Chapter 19
Griffa sat on the forest floor by a fire. They had just finished a small dinner of a loaf of bread and some cheese they had managed to gather from Clarton along with a skin of water before they left. She looked across the fire to see Kedan watching her. They had not made it far into the forest. After the magic she used in the village followed by sending everyone else to Abscon, Griffa was exhausted. They had walked a few miles into the forest, before Griffa collapsed into Kedan. He carried her to a group of trees that would provide them with some cover. He found some mostly dry wood, and Griffa had managed to magic a small fire to burn before them.
She pulled her cloak around her tighter. It was cold. She looked up at the sky and she could not see stars. She hoped it would not snow on them tonight. She did not have the strength to magic together a shelter. They would have to sleep under the night sky their first night in the forest. She hoped after sleeping, she would be able to walk further tomorrow and make them an adequate shelter in the evening.
Griffa watched as Kedan shivered, holding on to his cloak. She felt guilty having him out in the forest with her. She wished she could have sent him back to Abscon with the others, but it was not possible. He would probably refuse to go anyway. He would feel compelled by his protector’s magic to stay by her side. She knew to send him away would cause him pain and worry.
She also felt she needed him with her. She felt like the gods were trying to tell her something, and she needed his magic and power alongside her to be able to feel the dying magic in the kingdom. She wasn’t sure she could hear the gods without him. Griffa could feel the pain in the kingdom. She could feel it dying, and it affected her. It made her feel tired and weak. Kedan’s magic helped her to go on.
She scooted over close to Kedan. She leaned slightly on him as she put her hand on his arm, closing her eyes as she cast a warming spell on him. He sighed and looked down at her.
“You shouldn’t have done that. You are tired and weak. You need to save your strength.”
“A simple warming spell does not take much magic. It is no bother. I know you are cold, and I feel guilty making you stay out here with me”
“There is nowhere else I would want to be, Griffa.” Kedan leaned towards her.
“You may rethink that in the middle of the night when you are wishing for your soft, warm bed back in Abscon,” said Griffa as she held her hands out to the fire.
“I would not be able to enjoy that warm bed if I knew you were out here alone in the forest.”
They were both quiet for a few minutes. The only sound being the crackling of the fire and a nearby owl. After warming her hands, Griffa turned to Kedan. “Do you ever regret taking on the protector’s line? You can be honest, Kedan. I know what a burden it is.”
“I have never regretted for one second becoming your protector. I don’t think I ever will.”
“I wonder if your magic makes you feel that way. Perhaps the bond we share together makes it impossible for you to regret our relationship.”
“Perhaps,” said Kedan, “but I don’t think that is it. I believe it is because I want to be able to serve you. I think you might be the only person I have ever known that hasn’t used me for some reason. You befriended me so quickly, and I never sensed any suspicion in you. You immediately wanted to protect me and help me learn how to defend myself. I remember thinking that I have never met anyone as selfless as you.”
Griffa laughed “I had you fooled. I am afraid I am a very selfish creature, Kedan. I have tried not to be, but being the only child of a lenient man will do that to a girl.”
“You are too hard on yourself, Griffa. Almost everything I see you do is for someone else.”
“I have done plenty of selfish things. I have hurt people that I love. If I wasn’t so selfish, I would send Talon away from me. I would tell him to leave me be, and get on with his life. Instead, I keep him by my side, knowing how he feels for me, and knowing he and I cannot be what he desires.”
“Talon makes his own decision. He knows where you stand with him and Ansel. He loves you, and neither you nor he can help it. If you sent him away now, you would cause him more hurt than keeping him by your side.”
“It still feels wrong. Then there’s you and Ansel. It was probably selfish of me to let Ansel give away the line of protectors. It was selfish of me to let you take it on. I got what I wanted, and Ansel gave away something his family held for over thirteen hundred years. You took on a burden that you cannot shake. I wonder how the gods could have let such a selfish woman be the queen of this kingdom.” Griffa felt tears fall out of her eyes.
Kedan looked down at her. He put his arm around her and pulled her close. “Perhaps selfishness is not your vice, Griffa. I think it might be control. You want to control what others do and feel to fit how you think they should act. Talon loves you, and he wants to be by your side. You say you can never give him what he wants, and that may be true, but I know your feelings for him run deep. You cannot tell me that you don’t love him.
