Take me to the Deepest Blue

Nick walked with Narya along the beach, as the ocean waves rolled in behind them. He was thankful for the sound as they were both exceedingly quiet other than for an occasional mentioning of Louise. They had stayed with her until the sun began to set. She seemed in high spirits and laughed heartily at the inside jokes shared with Nick years earlier.

They now neared a deserted beach area temporarily forgotten by the crowds. There were high rocks around them, forming a small overhead cliff. The waves continued to rise, and as the water reached their feet, he watched Narya cautiously stepping over the water and backing away. He couldn’t believe that mere few hours ago, she was someone wholly different underwater; an obscure image immersed in water, long hair flowing around her, and the translucent glow that surrounded her like a halo.

“Do you miss it?” he heard himself ask before he cursed silently for succumbing to his unrelenting curiosity.

“Do I miss what?” She was busy averting the water, and was now treading around it. Like she was dancing with the waves.

“This.” He walked a small distance away from her and edged into the water until his ankles were submerged. He missed it, even craved sometimes, like an addict trying hard to fight the damning temptation. The swim from earlier today only made his yearnings worse. He savored the feeling of the lukewarm seawater—the perfect condition for a sunset swim.

“Yes, I do.” She stood on the beach in her evening dress, her hands raising the bottom of it to prevent it from getting wet. The sea breeze made her hair dance around her face, and the sight of her made his heart swell. Brightness shone in her eyes as she looked out into the open sea.

“Yeah, me too.” He walked back onto the beach and sat down on a rock. Resting his chin on his fist, he tried to imagine what it would feel like to be deep in the ocean again.

“When do you think you’ll be ready to go in?” she asked as she settled beside him and dug her feet into the warm sand.

“I’m not sure.” He stretched out his legs and glanced at his wet, sand-caked feet.

Narya observed him with her large, curious eyes. “Do you think it’s your fault that she drowned?”

Therapists that Louise made him visit had tirelessly asked the same question over and over again. He never really answered them, although he knew what his answer would be. But Narya’s question didn’t seem rhetorical. She was genuinely asking whether if he blamed himself. Was he ready to let the truth engulf him?

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

“Why?” She sat up straight and the sand spilled over her legs. He stared down at them, envisioning what they were underneath.

“I introduced her . . . to this.” His finger traced the outline of the diving mask he held. Katie’s face appeared in his cluttered mind, and his grip on the mask tightened. Damning evidence of his passion for the sea.

“Diving, the ocean, the whole package. She fell in love with it, and it’s what killed her.” He grabbed a fistful of sand and felt the tiny grains seeping out of his hand until nothing remained. Everything he tried to protect slipped away from him and got mercilessly thrown into harm’s way. Nothing good ever lasted for him.

“But she loved it, right? The ocean?”

The waves rolled in with a thunderous force, as did memories of Katie and their diving adventures. She was always so happy underwater, surrounded by this other realm. It was her passion. It was her life.

“It’s not your fault.” Narya’s tone was decisive and it made him want to pull her near to thank her for whatever it was that made him feel whole again.

“Right.” As much as he wanted to believe her, he’d rather be bound by his guilt and not let the memories of Katie fade.

They remained quiet for a while, listening to the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore. The smell of the sea filled his lungs, and he wondered if he would ever be able to breathe easily without it.

He felt Narya shift from where she sat. A small sigh escaped her.

“Want to go for a swim?” She got up and tiptoed toward the water. Her slim silhouette reflected in the water, and her dress glimmered in sunlight that was quickly setting behind them. The sunset cast an orange hue and, as he watched Narya, she glowed like a goddess, standing in the open sea. She turned back with a playful grin and gestured with her hand for him to follow.

He found himself unable to take his eyes off her, her hair swept by the wind in all directions, making her look wild—a side to her he’d only started to see. Her lilac-sequined dress called to mind the violet fish tail he had seen underwater. Everything about her suddenly made sense. This was simply who she was. There was no disguise, no mystery about this girl he initially had thought so confounding. He was falling for her at a speed he felt would suffocate him soon if he did nothing about it. He had lost his remaining willpower and desperately wanted to jump in and join her. Take me, he thought, take me to the deepest blue.

“Come!”

The spot where she stood took on a soft, light purple hue. He was amazed at the shift of colors as she went deeper into the water.

“Ow.”

She was trying not to wince. He didn’t have a chance to ask about the physics of her transformation. From the look on her face, he reckoned it hurt each time she turned back into a mermaid.

He walked toward her in hopes of pulling her back out of the water. “Look, I don’t think—”

She was completely submerged but then re-emerged with clustered of dark purple, lilac, and silver scales covering her upper body. She threw her wet dress at him, and it landed on the sand near his feet.

