Chapter 14
BEN
The bus brakes squeal as it pulls up to the stop.
I grab my pack and throw it on my shoulder. As I walk up the aisle to the flapper doors of the bus, I glance at the digital time. 11:45pm. My mom’s shitting bricks, but I don’t care. There has to be something that can fix my fucked up head and these kids I’m meeting said they had the answers.
I don’t know them. They don’t go to my school, but they looked cool so I said hi. They told me they were looking for friends to join their crew. I asked them about it and they said they live the life without parents or pushy adults telling them what to do all the time. At first I thought it was sketchy, but the more I thought about it, if I can show Finn I can take care of myself, then he can’t push me around anymore. He can stop trying to be my dad. Who knows, maybe they can give me my dad back. They told me to meet them downtown tonight and they’ll fill me in on what it means to be part of them.
The blonde kid looked a little rough, but I think he gets me, so whatever, it can’t be any worse than what I have right now.
After ditching mom, I hung around until it was time to meet them.
At the corner of Hammer Road and Main Street. I step off the bus.
“You be careful, kid. It’s pretty late.” The bus driver says as I walk down the steps.
“Yeah…Thanks.” I grumble and step onto the walk.
He closes the doors, the bus releases its air and continues on its route.
I look up and down the semi busy street. Die hard fans that keep the party going are walking up and down Main street. Finns had lots of parties while I stayed over at his place. It was fun at first, but then I didn’t want to be there anymore. I felt like I didn’t belong there. Which as a kid, I know I didn’t. Finn doesn’t see it that way. It’s all about him and his friends.
I turn my skate shoes to the right and head up to the corner. As I get there, I hear my name.
“Ben!”
I look down Hammer road and the three kids are standing there in a huddle.
I blow out a breath, pull up my strap and walk to the 14 and 16 year olds.
Kirk, the blonde kid, holds out his hand. “Glad you could make it, prep school.” He smirks.
“Hey.” I take his hand in a side clap and look around us all.
Ethan is a brown haired kid who’s skinny and about three inches shorter than Kirk. “You ready to join?”
“If what you say is good, I’m in.” I feel anxious, but I think I can trust them.
The third kid, Brad, rubs his red hair and shifts his converse on the pavement. “Why do you want in anyways?”
Kirk looks at him. “Who cares? Obviously his life is shit. We’ll make it better, right Ben?”
I glance at him. “Right.”
“I just want to make sure he’s all in. We don’t take quitters.” Brad scowls. His freckled face is lit up by the street light above us.
Kirk tightens his long-sleeved shirt around his waist. My eyes fall to the bruise marks on his arm. I want to question it, but then don’t. I don’t get the feeling they’d like me asking too many questions.
“He has a point.” Ethan says. He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his ripped, baggie jeans. His blue eyes scan me.
Kirk crosses his arms and arches a brow. Being the oldest, he seems to be the one in charge. “What do say, Ben? You willing to walk away from mommy and be a real man?”
I chew my cheek and scan the streets around us again. My eyes catch dads with older kids, laughing and joking around with them. Just being dads.
I scowl and turn back. “Yeah.”
“Cool. We'll bring you in, but you have to do something first.” Ethan looks to Kirk and Brad. He turns to me.
“What’s that?” I ask.
He stands in front of me, reaches into his pocket and holds up a small bottle with red water in it.
I get a funny feeling from it. “What is that?”
He shrugs. “This is how you ditch your life. All you need to do is take it to school and sell it.”
Then it dawns on me. A shiver runs over my skin. I’ve never seen it before in person, but schools always taught us to not use drugs. “Is that…Croak?” My eyes move past the bottle to the kids.
“Croak plus. This is the stuff that frees kids and gives them whatever they want. Thanks to Cornell.” Kirk ticks his head.
“Cornell?” I ask.
“Our…business partner. He gives us the Croak and we move it. We get cash and the freedom to do whatever we want. He protects us too.” Ethan kicks at a pebble.
“He’s your dad?” I eye them.
“No.” Brad scowls. “He’s helping us.”
I fold my arms. “He doesn’t tell you what to do?” I’m starting to smell bullshit.
Kirk shakes his head. “He just gives the Croak. As long as we get the cash for it, he doesn’t care what we do.”
I study them a little more. “Okay.”
Kirk grabs my hand and thumps the vile in it. “100 bucks. Cash only. All of it. Move it, bring us the cash and you’re in.”
I open my hand and the red Croak seems to glow in the artificial light. “Can I see Cornell?” I say without looking up.
“Sure. Sell it and we will. Now, remember, whoever you sell it to, don’t tell them where you got it, if they come back for more, then you bring them to us. We'll take it from there.” Kirk instructs.
“How do you use it?” I ask.
He holds up a baggie with a needle and band. “With these.”
I take the baggie.
“Give them that. Tell them to inject only a little bit. A little bit goes a long way, trust me.” Kirk says.
I look to his bruised arm. I swallow and meet his eyes again.
He rests his hand on my shoulder. He points to the Croak. “You move this, you’ll be the man on campus. Everyone will want to be your friend.”
I chew my cheek. “Yeah…OK.”
I pull my backpack to the front and open it. I stuff the Croak in it and go to zip it up.
“BENJAMIN!”
I whip around and see a very angry Finn storming my way. I turn back to the guys, sigh and shake my head. “Shit. I gotta go.”
