The Beast Within (Book One of the Changes Series)

-Porsha’s POV-

For most of my ride home, I replayed my previous encounter over and over again in my head. I had never seen Danielle act that way towards me, or anyone for that matter.

By the time I reached my gated entrance, I still couldn’t put my finger on what trouble Danni was in. What if she really was sick? I knew that mono story was full of shit, but she could be hiding another disease. Her mother died of cancer when she was very young. Maybe she had cancer? No, she wouldn’t keep that from me. Then I was back to square one. What was she keeping from me?

I parked in the front of my house, aka “Porsha’s and Stan’s vacation house,” instead of the garage. My lawyers said it was a bad idea for me to sell, throw away, or burn any of his things before the divorce was settled. So I put them in the garage instead.

My freshly scuffed stilettos came off as I entered the house, making my way through the formal living room. I used to love this room with its high ceilings that complimented the wall of windows looking out over the perfectly manicured lawn.

Nothing had changed, other than my feelings about it. The same abstract paintings and designer furniture, but what did that matter if everything I set my eyes on made me feel miserable? I would gut this whole place if I had the option. As a matter of fact, that was the plan; right after Stan was out of my life. I would be left to my own devices, which was fine by me.

I plopped down on the sofa in the family room, enjoying the cool leather as I sunk into the cushion. Absently, I removed the silk scarf from around my neck. I laid there and tried to clear my mind of Danielle, Stan, the divorce, my whole fucking life, for that matter. But the harder I tried, the more the memories came flooding in. The day I believed Stan’s and my marriage was doomed happened literally in our own backyard.

I lay still, letting the arm of the couch keep my head elevated as I stared out of the sliding glass door. I couldn’t help but think about if that day had gone differently. What if Stan had chosen differently? If he had, I wondered if he would be sitting next to me as my legs lay over him. Maybe I would be playfully asking him to rub my feet. I never thought I would be this person. The soon-to-be ex-wife, staring into nothing, wishing my life was different.

I pushed myself up and off of the plush sofa. It was becoming too uncomfortable with all the reality seeping in around me. I made my way upstairs towards my room, hoping the stress of the day would slink off with my stockings.

Shit, I forgot about the laundry again. I had a thing about my maid washing my clothes, but I think I might make an exception just to catch up with it all. Not having much choice, I fished out my white cotton pajamas from the dresser drawer. A small chuckle left my mouth as I picked at the little white bows on its hem. I remembered when Danni had bought this for my birthday. When I took it out of the gift bag, I thought she was being funny, but she promised it would be the most comfortable gown I had ever fallen asleep in. I told her I only slept in silk if I slept in anything at all. I guess I’d find out if she was right.

After changing, I made my way into the kitchen. My meal of choice had been wine from my vineyard as of late, but I guess it was time to put something a little more nourishing into my system. Truth be told since I’d moved to Temecula, I’d become a pretty good cook. I blamed all the housewives I had made friends with, especially Danielle.

I opened the fridge to find I had taken out salmon for last night’s dinner. At least I knew what I would be eating tonight. Before busying myself with preparing the salmon, I needed a drink.

I went into the cupboard, retrieving a wine glass. Moderation, that was the word of the evening. At least, that was what I believe Danni would say. Bitch.

I poured a glass of red, downing it, hoping my hurt feelings would go down with it. How Danni and I met played in my mind’s eye.

A small clinic in Moreno Valley was where our friendship started. I remembered getting prolonged stares in my husband’s silver and black Tesla from the locals. He would only use it during “green” events, but I was dissuaded from ever driving it. I took it just to spite him.

I entered a small air-conditioned clinic, observing the scene in front of me. A mounted thirteen-inch television played a muted game show as young women read old magazines and pamphlets. The nasty looks I got from some of the women were expected but unwelcomed. The nurse at check-in wasn’t very nice either, but Danni took over.

I remembered thinking she looked like a “Danielle” when I saw her name tag. At that time, she had black, thick, and wavy, shoulder-length hair. That was before she lost the weight from her pregnancy, but she was pretty with or without the extra weight.

Danielle knew that I didn’t belong there, and yes, I had other options, but Danni also saw I needed help. She set me up in a room, coming back to assist the doctor. I made my usual jokes, sharing why I had made the visit. It was tough to share that I needed the full gauntlet of STI testing. A married woman shouldn’t need that. What I didn’t share was that I wasn’t solely there for the tests. I couldn’t afford the social watering hole that was just too small to go to my regular doctor. I couldn’t afford anyone in our circle to find out that I was marred by my husband’s whoring ways.

Danni didn’t leave my side. It felt good to have someone be supportive just because they knew you needed them to be. At that time, I wasn’t aware of how much I needed that in my life.

After everything was said and done, my right ass cheek had an intimate moment with a giant needle, and I left with an amount of condoms that a prostitute couldn’t get through. I ended up introducing myself by my real name, not the one I had made up for the form, but I found out she already knew who I was. Apparently, Temecula was buzzing about their new big-time Hollywood residents. She just didn’t want to put me under any pressure for the apparent reason of me hiding in the first place.

I remembered being confused by her kindness. At the time, I was still trying to figure if it worked in her favor.

Four years later, Danielle was still a sweetheart. She could come off a little timid and meek, which wasn’t even close to my style. Nevertheless, she was still one of the best types of people the world had to offer.

But the person I met all those years ago wasn’t who I talked to today. I would like my friend back.

I needed another drink. I grabbed the bottle of pinot noir. Moderation will be the word for tomorrow evening.

The house felt warmer than usual, I was sure the wine had helped, but it gave me the perfect excuse to go out on the patio. I hadn’t spent much time out there since the start of the divorce. The scenic landscape might work its magic and help clear my mind, or I would just pass out on the veranda, and the coyotes would then drag me away and eat my carcass. The wine made either option sound desirable at the moment.

With bottle in hand, I left the house, walking towards the patio’s lounge chairs. The magic I was hoping for was nowhere to be found. Neither were the coyotes. My choice of attire, or lack thereof, made the chill in the air that much more noticeable. I watched as the fabric of my gown danced with the breeze. Deciding to throw caution to the wind, I lay in one of the loungers.

I put the bottle down by my side after a long sip. My mind drifted back to the same things that had been running through it earlier because it hated my fucking guts. I still found myself trying to figure out what was going on with Danielle.

Hers was one of the handful of families I knew that really had their shit together. Even though I was sure Danielle’s kids were gremlins in disguise, they were adorable and intelligent, which was saying a lot since children weren’t my thing. Everyone knew Nathan loved the snot out of Danni and the same amount of people seemed to think her husband was the greatest. Even I thought he was a pretty good guy, a little too protective for my taste, but what did I know? I was still at a loss for the past few weeks though. I’d never seen Danni or Nathan act this way. As my eyelids started to get heavy, I realized I might be too sloshed to come up with any answers of worth.