Strains

“I brought snacks,” Caiden says, lifting a bag in his hands.

“I call first dibs.”

He laughs and forks over the goods.

Since it’s Saturday, we can actually hang out like this without a time limit. Not that I’d care if there was, but breaking the rules is easy with Matthew gone away from campus. He never came to check on me, or even punish me yesterday. I assume that unfinished business will have to wait until Monday.

I’ve brought books and paper in an attempt to study for next week’s midterms, but I don’t have a lot of hope they’ll help. My books are scattered on top of Caiden’s cloak, creating a literary barrier between us.

I pull out one of my favorite danishes and rip it from the wrapper. The icing melts over my tongue. With this rendezvous, I can finally eat my feelings.

“Do you think this will be enough to get you ready for midterms?”

I shake my head.

“I doubt anything will be,” I shrug. Studying and focusing on midterms is the only thing keeping me semi-stable right now. And being with Caiden, who is completely ignorant of the goings on at campus also helps.

He nods. I lick the last bit of icing from my fingers and begin digging for another snack. Caiden has been pretty quiet these past few days. I thought if I visited him every day it would get better, but it hardly has. He seems so sad. I hate that I can’t do anything to help, but everything I touch goes to shit anyway so it’s probably best I don’t get involved.

“You seem deep in thought,” he says.

“I could say the same about you,” I say, maybe too abrasively. “I just mean, you seem like something is weighing you down.”

He shifts and looks over to the fresh-cut camellia blossom in his lap.

“I’ve just been thinking…”

“About Catherine?” I finish.

He nods. “I just, I can’t shake this thought.” I quit digging around the snack bag and move over to his side. I look into his eyes, hoping he’ll say more. He sighs and drops his gaze sheepishly. “Maybe you weakened the portal when you got here. And if you got through it, maybe anyone could.”

I slightly lean back. “You want to go back?”

“I just need to know if it’s possible,” he says.

“Oh.”

“Once I’m sure, I can move on,” he says slowly, taking my hand. “I’d appreciate it if you were there with me.”

I bite my lip. The portal might still be swarmed by the council. It’s also way outside the academy grounds. Caiden’s soft eyes bore into me, exposing his fragility like a baby bird. Who was I to deny him the chance to leave the nest he made for himself in the library? It would be better for everyone if he could move on from Catherine.

Even if it broke the rules.

But the rules only mattered if Matthew was around to enforce them. Which he is not.

“Alright. I’ll go.”

***

Caiden led the way through the forest, with me trailing behind, expecting Matthew to jump out at us at any moment. The walk was long because even though Caiden was trying to move on from his grudge, he was still committed to not stepping foot on campus.

He didn’t even talk much. I suppose that’s to be expected though. Every step we took was taking him closer and closer to being forced to accept the fate of his friend or lover. Whatever they were.

I don’t know what he’d do if the portal’s seal had weakened. What would I do?

My pace slows and Caiden continues without me. I never thought about it. If I had a chance to go back home, would I take it? To be with my family and continue where I left off seems impossible. If I did go back, where would my body be? In a grave? A hospital somewhere? I’ve been here for weeks, could I seamlessly transition back?

But just after I’ve finally gotten a foothold here, things go to crap. Keiji and Piper actually talk to me in class now. Matthew’s erased so many words from the whiteboard. And the daily runs with Hercules have somehow made these walks in the hilly terrain easy. If things could’ve stayed the way they were, my choice would’ve been to stay here.

But now, I’m right where I started.

Strange how that works.

I have to run to catch up with Caiden. We’ve reached the overlook now, where Matthew had pointed out the portal to me before. I hide behind a tree, but Caiden walks right up the bluff and peers down at the tower.

“Is there anyone down there?”

Caiden shakes his head. “No, why would there be?”

“Oh, I heard the council was casing the place. Uh never mind.”

Caiden considers my slip-up. He offers me his hand, looking more determined than ever to go down there. I take it, and we begin the slow descent into the gorge.

