Tales of Midbar: Secret Priest

The next thing I knew, I was falling in near darkness, in chilly air, still in a sitting position. I hit something soft, fell over and rolled to wind up laying on my front with Dwendra beside me, still with her arm round me. We both sat up and lit mage lights. All I could see was sand and the starry sky above with Bet near the horizon so we must have been outside the Great Basin.

“This is how desert sand winds up in strange places and has the police asking awkward questions!” I said, struggling to stand up.

“It wast a convenient place for an emergency,” said Dwendra, standing before I had a chance to offer to help her. “Tis the shrine of Kardria but it art mostly buried.” She pointed to a couple of spires I could only see because they blocked out the stars behind them. “Miandri wert using an Old Magic spell, probably something similar unto a date rape.”

“Do you think I’m a Yohoist priest or what?” I asked holding out my hands with the palms up.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about this as there were some obviously interesting implications of her believing this. The trouble was, I didn’t believe this and I didn’t want her to have sex with me on false pretenses and ruin her ambition.

“No, I thinketh Benai Nibeyim doest believeth thou to be a Yohoist priest, I know not if they art correct.”

“I’m a Trulist!”

“Art thou?” she waved a finger at me. “Thou foloweth thou’s father’s teachings and he art a heretic but thou believeth in korbarim. Thou worships Yoho and hast no qualms about fornicating with women who art not Temple Prostitutes or who art psychics.”

“Well you ... Well I’m confused. The other single Trulists I know are always having sex with each other. Benai Nibeyim tried to get me to have sex with Miandri, I think.”

“Thou shouldst foloweth scriptures, not what others who claimeth to follow your religion doeth.”

We started trudging back up the sand dune we’d landed on. At least I think it was a sand dune but with only the light of the stars, Bet and the mage lights it was hard to tell. This was hard work as our feet kept sinking in the sand and sliding down somewhat.

“Trulist scriptures say it’s OK to rape women but I don’t believe that and nor do any Trulists I know of, not even Molgren who’s a bigger heretic than my father. Rape is illegal under Trulist law, which is based heavily on Trulist doctrine. Do you think I should start raping women to be a good Trulist?”

“No, thou shouldst converteth unto Yohoism.”

“You think Benai Nibeyim think I’m a Yohoist priest, present your evidence!”

“Yohoism teacheth if two single people doth copulateth, they becometh married. Therefore they must applyeth the laws for marriage unto any spinster who you doth copulateth with. A priest canst only marryeth a woman who art a Yohoist, a psychic and a virgin or a priest’s widow.”

“That basically narrows it down to you.”

“Benai Nibeyim clearly hath varied the laws, probably because there art no longer any Yohoists. A priest mayst not undertaketh normal work, only the work of a priest. Yoldasia said you wouldst not be allowed to worketh and Miandri’s father wert not allowed to worketh.”

“But my father does work! If I’m a priest shouldn’t he be one as well? He’s a nibey and Miandri’s father’s a hipsick!”

“Again they seemeth to hath varied the rules and I art uncertain as to how. What I do not understandeth ist why they hath not lefteth a message in the sealed crypt of Rendamar Temple to imformeth me about you.”

“What?”

“I asked them for to leaveth a message in the sealed crypt of Rendamar Temple to informeth me they had bredeth an anav priest.”

“When did you last check?”

“A few days past.”

“That might have something to do with the fact that, unless you teleport, you can’t get near Rendamar Temple without getting raped or killed by Nuharas. Perhaps you should have chosen another place for them to leave the message.”

We stopped climbing.

“I didst expecteth them to breedeth an anav priest before the Cataclysm.”

“I think this is high enough. Now what do we do?”

“I supposeth openeth the windows. Miandri mayeth be immune.”

“We’ll watch out for her.”

We materialized in the narrow passage beside the house, going back in time about a minute. We quietly made our way to the front. I visioned the interior of the house. As we’d anticipated, Miandri was still conscious but the others were laying still.

“You take care of the family,” I whispered. “I’ll follow Miandri, she’s probably going to her superior.”

“It wouldst maketh more sense the other way around.”

“I know this town better than you.”

“I hath some healing power but I knoweth nothing of Old Magic.”

“Neither do I. I think the only people who do are Miandri and Yoldasia.”

“I supposeth this art a life threatening emergency.”

“Breeze?”

“Only she shouldst not knoweth she art forbidden from helping thou.”

We’d neglected to tell her that.

“Can you think of anybody else?”

“Unfortunately Breeze art likely the wisest option. I shalt useth time travel.”

She dematerialized.

Miandri left the house walked round to the side passage, smiled, flashing those big, white teeth, and said, “Wow, you can totally teleport! Even my mother can’t do that! Is that how Dwendra did that bilocation?”

“What have you done to my family?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “It’s just an Old Magic knockout and short term memory erasing spell. I thought your father would totally be able to defend himself against an Associate Magic date rape spell. I don’t think either of us want Attan knowing what korbarim we are or everybody knowing Dwendra killed those boys although I think that was totally harsh.”

“They tried to rape her and did rape a number of other girls, I think mostly psychics who liked me!”

“She could like totally teleport away.”

“But then they’d have known she could teleport and if she’d just used a date rape spell they may have remembered what they were planning to do or come after her again. How many girls did those bastards rape?”

“I’ve no idea. I was only asked to have them rape Dwendra and it was really specific about them not hurting her.”

“It would have really urinated her! Besides which it’s her right to decide if and when she loses her virginity and who to.”

“Like it was my right or the right of girls you want to legally have sex with you?”

“I think we should allow psychics to have sex with each other and have some way for me to find anavot to have sex with, well I suppose one would suffice if she did it frequently. I guess it basically comes down to Dwendra or the other Benai Nibeyim anavah. I don’t know any Trulist anavot and I’m not allowed to convert to Winemakerism and Benai Nibeyim are preventing Haprihagfen from helping or recruiting me and psychics aren’t allowed to have sex with Temple Prostitutes and street prostitutes are illegal ...”

Just then I felt some materializations behind me.

“Art thou going to standeth there all night?” asked Dwendra, pushing me forward.

“Oh, wow another teleporter or can you like teleport other people?” asked Miandri. “Hey Breeze, long time, no see. So you can teleport too or did Dwendra teleport you?”

“Still messing around with Old Magic I see,” said Breeze, screwing up her nose with hate in her voice. “Had any kids raped lately?”

“She didst nearly hath me raped!” said Dwendra.

“That spell totally worked!” said Miandri to Breeze.

“If that was a spell working I hate to think what failure looks like!” said Breeze. “Do you make a habit of getting psychic girls raped?”

“Perhaps we should worry about my family first,” I said.

“Let’s see what sort of mess you’ve made this time!” said Breeze.