The Beast Within (Book One of the Changes Series)

I awoke to the vague creak of the bedroom door.

“Nathan, is that you?”

“Hey sweetheart, sorry. I tried to be quiet.”

I turned over in the bed, focusing on the clock that stood on the nightstand, “That’s okay; I needed to talk to you anyway.”

My eyes reacted from the room’s newfound brightness as he turned on the light. I watched him behind squinted eyes as he started his nightly ritual of disrobing.

“Honey, it’s three in the morning. Can it wait until I get some sleep? I didn’t get my usual nap before rounds, and the new sleep study is proving to be tedious.”

“Yeah, you should’ve caught some zzz’s instead of practicing your golf swing, huh?” I lightly joked.

He sat on his side of the bed with his best Cary Grant smolder in place. Nathan knew I was a sucker for his crooked sexy smiles.

“Who ratted me out?”

I tried to look mysterious, “I have my ways.”

From his chuckle, it was apparent he didn’t buy my act. Nathan undid his tie and let it hang loosely around his broad shoulders. He smiled from ear to ear as he leaned over the bed, laying a kiss firmly on my lips.

“Of course, and I’m very fond of your ways.”

He sat back and paused, taking a moment to scan my silhouette against the duvet as I lay on my side, supporting my head with my hand. I could feel the heat in my cheeks spread. After nine years of marriage, he still knew how to make me melt.

His smile returned, this time reaching his eyes, “You know the funding game; if I don’t network, my solo research would be dead on arrival.”

He moved off the bed and began unbuttoning his shirt, showing off his lean, chiseled torso.

“So, how’s Rose doing?” he said as he walked into the closet.

I tried to answer him, I couldn’t concentrate. What was that smell?

I shielded my nostrils with my free hand. Wait, I knew that scent, but why was it so strong? My brows furrowed in confusion. Nathan?

I peered at the place on the bed he had been seated. It didn’t make sense that his scent would be more potent now that he moved away.

“Did you just put on cologne? It’s a bit much, babe.”

“Why would I do that? I haven’t even showered yet.”

What he said made sense, but that left me without a reasonable explanation.

The smell started to thicken. I felt as if I could swallow it. My stomach turned, causing my mouth to water. I was going to hurl.

I jumped up, swinging my legs off the bed, ready to go running toward the bathroom when the scent seemed to have disappeared entirely, replaced by another.

I wasn’t sure how, but I knew the cologne no longer mattered. The fainter scent, the odor beneath it, was what I craved.

A whimper no louder than a whisper left my mouth, quickly dissipating in the air as my muscles locked without my permission. I was now a prisoner of my own body.

Defiantly, I tried to push myself out of bed only to fall back into it. Riddled with fear, I couldn’t move or scream, only smell. With every deep inhale, my sense of smell strengthened while I could feel my body weaken further.

My nose continued its hunt while a numbness started to consume my body, causing pinpricks of pain. I was beyond panic, but it just wouldn’t stop. Helpless, the stinging kept intensifying until it felt as if my body was engulfed in flames.

My mouth opened wide. Air escaped without a single sound to accompany it. The racing of my heart was the only sound I could hear.

I had to be dying.

Suddenly the pain and paralysis lifted as if it was never there, but the relief was short-lived. I still felt off. An uncontrollable, menacing need consumed my thoughts. What I needed was still unclear. A switch was flipped, and I felt my confusion quickly turned to rage.

Then it was—the horrific sensations: the smell, pain, and cesspool of emotion—it was gone.

I jumped out of the bed that had held me captive.

Nathan came walking back into the bedroom. His head bowed as he tied the drawstring of his pajama bottoms.

“Danni, did you hear me?”

My eyes were fixed on him, wild and wide. His head came up to find me, trembling uncontrollably while my tears threatened to drown me. Nathan rushed to my side.

“Danni, what’s going on?”

I couldn’t answer him. All I could do was cry. I listened as my sobs grew louder.

He reached out, touching my arm. His look of concern deepened.

“You’re burning up. Come lie down, baby.”

I wouldn’t budge. Terrified of the bed, I refused even the idea of lying down in it. What if it started all over again, and that thing came back to fuck with my head?

I know it sounded crazy, but those sinister feelings I felt seemed tangible and connected to something that wasn’t me. I couldn’t decipher the chaos of its emotions, and I think that my ignorance upset it. It wasn’t my rage I felt. It was coming from that thing.

That wasn’t possible, was it? I would be committed if I shared any of this out loud. Nathan couldn’t let this go, and what about the kids? No, this wasn’t going to ruin my life. All I needed was more rest and less stress, and I would be fine. I had to be.

