Tainted roots

After checking the dance floor, the bar, and the restrooms, I made my way home. Hopefully, she hadn't been in the mood to go with some random guy. Sometimes you needed a good fuck to help get you in a better mood. It didn't always work depending on the situation. But it never hurt to try. Usually. Obviously not for me, not now.

Wait a minute. Could I never be able to have sex ever again? Horror iced my veins at this thought.

My trip back home wasn't as uneventful as I would've liked. Apparently, the Mythic rubbing up against me on the dance floor didn't appreciate my rejection. My revulsion and panic came even quicker than before.

He whispered some creepy shit in my ear and ran his nose up my neck. I nearly puked on him before I kicked his ass. Which included a throat punch, and a knee to his face that broke his nose.

His choked wheezes followed me as I left him bleeding on the ground. I could've stopped after my first punch, but I didn't appreciate being manhandled and decided to use him as an example of what happened when you fucked with me.

Twenty minutes later, I was pacing outside Ari's room. Several times I paused in front of her door, only to continue my pacing once more. I even raised my hand to knock once, only to stop before it make contact with the wood.

What the fuck was I doing? I never knocked.

Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to talk to her.

With a firm shake of my head, I shoved all my doubts away. I would not let that bastard's actions ruin anything else for me. Before I could lose my nerve, I knocked, secretly hoping she wasn't home.

Ari answered the door a few seconds later, dressed for bed and hair damp. Her brows raised as a look of confusion crossed her face. My chest clenched at the sight, she never had been shocked to see me at her door before today.

I couldn't believe I let it get to this point.

"Can we talk?" I despised the uncertainty in my voice.

Without a word, she held her door open wider, shutting it behind me as I entered. It was dark in her room. The only source of light was the string of twinkling lights hanging from the ceiling. Most would probably assume her room was messy and chaotic, but it was the opposite. She had a rack for all of her shoes and holders for her jewelry. Even her closet was organized.

Ari plopped down on the foot of her bed, tucking her feet under her as she stared at me expectantly.

Damn, I really should've prepared my speech. I groaned and started pacing, debating where I should start. "I tried to have sex with someone else," I blurted out, still pacing.

She made a choking noise, but I refused to look at her, not sure I wanted to see her reaction. "What? When?"

Chewing on my lip, I mumbled, "Two weeks ago."

"So you tried having sex, but you couldn't go through with it," Ari said slowly, processing the information. I nodded, not losing a beat in my pacing. "I'm assuming the nausea and panic attack is what stopped you."

My steps came to a halt, and I finally faced my sister, mouth gaping open. I really shouldn't have been surprised she already knew about this. She was a wealth of miscellaneous information.

"I thought so," Ari said with a small laugh, lips curling up slightly.

"How?" I finally managed, watching as her smile faded.

"It's what happens when someone with a fated mate bond—even an underdeveloped one—tries to fuck someone who isn't their mate." Ari gave me an exasperated look, one that said I should've already known this.

Groaning, I ran my hands over my hair before pacing again. She was right, I should've known this. For some reason, I never thought I'd find my fated mate, so it didn't matter if my knowledge of them was on the light side.

"Okay, we can deal with this," Ari muttered more to herself, dragging her hands down her face. "You tried having sex, but the bond cockblocked you. Please tell me you let it go after that."

My steps halted as I shot a frown her way. "Let it go?"

"That you didn't try fucking someone else after that." A hint of worry leaked into Ari's tone, probably due to the way I bit my lip and looked off to the side. "Jay, please tell me you stopped after the first time."

"I can't." My voice was barely above a whisper.

Ari's muffled groan drew my attention back to her as she covered her face. The pit in my stomach grew, as my heart rate picked up. "I really wish you had come to me sooner."

Panic kept trying to grab ahold of me and pull me under as I waited for Ari to sort through her thoughts. I always knew one day my lack of attention in lessons would fuck me. "Ari, you're going to need to give me more to go off of."

She pulled her hands from her face, revealing a neutral expression, which only made my worry grow more. "I'm not an expert by any means, but from what I've heard, basically the bond will go into overdrive and begin to perceive the smallest things as sexual."

Swears came pouring out of my mouth. All the while, Ari remained quiet, letting me get my anger mixed with panic out of my system. Fat chance of that ever happening. "Is there any way to undo this or slow it down?" A horrible thought froze my body. "Will I not be able to hug Ander or Reed?" I shot my sister a desperate and pleading look, begging her to tell me I'd be fine.

Only for her to bite her lip and flop back on her bed. Which wasn't the reassurance I was hoping for. "The instructors never really went into too much detail, I'm not even sure they know."

"Then they shouldn't be allowed to be teaching this shit in the first place," I bitterly grumbled, crossing my arms. Yes, I was being immature, but I was fucking panicking.

"Tell me how many times you tried, and how quickly your symptoms have been progressing."

