Chapter 33: Apologies
With a quiet huff, I shove my dress into the suitcase, the material crumpling at the rough treatment. Despite the long travel time, Heloix agreed to get a car for us to go home in, his desperation to appease my anger leading him to agree to my request.
Slamming the suitcase closed, I push down on the top in an attempt to flatten bulging material as I reach for the zipper. Unfortunately, my lack of neat folding has made the insides bulkier, preventing the top from closing enough for me to zip it. I push on the top once more, a small grunt falling from my lips as I lean on it to add some additional weight.
"Do you want any help?" Heloix asks, taking a small step towards me.
"No." I respond curtly.
Heloix halts his advance, his feet freezing against the floor the moment the word is out of my mouth. His suitcase sits at the top of the bed, having been packing in less than ten minutes. I stare at it in anger, frustrated by anything that has to do with Heloix.
My blood boils every time I think of him, fury that he brought me here to destroy our bond filling every pore of my body.
"Adeline, I can feel your hurt. I'm not going to make you live like Jo." Heloix murmurs, stepping towards me once more.
I move away from him, rejecting his advances, and grab onto the handle of the suitcase. I clench it tightly within my fist as I yank it away from him.
"Oh? So you're going to publicly claim me and make me Queen consort?" I retort, snorting at the end of my words.
Heloix has made it quite clear that he has no plans to follow through on such an action, avoiding the question every time I ask. He dodges every question I bring up to him, acting as if all of this is news to him as well.
My lips pull down into a frown as I continue. "You're going to claim some other woman and stick me into a role of shitty mistress."
I turn and walk towards the door, pacing slightly as I vent my anger. "I want to go back to King Richard's."
A loud growl emerges from Heloix's chest as I say this, the noise prompting me to spin around and watch as his eyes flash in anger. I notice his lips pushing out slightly as his canines begin to extend, but I pay them no mind.
I may not know much about Beast culture, but I do know that their mates are sacred. His Beast won't hurt me, even if the man that is tied to it would.
"No!" Heloix snaps, quickly moving forward to grip my arms and put an end to my pacing. "And I told you I'm not going to take another."
Rolling my eyes, I rip my arm from his and move back to the suitcase I abandoned. Lies. All he says to me are lies, and if it's not a direct lie then an admittance of the truth, which is practically the same thing.
"Then why don't you tell me what you are going to do." I snap.
"Fuck Adeline, I don't know." Heloix sighs, bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I need time to figure it out."
I scoff, not believing him for one second. He's had more than enough time to figure it out, and if after months he still hasn't gotten a plan then I doubt he ever will. He's going to keep me in this limbo, forced to remain by his side until his people demand he take a Beast mate.
If I were a Beast, I would reject him and find a better man who treats me as an equal. Although, if I were a Beast, we wouldn't be in this position in the first place as he would have accepted me immediately. His people would have been overjoyed that he found someone, and we'd likely already be bonded by now.
Instead, I am a human. A less-than creature who is apparently deserving of no kindness or rights, forced to live with and obey his every command.
Fighting again with the zipper, I tug on it fruitlessly before dropping it from my hands. Huffing in frustration, I turn and walk away from the object, needing to calm myself down before I start to cry.
I hear the sound of the suitcase being zipped behind me, Heloix rushing to do it while my back is turned, but I make no comment on it. He's not going to get the satisfaction of me thanking him.
"Is there anything else you want to do before leaving?" Heloix asks, desperation clear in his tone.
I shake my head. "No."
Turning to face him, I watch as he grabs both of our suitcases and heads over to the door. His head is only inches below the high doorframe, and for a second I allow myself to wonder how much joy I would feel watching him smack his head against the hard wood.
A smile threatens to break out on my face at the image, but I quickly taper it down.
Heloix's head swivels to look at me, the bag in his hand slamming against the front door at the motion.
"You happy I'm carrying your bags?" He questions, his eyes glinting with excitement.
My smirk quickly falls into a frown at his question, annoyed at his ability to feel my emotions. He didn't explain the 'how' in much detail but has assured me that he will teach me how to keep them hidden.
"No. I'm imagining you banging your head against the doorframe." I clarify, feeling satisfied as a frown settles over his face.
Serves him right.
"Adeline." He starts, pausing to watch me silently for a moment before letting out a quiet sigh and jerking his head towards the door. "When we go out there, you can't-"
"Keep my head down and mouth shut. I know the drill." I interrupt, already knowing what he was going to say.
Despite his promises that he will not treat me like Jo or as a lesser being, he continues to do precisely that. The only time he shows any kindness to me being when we are in private. I'll be damned if I accept this lying down. Either I am a slave, or I am his mate. I deserve more than this painful in-between.
The guards are silent as Heloix pushes open the door, their large frames moving to the side and opening up a path for him to pass through. He does so without hesitation, moving with long strides that carry him down the hallway and show no signs of the slumped, begging man that he was just minutes ago.
I follow behind and avoid eye contact with the guards as I pass, weary that they have heard our conversation through the door. It wouldn't surprise me if they did given their advanced hearing, although I'm sure their fear of Heloix will keep them silent.
King Stephen and his chosen mate are waiting at the front entrance to say goodbye, the King looking relaxed while his mate stands beside him with her mouth puckered. I can't imagine why she would be so upset and wonder if it has something to do with my presence.
She remains put as the King steps forward to greet us, a large smile on his face as he shakes Heloix's hand. From where I stand among the guards, I can't make out any words being said, but I see their mouths moving as they converse, their body language relaxed.
They both turn their heads towards me as they continue speaking, and Heloix shakes his head slightly, mouth continuing to form words I can't hear.