Desperately, I brought my arms around Nathan’s neck, crying into his shoulder. I turned, resting my head on him.

“I think I’m fine now,” I said just above a whisper.

I lifted my head from his shoulder, looking him in the eyes to give him the reassurance he needed.

Nathan’s expression relaxed, but his confusion was still palpable, or I could be projecting?

He left my side, returning with his stethoscope around his neck and medical bag. His face was full of resolve as he put the bag down on the bed.

He turned to me as he opened his bag, “Can you come and lie down now?”

I was only able to shake my head. He frowned, but he accepted my answer with a nod.

“How do you feel about sitting on the chair in the corner then?” he bargained.

My first impulse was to stay where I was, but I felt I needed to meet him halfway. Without a word exchanged, I followed his suggestion. I felt like a specimen under a microscope as he watched me walk over to the chair and didn’t stop until I sat down. Only then did he go back to rifling through his bag. My discomfort heightened as Nathan meticulously pulled out his medical paraphernalia.

What if I was crazy?

His voice brought me back from my thoughts, “I need you to explain what happened in detail.”

I stalled. What could I share with him?

When he had gone to the closet before my episode, I intended to tell him about my school incident. But I no longer wanted to.

The thought of something being wrong with me or something inside of me was unbearable. It could be so many things. Maybe it was an infection, brain edema, cancer, or a mental illness.

The last thought made a chill run down my back. What would that do to my family?

“I had an episode at the children’s school. I felt extremely lightheaded for a minute or two and a little forgetful. I felt fine after sleeping, but then I just experienced another spell a few minutes ago. I think taking on those extra shifts at the hospital was too much,” I simplified.

I paused, trying to gauge if my exclusions were noticed. Nathan’s honey blonde hair blocked his eyes, making it impossible to read his reaction.

I continued, “I’m sorry if I scared you; I’d just never been so dizzy before, so it startled me. I have a doctor’s appointment set up for Monday.”

Nathan walked over to me, placing a thermometer gently under my tongue.

“Danni, dizzy spells don’t cause a person to become feverish.”

The thermometer’s beeping stopped Nathan’s rant. His brow furrowed at his findings. He didn’t say anything more as he started feeling around my body.

“I, uh, swore you had a fever, but your temp is perfectly normal. You said the first time you fainted happened earlier today. Why didn’t you call me?”

“I never fainted. I was just lightheaded. Besides, I didn’t want you to worry. But, just to be cautious, I think it might be a good idea for the kids to take the bus, at least until after my doctor’s visit. I’m also going to use some vacation time. The director of nursing has been bugging me to use my time anyway.”

Again, I hoped he wouldn’t realize there was information I withheld. I could feel the guilt grow with each statement I doctored, but I didn’t feel I had a choice. He would think I was stark-raving mad if I told him everything that happened.

Nathan brushed the hair out of his eyes. It seemed he had accepted my story. He was also finished with his simple checkup, apparently satisfied with his end results. Relief washed over me as I watched him put away his medical kit.

He paused, looking at me, “Maybe we could use a nanny to help lessen your load.”

The thought of another woman in my home taking care of my children didn’t sit well with me, and he knew that.

“You know how I feel about that particular subject, and nothing’s changed. I just need some time off to rest.”

He let out a breath before he continued, “I wasn’t trying to cause an argument, Danielle. I just don’t want you to wear yourself too thin. Will you at least think about it?”

“Let’s see what the doctor comes up with before you try to find our kids a new mom, okay?” I snidely remarked.

I couldn’t believe I actually said that to Nathan, and by the surprise that quickly adorned his face, neither could he. This time I knew the anger I felt was mine, but the feeling was foreign to me. I’d gotten mad at him before. This was just the first time I didn’t process it on my own then talked about it.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said,” I lied.

“Let’s just try to get some sleep, and we’ll talk more tomorrow, okay?” he rhetorically asked.

He came back towards me with his hand out. I reached for it, leaving the safe haven the chair. Once I was on my feet, he let go of my hand and went towards his side of the bed. I followed suit, going to my side even though my fear of the area hadn’t dissipated. Nathan sat there, watching me take my place by his side. Once I had gotten as comfortable as I could, I laid my head on my pillow and looked up into his eyes. “Everything is going to be fine, you’ll see,” I tried to convince myself more than him.

He gave me a tight-lipped smile before turning and lying down. There wasn’t any more of the night’s earlier affection. It donned on me; I was being punished for my outburst. How could I blame him? He was only trying to help me, and I attacked. My last thought didn’t sit as well as first expected.

I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. I closed my eyes, praying sleep would find me and that thing wouldn’t.

I prayed very hard.