Chapter 19
I’m not like other girls.
I know what I want for dinner.
I’ve been thinking about that shit since lunch.
—Kenzie’s Secret Thoughts
“Dr. Hayes.” I stop and take a deep, not at all calming breath before I turn around to answer Dr. Dick.
Twice in one day.
Aren’t I just a lucky duck?
Who the hell came up with that phrase anyway?
Why are ducks lucky?
The cute little guys have to swim like crazy just to stay afloat. Their little feet are going a mile a minute under the water, working hard as hell. Maybe it’s because while all of that is going on, they still look calm, cool, and in control. Holy shit. Do I envy a duck?
“Good evening, Dr. Richardson.”
“Are you heading out?” he asks as he looks me over, disdain remaining in his expression where a moment ago, there was something else.
I ended up with vomit on my dress today because why not end an extremely long week that way. I changed into my spare clothes and threw on my Hayes Revolution hoodie. Not exactly what I’d call hospital appropriate, but I’m leaving, not working. And I swear to God, if he gives me shit, I’m either going to nut-punch him or cry. It could go either way.
I smile sweetly and hope for the best because seriously, my give-a-fuck meter isn’t operating at full capacity at this point this week. I haven’t slept for more than a handful of hours in days. “I am.”
I stop myself from saying more because he doesn’t get to know anything else.
Why would I tell him how tired I am. Or that the last time I got a good night’s sleep was when I spent the night in Nixon’s arms. And he absolutely doesn’t get to know how desperately I want to be back there with him again.
Dr. Dick places his hand at the small of my back, and my skin crawls. When the right man does this, it’s calming. When this man does this, icky is the only highly educated word that comes to my mind. “Why don’t I walk you out, Mackenzie?”
I step forward, out of his touch, and angle my body away from his. “Oh, that’s all right.” I pull my phone from my pocket, ready to act like I have to call Nixon or Becket or anyone who can remind this man that he’s the last man I would ever look to in my life. But I’m saved from resorting to that tactic when Bellamy skips down the final few stairs. Her jacket is on, and her bag is over her shoulder.
Relief washes over me. “Hey Bellamy,” I wave her over. “You ready to leave?”
She looks from Dr. Dick to me and moves into my side. “I am. You ready?”
“Yes.” I breathe a sigh of relief. “Have a nice night, Dr. Richardson.”
Bellamy and I walk out together without looking back, but Dick’s eyes burn into me the whole time.
“Are you okay, Kenzie? You look a little . . . off.”
There’s a crisp chill in the air tonight. A definite marker of the changing of the seasons. Goodbye, summer. Hello, fall. I feel like I may have lost a season sometime over the past week.
The moon is full as we walk toward the employee parking lot, but there’s still not enough light, and I’m so relieved I didn’t have to walk out here with Dr. Dick. “I swear he’s getting bolder. He asked me about going to a football game earlier and put his hand on my back before you came over.” I try to shake off the disturbing feeling.
This man’s sense of entitlement is escalating.
“Maybe you should tell someone, Kenzie. It would be very different coming from you than from other people. Your aunt is a well-respected doctor at the hospital, and so are you. And let’s not forget that your word will carry more weight than a nurse’s would. It’s a shitty fact, but that doesn’t make it less true.”
It is a shitty fact.
One we need to work on fixing.
“Maybe . . . I’ll think about it.” I point toward my car. “I’m parked over there. Where are you?”
She nods in the opposite direction. “Are you off this weekend? We’re having a watch party for Callen’s game Sunday night.”
“I am. No on-call for the next five days,” I tell her without saying I’ll be there.
“You should come. It’ll be fun.” When I don’t answer, she smiles and shakes her head as she starts to walk away. “I know where you live.”
“I’ll try,” I offer to appease her, and she laughs.
“Yeah . . . We’ll see.”
Right now, I can only think as far as getting to Nixon and whatever he has in store for our next lesson. And the sleep that will come after.
Kenzie
Just pulled in. You still feel like company?
Nixon
Company? No. You? Always.
