The Brightest Light of Sunshine

My mouth is on hers the instant I close the door behind us. Concealed by the shadows of my apartment, I’m unable to see the blush on her cheeks but by the way her hands grip my jacket, shaking slightly, I know it’s there.

Before we get carried away towards the inevitable, I force myself to pull away and as I cradle her gorgeous face between my tattooed hands I whisper, “We can’t do this as friends, sunshine. Do you understand me?”

Grace licks her lips, a pained expression mirroring mine. “No, I don’t. Tell me exactly what you mean, Cal, or just let me go.”

Still with her head between my hands, I lean down again to kiss her lips gently. “I’m scared as fuck, Grace, but I would rather give us a chance than wonder for the rest of my life how it would feel to make you mine.”

Her breath hitches, mouth agape in shock. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” I brush my nose against hers and breathe in her familiar scent. “I’m tired of being a coward and ignoring this connection between us just because there might be a chance it doesn’t end well.”

“Cal, listen to me.” Now it’s her small hand cupping my cheek. The pad of her thumb caresses the skin just under my eye, lighting it up on fire. “I would never, ever, hurt Maddie or you. You said it yourself—we are adults, and we’ll navigate this relationship as such. I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anyone. I care about Maddie too as if she were my own sister, and I would never want you to put me above her. Do you understand me?”

There’s a lump in my throat that won’t let me utter a single word, so I only nod.

I can’t for the life of me remember the last time I cried, but fuck it if I don’t want to burst into tears right now.

How is she real? What good have I done to deserve her?

The words I know I’ve felt for a while are on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t dare say them out loud. Not yet.

“Do you want to be with me?” she whispers into the darkness, her hand falling from my cheek to rest over my heart, which beats only for her.

“Yes.” There’s no hesitation in my voice. “A million times yes, Grace. I want you in my life as my friend, my girlfriend, my everything. If you’ll have me.”

She smiles. “I can’t believe you have to ask.”

A throaty groan escapes me as she kisses me again, my hands settling on her waist. Grace throws her arms around my neck, fingers tangling on the back of my hair and pulling at it just the right way, exactly how I like it. I press my body closer to hers in response, and suck in a breath when my boner brushes against her stomach.

Slowly, so slowly, my lips part and my tongue slides across her bottom lip. “Cal…” she breathes.

The warmth of her body and the comfort of her touch are enough to make my head spin. “Let me take care of you, sunshine.”

She sighs and nods, but there’s something in her eyes akin to fear that I can’t and won’t ignore. So that’s why, when we walk into my bedroom, I sit down on the mattress and pull her onto my lap.

“We don’t have to do anything tonight. Or until you’re ready,” I assure her. “And if you’re never ready, that’s all right too. I want to spend the night with you, but we can do plenty of things before going to bed. We can play a videogame if you’re into that.”

Hesitation is written all over her face, and it takes her moment to swallow and ask, “Can we watch a movie?”

I place a soft kiss on the side of her head. “Of course we can. You pick.”

As she changes into the clothes I gave her—one of my old sweatpants and a t-shirt—I get a bag of chips and a couple of sodas from the kitchen. When I come back to my room she’s already settled under the covers.

I don’t think she’s ever looked more beautiful than right now. In my clothes, in my bed.

All mine.

“What’s that face for?” She arches an amused eyebrow. Clearly, my poker face game is on the floor.

“Just thinking about how beautiful my girlfriend is.” It feels surreal calling her that, but it’s also… right. In every single way.

“I was thinking about how amazing my boyfriend is, actually. What a coincidence.” She smirks.

After climbing into bed, I wrap my arms around her and pepper her face with kisses, which makes her squeal. She looks so small in my arms yet so strong and unbreakable inside, it makes my breathing a little harder.

The movie starts—some romantic comedy she’s seen a million times already—and Grace settles between my arms. With her head resting against my chest, calmness washes over me like a tidal wave.

