

‘Can I borrow your knife?’ Raf suddenly asks, and I blink in surprise.

Raf, my Raf, is asking for a knife?

‘Pretty girl, please look away,’ he gives me a tight smile, turning me around to face away from Jonathan. ‘I’ll be quick, I promise,’ he kisses my cheek, leaving my side to go back and…

I can’t help it.

My heart is pounding in my chest as I slowly turn, just in time to see Raf leaning in front of Jonathan, the knife against the man’s throat. Raf speaks, his words too low for me to hear. Then the tip of the knife makes contact with the man’s throat, cutting from ear to ear.

Blood gushes out, flowing down his shirt, with some of it spraying over Raf’s form.

For a few seconds, Jonathan’s body spasms as he tries to fight his impending fate.

But then it’s done.

He’s dead.

Raf releases a weary sigh, though his expression is cold—hidden. Looking up, our eyes meet, his growing colder just as mine grow hotter.

A shiver goes down my spine as I imagine him coming to me, embracing me, the blood on his body serving as lubricant for skin on top of skin, for him to…

‘Nero will dispose of the body,’ Enzo interrupts our staring contest. ‘You did good, Raf. He got what he deserved,’ he praises, patting Raf on the back.

‘Thank you,’ Raf nods. ‘If you’ll excuse us, I think I need to take my wife home.’

‘Of course,’ he turns to give me a pleasant smile. ‘I’m sorry your evening took a wrong turn. I’ll have a word with my bouncers to increase security in and around the club.’

A few more pleasantries and we say our goodbyes.

Given Raf’s bloody state, Enzo offers one of his cars to take us home.

The entire ride home, he’s silent.

It’s only when we get home that he finally speaks.

‘You looked,’ he says as he more or less rips the shirt off his back. ‘You looked, Noelle, when I didn’t want you to,’ he draws a tired breath in.

‘Does it matter?’ I ask quietly. I hadn’t realized he didn’t want me to see. I’d thought he turned me away simply for my own sensibilities.

‘Of course it matters,’ he grits out, striding towards me just as he flings the bloodied shirt aside. He looks menacing in his full angry glory, and I can’t help the way my heart skips a beat as he stops in front of me, the blue of his eyes glinting dangerously.

‘I didn’t want you to see that. To see me…’ he grinds his teeth, stopping himself from adding the words.

See me kill a man.

‘You did it for me,’ I nod quietly, recognizing the struggle within him. ‘How could I ever reproach you something you did for me?’

‘Noelle,’ he groans, a tortured sound wrenched from his lips as he brings his hands to my shoulders, holding tight but seemingly unable to do much else.

It’s in that moment that I realize that despite the cold exterior he’s projecting, there’s real anguish inside of him—real pain that seeks comfort.

So I give it to him. I give him my touch and my presence, wanting to let him know nothing could change the way I see him—the only way I could ever see him.

Bringing my hand to his cheek, I caress him lightly, forcing him to look me in the eye and see for himself that there’s no reproach, no anger, nothing but love.

‘Don’t go down that road,’ I shake my head. ‘You know I’ll never revile you for doing what’s necessary.’

‘Was it necessary, though?’ he asks bitterly. ‘Or was it necessary for me?‘

‘Raf…’

‘I could have let him go. I beat the shit out of him enough that he would have felt the aftermath of it for days after, maybe even learn his lesson.’

‘What if he wouldn’t have… You saw his record,’ I try to argue.

‘But who am I to judge?’ he squeezes his eyes shut. ‘Who the hell am I to judge? And yet I did it anyway. And you know why?’

I move my head from side to side, awaiting him to speak, knowing he needs this cathartic moment.

‘All I could think about was you,’ he continues, meeting my gaze with his intense one. ‘When I read those charges against him all I could think was…you. Because I can’t help it, pretty girl. I see you in every potential victim and I know I would do everything in my power to keep this world as safe as a place as I can in order for you to be safe.’

‘And how is that a bad thing?’ I shoot back, surprised he’s beating himself up over this.

‘Because it’s not my place to decide a man’s fate just for…’ he shakes his head, confusion clawing at his features. ‘There’s something wrong with me, Noelle,’ he rasps as he brings his forehead to my shoulder, resting his huge frame against me yet not daring to touch me further. ‘There’s something seriously wrong with me because I’m capable of anything when you’re concerned. I’ve never been like this before, so out of control, so…’ he trails off.

I don’t know how to help him.

It’s clear he’s internally struggling to make sense of this, and I’m growing increasingly desperate as I can’t find a way to help him—soothe and comfort him like I want to.

Instead, I merely thread my fingers through his hair, patting him lightly and listening to him.

‘I thought I knew what justice was. I thought I knew what right and wrong was, but the lines are blurring, baby,’ he breathes hard. ‘When it comes to you, all the lines are blurry,’ he confesses.

Little does he know that for me, those lines have been blurred for a long, long time. Maybe I struggled with my decisions in the beginning, too. Maybe there was a time I also beat myself for taking a human life. Ultimately, I embraced it.

Later that night, we go to sleep wrapped in each other and a novel urgency borne out of Raf’s explosive emotions.

For someone who’s held himself so tightly in check all his life, I feel he’s about to explode.

Unfortunately, I’m not sure whether that will be a good thing, or a bad one.