“Ansel wanted to give up the line so he could always be with you. I wanted commitment, responsibility, and purpose in my life. I wanted to protect you. Every one of us made these decisions for ourselves.”
Griffa thought over this for a moment, letting herself cry as she leaned against the warmth of Kedan. “You are probably right, but I sometimes think I have made a mess of everything. Two years ago, I was Gryphon Keene, a spoiled woman who would not take up her family legacy. Now I am the queen of the kingdom. How is that possible? Since then, I have watched a dear friend die. I have broken the heart of someone I love. I have caused the complete upending of yours and Ansel’s life. How can I rule a kingdom, Kedan? I can’t even keep my own life together.”
“I doubt you were truly spoiled. If you wanted to see spoiled, you should have seen me two years ago. I was a whiny, lazy, ruler of a broken kingdom. I let evil men do what they wanted with Regventus. I spent my time bedding a woman I never intended to marry. Since then, I have become a husband, a father, and now a protector of the kingdom.
“I let myself be used and enchanted. I helped cause the downfall of Regventus. I couldn’t even protect myself or in the end my wife. Going by your logic, how could I ever be expected to protect you or the kingdom?”
“You have changed, Kedan. You are not who you were two years ago. I didn’t know you then, but if what you say is true, then you are practically a different person.”
“I have changed, and I am sure you have as well. We have grown and learned from others. My love for Teryn changed me, even though it was far from perfect. Daracha changed me. Most of all, you changed me, Griffa. Your friendship and love inspired me to be something better. It made me desire purpose. I can’t imagine what strength it took for you to go with my mother that night in the palace to help Teryn and my son. Do you not see how good you truly are?”
Griffa sniffled and wiped her eyes with her hands. “I want to believe I am good, but I see so many times I have fallen short. I see things I have left undone. I see people in need I have ignored. I look back and see all the things I could have done differently with Issa, Talon, Max, Ansel, and you.”
“You aren’t looking back at the right things. All of us love you because of who you are. If you asked any of us who you are, we would describe you as everything good, lovely, and fierce. We can’t all be wrong, can we?”
“I would argue you with you, but I don’t think I have the energy,” yawned Griffa.
“You need to rest,” said Kedan sitting up.
Griffa nodded and laid down, adjusting her cloak to cover her. She cast a quick warming charm on herself as Kedan laid down close by, facing her. He smiled at her as Griffa held out her hand to him. He took it and stared at her.
“Kedan, do you really think I am lovely?” asked Griffa sleepily.
Kedan smiled wider. “Yes, my queen, you must know how beautiful you are.”
Griffa moved a little to get comfortable. “So, if you answered Talon’s question about me being desirable truthfully, what would you say?”
“I would say I would have to be blind to not find you desirable. When I first met you, I was in no mood to see a woman in any way after my dealings with Teryn, but I could not help but notice your beauty. The more I got to know you, the more beautiful you became to me. As far as desiring you, I was rather afraid of Ansel. I didn’t want him to catch me looking at you in any manner more than friendly.”
Griffa laughed quietly.
“I am certainly not going to tell Talon, a temperamental mage who is in love with you, that I ever found you desirable. I like to think I am at least that intelligent.”
Griffa squeezed his hand and laughed again. “You know how handsome I find you. You are also very kind, funny, and caring. I do hope you find love again someday.”
“If I don’t it will be enough to have Zayden and be devoted to you. I will not feel as though my life is lacking in any way. Now go to sleep, Griffa.”
Griffa closed her eyes and fell asleep holding on to Kedan’s hand.
She opened her eyes to find herself standing on a tall tower of the palace in Aurumist. She looked over the city before her and shook her head. There was so much wrong with the kingdom.
“It has changed quite a bit since I first joined the lands together,” said a man walking up to Griffa.
She looked at him noticing he seemed familiar. She looked at his bushy beard and his long hair. She knew who he was as she had been bowing to him for a while.
“You are King Nathin,” said Griffa.
“So I am, Gryphon, and you are my kin. I have been watching you for a while.”
Griffa looked out over the city. “I am afraid you are disappointed in what you have found.”
“Not at all. You remind me of my daughter actually. She was quite headstrong and independent. It’s a pity she was born second. She would have been a better queen than my son made a king.”
“I don’t remember much being written about your son,” said Griffa.