Kenzie
Good answer, Sinclair. I bet you say that to all the girls.
Nixon
How about you get that perfect little ass up here and let me show you just how many girls I want in my life, Mac.
Shit. That just took a turn I’m not ready for.
Maybe this isn’t a good move.
But as the elevator doors open on my floor, I’m drawn to Nixon’s door, not mine. Only hesitating for a moment before I knock tentatively. Gordie’s excited bark welcomes me just before Nixon opens the door.
His hair is messy, like he’s run his hands through it a few times, and I itch to do the same. A tight black tank hugs his chest and proudly displays each beautiful muscle, and gray sweatpants hang from his lean hips. Hips I want to lick. Hips I want to feel pressed against me.
“Hi,” I whisper and stand frozen for a moment as electricity arcs between us, sparking and soaring like a live wire being drug along the street.
Pretty to look at but so damn dangerous to touch.
We’re irresistibly drawn together by an invisible force.
And right now, I just don’t have the energy to fight.
I’m not sure who reaches first. My arms circle his neck as Nixon lifts me from my feet and moves me inside. He leans me against his front door, and I wrap my legs around his waist as his mouth devours mine. “Fucking missed you, Mac.”
Those words. God, they shouldn’t have this effect on me, but they really do.
Our tongues tangle as we get completely lost in the moment.
Just us and this kiss that somehow shatters my world as I cling to this man.
He pulls back and presses his forehead against mine. “You okay, baby?”
Damn him.
Tears pool in my eyes, and the weight of the week pushes me over my limit.
Nixon swipes his thumbs under my eyes and carries me into his bedroom.
“I don’t even know where this is coming from. I’m not a crier.” I sniff.
He sits down on the bed with me in his lap. “It’s been a hell of a week, Mac. I’m sure everything with Brynn was weighing on you. And I can only imagine how many hours you’ve worked. Plus, that shit with Dr. Dick. It’s a lot. How about you let me take care of you? Maybe get a little sleep.”
“I’m sorry.” Guilt tugs at me because what he’s proposing sounds perfect. “You’re not supposed to be taking care of me, Nixon. You’re supposed to be teaching me.” I know I’m throwing up walls, but this overwhelming need mixed with such a sense of safety . . . Of more. It scares the hell out of me.
“Part of teaching you is making sure you know how you deserve to be treated. Sleep, baby. There’s plenty of time for everything else. Just do me one favor.”
Nixon’s hands slide under my shirt and skim up my sides. “Arms in the air, Mac.”
I lift my arms over my head, wondering where in the world he’s going with this until he strips the hoodie and shirt off my body, then sits me on the bed as he stands and steps into his closet. He comes back out holding an old Boston University hockey tee that he slides down over my body. “When you’re in my room, you wear my name.”
A weary, watery smile tugs at my lips at that deviously possessive tone I’ve come to love. And as if that thought alone wasn’t enough to send me running for the hills, he squats down in front of me, unties my sneaks, and pulls them and my jeans down my legs and off my body. He drags his lips up my calves and presses them against the inside of my thigh before pulling back the heavy down comforter and sliding my legs under it.
Heavy eyes hold my gaze hostage, while a sliver of moonlight filters through the shade, and a cool breeze blows in from the open window. His room smells like a fall night mixed with a warm fire. It’s heat and spice and everything Nixon Sinclair, and I sink into it all. “You look good like that, Mac.”
“Exhausted?” I ask, and he clenches his jaw.
“In my bed.”
Well then . . . Nixon leaves his sweats on but yanks his tight tank over his head, then crawls in behind me and pulls me to him. “Sleep, Mac. I’ve got you.”
I’m not sure why, but those words strike the biggest blow my painstakingly built walls have ever taken. “Nix . . .”
I’m not sure what I’m trying to say.
I can’t do this.
I’m scared to death to truly let you in and accept that you mean something to me.
I want so much more from you than lessons. But how am I supposed to tell you that when that’s it—the thing at the core of all this that scares me most?
