Strains

Before orientation, Matthew thought it’d be best if we grabbed a quick bite to eat in the dining hall. Apparently, we had missed breakfast already and we had to settle for loose pieces of fruit.

I toss the apple core in a trash bin on the edge of campus. I look at the map Matthew had scribbled for me. We had already gone to all of the buildings my classes would be held at.

“So is that it for the tour?”

“Not quite, we just need to head down to the athletic field and then one more place after that.”

I look to the sun above us. It was nearly noon, by the look of it.

“We aren’t going to miss lunch, are we?”

Matthew waves me off. “I’m sure I’ll be on time, now come on.”

My stomach growls. An apple wasn’t enough calories to keep me going for this trek around campus. Still, I’d rather not be lost trying to find my classes tomorrow. That happened more than a few times, while I was alive, and I didn’t want to be that chick again.

Matthew leads us on a path that goes around the administration building, past an outdoor amphitheater and over a small bridge. This place is so beautiful on the surface, like…

“That’s why we call it Near Elysium instead of purgatory,” Matthew says beside me.

So that was the name of this place. Almost paradise. Almost Heaven. I look up at Matthew. His hair curled over his forehead and under his ear making his jaw look strong and perfectly chiseled. His dark eyes sharp, yet mysterious. He’s ridiculously handsome, and maybe I’d have an issue with following rule 127 if that’s all he was. But he’s a psychic, and there’s nothing attractive about having my mind being constantly intruded upon. So he was nearly perfect, like everything else around here.

I bite my lip and look away.

He doesn’t say anything, so maybe he didn’t hear me. Good. I’m embarrassed I even thought like that.

Finally, we make it to an open field surrounded by a dirt track. There’s a small shed to one side and the other-oh. Look who it is.

“Whoa! What are you guys doing out here?” Hercules jogs up to us, his arms filled with long sticks.

“I was just showing Elizabeth where her classes will be,” Matthew says. Hercules beams.

“You’re going to be in my class, Squirt?”

“Yeah, guess so.” I haven’t actually seen my class schedule, but I doubt there are multiple classes out here.

“Your facilitator must be a real hardass. Hold on,” he looks me up and down. “Where is your uniform?”

“This is her uniform and I’m the hardass you were mentioning.”

Hercules drops the sticks and busts out laughing. He clutches his stomach. “You? A facilitator? Oh man I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I would’ve left you out in the woods if I had known you’d be stuck with this wet rag.”

Matthew flips him off.

“We better get going. I still have to finish her orientation,” Matthew says. He grabs my elbow and tries to lead me away. Still, Hercules is on our heels.

“Awesome, can I join? I can help.”

I look up at Matthew. Hercules is a lot of person to deal with, but he’s nice. I don’t see why he couldn’t come along if he wanted to. Besides, he could join us for lunch.

“Hercules, you know how important this is,” Matthew begins.

“Yeah, yeah I know. Hey Elizabeth, let me know how he does it next time I see you, okay?”

“Uhhhh sure?” What the heck is he talking about?

Hercules says his goodbyes and goes back to gathering his sticks. We head back along the path to campus, and when we reach the bridge we crossed earlier, walk down alongside it. A red camellia joins us on the journey, flowing up and over stones like it’s in a white river.

Further up ahead the flower comes to an abrupt stop courtesy of a stray branch. Looks like a few other flowers had gotten snagged in the same way. All three of them were wilted red camellias. I bend over to remove the stick.

“Just leave it,” Matthew says.

“Why would I do that?” I grab the wet stick and toss it off to the side. The flowers begin flowing again.

“You’re going to have to learn to follow instructions,” Matthew grumbles.

I don’t say anything and watch the flowers go bounding down the hill and into a sea of trees. This campus is nothing but hills and forest. My calves go rigid for a moment after I realize the walk back is going to be entirely uphill.

