Take me to the Deepest Blue

It hurt more than she had expected. The stings she felt where her tail used to be now pierced more deeply into her. The pain shot through her lower body, and the sensation now felt as though it had split in two. Legs. Nervously, her hands gripped the unfamiliar limbs that materialized as her scales faded away. But the pain didn’t end. Mercilessly, it crawled deep under her skin and into her veins, forcing her to lurch back and forth like fish struggling on dry land. This unbearable agony was reminiscent of the time she accidentally scraped her arm on a sea urchin, but ten thousand times worse. Slowly but surely she could feel herself running out of air. With her two hands wrapped around her neck, she could feel her gills disappearing. This is it. She had to get to the surface if she wanted to complete her transition. As she emerged from the water, her arms flailed around her. There were loud splashes and her heart pounded hard as though it were plotting an escape from this foreign, human body. She recalled the words of the Advisor from their ocean grid. Don’t attract attention to yourself. They will find you. Just lie in silence and wait for them.

Were they really coming?

As far as she could see, Narya perceived nothing but utter darkness. Her eyes were not accustomed to this world’s colors. It was never completely dark underwater. Even the darkest caverns sparkled with reflections from fishes’ fins, and on most nights, they had the moonlight as their trusty beacon. This, by far, was a different kind of night from the ones she was used to. She closed her eyes and listened to the waves hitting the rocks that encircled her. This sound she knew. On cloudy afternoons, she had ventured out of the waters with her more adventurous friends, and they would use their elbows to crawl onto the warm, sun-scorched sand to retrieve books from the secret chest the Changed Ones had left for them. They didn’t always have the best selection, but every once in a while, aside from various magazines, she found an exceptionally good book among the more ordinary ones. She would make her way to a nearby sandbank and dip her tail into the water while she read, her elbows sinking into the warm sand as she flipped the pages with her sand-stained fingers. On those days, she felt most human and looked forward to the day when she could actually live the life of one—temporarily.

That day was today.

But now, with her weakened limbs and her acutely parched throat, she felt less than ready to tackle all the challenges that came with transition. The pain had brought forth an uncertainty that scared her to bits. She had never felt this exposed. What if she were discovered? Throughout the ages, they had been able to remain relatively unknown save for myths and tales passed down by the few humans who had had a glimpse of their kind. Fortunately for them, these were soon dismissed as fabricated stories never to be taken seriously except by children. But should an actual discovery take place, the Elders predicted that this would put all their lives in imminent danger. As far as they knew, humans loved experimental research and the discovery of new species. It certainly wouldn’t be in their best interest to reveal themselves to this curious breed.

As Narya took slower and deeper breaths, her eyes fluttered and she began to search for the Changed Ones. They were assigned to help the Explorers to transition and help them settle into their temporary lives. She felt the water slowly drying from her body and a palpable tinge of fear tugging violently at her stomach. With no one in sight, she grew more nervous, like a lone cuttlefish that stumbled upon a moray eel in a darkened cave. Her throat felt unbearably dry. She sensed the calming waves calling to her, bidding her to return to her rightful home. She could jump right back in, she looked back to the ocean. Of course, she would have to face the embarrassment of not lasting above water for even a single night. The shortest record was set by her cousin, who managed to stay human for only three days before giving up and turning back into a mermaid. She vowed to never return above land. But even now, Narya could detect a small hint of regret in her cousin’s eyes and the excitement that flashed ever so subtly when she recounted her short expedition to a world she briefly passed through.

She shook her head, chasing these doubts away and remembering why she committed herself to this daunting journey. Ever since Keames left for land and didn’t come back when he promised he would, she had decided to see this world for herself. What was so enchanting about it that he would deliberately forget about all that he loved underwater? Almost everyone she’d came across who had lived on land as an Explorer inevitably returned to the waters. They never divulged much; their experience would remain their secret—not one to share with anyone else. This reticence only made her more curious and impelled her mind to chase after a plausible explanation. Keames had returned once since his first transition. His eyes gleamed as he told of the few details he was willing to share about his life above water. She had always been curious about humans, a breed that was so close to their own, but so indecipherably different. And yet, she’d never want to exchange her life underwater for one without the freedom to glide with dolphins, or feel the water enwrap her body like a second skin, or to simply live out the purpose of creation. She was, first and foremost, a mermaid, and she didn’t intend for this to change after this expedition.