They look. They’re eyes widen. “Fin Trenzer’s your dad?” Ethan gulps.
“No. He’s just a guy my mom bangs sometimes.” I grumble.
I turn and walk away.
“So, you’re definitely in?” Kirk says.
I spin around. “Yeah I’m in. I’ll move the stuff tomorrow.” They clap each other’s hands as I turn and walk toward Finn. I don’t care if he’s pissed at me. I’m pissed at him so he can shove it.
“Do you have ANY idea what time it is?!” He yells as he throws a hand out.
“Yeah, time for you to get a hobby.” I scowl and push past him.
“I don’t fucking think so.” He grabs my pack and pulls me back to his front, almost knocking me on my but.
I glare at him and fix my hoodie.
He leans to me. “You have the nerve to talk to me like that after pulling this? You have any idea what I was thinking?”
“I don’t care.” I bite back.
“You don’t care. You don’t fucking care that your mother is going out of her mind wondering where you are?!” He barks as he points behind him. He points at me. “You upset your mother and that upsets me. So don’t you dare think I’m just going to give you a pass because of who I am.”
“I don’t have to listen to you.” I sneer and start to walk away.
He grabs my arm and pulls me back. He points in my face. “I may not be your father, but I sure as hell am not going to let you destroy your life because you don’t have one. I’m closest thing you got, Benjamin. It’s time you recognized that.”
I cross my arms. “Can I go home now?”
He shoves me up the walk. “Move.” He growls.
He pulls out his phone. “April, I found him…He's OK…He was with kids I didn’t recognize…OK, be there soon.” He hangs up. “Who are the kids, Ben?”
“Just kids. Friends.”
“They don’t go to your school. How did you meet them?” He asks.
“Just around…They’re friends, ok. It’s fine." I shrugs.
He stops me and spins me around. “It is not fine. You don’t sneak out for friends. Those are not friends. You stay away from them.” He leans to me.
“I want to go home.” I scowl harder and it turns into a battle of wills.
He stands straight. “Get in the truck.” He pushes on me and I open the passenger door.
He gets in the driver seat. “Things are going to change Benjamin. This attitude of yours stops now.” He starts the truck and drives off.
“Whatever.” I watch the families having a great time buying sports stuff and enjoying each other.
If he thinks he’s telling me how to act, he’s gonna be surprised. He can’t tell me what to do. Even if my mom says I should. I know she doesn’t even like it. I see it. She doesn’t want him bossing me around, she’s just too nice to say anything. Not me. I’ll tell him to fuck off and there’s not a thing he can do about it.
After I sell the Croak, my life will be better. I’ll be away from him and his power tripping on me. He and mom can have a life together, I don’t care. If Cornell is the guy I need, then I’m taking it. I don’t care what I have to do get it.
As long as it gets me away from him.
I get lost in the quiet ride in the truck.
My thoughts go to one of the many times Finn's proven that he really hates me.
****
FOUR YEARS AGO
The ice on the lake was so thick and clear, the sun made it look like glass.
Clouds form in front of my mouth. I line up the puck to the net and pull my stick back. I eye the net and bring my stick down. It hits the side and slides across the ice.
I slump my shoulders and whine. “I can’t do it.”
Finn skates to puck and passes it to me. “Yes you can. You need to focus. Again.” He motions to the net.
“Finn, I don’t want to.” I whine more.
“Come on, Ben. Look. It’s all in the wrist. You roll it. Like this.” He shows me by grabbing my gloves.
“But, I’m tired and I want to play with my friends.” I flop my hands to my sides.
He crosses his arms. “OK, Ben. Don’t whine. Hockey players don’t whine. You wanted me to teach you, so I am. Now, straighten up and take the shot.”
I squint my eyes at him. “No.” I throw my stick down and it bounces on the ice.
“Pick up the stick.” He eyes me.
“No!” I grit.
“Now, Ben!” He barks.
“NO! Hockey players are mean and I don’t want to be one anymore!”
I turn around and skate back to shore.
“BEN!”
****
The truck pulls in to the driveway and he shuts it off. He turns to me. “You will go in there and grovel to your mother. We'll figure out your punishment in the morning, but you better apologize your damn heart out for hurting her.”
I give him a glare and throw open the door.
“Ben?!” The front door opens and my mother runs out of the house. She looks worried and horrible. My heart hurt seeing her like that. “WHERE WERE YOU?! I WAS GOING INSANE! WHERE DID YOU GO?!” She hugged me tight and I hugged her.
“Sorry, mom.” I mumble.
She holds my face. “Why? Why would you do this? You know you can’t do this! What happened?” Her eyes still held fear and tears.
Finn comes out from the other side of the truck. “Nothing happened. I…I’m sorry. Can I go to my room now. I’m tired.” I glance at Finn. He doesn’t say anything.
“Sure.” She kisses his forehead. “I’m so glad you’re safe, but we’ll be talking about this in the morning, you hear me?” she looks into my eyes.
I give a little smile. “Okay.”
“Go on.” She directs me to the door and I rush in. I take the stairs two at a time and run to my room.
I close the door and lock it. Walking over to my desk, I slam my bag on it and pull it open. I reach in and pull out the vial.
I flip it back and forth in my fingers, watching the drug flow from one end to the other.
I pace around my room and flop on my bed.
‘This gets you whatever you want.’
“I hope so.” I mumble.