Being with her feels so right, I can’t even remember how I managed to live without my sunshine. And I hope I never find out again.

A little over an hour into the movie, Grace starts shifting. First, she drapes a leg over mine. Then, she presses her body closer to my side while I pointedly ignore the growing bulge in my sweatpants as she accidentally rubs herself on my hip bone.

Breathe, Cal. Fucking breathe. In and out.

But it proves to be an impossible task when the woman you are falling for is so close yet so far.

“Cal,” she whispers, so low I think it comes from the TV at first.

“Yes, baby.”

She shifts again, this time very clearly rubbing herself on me.

I’m going to lose my fucking mind.

“You said you were going to take care of me.”

My heart stops and my throat goes dry like a damn desert. “I’m taking care of you right now, aren’t I?”

She hums. “That’s not what I mean.”

“What do you mean, then?”

“Are you going to make me say it?”

“Yep.”

She props herself up on one arm and glares at me. “You’re evil.”

I smirk. “I can’t read your mind.”

In a flash, she sits up on the bed and dangles one leg over my lap until she’s straddling me. I lose the privilege of breathing as all my blood descends to my hardening cock. “Grace?”

“Can you read body language? Or do I need to spell it out for you?” she challenges, and fuck if her sassy tone doesn’t turn me on beyond reason.

I place my hands on her hips and squeeze her there. I cover the span of her hips with both of my hands, and it turns me on beyond reason. “I need to hear you say it.” My voice comes out strained.

“I want you to make me feel good,” she says, and there’s not an ounce of hesitation in her. “I’m ready.”

“Okay.” My hands are fucking trembling on her skin with anticipation. I want to make this right for her more than I’ve ever wanted anything in this world, and the weight of that responsibility crushes down on me with an unstoppable force.

“Do you know what a safe word is?” she asks me, and I nod. “Can we have one?”

“Sure. But if you tell me to stop, I will right away.” Carefully, I place a loose strand of wavy blonde hair behind her ear.

Her eyes glisten under the moonlight filtering through the windows. “You would stop?”

It breaks my heart that she doubts that, not because of an ego thing but because someone has broken that trust for her. “Of course I would, Grace. You tell me to stop, and I will. Always. Right away.”

Her hair falls over her shoulders as she nods. “So, ‘stop’ is our safe word?”

“Yeah.” Taking advantage of the fact that my hands are steadier now, I hold her face between my wide palms and let my thumb brush the corner of those luscious lips I love kissing so much. “Is there anything you don’t want me to do? Any triggers?”

She chews on her lower lip, a nervous habit of hers I’ve started to pick up on. “No… I don’t know. I’ve never done this before.”

“We’ll figure it out together. Always at your own pace, yeah?” I sit up straight on the mattress, my back pressed against the bed rest. She places her head on my shoulder. “Grace?”

“Yeah?”

“Look at me.” When she does, it takes all my willpower not to kiss her right now. But what I need to tell her is far more important than my impulsive needs. “You want to stop, you tell me. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing. I want you to be selfish about this, okay? Don’t worry about me at all. Tell me you understand.”

She gives me a small nod. “I understand.”

A relieved sigh escapes my chest and I tangle my fingers on her soft hair. “This is what’s going to happen now. I’m going to grab a condom from the bathroom just in case we need it, but don’t feel pressured into doing anything. I’m getting it just in case, yeah?”

“Okay.” She looks more at ease now, and I keep going.

“Then we’re going to take things slow, at your pace, and we’re going to explore this together. Anything you need, even if it is to turn on the lights or keep your shirt on, you tell me. The only thing I want is to pleasure you and make you feel safe.”

Emotion swells in her eyes, and I can’t take the sight of her like this. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

Grace shakes her head quickly, blonde hair flying everywhere. “You are… You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

My soul leaves my fucking body at her admission, and before I lean in to kiss her, I whisper, “And you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, sunshine. I hope you know that.”