“No, he was a quiet boy. He didn’t do much with his reign. He did no harm really, but he didn’t do the good he could have. My Ambryn would have been a force as queen. Just as you will be, Gryphon.”
“I don’t know if I ever will get to rule,” said Griffa. “I don’t know if I can save this kingdom.”
“You can, and I have no doubt of it. What you need to decide is if it is worth saving. You have suffered for it so much already. I would hate to see you suffer further for the mistakes of others.”
“How many have suffered because of my mistakes? I have made plenty. I believe Regventus is worth saving. I have met many people who deserve the kingdom to be made right. I would do it just for those I love. I will suffer if it means even those I hold dear have a chance to live fully in this kingdom.”
“Then you will get your chance to suffer for it. Soon, you will have to make your final choice. You won’t be alone. I will find you and I will help you. You should get your chance to live fully as well,” said Nathin.
Griffa turned and looked at Nathin. He smiled down kindly at her and took her hand. He held it up to his lips and kissed tenderly. “You do so remind me of my dear daughter.”
Griffa returned his smile. “I hope I can live up to your legacy, my king.”
“You already have, Gryphon. Now rest; you have a long journey ahead of you.”
The next day, they got up early to start walking. They were both hungry as they hadn’t eaten much since the morning before.
“There is a small village not too far up ahead, if I remember correctly,” said Kedan. “I stayed close to there on my way to meet you after leaving Aurumist. We can find some food there.”
She nodded, and they walked on. The sky above was very gray, but snow had not fallen on them yet. Griffa felt better after a night of sleep, but the loss of magic in the kingdom still made her feel off balanced and weak. She walked very close to Kedan, each of their magic intertwining, feeding off each other.
Before mid-day they entered the small village. They went to a small inn and sat down. A man brought out some watery stew and a couple of drinks. Griffa looked at the stew and saw that it wasn’t too appetizing, but she was too hungry to care. She took a bite to find it didn’t taste as bad as it looked.
“How far are we from Aurumist?” asked Griffa as she ate.
“We can be there in under three days if we push it, but we aren’t meeting the others for another four days, so we have no need to rush.”
They finished eating and found some supplies to buy in the village. Kedan carried their meager supplies in a bag he slung over his shoulder, and they walked into the forest just as it started to snow. Griffa kept her hands in her pockets as they walked. She asked Kedan about his life growing up, and he answered all her questions. She found his story made her sad. She was impressed he had become the caring man before her.
As the sun set, Griffa magicked together a simple shelter for them to sleep in to keep them out of the weather. Kedan found some sticks under a tree that weren’t completely covered with snow. After a few tries, Griffa managed to light a magical fire. She sat close to Kedan as they ate a bit of dried meat and bread, and Griffa made some tea she had gotten in the small village.
“What were your favorite memories growing up?” asked Kedan as they drank their tea.
“I have several, but my favorites are riding through the fields and forest with my father and Ansel. My father was a very entertaining man. He could even make Ansel laugh regularly. I wish he hadn’t been taken from me as I could use his wisdom and humor now.”
“I am sure he is very proud of you, Griffa. From what I have heard about your father, you sound like you are very much like him. Do you know what your mother was like?”
“Ansel said she was kind and clever. He said she could charm anyone. He told me she would visit his mother regularly and was one of the few people who could make her smile. Ansel’s mother was not a happy woman. Her husband was very severe and cold.”
“Sounds like you are a good mix of both your parents. I suppose I am like my mother, but I barely know my father. I wonder what will happen to him after you take the throne.”
“He will have a chance as all the other people to live in the new kingdom we create. He might have to make some changes, but I will not be unkind. I understand change takes time.”
“He will not want to lose any of the power or riches he has,” said Kedan.
“No one likes to lose power or money,” replied Griffa. “It will be tricky setting the kingdom right, trying to find the balance of honoring what people feel they have earned and helping those in poverty. It will be a challenge, but one I am willing to take up.”
“What will happen to the kingdom if we don’t win?” asked Kedan.
“I don’t see how it can go on in its present state. Perhaps something else will form. I don’t think I will be around to see what happens if we don’t win.”
Kedan reached out and grabbed Griffa’s hand. He sent a wave of comforting magic to her. “Kedan, I need you to understand I know the risk involved in what we are going to do. I also know I might have to do something drastic to save Regventus. If I don’t make it, I don’t want you to feel you have failed.”