Nine transitions were what most merpeople had. Some were known to have less, but it often depended on age. She had read that cats possessed nine lives and now wondered if merpeople had anything in common with felines. Her first transition had just been used. And she did want to give this a try, as she was curious about humans and their exotic lifestyles. Secretly, she wanted to know what it was that had kept Keames so captivated and unwilling to return home.

She could be just as content spending the rest of her life under water with everything she needed. Being the daughter of their ocean grid’s Elder gave her more space to swim freely without many restrictions. She got along with everyone and had a special connection with sharks, which most merpeople avoided. This entitled her to roam through deeper caverns whenever she wished and this kind of freedom made her fearless. But now fear was all that she felt. And it was consuming her by the second.

A rustling of footsteps startled her and made her turn around in search for the source of the sound. Were they here? She combed her fingers, damp with seawater, through her long, flaxen hair. It reached all the way to her waist, and she wondered how odd she must look as she wrapped it around her body. Being entirely naked made her even more apprehensive, and she tried to shield what she could with her hair.

“Are you all right?” The deep, masculine voice startled her. She wasn’t expecting to see a man. She had thought the Changed Ones in charge of female Explorers were all past mermaids. Their eyes met, and she saw a young man, not much older than she was, staring back at her with an incredulous expression. His hair was short and curly, and she was tempted to reach out her hand to touch it to see if it was as soft as it looked. He had handsome, boyish features, but there was a soulless look about him that made him appear sad and older than his years. His light brown eyes blinked apprehensively, and he appeared equally surprised.

Were they all this inexperienced?

“I—I’m Narya.” She expected him to know who she was. But she couldn’t see the recognition in his eyes. Perhaps he had mixed up the pick-up point for another merman due to come ashore tonight. She looked about her nervously. Where were the others?

“Right . . . I’m going to get some help, okay? Just wait right here.” He gestured with his hands as if to calm her.

She wondered if she was being abandoned as he walked away hastily before suddenly halting his steps. Had he remembered something? His fingers fumbled to unbutton his grey and white checkered shirt and he quickly threw it toward her.

“You can use this for now. I’ll be right back.” He turned and disappeared into the darkness.

Great, she thought. He was obviously scared of her. Maybe they all grow unaccustomed to seeing merpeople after living as Changed Ones for so long. She gladly took the shirt and draped it around her body. That felt a little bit better. It wasn’t cold or anything, but the act itself made her feel more sheltered. As she had learned from books and magazines found in the secret chest, this was how humans slept—under a cloth, or blanket. A small grin appeared on her face. This was her very first human item.

From a distance, she saw two figures rushing toward her. They’re here. Still kneeling on the sand, she straightened her back and kept the shirt tightly wrapped around her.

“What on earth are you talking about, Nick. I don’t understand—oh . . .”

A young woman stood beside the man that had given Narya his shirt. She wore large, fashionable glasses—the kind with thick black frames often seen on models in magazines. Her features were not as delicate, but she was nice to look at. She sported cropped brown hair that reached her jawline with subtle blond highlights. Her eyes looked cold, but they retained a trace of kindness. She stared at Narya with an unreadable expression. Do I look that unpresentable? Aren’t they supposed to introduce themselves first?

“I’m Narya.” She assumed the man didn’t explain who she was and wondered if they could even understand her. Surely it was impossible for them not to. Merpeople knew almost all the languages spoken on lands that surrounded them—at least around the coastal places. They had been taught the written form by past Explorers more than enthusiastic to share this exotic skill. She had used the dominant language of this particular island and didn’t expect to be met with such puzzled looks.

“Right. And I’m Louise.” The woman forced out a smile, but her eyes were hard, focused on her with an intensity that she didn’t know what to make of. “What are you doing here alone? And . . .” her eyes trailed from Narya’s hair to the shirt covering parts of her naked body. “And why on earth are you naked?”

