She’s the Alpha

After I finished the meal Kai set out for me, I sat there staring at the monster across from me. He seemed completely unbothered.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked quietly.

"When you hear your mate repeatedly talk about and mourn the death of her chosen mate, you slowly start to lose your mind. Yes, I ordered his death in a moment of blind rage after you chose to completely reject me. And honestly, I forgot about it until you said something about him dying, but it already happened, so I couldn't take it back. After you got here, I thought that after I gave you some time to mourn, you would start acting like a mate. And you did, kind of. But that didn't change the fact that every other sentence out of your mouth had to do with Jessie. 'Jessie this, Jessie that,' everything was about him and he's not even alive anymore. I tried really hard to be patient and keep it in, but I could only take so much. The pain you felt for him these past few days... sent me over the edge. I can't be patient with you anymore," he explained.

"It wasn't pain for Jessie... it was the feeling of betrayal from you," I clarified. "I was started to actually trust you, and treat you as a mate, but after learning about what you did to Jessie, I can't even stomach the sight of you," I seethed.

"Why? Because I'm not him?" Kai snapped back at me. I took a breath and stared at the table for a moment.

"All Jessie ever wanted was for me to be happy. If he was my true mate and I chose someone else, I know he'd wish me luck and step out of the way even though it would hurt him. He'd do anything if he thought it would make me happy. And I would've done the same for him. In that sense, he really was more of a mate to me than you ever were. You only cared about yourself," I said softly.

"And you didn't? From the moment I met you, you only cared about yourself," he replied.

"I was thinking about my pack!" I countered.

"Your pack didn't need you! Your dad was strong enough and you even have a sibling. Being an Alpha was about your own personal greed to break the status quo. Have you still not realized that yet?" He asked. I hated to admit it, but he was right. I was greedy for the title. I wanted to prove that I could do it. I wanted to prove a girl could do it. I wanted to be the first. It wasn't necessary, yet I wanted it anyway. I hated that he was right, but it didn't change what he did.

"Micah and I are going back home. Sorry to have been a bother for this long," I said before I stood.

"Fine. Let's go to Virginia then, but not before completing the mate bond," he replied. I could barely look at him, let alone mate with him.

"What makes you think I want to mate with you in this situation?" I asked rhetorically. He grabbed my arm as I passed him.

"Don't worry. You're still my fated mate. You'll like it," he said as he pulled me up to his room. I tried to push him off of me as he put me on his bed. I regretted not eating for the past few days, he was already way stronger than me.

"Kai, get off of me," I breathed as I struggled against him. He pinned my hands over my head as he stared at me. After a moment, he stopped and sat up.

"You really think so lowly of me," he scoffed before he got off of me. "I'm not a bad person. Forcing you is something I would never do, but you think I'd do anything at this point, don't you?" He asked. I sat up and placed the back of my hand against my lips as I stared at the bed. He was right. I did think so lowly of him. I thought he would do whatever he wanted. I thought he was a monster. He sighed before he sat on the edge of the bed and looked away from me.

"Stella... you really should get your priorities in order. Having a mate... isn't supposed to be like this. Do you know how long I've waited for you? I stayed celibate, I did everything I was supposed to do when waiting for a mate, hoping I'd finally find mine. But you're more of a curse. My only sin in life, was having that kid killed. Something I could argue you provoked in the first place. But that's my only sin; my only mistake in life. But you'll hold it over my head forever, right?" He said. I couldn't disagree with him. I couldn't comfort him. I couldn't do anything.

"So what do we do now?" I asked with a sigh.

"What can we do? It doesn't matter to you if I apologize or not. It doesn't matter if I admit that I regret it. None of it matters to you. As long as that kid isn't breathing, you'll hate me," he replied. Again, I couldn't disagree. Everything he said was true. I couldn't just forgive him for what he did. He took a deep breath before he stood.

"I have a duty to my pack as Alpha, or else I wouldn't care if I lived or died at this point. You’ve made it that excruciating. It's all pointless," he said before he left the room. I felt fresh tears trickle down my cheeks before I covered my face with my hands. I was so hurt and confused. Holding Kai to his one sin was selfish of me, but I couldn't let it go. Jessie was everything to me.

And that was the problem.

My whole life, everything centered around the pack, my family, being the Alpha, and Jessie. Being that we grew up together and expected to be each other’s mate from the start, I admit I held him closer to my heart than I should’ve, but he was my best friend. I knew his death would haunt me for the rest of my life because it was mainly my fault.