There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for her, I realize then. It doesn’t matter if it would hurt me in the process—Maddie and Grace are my light, my girls, my princesses. Having them in my life is the best thing that’s ever happened to a lost soul like mine.

Grace closes the slim space between our lips and kisses me slowly, so slowly I melt under her touch. The feel of her hands roaming under my t-shirt, skin on skin, lights me up on fire from the inside. And when she runs her fingernails down my stomach, I can’t help the involuntary jerk of my hips against her warm core. A small, almost timid whimper escapes her throat at the contact, which makes me even harder under my revealing sweatpants.

It takes all my willpower and then some to keep my hands firmly on her hips, right above her—my—clothes because I don’t want to freak her out. But we keep kissing, and she keeps exploring, and eventually she grabs my wrists and slides my hands up her sides until my palms are cupping her boobs.

And fucking hell, she’s not wearing a bra.

She sighs against my lips as I caress her breasts over the thin fabric of the t-shirt, playing with her nipples until they harden under my touch. She’s so fucking responsive it’s driving me wild with need.

“Can I take off my shirt?” I ask her, and she nods. The moment my chest is bare, she trails her fingers up and down my muscles, and the tattoos on my shoulders and neck. I watch her as she watches me, in awe of her curiosity, and it hits me that she’s never touched a man like this before.

I’m going to be her first. Maybe not tonight, maybe not all the way, but I am. When she asked me to teach her about sex all those weeks ago, I didn’t think we would end up here—with me teaching her about pleasure, hands-on, but I can’t say I’m sorry it led to this. There’s nobody else for me. Nobody I would want to do this for, or with.

I take a deep breath when she sits up on my lap and takes her t-shirt off. I take another deep breath when I finally see her full breasts, so round and ripe for the taking. So fucking perfect. My hands find her narrow hips, my thumbs caressing the soft skin on her stomach.

“You take my breath away, sunshine,” I say in a rough whisper, entranced by the utter perfection of her naked skin. “You’re beautiful.”

Her lips curve into a small smile, and I see her cheeks flushing despite the darkness surrounding us. “Will you touch me, Cal?”

Fuck. Me.

“I didn’t get the condom,” I blurt out, because I know for a fact I won’t be able to think clearly later, and I need to do it now.

But Grace has other plans. She leans over until her boobs are pressed against my chest, hot skin against hot skin, hearts racing, and she whispers against my mouth, “Later. Now I want you to take care of me like you promised you would.”

I’m a fucking dead man.

I hoist her up with one arm around her waist and place her back down on the mattress, positioning myself above her. Her lips are agape with surprise, and she runs her hands down my biceps as I finally lower my mouth to her delicious breasts.

The second I suck on her pebbled nipple, she moans, and the sound goes directly to my impossibly erect cock.

“You all right?” I pant.

“Yeah… just… I didn’t know it could feel like this.” She tangles her hands on my hair and pushes my head down. “Keep going. Please.”

I chuckle. “So needy, my girl.”

Goosebumps break out all over her skin, revealing exactly what I wanted to know.

She likes it when I call her my girl.

She likes it when I claim her as mine.

My tongue keeps swirling around her nipple, sucking and biting until she’s wriggling beneath me, consumed by the pleasure I’m drawing from her. Just as I’m placing open-mouthed kisses on the skin between her breasts, her hands lower and drag down the hem of the sweatpants she’s wearing.

I detach my mouth from her and cover her hand with mine. “Want me to take these off?”

She nods, biting her lower lip. “It hurts.”

“What hurts, baby?”

“Between my legs.” She arches her back as my other hand engulfs the side of her waist. “Cal… Make it stop.”

I close my eyes and count to three in a failed attempt to calm my cock down. It’s the most pointless thing I’ve ever done.

“How do you want me to make it stop?” I whisper roughly as she starts lowering the sweatpants with my hand still covering hers.

