Silent Runner

I got home later that night and froze in the entrance hall hearing Martha’s voice, high pitched and frantic, echoing through the entrance hall. “She can’t do this!”

“I know, calm down. Dawson said she has no leverage. She can push as hard as she wants, nothing will come of it. If he doesn’t want to see her…” Uncle Theo’s voice was firm and certain. “He’s plenty old enough to make that call.”

“If you’re so certain then why are you taking so much time off work?” She snapped harshly.

I had not heard her so frantic in years. Not since the last time I locked myself in my room for three days. I winced at the memory before refocusing on the present.

I stood waiting for what seemed like forever for my uncle’s response. The house was dead quiet and I barely dared to breathe.

“Because for someone like her and her new man, restraining orders mean nothing. If she talks him into trying to take Ethan by force, I refuse to be a hundred miles away signing papers.” Their voice was acidic and the words felt like physical blows.

I couldn’t breathe as the faces of all my mothers other men flashed through my mind. I knew why they were trying to keep this from me, but now what? I knew and panic gripped my chest tighter by the second.

So as I heard Martha start crying a snuck as quietly upstairs to my room. The only place I could break down in private. As I balled up on the bed trying to remember how to breathe, I knew this was going to be the longest night I had had in years.

I stood in the middle of a dark room. Footsteps sounded from all around me. They circled me with an ominous and threatening march that seemed to never end. The sounds of dozens of pairs of heavy thick soled boots pounded in my ears and I wanted to cover them, but I couldn’t move.

“I’m your mother, of course you want to see me!” My mom’s voice echoed around the cavernous room.

Suddenly the laughter began. Low and maniacal it rang in my ears and seemed to vibrate my very bones. Slowly they appeared around me. Some with pale white skin, some onyx black. Some of them had blonde hair, others red or black.

The only thing each man had in common was the glint of fury that burned like a fire in his eyes. There were hundreds of them. Multiples of each man my mom had been with; making her already large number of boyfriends, impossibly enormous.

They circled me repeating my mother's words and laughing as the circled closer and closer to where I still stood motionless.

“I’m your mother…”

“Of course, you want to see me…”

“I’m your mother…”

Her voice echoed repeatedly until I was certain my ear drums would burst. The men seemed to grow bigger as they got closer and some I was a mere child only inches away from dozens of men. Men who I knew wished me harm.

I finally managed to move, but I didn’t fight. Despite the training all I could do was fall to the floor and curl into a ball. A gunshot sounded loud and unmistakable and I screamed. The sound was high and shrill, the scream of a child not a man.

I jerked upright in my bed panting and covered in sweat. Tears trailed down my cheeks as I frantically detangled myself from the sheets and threw my feet off the bed. Standing I paced the room, forcing myself to breathe.

“It was just a dream… Just a dream… Just a dream…” I repeated shakily.

After a few minutes of unsuccessful self consolation, I decided I needed a shower. I stood under the hot water, my blond hair hanging in my eyes, trying to will my muscles to relax. I wished I had a built-in workout room like Riley. I really needed to hit something.

Instead I stood in the shower until the water ran like ice cubes down my bare body. Slowly and deliberately I dried off focusing on every movement to avoid thinking about my most recent nightmare. As I reentered my room though, I saw the damp entangled sheets at the foot of my bed and bit back the bile that rushed to my mouth.

Angrily I ripped the reminder off my mattress throwing it roughly into the laundry basket. Rage, it was so much easier to feel then the pain and fear that tortured me now. So I let it envelop me. I hated my mother, I hated what she had done to me and that she wouldn’t let me go.

I sighed relieved as the rage coursed its way through my veins. I would never let her near me again. I dared her to try, I would willingly accept the challenge of her new muscle. I would never let any of them hurt me again.

With that vow in mind I slowly, with deliberate movements, got dressed and ready for school. After dawning some blue jeans and a gray t-shirt I stared at the clock on my dresser. It was four in the morning. Though I would certainly not get any more sleep that night, I also couldn’t go anywhere without worrying Martha.

I glanced around my gaze landing on the computer. Riley crossed my mind and I decided to delve deeper into her language. Though I normally caught on to what she was signing there were times words or phrases were unfamiliar and only practice would fix that.