Narya felt slightly irritated by her question. “I—I don’t have any clothes,” she said. They were supposed to come with a change of clothes. This was in the briefing before she swam to the pick-up point. No one told her that the Changed Ones would have so many questions. Why was she being interrogated as though her presence here wasn’t welcome?

“You . . . you don’t have any clothes for me?”

Louise stared at her with a blank expression before she burst into laughter.

“Oh man, you must have had a lot to drink. Either that, or you were high or something. All right, let’s get you into some clothes, and we’ll see where we can bring you.” She walked toward Narya and knelt down beside her. She studied her closely, her intense blue eyes concentrating as if trying to dissect her thoughts. “Hey Nick, you want to go get my bag back at the lab? I think I have my workout clothes in there.”

“You think she’s okay?” Nick asked. He stood beside them reluctant to leave and avoided looking directly at her nakedness.

“Well, I’m no nurse, but I don’t see any wound or anything. Except . . .” Louise stared at Narya’s legs.

Her first transition had left them blotchy and extremely red in some places. These were the stings she had felt earlier. The transition was now complete, but she had been told that the redness would stay for a few days, and she would be too weak to walk properly. They were supposed to bring crutches, or at least extend their arm to support her until they could make it to a wheelchair.

“Why are your legs so red? And . . . are these jellyfish bites?” Louise pressed her thumb into the redness.

Narya thought it was strange to have someone touch her somewhere that didn’t exist minutes before. After a close inspection, Louise seemed convinced they were indeed from jellyfish, and she nodded to herself. “I think we have some aloe vera back at the lab, too.” She turned and saw that Nick was still standing in the same spot, his hand folded on his chest as he stared at Narya’s bare legs.

“Nick, I’ll need those clothes for her, unless you want to walk through campus with a naked girl in your arms.” Louise shot a glance toward him that sent him running in response to her request.

She nudged Narya with her elbow and grinned mischievously. “So what did you drink before you woke up like this, huh?”

When Nick came back with Louise’s bag, they gave her a bright yellow T-shirt with “The Ocean is My Home” printed on the front, and a pair of track pants that were too large for her. She had no shoes, but she didn’t mind walking barefoot on the sand. It was soft and reminded her of the ocean floor in her favorite cavern.

“Can you walk?” Nick eyed her suspiciously as she tried to steady herself on two legs. When she felt she was losing her balance, Nick caught her arm and put it around his neck. He didn’t say anything, but she assumed he would help her walk the rest of the way. She tilted her head sideways to study his profile. He didn’t appear to be much of a talker and seemed like the quiet, gloomy type, with an indecipherable past. She let her gaze linger far too long, and he met her eyes with an arched brow and a quizzical look that made her heart jump. She turned away abruptly and cleared her throat. Maybe humans have different social codes when it comes to interacting with others. Underwater, merpeople spoke to each other by touch or glance, as their thoughts were transmitted this way. Spoken language was used only when they happen to float above water, or as practice for those due to leave as Explorers. She assumed that humans could not read her thoughts. The Changed Ones, after they make up their minds and forfeit their status as merpeople, supposedly lose the ability to speak in the same way. She opened her mouth and wanted to say something to Nick, but she was unsure what to ask him, or what might be appropriate to ask a Changed One on the first day.

“So, where do you live?” Louise turned to her suddenly before she had a chance to start with a question of her own.

“Where do I live?” Narya was puzzled that she would ask. She wasn’t prepared to live alone and had expected them to take her in. They were assigned to her as caretakers. She would be housed, taught, and trained on how to behave like a human before she could make an informed decision about whether she even wanted to stay.

“Yeah, are you too stoned to know your own address or something?” There was sarcasm in her voice, not the malicious kind, but Narya didn’t quite understand her. Stoned? What did she mean?

“Sure, maybe.” She shrugged and looked expectantly at Nick. He seemed to be less aggressive than Louise when it came to questions. Maybe he would care to explain some of these human slogans she wasn’t familiar with yet.

