Tales of Midbar: Secret Priest

We materialized on the edge of the lake in Rocru back in our own time. It was blue day so the satellite was shining in the sky but there was no sign of Aleph.

Hubril looked around, looked at the satellite, now even more terrified. “We’re outside! Am I dead, you haven’t had sex with me!”

“This is a version of Midbar in a different universe,” said Rilletteecket. “This one has a breathable atmosphere and tolerable temperatures.”

I hit Hubril with a calming spell as I was getting worried that he might accidentally teleport.

“We know the thing about the hostages isn’t true,” said Tom.

Hubril dropped to his knees, “I just don’t know how to cope with this! What am I going to do?”

“I’ll help you,” said Rilletteecket. “You still want to be my husband don’t you?”

Buxnir arrived holding some gray fabric, as we were eating. “I’ve got a present for Dwendra.”

Dwendra got up and faced him, “Oh.”

Buxnir unfolded the fabric so we could see it was a female Nuhara robe.

“I wouldst never weareth such a thing!” snapped Dwendra. “Never again! I art not a Nuhara and they doth not controleth me! That ist a symbol of hatred towards all women and non-Nuharas, particularly Winemakers and Yohoists.”

“Sorry,” said Buxnir. “I’ve just been talking to the mayor. It’s a thankless job, he isn’t very competent but nobody wants to replace him.”

“How do all the other incompetent politicians keep their jobs?” I asked.

“They’re mostly Benai Nibeyim,” said Buxnir, “and mostly homosexuals who sleep with other important homosexuals. Anyway, the mayor said he’s concerned with reports of a glildac woman walking around the streets. The Nuharas pride themselves on having wiped out all the glildacs, the race most closely associated with Yohoism, a religion they pride themselves on having eliminated. Then there’s the whole issue of the Nuharas giving their rape gangs suicide bomb spells that go off if they’re knocked out and then taking revenge for their deaths.”

“We didn’t know about that,” I said, “but I think the mayor needs to insist the police do their jobs properly.”

“Then Aramator will invade!” said Buxnir.

“Well Pax is bigger than Aramator!” I said. “Our government should defend us properly.”

“There’s also the matter of how a war now would affect the Prophesized Ruination,” said Buxnir.

“Peace with Nuhara art impossible!” said Dwendra.

“I thought this would be a helpful disguise if you wish to go out,” said Buxnir.

“I hath no intention of promoting their evil religion!”

“Then can you try not to go out, at least not in daylight. If you must go somewhere, try to teleport, preferably to a different city.”

“Nuharas doth not controleth me!”

“Can you just try to fight one battle at a time?” asked Buxnir. “Get the thing with Benai Nibeyim sorted out and then see about taking on the Nuharas. I know most Winemakers and many Trulists are getting utterly sick with the way our government lets Nuharas stomp all over us without doing anything about it. Considering recent developments,” he waved his hand at Dwendra and myself, “I’m sure something is going to happen soon. I’ve felt that for a long time but the feeling keeps getting stronger and world events keep making it look more likely. Anyway, just try to keep a low profile in Rendamar until that next meeting and then we’ll see.”

With that he left, leaving the Nuhara robe behind.

“Let me get this right,” said Hubril. It was his first meal with us and he was clearly puzzled by our food which seemed a lot more diverse than what was served in the biosphere. In fact he seemed constantly amazed by most things. “You’re basically at war with an evil religion but your government are too stupid to admit it. You’re also being attacked by Mysterious Monsters who you don’t know anything about and you’re doing this as part of a plan to take on a powerful organization that keeps messing with you?”

“That’s about right,” said Rilletteecket.

“I know my people have never fought a war," said Hubril, "but I have read about them and it strikes me as if this situation’s getting a bit complicated.”

“You’re correct,” said Vrenloa. “It’s often necessary to compromise your values and avoid fighting one enemy to defeat another.”

“That art a dangerous strategy,” said Dwendra. “Oftimes people hath lost sight of their values and foundeth themselves defending evil by such strategies.”

“Well,” I said, “I suggest we stick to our plan, just have Dwendra try not to go out in Rendamar in daylight. It only has to be for a short time.”

“Nothing art more persistent than things intended to be for a short time!”

“Sorry,” said the one hipsickah present, “but you just swan in here and start waving your fancy weapons around and think that gives you the right to tell us what to do.”

“I think it’s in your best interests to keep these weapons secret and not use them until you have to,” I said. “The Nuharas won’t be familiar with them and the mysterious monsters may not be.”

We were in the meeting room of Temple View Heights, trying to explain weapons we’d acquired from other sephirot. Of course we’d told the others they were XT weapons (some of them were) that somebody had found in the desert.

“We’d rather avoid violent conflict,” said Buxnir.

“I agree,” I said, “but I’m not sure that will be possible.”

“The problem is we can’t practice with them if we can’t use them,” said the hipsickah.

“They’ve been tested,” I said, “and most of them are just a matter of pointing at the enemy and pressing something.”

“Perhaps we could think of a way to practice with them without anybody noticing,” said Buxnir.

“I’ll look into it,” I said.