Tales of Midbar: Secret Priest

We went inside to find Mum in the kitchen (we needed drinks after the train ride), looking pale as a thermal insulator and acting as if she was drugged. She was still eating so I don’t think she’d been home long.

“Do you know what you’ve done?” she asked.

“I think you’re referring to something I don’t know about,” I replied, sitting down in front of her and trying to sound sympathetic.

“All you had to do was one little thing and you couldn’t even get that right!” Mum said, almost as a snarl.

“You shouldn’t answer vague accusations,” I said.

“Do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused? You and Miandri and I think Egrindreth and her,” she pointed at Dwendra, “had something to do with it!”

“Do you know what she’s talking about?” I asked Dad.

“Sorry,” he said, “I’m really worried about her. She clearly isn’t well. I’m not sure if something bad happened to her or if it’s a medical thing.”

“Of course it isn’t a medical thing!” shouted Mum banging her fists on the table. “You don’t exactly help either.”

“You’ll have to elaborate,” said Dad.

“You can’t explain because it’s a Benai Nibeyim secret,” I said to Mum.

She looked at me with seething anger behind her eyes and I knew I was right.

“Anden darling,” said Dad. “We want to help you but we need to understand the problem. Perhaps you need to trust us rather than your Sorority or whoever the problem’s with.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. “Things are going to get fixed and don’t complain to me if you don’t like it.”

“Perhaps you should go to bed,” said Dad, “remember it’s a big day tomorrow”

“I’m not admitting guilt,” I said, “as I don’t know what you’re talking about but I, we, Dad and myself, did warn you what would happen if you didn’t give me a girl or tell me ...”

“Just wait until tomorrow!” screamed Mum. “You’ll be sorry you messed with us!”

I went into my room and found Attan already in bed but awake and started undressing. Miandri had come home, said something about predestination and gone outside with Mum for some reason.

“Can you please stop it!” Attan said, looking at the ceiling.

“Stop what?”

“Whatever the fornication it is you’re doing! After you left, Dad actually put a spell on Miandri! I didn’t know he had any artifacts. Then they had this weird argument about Benai Nibeyim and predestination before she ran off without her shoes. Only fornicating conspiracy theory lunatics believe in Benai Nibeyim! I asked Dad what that was about and he said he didn’t really know what was going on and asked if you or the crazy girls or Mum or Yoldasia have told me anything but you fornicating haven’t! Mum normally answers any question I ask her but lately she’s been all secretive and when she got home seems to have become a complete fornicating containment cell case! Dad’s really worried and I know you’ve upset Yoldasia. We were all really worried when you disappeared, it was fornicating terrible! How the fornication does trying to fornicate a girl have any fornicating thing to fornicating do with Benai Nibeyim and predestination and Old fornicating Magic and Yohoism and why should bringing insane girls home fornicating help? It’s not like you’ve actually fornicated either of them, have you?”

“No and Dwendra isn’t insane and I didn’t bring Miandri here.”

I heard Miandri come up the stairs and go into Attan’s room.

“Can’t you see how you’re destroying this family just so you can fornicate somebody! Stop it please!”

Miandri and Dwendra started having a conversation but I couldn’t really make it out.

“Oh yeah,” I said. “Resolve a conflict by forcing the victim to back down! Totally fornicating unjust! You should know that! If I do that, it’s likely I’ll never have sex and never get a job and probably never do a load of other things!”

“All you fornicating care about is you!”

“That’s not true! I’m helping Dwendra and some people you don’t know with some things and I think my problems are part of some bigger issue that needs to be addressed.”

There was a knock on the door. I knew it was Dwendra because I could feel her power.

“Come in!” I said.

Dwendra came in, wearing a nighty and looking very sexy. “Dost thou wisheth for to prayeth with me before we do sleepeth?”

“Sure,” I said.

“What?” asked Attan. “Pray, not have sex?”

“I art a Holy Woman and must remaineth a virgin.”

“You don’t half pick them Clindar.”

“I didst try to prayeth with Miandri but she art a worshiper of Utnarata.”

Now she was kneeling between the two beds.

I knelt with her.

She started going through the same sort of rituals she’d performed in the tent. Attan just lay in bed and watched us, with increasing disapproval.

“I’m glad that’s over,” said Attan when Dwendra left.