“Where am I staying?” She turned to him for help. Nick furrowed his brows and appeared to be just as confused as she was.

“Hey Lou, maybe she can just rest at your place for today, and we can figure things out tomorrow.”

“My place? No way. I told you I had that TA get-together tonight. Why don’t you take her? You have all that extra space.” Louise threw his shirt in his face. Nick expertly caught it mid-air and slung it over his shoulder.

“You want me to take in a strange girl, who appears to be high, a day before I have to hand in my thesis?” There was resistance in his voice, and he tried not to look directly at her.

Narya felt slighted by their exchange, and found it rude that they were trying to get rid of the responsibility they were given. She wanted to remind them of their duties but was reluctant to do so on the very first day. A confrontation with the Changed Ones assigned to look after her didn’t seem like a wise decision. Besides, she was exhausted from the transition, and her body was sore all over from the pain. She needed to save her energy to recover and not exacerbate her already weakened condition.

“Well, I’m sure she’s harmless.” Louise walked to her side, took her other arm, and wrapped it around her neck. The simple gesture made Narya feel warmer inside, and she was grateful for Louise, however indifferent she appeared to be.

She had very little strength to stand, and walking was a struggle she was not ready to face. She couldn’t understand most of what they meant by ‘stoned,’ or ‘strange girl,’ but she figured they were now ready to help her in her transition. She threw her head back and let her eyes wander aimlessly over the starry sky. It was the same sky she stared at whenever she went up to the surface, but tonight, the stars seemed more distant.

When they reached a large building, Narya squinted to make out the words in the dark. Gerace Research Centre, Bahamas. She remembered from the briefing that one of the Changed Ones was a student here. So she must be with the right people. The doubt she felt about her two caretakers vanished, and the thought of finally taking on the role of an Explorer made her feel exhilarated and a bit lightheaded.

“Alright, I’m off,” Louise said. “Jean is probably wondering where I am.” She ducked and untangled herself from Narya’s arm. “She’s all yours, Nick.”

A small snicker escaped her as she waved goodbye, leaving Narya with Nick, who looked as flustered as the girl they had rescued from the beach.

“You’ll be fine!” She shouted as she walked away, seemingly eager to be free of them.

“Okay . . . well, I guess you’re stuck with me for now.”

There was neither enthusiasm nor annoyance detectable in his voice. But Narya still smiled at him apologetically. She had meant to go with Louise, but this would have to do for now. No one said transitions were easy. Still leaning on his arm, she felt Nick slow down, and her gaze followed his finger as he pointed toward a three-story building ahead. He stared skeptically at her wobbly legs.

“Three flights of stairs,” he nodded perfunctorily. “I hope you can make it.”

Before Narya could explain she was too tired to try walking, and that stairs would indisputably be an impossible task, she felt herself slipping away. Her eyes were closing, and she knew the will to keep them open was no longer hers. She stood on solid ground, but it might as well have been crumbling beneath her. Now she could feel waves gushing through, crashing against her body, and she willingly melted into the water that called out to her.

“Hey! Hey!”

She could hear him, but he sounded so far away, his voice echoing in the deep, deep ocean floor.

When she woke, she found herself lying on a bed tucked in a thin, blue blanket, alone in a room with mismatched furniture. She was no interior designer, but she had flipped through enough magazines on the sandbank to know this was nowhere near fancy. Large world maps and posters of different shark species were plastered all over the walls. On the desk across from the bed, she could see books piled high atop each other and several papers scattered carelessly on the floor.

Her skin was not yet used to being completely dry, and she desperately felt the need to splash water over her body. Or maybe soak in a bath—one of the tips given at the briefing. During the transition phase, it was important to keep herself hydrated; it would ease the panic, she recalled someone saying. She felt as though her throat was parched, and she needed something to keep it overflowed with water or she might faint. She hadn’t tried to drink or eat anything yet. These were all part of the first experiences as a human. Nick was nowhere to be seen, and she wondered if Louise would take over now and guide her through her first morning as a human.

