Tales of Midbar: Secret Priest

I was woken by being prodded in the back.

“Clinder,” said Attan.

I was laying on my side, with covers over me and Dwendra’s warm, curvy body snuggled up in front of me.

“What?” I grunted.

“Why is there a bra and harness on your pile of clothes?”

“It’s uncomfortable to wear in bed.”

“I think either you’re turning homosexual or you removed the bra from one of the girls so you could see her things.”

“Um, not exactly.”

The covers were pulled back from over my head.

“Feces, Dwendra,” said Attan. “There are two girls in the house and you have to choose the weirder one!”

“I art a Holy Woman and we didst merely sleepeth for Miandri haft tried to hath me raped so I dareth not shareth her room.”

“That is the most pathetic excuse I’ve ever heard,” said Attan. “Can you leave so I can get dressed?”

After breakfast, Mum had us all gather round the kitchen table.

“Now,” she said, “It’s been brought to my attention there’s a certain amount of conflict here so let’s try to resolve this.”

“Last time we tried something like this,” I said, “all of us except Dwendra and me had your memories erased, we got kicked out our house and ten of Mum’s friends were killed.”

Mum gave me a very disturbed look and said, “We’ll go in order of age starting with the youngest. Attan who do you have problems with?”

“May I suggest we take this outside?” said Dad.

Mum gave him a cross look. “It’s blue day!”

“It’s a nice day,” said Dad. “There’s a table on the patio and less likely to be hidden microphones.”

We got settled on the patio but had to take two extra chairs from the dining room.

“We’ll go in order of age starting with the youngest,” said Mum. “Attan who do you have problems with?”

“Apart from whoever’s making me waste my school holiday by keeping us stuck in this house?”

“Who in the house?” asked Mum.

“Dwendra.”

“Why?”

“She looks weird, she talks weird, she acts weird, she gives me the creeps, she follows a dead religion, I don’t like the way she’s getting friendly with Clindar and I suspect she’s the one the police are trying to protect us from.”

“Now, Dwendra,” said Mum. “Do you have anything to say to that?”

“I canst not helpeth my glildac genes nor how my family didst teacheth me to speaketh. I hath alibis for the things our enemy hath done. Attan art racist, religionist and possibly korbarist.”

“Korbarim are just symbolic!” said Attan.

“Of what?” asked Dwendra.

“They’re just symbolic!” said Attan.

“They must beeth symbolic of something!” said Dwendra.

“Whenever somebody won’t fit in, they just complain the others are being korbarist!” said Attan.

“Actually I believe there are a lot of subtle differences that can make people dislike each other,” said Dad. “This is simplified by belief in korbarim. Therefore korbarism, in a sense, is a real issue but it’s overly simplistic to think it’s three types of psychics and hipsickim.”

“So by objecting to me being ‘creepy’ Attan art being korbarist,” said Dwendra.

Mum clearly wasn’t happy about this and asked, “What can we do about this?”

“I think a question that needs to be asked,” said Dad quietly, “is why do Dwendra and Sixteen seem to share so many characteristics?”

“Dwendra is Sixteen,” said Attan. “She even said so!”

“That’s her age!” I said.

“I think they have some relationship,” said Dad.

“Homosexuals!” said Attan.

“You’re sure you’re the only survivor of your family?” Dad asked Dwendra.

“Yes.”

“Did you see all their bodies?”

“No.”

“So it’s possible at least one other survived?”

“I hath ways of knowing these things.”

“Even a psychic can be wrong. I think this Sixteen is one of your relatives or at least somebody from a similar Yohoist group.”

“It’s fornicating obvious,” said Mum. “Clindar somehow found out about Sixteen, got Dwendra to be a fake Sixteen but that’s attracted the attention of the real Sixteen which proves Clindar’s too stupid to solve his own problems!”

“But you won’t help me or let Haprihagfen help me!” I said. “Besides I didn’t know anything about Sixteen and it’s not like Midbar’s full of glildac girls who’ll cooperate with me!”

“Who or what exactly is Sixteen?” asked Dad.

“I’ve heard she’s supposed to be a virgin who must marry somebody special,” said Mum. “Both Dwendra and somebody else are posing as her in order to marry Clinder. Dwendra isn’t a virgin ...”

“I art! I wast not raped!”

“... so she can’t be the real Sixteen ...”

“That art my age!”

“... but we don’t know if the other one is. Well how many fake Sixteens could there be?”

“Why are two women trying to marry me?” I asked. “And why is that a problem?”

Mum stared at me as if I’d just accused her of doing something terrible, which she’d actually done.

“Why would anybody want to marry him?” asked Attan.

“If I merely wanted to marryeth him,” said Dwendra, “I wouldst have copulated with him by now!”

We really needed to get that DNA test done.

“Anden,” said Dad, “your theory doesn’t make sense!”

“Anyway, Dwendra,” said Mum, “could you agree not to do things with Clindar and ...”

“She’s the best friend I’ve ever had!” I said. “So that would hurt me and I don’t see why I should have to suffer because of Attan’s bigotry.”

“I’m not a bigot!” said Attan.

“Anden also hath not liked me since we first met but I doth not knoweth why,” said Dwendra.

“I really think Attan needs to be more tolerant,” said Dad.

“You should stick up for your son!” said Mum.

“Which son?” asked Dad. “I’m helping both. Clindar has a strong need for friends, particularly female ones, and Attan needs to learn the tolerance expected of a good Trulist.”

“We need to decide what changes Attan and Dwendra can make to help them get on with each other,” said Mum. “I think Dwendra’s relationship with Clindar is the easiest thing.”

“I’m not being forced to suffer more because of Attan!” I said.

“Perhaps we should come back to this when we’ve looked at other problems,” said Mum. “Who’s the next youngest?”