With one last nod to one another, Heloix steps away and looks towards his guards and me before gesturing for us to follow him out of the castle. We move almost urgently, the guards immediately splitting off towards the woods while Heloix moves to the car.
I expect him to get in the back as King Richard used to, but instead he moves to the driver's seat. His large frame looking silly as he tries to fit inside the small vehicle, the sight heating my face as I hold back a laugh.
Glancing between the front passenger seat and back, I hesitate for a moment before getting into the passenger seat. This may be the only opportunity I get to sit in a car like this, and I'll be damned if I let my anger at Heloix force me to sit myself in the back.
The air smells stale as I get inside, signaling the infrequency that this car is used, but is quickly forgotten as I settle into the seat and slam the door closed.
"How long is the drive?" I ask, watching as Heloix adjusts the seat.
He needs to move it all the way back to fit, but even when fully extended he looks cramped, his knees bent awkwardly in order for his feet to rest comfortably at the pedals. His hand moves up to adjust the mirror near his head, the reflection showing what's behind the car.
"About thirteen hours." He responds, the car purring to life as he presses the ignition. "Would be quicker if we took a horse."
I frown, shaking my head no. It's already been proven that I don't have much willpower when so close to Heloix, and I don't want to put myself in a position to be manipulated by his touch. I'm also wary of walking through the forest surrounding the castle again, fearful of the Beasts that roam within.
Heloix begins adjusting the gear shift that sits between us, moving it down a couple of notches before hitting the gas. The car jerking forward in response, and I grip the door handle in panic as Heloix gets used to the vehicle.
When he so confidently got in the driver's seat, I was led to believe that he would know how to operate this machine, but as I experience him jerkily pull out of the driveway, I realize that my assumption was far from correct.
We both sit in silence as Heloix begins the long journey, the only sound being the rumbling of the engine and wind hitting against the windshield. As we move forward, large estates come into view, miles of land and rolling hills between each home.
I observe them closely as we drive past, unable to see much from the distance but still in awe of the beautiful architecture. As we pass the older ones, I can't help but wonder if they were built by and once owned by humans, their large families running through the halls living independent, free lives.
The thought does nothing but make me sad, knowing that I will never see a world where my kind can own property and have rights.
"You never asked what I took from the wall back at the castle." Heloix speaks up, glancing over at me.
I turn to look at him, narrowing my eyes as I try to decipher if he is trying to mess with me or not. A small smile sits on his face as he waits for me to ask and I let out a small sigh, feeling intrigued as I take the bait.
"What did you take?" I give in.
With a large grin, Heloix reaches into his pocket and pulls out a round metallic device. He holds it out to me proudly, and I tentatively grab onto the object. It's pretty light, the flat disc reflecting bright colors.
Turning it over, I notice a faded image on top, but time has made it unrecognizable.
"What is it?" I ask, flipping the object around once more.
Heloix reaches out and grabs it from me, his fingers lightly brushing against mine. I move away from the touch, not wanting any contact with his skin. Carefully Heloix sets it down in the center console, his oversized fingers holding onto the object gingerly.
"I found it when I was living at the castle. It's an object that the humans used to use to listen to music." He explains, observing me as he speaks.
Snapping my face towards him, I try to keep the excitement out of my body language as I glance between him and the disc.
"How does it work?"
At my question Heloix shrugs, grimacing slightly. "I'm not exactly sure about that. But I'll figure it out and we can listen to the music together."
I'm not necessarily excited about partaking in these pleasures with him, but I don't voice those feelings aloud. I don't want him to take the option away from me in punishment. Once more we fall into an awkward silence, and I pretend not to notice Heloix constantly glancing over at me every couple of minutes, his eyes boring holes into the sides of my head.
Eventually he lets out a loud sigh, but I ignore the sound and lean my head back against the seat. Closing my eyes, I relax into the cushion and pretend to be asleep in the hopes that it will make Heloix leave me alone. Another loud sigh falls from his lips as I do this, though, his intentions clearly to draw my attention.
"Addie?"
I frown slightly at the nickname but choose not to correct him. I used to feel special when he said it, small butterflies rushing through my stomach and throat, but now I just feel dirty. His affection for me having been masqueraded in lies and trickery.
"Yes?" I respond, voice flat.
"What do you want from me?" He probes.
His question successfully manages to draw my attention, and I tilt my head to glance at him. What do I want from him? I know he's referring to our mate bond, but I'm not sure of the answer.
Had he asked me prior to this trip I might have said that I wanted him to claim me. That I want him to treat me as an equal and better the treatment of the humans. Now I'm not even sure if I want that. His desperation to rid me has showcased just how little he thinks and feels for me, the knowledge making my heart ache.
"I don't want to be like Jo." I eventually respond.
Heloix lets out a deep breath at my words, clearly annoyed with me constantly repeating this. The car comes to a slow halt as he pulls over to the side of the road. I turn my head to face out the passenger window in an effort to hide my tears, but he grips my chin and forces me to look at him.
"I have no intentions of doing that." He promises, voice soft.
As much as I'd like to believe him, I'm unable to bring myself to do so. Pulling away from his touch, I cross my arms over my chest and wipe my wet cheeks against my shoulder.
"Yes, you do. That's why you brought us here."
"No, Adeline, I brought us here to see the success of the removal of the mate bond. Clearly it doesn't really work, and the life the King lives is of no interest to me." Heloix says, turning away from me to face forward. "It'll only be you."
A loud snort falls from my mouth at his words, causing him to shoot me a sharp glare.
"But nobody can know." I retort.
"Not yet. Just give me time to come up with a plan."