"If it makes you feel any better, I only tried once after the first time," I said, cringing at how stupid I was. "The nausea and panic came faster."

She groaned. "Nope, it doesn't."

Shifting around on my feet, I adjusted the strap of my dress, preventing it from falling further down my arm. "Then there were the two incidents tonight—which weren't my fault. The symptoms came within seconds after a guy came up and started dry-humping my ass."

"You said incidents, as in plural." Remaining where she lay, she waved her hand in a get-on with it motion.

Rolling my eyes, I huffed out an annoyed laugh. "The same guy didn't like how I clawed the fuck out of his arms earlier and followed me out of the club. I actually thought I was going to vomit on him."

Ari shot up into a sitting position, her face a deadly calm that promised violence. "What happened?"

"I beat his fucking ass." A smug smirk curled my lips.

"Attagirl," Ari said, smiling before her expression sobered. "We need to do some research. With how quickly your symptoms are progressing..." She trailed off, but I knew what she avoided saying. That I could very well not be able to hug my guy friends soon enough. "I don't like how fast this progression is," she muttered softly as a frown pulled at her face.

"I was planning on going to the library tomorrow, after I felt what I thought was—" I barely stopped myself from saying his name, I really needed to come up with a nickname for him. "The asshole's emotions."

Ari's brows shot up, and her mouth gaped open. "You're feeling the cord of the fates?" I had completely forgotten that there was an actual name for the string that attached our souls—a dumbass name of you asked me, a little too on the nose for my taste.

I didn't answer her question, instead, I asked her one that had been at the back of my mind for a while. "When did you figure it out? I know my reaction to his leaving clued everyone else in, but you didn't seem the least bit surprised. You already knew. When did you figure it out?"

Her eyes shut as she took a deep breath. "It's as I said before, I figure it out when you almost drowned." Piercing green eyes met mine again, and when she stared at me like this, I always felt like somehow she was reading my mind.

Thinking back to when she told me this the first time, her words raced through my mind, leaving behind an icy shock. "You said that you knew what he was to me. But I took it as you acknowledging he was my bonded mate."

"Yeah." She drew out the word, wincing slightly. "I figured that out when you were talking to Harmony."

I gasped and pointed at her. "That's why you were acting so strange! Why didn't you say anything?"

A disbelieving look was shot in my direction. "Your older sister isn't supposed to be the one to tell you someone is your fated mate. That's something you have to figure out for yourself. By the way, why didn't you figure it out sooner? Not to be a dick or anything, but it was pretty obvious."

I tried running my fingers through my hair, remembering it was up in a ponytail when my fingers got stuck. With an annoyed huff, I ripped the scrunchie out of my hair and tossed it onto her bed. At Ari's raised eyebrow I sighed, knowing I didn't have her ability to avoid answering a question.

"I think I knew for a while, but I was so deep in denial that I refused to even consider it. I mean, I never thought I would ever have a fated mate, much less meet them so young."

Ari pursed her lips and her brows lowered. "There's more to it than that." Picking up my discarded scrunchie, she played with it, twisting it between her hands as she spoke. "I thought it was a good thing when I first found out. He seemed like a good fit. If anyone could handle your bullshit, it would be him. Not to mention, because he's your fated mate, you wouldn't have to switch clans or spirit animals."

Talking about him and this bond, caused unwelcome memories of him to race through my head before I could stop them. The way he looked at me. How carefully he held me when I was injured. His words about how he would never leave me, repeated themselves over and over, stabbing at me like sharp knives. My heart clenched, and I took a sharp shuddering breath.

Dammit! This was why I avoided talking about this.

Ari shifted forward, only to stop and lean back on her hands resting behind her, sharp gaze never leaving my face. I was more than thankful she didn't attempt to comfort me, there would've been no stopping my breakdown if she had. Pressure built up in my chest regardless, forcing me to breathe through it as I shut my eyes.

"It's been over a millennium since there was a fated mate pairing from different clans."

Fated mates from different clans were exempt from having to change clans. Simply because, if they had different spirit animals, it was done for a reason and shouldn't be interfered with. To do so was to question the fates' choice, and that wasn't a smart move.

This time she looked at me like I was insane. "Yeah, so?"

Sighing loudly, I dramatically threw myself onto the bed next to her. "I'm already the exception with my spirit animal familiar, I don't want or need to draw more attention to myself." I stared up at her ceiling, noting how some of the glowing stars painted up there were grouped together.

She chuckled, pulling my attention from her ceiling. I shoved her shoulder and it turned into a full-out laugh. "Tomorrow, we'll find the answers we need. You just have to be patient." She sent a knowing look my way.

Rolling my eyes, I climbed off her bed and headed out of her room, pausing in her doorway and casting a stern look back at her. "Don't even think about waking me up early." Her cackle followed as I left her room.