Take me to the Deepest Blue

“Good morning.” Dressed in the lilac dress that she finally managed to dry, Narya rubbed her eyes. She favored this dress over all her other clothes, and the thought brought a proud smile to his face.

“Hey.” He stood by the kitchen counter sipping his first cup of coffee. He had heard her wake up—the sound of a loud and prolonged yawn that traveled all the way to the kitchen.

“Sorry, I don’t even remember how I fell asleep.” She pulled a cup from the shelf and poured herself a generous amount of coffee.

There goes his refill.

“That’s okay. It was just Pete—well, drunk Pete.” He had learned not to take him seriously when he was in an inebriated state.

“What did he want?” She looked around nervously as though he still might be lurking nearby.

She was not the first girl to find him creepy, and Nick didn’t blame her.

“He mentioned something about going to Tanzania for research. And wanting to bring us there . . .” Remembering that he was making eggs, he ran back to the oven where she now stood.

“Don’t worry, I can do this.” She gave him a reassuring smile and took over the pan, flipping the eggs expertly and serving them on a plate.

He was taken aback by her ease around him, and at how much he enjoyed this newfound intimacy between them.

“Tanzania . . . that’s in East Africa?” She hopped onto the kitchen counter and grabbed a piece of toast from his plate.

“Yeah. But I don’t think Pete was serious. He doesn’t mean half the things he says.”

“Mmm.” She made a face as she bit down on the dry toast.

She jumped down and circled around him to get to the cupboard and searched for the peanut butter jar. Before he could stop her, she was dipping her toast into the jar and enjoying it tremendously as she licked her fingers.

He grabbed a butter knife and handed it to her as his phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hello, yourself!” Louise said. “How come my visitors schedule is so empty today? You and Narya busy with something I don’t know?”

Her voice was edgy, and he could sense her jealousy. He peered at Narya and saw her drinking milk out of the carton. One of the many habits she will have to change.

“Sorry, we were up quite late last night.” He regretted as soon as the words escaped from his mouth. Damn it.

“Oh? Doing what?”

“Just, chatting.” He wanted to hang up. He was never good at lying, especially to someone as intuitive as Louise.

“Mmm-hmm.” She paused before continuing in a more upbeat tone. “So, did Pete tell you about going to Tanzania? I hope you guys are packing your bags. I’m getting discharged this afternoon, and I’ve got to get my stuff sorted. I just hope I can find my passport in time . . .”

“Wait, so he was actually serious?” His shoulders tensed. He had traveled extensively but never to Tanzania, and the prospect of studying sharks in a whole new country fascinated him.

“I thought he was just drunk when he came over last night,” he said.

“Yeah, well, I’m sure he was drunk. Maybe that’s why he booked our non-refundable tickets.” She snickered and tapped on her keyboard. “I’ll forward them to your email in a bit.”

“Wait—so all of us are going?”

“Yeah. You, me, Pete—and Narya. She’s coming too, right?”

Nick watched Narya licking the border of the peanut butter jar. He made his way over to her, wanting to intervene against any further unhygienic habits she was developing under his roof.

“I’ll ask her.”

“Okay, cool. I’ll see you guys later.”

He put his phone down on the counter and reached out for the jar. She was still licking peanut butter off her fingers and making the smacking sound with her lips that he found so endearing.

“Alright, we’ll need to set some ground rules here.”

When Nick got called away on last-minute duties by Pete, Narya found herself rummaging through his things for her passport. She was convinced she had left it in his bag on their trip to Vancouver, and she’d need it for her trip to Tanzania. She eventually fished it out of the deepest pocket of his backpack, and her job of the day was done. She surveyed the room, unsure of what to do next. All the books in Nick’s apartment were ocean related, and she had already flipped through most of them, finding some of the theories absurd or just plain wrong.

As she sat on the ground between Nick’s duffel bag and backpack, staring aimlessly at the passport in her hands, it occurred to her that she had someone she could talk to. Someone with useful tips and pointers on how to be human. This would save her from the suffocating boredom of being stuck in Nick’s apartment alone on a sunny afternoon.

