Take me to the Deepest Blue

Since returning from Pemba, Nick found himself more drawn to the sea than ever before. He felt most alive when he was underwater. The air he breathed on land was shallow, and it often felt suffocating on boring, stale ground. He began to do three dives a day. Promptly at sunrise, he went for a two-hour dive. The morning ritual awoke his senses, rejuvenated his tired body, fed him the fuel he needed to get through the day. He took a midday dive to savor all there was to see underwater, discovering new colors as well as fishes he’d seen before but never observed closely. They prickled his skin as they passed, and he tried to stay unobtrusive, blending into one with the marine life in this other realm he called home. The ocean had adopted him ever since he lost his parents, and he had vowed never to return after losing Katie. He felt like the prodigal son returning to his roots.

When he had seen Keames appear on the television screen, he immediately thought of Narya—the girl who blurred the line between dream and fantasy. He knew, somehow, that she was calling out to him. Perhaps she was part of a plan to bring him back to where he belonged. So he came to the beach, sat on the sand; and simply waited.

At dawn, when the setting sun ignited the sky into a blazing montage of gold and orange, he knew that it was cue for the last dive of the day—to return to the place his heart no longer repelled but fully and deeply embraced. The thought of Katie still hurt, but he had become more and more able to cope. Healing was manifested through his diving obsession, which Narya had reinstated into his life. There was an atmosphere of peace in the deep blue like nothing else anywhere, or that anyone could offer him.

She swam back to her home grid with two transitions left. As she navigated through her home area, she managed to avoid meeting anyone and discreetly made her way into her cavern. All her favorite collections, from unique seashells to anything interesting she pulled from shipwrecks, were stored there. She dug through her chest of jewelry until she found what she was looking for. Dangling the chain in front of her, she watched the tiny pearl sway from side to side, bringing back memories that both soothed her heart and made it ache. She had it all figured out just moments ago.

Why was she wavering now?

It wasn’t until he glanced at the calendar hanging above his desk that he realized what day it was. It didn’t unnerve him as much as it used to. On this particular day, he would run for miles without stopping, pausing only when he felt dehydrated to a point where he’d be at risk of passing out on the street. For the past few years, he had dutifully followed a stringent ritual. When he woke, he’d go to the gym and transfer all the blame and bottled-up guilt he had put on himself to the punching bag. He worked out for hours until his knuckles turned black and purple. A brisk stop at the bar would also be required. He’d pour a drink for Katie and one for himself—the lucky bastard who had stayed alive. Katie’s cup would remain untouched while he downed an impressive amount of beer and spirits until his head clouded and his vision blurred. This alleviated the pain that poked at him incessantly on this day.

After drinking, the next thing on his list would be a game of darts with the regulars at his favorite bar. They were familiar with his story by now, and he was convinced they felt nothing but pity for him. Once back home, a bottomless supply of alcohol was inevitably the last sacred ritual of the day. He would drink himself to sleep and wake up the next day sore, bruised, and hungover.

But today, when he read the dates aloud, he made no attempt to chase away the memories that had haunted him for the past three years. Nor did he immerse himself in the morbid ritual. Instead, a sense of relief crept into his mind, shot deep into his veins and straight to his heart until he felt a jolt that sent him running to the beach.

It was time for a visit.

As he dove into the water feeling the waves crashing over his body, he lost himself in the quietly heartening sensation of descending deeper and deeper into the serenity of the ocean. An indescribable peace filled his whole being, empowering him with the courage needed to follow his plan.

When he neared the shipwreck, its silhouette sent shudders through his limbs. But he soldiered on and swam straight toward the familiar wreckage. It was only when he was close enough to count the railings that he noticed something that shone in the short distance away. He quickened his pace, curious, though he knew he had already guessed what it was. The seashell necklace he had given Katie on her birthday hung on one of the protruding metal poles. It floated in the water with a purpose.

It struck him who might have been the benefactor of this long lost gift. Feeling a shudder that crawled the length of his spine, he turned back, only to find a pod of curious dolphins swimming around about the boat. He blinked at the sight of the necklace he now held tightly in his hand. It was a sign that gave him purpose. All this time, he had been searching for a glimmer of hope in the murky waters.

He left his door unlocked on most days, wishing and hoping that she would show up. She never said so, but he was sure she would return eventually. Every night, as if on cue, he dreamed about being underwater, zigzagging in and out of caverns, led by his mermaid.

Tonight would be another one of those dreams. He sighed and laid his head on the pillow, trying to muffle the sound of the waves rolling in and out. The sea breeze taunted him with the tempting smell of seawater, luring him back. Tonight, he would dream about her again.

As he fell into a deep sleep, he saw her ever so clearly. Her long hair flowing in the water, her slender arms wide open, inviting him to come closer. He caught a whiff of her signature scent, a hint of seawater, as though she were right there in front of him. It filled the air, and when he opened his eyes, he found himself staring into the same grey-gold eyes he’s been dreaming of. He raised his hand and let his fingers glide across her cold cheek. The familiar chill pulled him out from his daze at once. She was no longer a dream.

Her eyes crinkled as she smiled. He knew that look well, and it comforted him to see she was just as he remembered. She inched closer to him, and as the coolness of her skin brushed against his arm, it ignited every sense in his body.

“You’re back.” He resisted the urge to rub his eyes in case he was still dreaming.

“Yes, I am.”

“Let’s go for a midnight swim.” She took his hand and pulled him out of bed and into the dream that was now reality.

The night sky was intricately dotted with stars, and though Nick was unable to recognize all the constellations, tonight, the stars were especially bright, putting on a light spectacle exclusively for them to marvel at.

They stood at the edge of the beach, hand in hand, staring into the darkened horizon of the sea, making it seem more infinite than it was.

Narya had on a simple white T-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts—an ordinary outfit cloaking a girl with the most extraordinary secret.

“Wait—how many transitions do you have left?” Nick asked.

“Well, theoretically, just two. So after this swim, I’ll just have one left.” Her tone was surprisingly calm.

“And then? What’s your plan after this?”

Was this goodbye? Nick couldn’t tell. He had every reason to ask her to stay—selfish reasons that he’d conjured up in his mind since discovering her time on land was limited. But he restrained himself from spilling his heart. In the end, it was ultimately up to her and her alone.

“I don’t know.”

She shook her head and he knew this was precisely how she felt. All her doubts were written clearly across her face, with nothing held back.

“I just wanted to see you again . . . so I came back. I haven’t made up my mind yet about what to do after.”

He had not anticipated this answer. Her honesty was like a bridge that linked them together, unexpectedly filling the gap that once divided them. They stood before a dilemma, and she was entrusting all her uncertainty to him. He was as lost as she was, but this emboldened him to follow her wherever she desired to go.

“Well, I guess we’ll find out later. No rush.” His fingers closed in on her hand, and he took the first step forward. If this was to be their last swim together, then it would be damn well worth it.

Stunned by his reaction, she tried to validate what he had told her. Her eyes shone brightly, and she saw his steadfast support for whatever she would decide.

“Let’s go for that swim,” he said.

Under the moonlight, two silhouettes dove simultaneously into the ocean. They moved side by side, gliding freely toward the boundless horizon, unburdened by the past and unencumbered by what the future held.

It was a swim like any other swim for a man and his mermaid.