“Put on your mask!”

She floated in the water, and he caught a glimpse of her tail that submerged as quickly as it had surfaced.

“It’s time that you come back.”

She said it like it was an easy task and, for once, he knew she couldn’t be more wrong. But why did it feel so right?

His hands clutched his diving mask, and he could feel his body tingling uncontrollably with excitement. Earlier, when he had dove into the water to save her, he felt something he hadn’t experienced in a long time. A suppressed freedom that he craved for what seemed like an eternity. He tightened his lips and tried hard to justify why he shouldn’t just jump in.

“If you come with me, I’ll tell you more about . . . this.” She swam in a way that exposed the tip of her tail. She was grinning like a child, knowing she was close to winning this battle of enticement.

It was a tempting bargain; she had learned how to maneuver him well. His fingers subconsciously adjusted his diving mask like it was second nature. If he was going in, this swim was going to be well worth his time.

“You can ask me . . . one question. Any question.” She changed position, and her tail had disappeared. From the surface, she looked like any normal girl enjoying a carefree sunset swim in the ocean.

“Five.” He held up his hand with fingers splayed to give himself a boost of confidence, all the while conscious of his lack of negotiating skills.

“Two.” She splashed sea water at him and giggled as she watched him move toward her. Her plan was working. She was, in every way, his kryptonite—his siren of the sea.

“Three. It’s my lucky number.” He smiled from ear to ear, knowing she would capitulate.

“Fine, you can have three.” She smiled in return then dove into the water and began to swim further away from him.

He was knee deep in the water. He tried not to panic, exhaling deeply. This was just a swim. A swim for the advancement of marine biology, he reminded himself. He caught a glimpse of Narya smiling at him, her tail protruding from the waters. It was time. He fastened the mask around his face. Funny how old habits come back so effortlessly. No longer able to control his desire, he dove in after her.

She navigated expertly through the water, swimming much deeper than he was—a few meters further down. The sight of her gliding freely profoundly moved him. He’d never felt as many emotions stir within him—an unexpected epiphany, mixed with an overwhelming gratitude that paved the way for a sense of longing—a longing to live. To stay alive. To have lived until now to be in this very moment.

The glimmer of her tail lit the way, and he could clearly see all the corals and marine life underneath them. They were summoned to life as she swam past them. The bright corals took on a more luscious shade in the evening light, glistening in the water like darkened jewels purposely hidden away only to resurface exclusively to display their grandeur. A mixed group of reef butterflyfish and queen angelfish encircled them as they passed by, their scales reflecting off Narya’s tail and creating a bewildering illusion of lights. He had not forgotten the beauty of marine life in the Bahamas, but the love he felt for the ocean flowed back with an intensity so strong he felt an adrenaline rush that made his head spin. A bale of sea turtles swam against the current, one tugging curiously at Narya’s tail. She turned back intermittently to check on him, her golden eyes staring into his, inadvertently deciphering his deepest secrets. She swam leisurely at his pace; at times her tail would be almost within his reach, and he was tempted to stretch out his hand to touch it just to make sure she was real.

As they reached the reef area, there was a sudden halt in her movement as though she were waiting for something. He couldn’t see much beyond the school of blue tang that stubbornly stuck around. Then he felt a presence before he saw it. He first made out a large, looming silhouette making its entrance among the other fishes that quickly skittered away. Seconds later was he able to see the great white shark making its way directly toward them, its movement slow yet regal.

From where he was, he could see part of its white underside, and its dark blue dorsal area blending with the water. It swam by Narya’s side, and it occurred to him that this was the shark they had attempted to tag earlier in the day. Dumbfounded, he watched her reach out to pet it as if it were a tamed beast, and it returned her affection by nuzzling against her arm. With an inviting smile, she gestured to him to come closer, and the shark floated by her, hypnotized by her touch. There were a dozen reasons why he shouldn’t get too close to a great white, but nothing had been normal since this morning, and he forcibly pushed logic aside as he made his way toward the mermaid and her unlikely companion.

Narya extended her hand and pulled him closer until he was face to face with the great white shark. Its black, beady eyes stared into his own, and he felt a shudder but tried to bury his fear in the back end of his bemused mind. She took his hand and glided it over the shark’s skin. He felt the rough, sandy surface of its placoid scales. From the light that shone from Narya’s tail and scales, he saw their shadows cast on the bottom of the ocean floor. He watched, flabbergasted, as he made out the outline of a large shark’s silhouette, his own shadow, and that of a mermaid’s.