“If you don’t make it, I will have failed. My only duty is to protect you.”
“No, you are the protector to the kingdom and your queen. If we can somehow save the kingdom, even if it takes my life, you will have succeeded.”
“Griffa, I don’t know what I will do if we lose you,” said Kedan gripping her hand.
“You will serve your king. Max will need you if he is to take my place. He will not want to be king, but he must.”
“You assume I will live if you don’t,” said Kedan. “Even if I survive the battle, I doubt Talon will let me live long, if I can’t save you.”
“I plan to have a chat with Talon before we go into Aurumist. He will have to come to grips with reality. It may be that no matter what you do, I can’t be saved.”
“I refuse to talk about this.” Kedan let go of her hand and looked away. “I cannot imagine living in this kingdom without you now. I chose to serve in this role for many reasons, but the main one was you, Griffa.”
“I don’t want to die, Kedan. I will do everything I can to survive, but I don’t want you to be unprepared. I want you to know my wishes if I do not make it. Please promise me you will serve Max. He is wise, but he is also gentle and quiet. I need to know you will look out for him if he takes the throne. Please, promise me you will do this for me.” Griffa grabbed Kedan’s hand tight and looked up at him.
Kedan nodded. “I will do anything you ask of me, you know it’s true. It will be hard, but I will serve Max for you.”
She leaned up and kissed Kedan’s cheek as he wrapped his arms around her and held her. They stayed like that, watching the fire until Griffa felt herself drift off.
Griffa opened her eyes to find herself in a large, dark room. She walked deeper into the room towards four pillars that held torches. In the middle of the torches stood a large statue of the gods. She knew where she was. She was under the temple in Aurumist. She recognized it from the day Max and she escaped from the city.
Griffa walked closer to the statue and looked up at the faces of the gods. She stood still before them, staring at the statue. She turned when she heard footsteps behind her. A figure approached her from the darkness. Her eyes grew wide and a smile broke out on her face when she realized who it was.
“Father,” she said staring at Renweard Keene as he walked towards her.
“Yes, my darling, it is me,” said her father. He held out his arms and Griffa ran to him. He wrapped her in his arms and held her tightly as Griffa felt tears spill out of her eyes while she held on to her father.
“My little queen, what is this I hear of you doubting yourself?” Renweard let go of Griffa. He stood before her and took her hand.
“The kingdom needs so much help. There is so much work that needs to be done. So many things that need to be healed. Who am I that I am worthy of such a task?”
Renweard smiled at her. “You are the only one who is worthy of this task. You are the true Queen of Regventus. Besides that, you are everything that is right with the kingdom. Griffa, I may be biased as your father, but I have never known anyone who loves as freely and fiercely as you do. The gods knew it would take someone special to heal this kingdom, and they chose you.”
“I have made many mistakes,” said Griffa looking down.
Renweard lifted her chin with his hand. “That is called life, dearest. You make mistakes as you learn the way to go. Your path was made harder by mistakes made by me and others. Yet, you still found your way. You are here, Griffa, in this time, to do the task set before you. All of your mistakes and your successes have made you just who you need to be. Do not think you are not worthy of this time and your title. You were made for it.”
“I don’t know what to do, father. I am willing to do anything to save this kingdom, but I don’t know how.”
“I think you do, or you will,” said Renweard. “The gods will show you. You need to go to them when you get to Aurumist. They will make a way for you to do what needs to be done.”
“Will I have the strength to do it?” asked Griffa.
Renweard smiled sadly. “I am afraid you will.”
Griffa gripped her father’s hand. “Do not be scared for me, father. I am not afraid.”
“I know you aren’t. You have always been brave. You need to rest now, dearest. Rest and trust in those you love. They will have to see you through this, and you will have to let them. No matter what happens or what it takes.”
Renweard pulled Griffa in and hugged her tightly. She wrapped her arms around her father and closed her eyes as the room around them slowly faded away. She blinked her eyes open. She lay in the small shelter she had made next to the fire. Kedan was lying next to her, his arm wrapped around her.
Griffa could hear her father’s final words echo through her head. Griffa smiled slightly and put her hand on Kedan’s arm. She closed her eyes and rested easy knowing she was well-loved.