Her head laid on white, crisp pillows that made her want to linger for a while. Grudgingly, she forced herself to get up. Sitting up with her back against the pillows, she uncovered the blanket to reveal her legs. Grinning like a child who’s found her favorite toy, she stared proudly at her new limbs. They were long, slim, and straight. The skin on the rest of her body was naturally tanned but her legs were pasty white, and it made them appear as though they didn’t belong to her. She tried bending one leg and wiggling her toes, hardly able to believe she actually had legs. Her tail had been so beautiful, meticulously maintained, with the most intriguing mix of turquois, violet and golden scales. With an ardor that even Keames found to be impressive, she constantly cleaned her scales against beds of sea grass whenever they came across one. Funny how she didn’t miss her tail at all—at least not for now. Still on the bed, she observed her legs with childlike wonder. She hadn’t really tried standing on her own after so much help from Louise and Nick yesterday. But she felt ready to tackle her first steps as a human. She staggered clumsily out of the bed and gently put one foot on the ground. Feeling the hard, cold tile on the sole of her left foot, she giggled uncontrollably at this new, weird sensation.

“Hi.” Nick stood beside the open door and wore a quizzical look. She wondered how long he has been there. He held a mug in each hand, and extended one to her.

“Coffee?”

“Okay.” Narya took small, unsteady steps, holding onto the edge of Nick’s bookshelves as she slowly made her way toward him. “Sorry, I’m not used to this.” She smiled apologetically.

“Sure.” He sounded unconvinced as he watched her attempting to grab the coffee mug.

“Be careful, it’s super hot.” He turned the mug so that the handle was within her reach.

“Man, whatever you had last night messed you up good.” He shook his head.

There was still no smile from this brooding young man. She wondered what might have happened to him to render him this unapproachable.

“I didn’t have anything. Except seawater, I suppose. I choked on a lot of it last night coming up.” She carefully took a small sip from the cup. It tasted bitter and she made a face.

“You were . . . in the water?” Confusion lingered in his eyes as he tried to make sense of what she said. “Anyway, drink up. Coffee helps with most hangovers.”

“Hangovers? Is that what they call it now?” She didn’t know this was a code name for the transition. As she attempted to take another sip, she raised her eyes. In the morning light, she saw his face clearly, unlike the blurred figure she first took him for. He had dark, tanned skin, with large brown eyes that looked like they had seen through too many of life’s harsh realities. He was taller than she remembered him; she noted his broad shoulders and the bulging shape of his arms—built like a merman. He must be a swimmer, then.

Nick let out a small laugh and scratched his head. His eyes flickered as he watched her grab the coffee mug as though it were a bizarre contraption she’d never seen before.

“Look, I’ve got something planned for today, and I can’t be late . . .” He glanced at his watch, and his smile instantly faded.

“Uh, listen, Louise will be here in a bit—and she’ll get you home.” He took a large gulp of coffee and rushed to the desk to pick up some of his books.

“Thank you for everything. I—I didn’t expect someone like you . . . but thank you.”

“Right.” He held her gaze with a more confounded look, but he had no time for questions. “I guess I’ll see you around.” With that, he hurriedly exited the room and she heard the door slam.

What an unexpected beginning to her first day as a human. She supposed nothing would seem normal now. Tired of standing, she crawled back to the bed and curled up under the blanket. Rest was her best remedy for now, she closed her eyes as she prepared for the next dream that was to come.

“No, I am not waking her, you do it!”

Narya heard a woman’s voice as she awoke from her dream. It was a good dream, too. Swimming along with the current, she was racing with Grey, one of the sharks she had befriended years ago when she realized she possessed the gift to feasibly communicate with them. Sharks and mermaids didn’t usually mix. Dolphins, yes. Whales, it depended on their size; humpbacks were gentle giants, but they could cause serious accidents if they did not swim out of their way in time. As for sharks, they usually steered clear of them for obvious reasons. It was easy for sharks to confuse merpeople with other fishes that they preyed on. But once Narya made friends with one, it was hard not to embrace the entire group.