We go beyond the treeline and immediately get surrounded by the voices of the forest. Soft cracking of the twigs beneath our feet, singing of songs from birds and the gurgle of the stream. The path we’re on wears into nothing, giving way to a virgin forest floor.

Matthew jumps onto a boulder and offers his hand to me. Once I’m at the top of the rock, I can see the way forward is more boulders and steepness. Where are we going? Matthew catches me as I jump off the rock and onto the next one.

“Careful,” he says.

“It’s getting a little hard to be.”

“Need me to carry you the rest of the way?”

I’m taken aback by his offer. He isn’t usually this chivalrous. I shake my head no.

“How much further?” I ask, scrambling over another rock.

“Not much. Having fun?” He smirks at me, and offers his hand again.

There isn’t much fun to be had for a short person climbing boulders twice her height.

“All the fun I can muster,” I say, leaping to another rock. It wasn’t set into the ground like the others. When my left foot touches down on it, it slips backward, sending my body forward. My right knee crashes into a rock the size of a bowling ball so hard it rattles my bones. My forearm lands on the ground first, so I’m able to save my head from injury.

Matthew kneels next to me.

“You dead?”

I roll over and clutch my knee. My teeth are clenched too hard to respond to him. I am dead but it still hurts. He brushes my hair out of my face.

“Not dead. Good, come on,” he slides his arms under my knees and picks me up. Pain shoots up my legs and I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Not much of a screamer, are you?”

I glare at him, like I’d let him hear me that way. It’s bad enough that he’s carrying me right now. All the time I’ve spent here, I haven’t had control over anything. I’ve been a helpless flower flowing down a winding river, getting trapped by branches and tripping over rocks. I don’t like feeling this vulnerable.

“If you ask me to put you down, I will. Not that I suggest it,” Matthew says.

I suck in my bottom lip. We were nearly out of the forest now. The large boulders gave way to smaller stones, then pebbles. The stream we followed was moving faster, twice the width it had been when we were on campus. Along its edge was one of the camellia blossoms, the freshest one, with plump red petals. It was dragging along the water’s edge until it disappeared.

Sunlight stings my eyes and my ears get numbed with the sound of white noise. No, my ears are fine, and it isn’t white noise. We’re on a bluff overlooking an ocean.

Matthew sets me down near the edge and sits next to me. My knee still throbs, and it looks like my ankle might be sprained too. The walk back to campus is definitely going to be rough.

“You shouldn’t worry about that,” Matthew says nonchalantly.

I can’t expect him to carry me the entire way back. Especially if I’ll need to go to Doc’s office again. Not that I’m sure he’s qualified to handle even something like this.

“Hey,” Matthew leans forward and catches a glimpse of my eyes. “You know, your inner voice would be a lot quieter if you spoke up.”

“What is there to even talk about, Matthew?” He raises an eyebrow. I groan. “I mean Teacher,” I drag the word, wishing it were through mud.

“You could start with why you’re so angry.”

“Why? Why should I say anything to you!” It’s a rhetorical question, he knows, he can tell everything I think, every feeling I have, apparently even my memories. I have nothing. No life, no family and because of him, I don’t even have my own thoughts.

“Boy, you are making this easy,” he mutters. “You don’t think this place is beautiful?”

I cross my arms and lean forward. It is beautiful, but what did it matter to me. It was an ocean that looked just like the one back home, big and blue. But unlike the one I grew up alongside, this one felt empty and ominous.

“What are we doing here?” It’s not like I can swim, and none of my classes are supposed to be out here anyway.

“Orientation tradition. Can’t go back to campus until you accept your fate.”

I try to stand but stumble. “This is pointless, I already know I’m dead.”

“Knowing and accepting are two different things. You don’t accept what’s happened so you have no appreciation for this opportunity you’ve been given.” Matthew grabs me by my collar before I can fall over. “You can’t even accept me as your facilitator, can you?”

“Get your hands off me, Matthew,” I growl at him.

He chuckles. “My pleasure.” Then he flings me backward and I fall off the edge of the bluff to the crashing waves below.