My heart threatens to beat out of my ribcage as we reach the ground. I can’t die here of all places, not from nervousness. Still, as we cross into the area of dead trees, my stomach begins to churn.

Closer and closer we draw to the tower, until I’m practically dragging my feet.

“Are you alright?”

I try to fake a smile and fail miserably. “Just nervous.”

He takes my hand again. “So am I.”

The decrepit stone tower is all that’s taking up my view now. Gray stone eaten away by dead roots threatens to crumble overhead as we walk through the entrance and into darkness. Caiden summons a ball of fire to light our way until we’re in a chamber exactly like the one under the library.

“It looks the same,” I say through my nausea.

Caiden drops my hand and moves forward to investigate. I move back to the entrance and lean against the wall. I shouldn’t have come here. Just the guilt makes me want to throw up.

Caiden kicks around random items as they appear on the floor in front of the portal. When he’s satisfied, he comes back to me. His fire’s glow doesn’t reach the lines of sadness etched into his face. He holds up something.

“At least I found a candy bar I’ve never tried.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, can we…go back to the library? Just this once?”

I nod. “I’ve already broken rule 339 once today, what’s one more time.”

***

Caiden opens the gate for me, and I go ahead to open the next one. I haven’t been here in a while, and once the scent of books hits me as we step inside, I can’t believe I let Matthew’s stupid rule keep me away from this place. I rush to take my seat in front of the fireplace.

“I can’t tell you how much I missed it here,” I say as I snuggle into the plush seat. Caiden stares into the fire. He must not have been as prepared as he thought he was to face the truth. We’re trapped here, and nothing is going to change that. Especially with the council in charge.

“Are you okay, Caiden?”

“Do you want something to drink, Elizabeth? Let me get you something.”

He walks out of view. Poor guy. Poor me too. Going back might have actually been nice. Better than whatever this place has to offer now, especially if Caiden was going to leave too. But that doesn’t matter now.

He comes back with a bottle of cider and removes the cork before handing it to me. He watches as I take the first sip, then goes to the seat across from me.

“Elizabeth, why do you avoid telling me about your strain?”

Put on the spot. Crap.

I look at the drink in my hands. Now that the whole campus knows, what’s the point of keeping it a secret anymore?

“The truth is that I don’t have one.”

“Don’t have one?”

“Yeah. Doc and Matthew gave me an assessment. No strain to be found. Matthew told me to keep it a secret, that’s why I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry.”

Caiden nods. So far he’s taking it better than Hercules did.

“But why is Matthew facilitating you? I would have thought you’d be placed in the Aqua house. They’d accept anyone.”

“Funny, Matthew thought the same thing. But then the council offered me a job with them and Matthew stepped in to offer to be my facilitator.”

“That’s odd.”

“Well Matthew thought he was doing me a favor, so it’s not that weird.”

“It is for Matthew to involve himself. Is he the one who found you?”

I shake my head. “Actually, it was Hercules who did.”

Caiden lets out a slight chuckle. “Is that so.”

What was with this line of questioning? I get it, I’m weird for being here. Suddenly, this doesn’t feel like the break from campus drama that I wanted. It’s definitely not worth the hassle I’ll have to go through if Matthew figures out I came here. I stand up from the chair but my knees buckle and I fall to the floor.

What the hell?

“Sorry, Elizabeth, but I need your help with something.”

“Listen, it’s almost dinner, and I think I’m going to need some extra time to get back to my room. So I’ll help you tomorrow,” I say, and try to stand up again.

Caiden steps up to me and kneels down.

“Sorry, but to help me, I’m going to need you to stay here.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” It begins to dawn on me. I drop my head as the numbness begins to creep down my arms. “You spiked my drink, didn’t you?”

“Sorry,” he says, even though it is pretty meaningless right now. He throws his shoulder into me and tosses me over it.

“Caiden. Please. You can’t, you can’t be like Theron. Just let me go back to campus.”

“I’m not going to hurt you. Like I said, I just need your help with something.”

He says that, but as my vision goes blurry, I can’t help but feel it’s just another lie.