In her dream, she and Grey sped through the corals, zigzagging in and out of caverns. They couldn’t slow down, like they were held captive for too long and finally set free—and it was such a thrill to swim like that. Swim. She opened her eyes and slid her hand down her waist and felt the foreign limbs that hung unto her lower body. Now that she was temporarily human, swimming was no longer an option. Once she dipped into the seawater, the transition back into a mermaid was inevitable. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and she let it linger there. The dampness alone soothed her.

She turned her head toward the sound and saw two indistinct figures standing by the door. She blinked then saw Louise and Nick, the only two people she had on her side for now. They were her sole support in this new life—until they deemed her human enough to travel and brought her to wherever Keames was.

“Is she awake?” Nick took a brisk step forward. He had another cup of coffee in his hands. Coffee must be a favorite drink.

“I’m awake.” She didn’t know how long she had slept, but from the window, she could see the sun setting. Oh no. She groaned loudly. “I missed the entire day?”

Louise nodded sympathetically. “Yep. That’s what a bad hangover will do to you.” She came over to Narya and sat on the bed. “So, are you ready to go?”

“Sure . . .” Her hair was completely dry now and still had no idea how to manage her long, loose waves of curls. They were constantly in her face, and she struggled to comb through them with her fingers. Maybe Louise could give her beauty tips. Her hair looked fashionable enough. This should be a fun first day.

“Hey . . . can you cut my hair?” She grinned like a child, anticipating the prospect of getting a makeover, something that seemed to be common among young girls according to the magazines she read.

“You want me to . . . cut your hair?”

The sound of Louise’s laughter almost made Narya jump from the bed. It was one of those deep, throaty laughs that came from the core of one’s stomach. She was still laughing, as though Narya had uttered the most ridiculous thing.

“Well . . .” She peered at Louise from under her hair. “I mean—I thought that’s one of the things that we could do.” She wasn’t so sure now whether this was a good idea. Maybe they had a strict schedule for her. She didn’t pay much attention at the briefing when they went over a typical first-week schedule for the Explorers.

“No, no, no. I don’t cut hair. I think I could, sure, but you’d probably regret you ever asked. Come on.” Louise stood up and pulled Narya by the arm. “Let’s get you home.”

“But . . . I thought this was . . . home.”

“No, this is Nick’s home.” Louise enunciated the words slowly as if Narya were hard of hearing.

“You still don’t know where your home is?” Nick asked, leaning on the threshold of the doorway. He still eyed her suspiciously but appeared genuinely concerned about her confused state of mind. “Lou, maybe we should call the police.”

“What? No—no, why would you call the police?”

Narya tried to stand, but she stumbled into the bookshelf, hitting her knee hard against the wood. “Ow!” She sat on the floor rubbing her left knee. As clueless as she was about most human things, she knew how the system on land worked. With her ambiguous identity, being interrogated by the police would surely spin things out of control.

Nick moved to rush toward her then stopped himself as though he remembered he shouldn’t exhibit any real kindness or concern. He kept his distance, but his tone was softer.

“I mean, we don’t have to, but it seems like you don’t know where you are.”

“But I don’t know where I am.” Tears welled up in her eyes, and she tried to steady her shaking voice. “You two brought me here.” Her gaze shifted to Nick then to Louise, who looked just as perplexed. “I mean, weren’t you waiting for me on the shore last night?”

The same look of confusion spread across both their faces. Narya’s chest tightened. They hadn’t been waiting for her. She just showed up—a naked girl on the beach with nowhere to go, and they took her in out of kindness. Did she confuse the pick-up point?

“Look,” Nick gave Louise a look before continuing. “You can stay here for tonight, if you want to, but we need to get you home somehow.” His voice was low and comforting, reminding her of a still ocean.

She nodded distractedly. This was more than bad. She had no one. She was utterly and hopelessly on her own.

“Yeah, maybe it’ll come to you.” Louise sounded hopeful. She crossed her arms and looked at Nick. “I have to go. I got quizzes to mark. Can you . . .” She lowered her voice but Narya could still hear her. “. . . deal with this?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Nick was uneasy about having a strange girl in his house, but he felt responsible for her. After all, he was the one who found her.