Nixon
Mackenzie fell asleep within minutes.
She fits perfectly in my arms and my life, and I’m pretty fucking sure fighting this is fighting a losing battle. This tiny woman owns me and probably has since I was thirteen.
She whimpers in her sleep and reaches for me, tucking her arm around my waist and running the tips of her nails up and down my traps.
“Sleep, beautiful,” I whisper against her hair and soak her in.
Her soft curves line up with all the hard planes of my body.
Tempting me to take what I want and refuse to ever let it go.
I’ve worked my ass off for everything I’ve ever gotten in my life, I can work for this—for her too. She’s worth it.
“I don’t know why you’re so good to me, Nixon Sinclair,” she whispers in the darkness as she presses her lips to my chest.
“Because you’re mine, Mac. I think you always have been. And I’ll always protect you and take care of you.”
Soft eyes look up at me through long lashes.
So damn beautiful.
“I don’t know how to be anybody’s, Nix. But if there was anyone I’d ever want to try to be that for, it’s you.” She drags her hands down my chest, tracing each indent of my abs and scraping her nails along the waistband of my boxers before she wraps them around my cock and squeezes. A hot chill skirts down my spine.
I gather the length of her hair around my fist with slow deliberation as she pumps me. My blood thickens as my spine pulls tight. And fuck me, she’s stunning like this. Sleepy and needy and so damn open for me, but tonight isn’t a lesson. Tonight, I just want to make her feel good.
I tug her head back by her hair and suck her pouty bottom lip between mine as I roll her onto her back.
“A new lesson?” she whispers against my skin.
“No, baby.”
“Did I do something wrong?” Confusion shines in her golden eyes.
“You’re perfect.” I press my lips to hers. “Tonight isn’t about lessons. I want you to relax. Let me make you feel good.”
Mackenzie whimpers as I lick my way into her mouth, then down her neck, paying special attention to that sweet spot on her shoulder that makes her squirm before moving down to worship her perfect nipples. I run my rough hand up the inside of her soft thigh and spread her legs, settling in and shoving down my sweats.
I lick up the length of her sex through the expensive lace panties she favors before pulling them from her body.
“Nixon,” she breathes out on the sweetest sigh.
Her tart taste explodes in my mouth as she writhes beneath me.
“I need to make sure you’re ready for me, baby. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Her body trembles as her breathing quickens.
“I fucking love seeing you like this, Mac,” I growl against her drenched cunt and drag my finger around her clit—careful not to touch, just to tease—before I push inside her as her moans get louder.
She clamps her knees against my head and grinds against my face, taking what she wants while I suck her pretty little swollen clit into my mouth.
I pull back and look up at her, just before slapping her pussy and stuffing her full with my fingers.
She jolts—her entire body tightening and releasing as a silent scream falls from her pouty, perfect lips.
So fucking beautiful and all fucking mine.
I lick her through her orgasm until her trembling body relaxes beneath me, then her knees loosen, and her thighs fall back to the bed.
Cradled between her legs, I reach for the condoms in my nightstand until her quiet voice breaks the silence. “Have you been tested, Nixon?”
“Last month, before practice started.” I don’t move, unsure of what she’s saying.
“Me too. Not last month, but before I left DC. I’m clean, and we both know I haven’t been with anyone else in years . . .”
“I haven’t been with anyone else since I was tested, baby. But we don’t have to do this,” I tell her, trying to wrap my head around the trust I think she’s giving me.
“I’ve been on the shot for years, Nix . . . I’m clean. You’re clean. And I don’t want anything between us. Please,” she pleads, like I’ll ever be able to deny her a thing.
I gently run my thumb over her cheek. “Are you sure, baby?”
Mackenzie pulls my face down to her and presses her lips to mine softly as she wraps her legs around my waist. “I need you, Nixon. Just you.” She kisses me again. Harder and longer. “Nothing between us. Just us.”
And just when I think I’m starting to get where she’s coming from, she bites my bottom lip, then sucks it into her mouth. “Don’t be gentle.”