The Alpha’s Fated Outcast: Rise Of The Moonsinger

189 The truth of her birth III Miriam .

Its been two weeks since I came back to the Moon Temple with an empty womb and a heart heavier than Id ever known .

The stillness of the temple at all times which used to ground me in such a way I couldnt understand , broken occasionally only by the soft rustling of robes or the distant chant of prayers had now become a prison to me .

I was the secret , trapped in a prison and the only people who knew were my wet pillow each night and my conscience .

I couldnt believe I was a mom well a half mom actually but that experience changed my life in ways I never expected .

Each day felt heavier than the last my belly was still round and protruded .

I was still too tired from carrying another human for nine months and still forced to get on with my life like nothing just happened .

Of course , no one noticed since I returned in Spring and we were always at our busiest at this time of the year because a lot of special flowers , herbs and seeds are found at this time .

I simply went out of my way and kept myself away from unnecessary interactions .

Except for Terra my bosom friend , Mother Liora and the other priestesses who were Mother Lioras closest friends no one else knew .

For instance , at the morning Assembly today when I was asked to lead the e prayers , had recited a ritual prayer instead of the prayers designed to kickstart our day .

Superior Priestess Dianas eyes had narrowed on me as she assessed me from head to toe .

Miriam , she called out coldly .

You look … different .

Sluggish in your movements , forgetful and fat .

Is there something you wish to share ? My breath caught in my throat , my heart pounding in panic as I tugged at my uniform , stretching the already stretched fabric .

The pregnancy had made me add a lot of weight on my hips and chest .

Although the midwife had prepared a special routine for me to follow to lose the baby fat , she had told me it was a gradual process .

Everyone was staring at me in the hall , especially Jemimah who had a smirk on her face .

Miriam ? she called out impatiently again .

15 189 The truth of her birth Im sorry , Mother ! I muttered .

I didnt ask for an apology , she responded , her voice was filled with frustration .

T simply want an explanation as to why youre looking out of place from all the girls in the temple .

Your uniform is too tight , your face is round and are those dark circles I see around your your eyes ? I opened my mouth , looking for an explanation but no words came out .

Before the silence could become suspicious , Mother Liora intervened .

The little self discovery trip I sent her on must have been harder on her than I thought , she said giving me a reassuring glance .

Its not uncommon for children to go outside this pack and come back looking the same .

Think of all the overly processed food and all … Mother Liora said .

There was a murmur of agreement and the conversation turned to something else but I felt Priestess Diana still looking at me .

At night , I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling .

My baby wasnt inside me anymore , but my body hadnt accepted that truth yet .

My belly was still soft and rounded and my muscles still ached with the strain of carrying a child that was no longer there .

I turned onto my side , clutching my blanket tightly and cried myself to sleep .

In the days that followed , I was living in hell .

Mornings were the cruellest .

I would wake up and my hands would instinctively move to cradle the bump that was no longer there .

Most times when I bend to pick something up .

I would catch myself dropping to my knees first just like how it had done when I was still pregnant .

My breasts were still swollen painfully and hard as stone and still leaking milk .

Despite all the herbs the midwife had given me to stop it , it still rushed out .

Every morning , I would pad my breast with several clothes to hide the milk stain and for the entire day , I would be conscious of myself .

Most times , the pain would be unbearable and I would have to sneak back to my room and nurse my swollen breasts .

I became an expert at hiding my tears and my pain .

I would excuse myself under the pretence of needing solitude for prayer , only to sit in the corner of my small room , rocking myself and sobbing into my hands .

The contractions were the worst .

In between carrying out my duties , my womb would squeeze in pain and I would gnash my teeth , clamping down on it waiting for the moment to pass .

By the second month , I started hearing baby cries .

25 C 189 The truth of her birth !!! 10 when the sound of a crying baby filled my ears .

It was filled with desperation and judgment .

I stumbled out of my room , searching the hall for the source .

Instead , I met Priestess Tania .

Miriam ! she held my hand ; she must have seen the wild desperation in them .

Whats wrong with you dear ? Its after lights out .

What are you doing walking about ? My baby ! I murmured , trying to move away from her hold .

Shes crying , I need to get to her .

Oh , Moon , Priestess Tania exhaled , looking sideways to make sure there was no one in the hallway but us .

She dragged me to my room and a moment later , she came back with Mother Liora and Priestess Khaliah .

Both women tried to calm my racing heart and the endless cries that were ringing in my ears until I eventually drifted into sleep .

When I woke the next morning , I saw Mother Liora sitting at the edge of my bed , staring at me .

Mother ! I murmured pushing myself up .

How do you feel ? she asked me , touching my forehead .

Im fine ! I nodded giving her a puzzled expression .

What are you doing here ? She avoided my gaze .

I know youre suffering Miriam , and you feel guilty but if you keep this up , everything will be exposed .

Theres a limit to the excuses I can give for you .

Everyone has noticed that something is not right and I would like for it not to go beyond that ? I drew my knees under my chin .

What did I do again , mother ? You were roaming the hallway last night looking for your baby .

Thankfully , it was priestess Tania who saw you .

Are you taking the medications the midwife recommended ? I nodded hanging my head .

You must try , Miriam .

Im sorry that I cannot understand how it is with you but you have duties that are suffering .

Youve been distracted for too long and Im not sure how long we can hide it .

Its the second month already … please , Miriam … I lowered my gaze , Im sorry , Mother .

Ill do better .

Mother Liora reached out , placing a hand on my trembling fingers .

Youve been through a great deal , child .

I understand that .

But you must find strength from within and move on .

Were the light in the darkness for our people .

You cannot carry this 180 The truth of her birth III I nodded silently .

But the cries didnt stop there .

It happened again the next night and the next and at random times during the day but I learnt to live with it .

By the third month , guilt became my constant companion .

I would wake up in the middle of the night and stroll into the woods , surrounding the temple .

There , under the stars , I would fall to my knees and weep .

I kept seeing my baby in my dreams .

Tiny hand reaching out for me , crying for me not to let go .

Every night , the same scene played out again and again .

The scene where the midwife would pick the baby from the bassinet and leave the room .

Then the other scene where I had held her and felt her little heartbeat against mine .

And how she had immediately stopped crying when I held her , cooing softly .

The guilt was suffocating .

How could I have abandoned my child ? How could I live with myself , knowing I had chosen duty over motherhood ? A few nights later , I returned to the temple after one of my midnights walk .

My robes were damp from the morning dew and my cheeks had dried off with tears .

I found myself standing in front of the Moon Altar , the sacred space where the priestesses performed their most important rituals .

The moonlight streamed through the little hole above the roof.

I sank to my knees , my hands clasped tightly in prayer .

Moon Goddess , I whispered with a trembling voice .

I have failed .

I have failed you , my child and myself .

I dont know how to carry this pain anymore .

I bowed my head in grief , crying out all the pain I felt inside .

When no answer came , I rose slowly , my legs shaking beneath me .

For the first time in my life , the Moon Temple felt like a prison .

That was when I knew I couldnt stay .