As soon as she had walked through the sliding doors of the U.S. Embassy, she spotted Alicia working feverishly behind the counter. She was dressed in a buttoned shirt (it was buttoned to the very top, conveniently hiding her neck), her dark brown hair tied in a high ponytail. Her eyes looked tense as she shifted her attention between the papers in front of her and the bright desktop screen.

Narya approached the counter cautiously, keeping an eye out for Jane.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Alicia chirped back without looking up from her paperwork.

“It’s me.” She crouched down so that Alicia could see her face.

“Oh, Narya!” Her fingers continued typing, but her face relaxed into a kind smile.

“Are you hungry?” Narya asked, seeing that the clock read close to one o’clock. She began to feel a gnawing emptiness in her stomach. Ever since she had arrived, she’d developed a keen palate for vegetarian dishes. She had tried California rolls (without the crab meat) several times, and found them to be quite addictive.

“I guess it’s about lunchtime,” Alicia replied. “I usually eat at my desk, though—”

Narya went around the counter and pulled Alicia by the arm.

“Come on, live a little! Let’s go get some real food.”

When they sat down at her most frequented sushi bar, Narya ordered a few maki rolls (with no seafood) for herself, while Alicia happily munched on her packed sandwich and ordered a side of fries. She scanned the restaurant before leaning toward Narya.

“How have you been adjusting?” she asked in a low voice. “Has everything been okay? No freak incidents so far?”

Telling the cautious Alicia about swimming in the ocean with Nick didn’t seem like a good idea.

“It’s been okay.” She decided to keep her adventures secret—a harmless white lie.

“I see. I see. But how have you been doing . . . emotionally? Do you miss the water terribly?” Alicia said the word as though it were sacred.

“Yes and no. I’m not sure. I mean, I think I will after a while.”

Alicia obviously didn’t know about the possible limitless transitions. Perhaps she will just keep this to herself for a bit longer until she has the courage to test it out herself.

“Do you miss it?”

“All the time!” Alicia carefully folded the brown paper bag she had packed her sandwich in into a meticulously even square. “Sometimes I even dream about being back.” Her eyes stared into the distance.

“Have you used up your transitions yet?”

The server brought a cup of espresso for Alicia, and Narya watched her chug it down.

“No, I think I have only one left,” Alicia said.

“Oh.” Narya wondered what she would end up choosing if it came to this. The more she went over it in her head, the more conflicted she felt. Was Keames truly an exception, or was this number of transitions part of a conspiracy to keep the mermaids from wandering off?

“I’m saving it . . . just in case I can’t take it up here anymore.” Alicia drummed her fingers on the table.

“I thought you stayed because you liked it here . . . is it Jane?” Narya thought about Jane’s stern demeanor, and figured that she, too, would be miserable if she were stuck with her every day of the week.

“What? Oh, no, no!” Alicia laughed and shook her head vigorously. “Jane’s great. She actually helped me through a lot.”

Narya eyed the last piece of avocado roll. “Through what?”

“Well . . . there was this guy. A human guy I met.”

She picked up the roll with her fingers and stared at it greedily. Avocado blended with rice was such a heavenly combination.

“And he kind of . . . found out about me. About us.”

Narya inhaled too quickly and momentarily choked on the rice she was chewing.

“I broke the pact. I had to tell someone, and he was so understanding—and kind . . .” Alicia’s hand trembled as she took her napkin and started to fold it into a triangle.

“It all started because he also had a scar on his neck. From a fishing accident. And when I showed him mine, he made comments about how we must have been destined to be together, or something corny like that.”

She rolled her eyes, but Narya could see tears welling up and she tried not to stare.

“And then?”

“Then I kind of blurted it out. All of it.”

“What happened afterwards?” Narya was fully intrigued now. She thought no one knew. Or at least that no one was ever meant to know.

“At first he didn’t believe me. I showed him—in the water. We went to the beach one night when there was no one around. He freaked out at first, but then he turned out to be really supportive . . . and curious. He started to ask all kinds of questions, and . . .”