My breath hitches at the sight of her lace underwear.

“With your mouth. Please.”

Fuuuuuck.

Gently, I help her take the last of her clothes off until she’s lying under me only on her black panties, so ready for me I could cry from anticipation. I lower my body on the bed and press a soft kiss against her stomach. “Relax.” Another kiss. “I’m gonna make you feel good, yeah?”

Her hands slip back into my hair, desperate to grip at it and feel somewhat under control.

“Remember what we said earlier. You tell me to stop, and I will.” Another kiss, lower on her abdomen this time. The hem of the lace tickles my chin, and it takes everything in me to breathe normally and calm the fuck down.

“I know.” She swallows. “I’m ready.”

The confident gleam in her eyes tells me she’s never been this sure about anything. So that’s why the next time I press my lips on her skin, it’s against her covered sex. It earns me a loud whimper in response and a tug on my hair. But because she isn’t telling me to stop, I kiss her there again.

The intoxicating scent of her arousal blinds all my senses until all I can think about is tasting the sweetness between her legs. I press my tongue flat against her, giving her a preview of what’s to come, and she half-screams, “Oh my god!”

As I grab the hem of her panties to drag them down her smooth legs, my heartbeat picks up. I’ve never been this nervous when in bed with a woman, but that isn’t surprising.

None of them were her. None of them were my sunshine.

The lace comes off and she’s completely naked in front of me. I take a moment to appreciate such a mesmerizing, privileged sight and take comfort in knowing that nobody else will ever see her like this. Because she’s mine, and I’m hers, and we’re it for each other. Of that, I’m sure.

“Cal…” The hesitation in her voice makes me stop right on my tracks. “I’m nervous.”

I smooth my palm up her thigh in a comforting gesture. “That’s normal. I promise you’ll like it.”

“Will it hurt?”

“No, I promise. You’ll only feel pleasure.”

She looks at me like she trusts me with her heart and body, and it makes me feel like the luckiest man on fucking Earth. When she nods, giving me permission to claim her with my mouth, that’s exactly what I do.

I will always remember my first taste of Grace like the closest thing to fucking paradise I’ve ever experienced. When my tongue parts her sealed folds, I’m instantly met with a pool of warm desire I wish I could get drunk on. She would be the most delicious of hangovers.

She’s sweet on my mouth, so damn tight I can only imagine the things that tightness would do to my cock later. And as I devour her, she squirms beneath me, moans and screams in pleasure while urging me to keep going with her words and her grip on my hair.

I lick her slowly, savoring every taste as if her pussy were my last meal. The tip of my tongue pierces her small entrance, and she cries out at the intrusion. I repeat the action again and again, picking up my pace until she’s riding my face, begging for release. I know for a fact I will be too big for her, but fuck it if the mental picture of Grace being filled to the brim with my fat cock doesn’t drive me insane with need.

“Cal…” Her walls clench around my tongue and I know she’s close. My hips buckle against the bed, my hardening cock screaming for release. “I’m so close, Cal. Oh my god. I’m going to…”

I grunt against her pussy, and pull away just long enough to say, “Come on my mouth, sunshine. Ride my face and let me lick you clean.”

My hands keep her in place by the waist as she comes down her high with the most erotic scream I’ve ever fucking heard. Her arousal coats my tongue, my chin, her thighs, and it physically hurts to pull myself away from her pussy.

I need to take her more than I need the air I breathe.

One taste. That’s all it took. Now I’m addicted.

“Just… Wow.” Her lips twitch with the beginning of a smile and my poor heart swoons at her satisfaction. “Was it good for you?” she asks, out of breath.

Instead of answering, I climb back on top of her and press the swell of my rock-hard, covered cock against her stomach. “What do you think?”

When she smirks up at me, that confidence gleaming in her beautiful face, I know I’m in trouble. “I want to feel you inside of me, Cal.”