Narya waited for her to continue.

“Then one day I overheard him talking on the phone.” She crumpled the napkin with her hand. “I didn’t hear everything, but I think he was going to expose me. To a research lab somewhere.” She winced, as they were most despicable words she’d ever uttered.

“Oh. I’m so sorry, Alicia.”

“That’s when Jane came into the picture. I had to tell someone, and she was the one who helped me transition.”

“What did she do?”

“Well, I never found out. But I never saw the guy again. Jane and I kept a diligent eye out for the news every day for the next while. We read hundreds of newspapers in print and on the internet every week. But nothing ever came up.”

Alicia shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her eyes moist.

Narya put her hand on Alicia’s arm. “I’m sorry. You must have been so scared.”

“Well, it’s over now. Jane saved us all.”

Alicia went on about how helpful Jane had been, and Narya’s thoughts drifted to Nick. Would he ever betray her? Then there was Louise, who may or may not have seen her scales when she accidentally poured seawater all over her legs. She suddenly felt an inexplicable weight on her chest.

“Sorry, Alicia . . . I just realized I have go. But let’s meet again.”

Before Alicia could respond, Narya had made her way outside, hoping she would not end up in the same predicament.

She was breathless by the time she got there, but she managed to find Nick after knocking on several lab rooms on the campus. He had brought her here once to drop off his paper to Pete, and she recalled his mentioning he had to stop by the lab to hand over a few things before their trip to Tanzania.

“Are you all right?” he asked, looking concerned. Before turning his full attention to her, he handed a thick folder to a young man wearing a checkered shirt and glasses too large for his face. “What’s going on?”

“I . . . I . . .” There were so many thoughts reeling around in her head: the hurt look on Alicia’s face when she recounted her story; the man who betrayed her that she imagined would look somewhat like Nick. Handsome, with honest eyes—maybe even studying in the same field. Marine biologists would benefit a great deal from a discovery of a new underwater species. She thought about all the things she had already revealed to Nick. A myth proven real—what a bedazzling discovery it would be for him. Her heart raced as she peered into his worried eyes. After all they had been through together, would he really expose her to the world?

“Do you want to sit down?”

“Yeah, thanks.” She needed reassurance that she wouldn’t end up like Alicia. Or worse, to have Jane clean up her mess. She closed her eyes, trying to regain her focus.

“Here.” Nick handed her a cup of water.

She gulped it down and felt a deep craving to be back in the water, immersing herself in the big blue, safe and guarded, surrounded by her familiar friends. She handed the empty mug back to Nick. “What are you working on?”

He motioned to the young man. “Can you get her more water?”

Nick obviously ran the lab and that meant he was important—maybe important enough to want to achieve something great.

“Uh . . . nothing major.”

Her eyes landed on few papers scattered on a nearby desk. As she squinted to get a clearer look, she saw that one of them showed a drawing of gills. Her gills. She inched closer and made out the three thin lines on what was a hastily drawn silhouette of a human face and neck. That was her neck. There were small, illegible notes scribbled around the drawing.

Nick cleared his throat, rose from his seat abruptly, and collected the papers from the desk.

“Look, this is just a stupid sketch.”

She wanted to believe him. As silly as it was, she wished she could read his mind, but he’d have to be a merman. A quiet intensity lingered between them, and she waited for him to say something—anything to reassure her of the secrecy he hadn’t really sworn to her.

She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, probably trusting him more than anyone up here. “Do you remember what we talked about?”

“Yeah, I do.” His tone was apologetic. She hoped she hadn’t place her bet on the wrong person.

“You have to promise me that—”

“Yeah, I know.” He met her gaze with an unwavering confidence.

They stayed silent, looking at each other as though making a silent pact.

The young man walked between them and handed Narya a mug of water.

“Okay then.” Narya snatched the papers from Nick’s hands and crumbled them into a ball. She threw them into the wastebasket behind him.

“I’ll see you at home?”

“Sure.” He got up from the chair and walked her to the door, his eyes lingering on her back as she exited.