Shadow

Raedwulf Dolph

The growl stopped all further questioning. While our beasts gave us so much, gave us heightened senses, speed, strength, and mates. One thing they don't give us is another form. There had been tales, myths really, about other lycan shifting under extreme duress. I had never believed them. It all seemed like fantasy to me. But here my mate was telling me she shifted on her first hunt.

"We need to go," she tries to lift me, and I quickly tried to help get my legs underneath me. It is hard to stand, my body is so weak. The shadowbeast had beaten me good. He clawed at me, dragging his vicious nails across my chest and sending blows to my head. It hadn't been until Idonia's arrow had struck the beast that his attention was off me and onto the new injury.

Then I killed him.

She practically drags me through the shadowlands, leading me this way and that. I couldn't see the wall we came through, I don't know if she could either.

"Where are we?"

"I don't know," she whimpered. I rested against her, my legs burning from the frantic movements. Her head rests on my arm that was wrapped around her shoulder. "We need to go south but I can't tell where south is."

A strong wind blows and as it does I take in a deep breath, trying to smell something. There is only death and rot in the air, it makes me cough some more, causing a tight coil to rack against my lungs. My abdomen tenses and I almost drop to the ground. Idonia is strong though and wraps her arms around me. She held me up, carrying almost all of my weight.

"Idonia, go," I tell her. "Go find the way out. Go live your life and be happy."

"No," She sat me on the ground gently and cupped my face in her hands. "No, I'm not leaving you. Not here, not ever. You are mine, do you hear me, mine."

"You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that," I sigh. "How did you get out the first time?"

"I don't know. My beast took over and..."

"When you shifted?"

"I know it sounds crazy--"

"No," I start, cutting her off. "Well, I mean, yes it does. Look, what happened to you on the first hunt had to be traumatic. After witnessing all five of those Viker die, your instincts take over."

"You believe me then?"

"I'm trying to."

"We should eat, it will help you regain your strength," she suggests, changing the subject. I hear her rifle through her bag before pulling out some food. She passes me some bread and cured meat.

"You eat too," I tell her, breaking some bread and pressing it to her lips. They part and she takes the bread along with the tips of my fingers into her mouth. Then I pass her some meat and she eats it the same way, slightly licking my fingers of the salty meat.

"Now you," she reminds me. I can feel her grab some of the food from my hand and then my lips are met with hard bread. When I take it between my lips, her hand moves away too fast for it to make contact with me.

"Do you really think Danal is dead?"

"I heard it. I didn't realize it at the time, but I heard it happen."

I nod once, taking another bite of the bread. "What will I tell Aeral Ohlson? Disa will be crushed."

"I will tell them," she offers with a low voice. "I told the mates of the other five, but in many ways, they already knew. A mate feels it when the other dies."

"I know."

"But still they all cried with me. All five of them knew their mates had died for days and still when I told them, they cried."

"Losing a mate is hard."

"One wasn't even a true mate. One was a chosen mate and still, she cried for her male."

"Love is love," I state words I had heard my Uncle Ragnvald say countless times.

"Love is as love does," he told me as he stood before his ship, ready to leave again. "When one is unattached, love is what one does. But love is love. There are many things to love, my boy. There are your parents, your siblings, your land, and one day, you mate. For me, love is my duty. I love my brother, so I leave him be to rule with his Khanea."

"I don't understand," I would furrow my brow and tilt my head.

Uncle simply looked down at me, ruffling my bright red hair. "Ask your father then." He starts to walk off, over to the ship that will take him off to sail away from me again.

"But--" I run after him, clutching his legs and almost making us both fall. "I did ask my father."

"My father used to tell me that love was the fire that burned between mates and the roots that grew into pups."

I am too caught up in my own memories to reply to my mate. She spoke so softly, in such a manner that she too, must be having similar memories of her own. I had six years when I asked Uncle Ragnvald about love before he left for the Isle of Øysten. He never stayed on Bethlianna for long, and when Mother gave birth to my little brother, Avon, he fled rather quickly after his presentation to the court. When Avon reached six months and I had six years under me, he left again.

"My father told me very little about love and mates. He mostly kept me around for Council meetings and some training. He never cared much for any of us."

"Why not? You're his pups."

"It's hard to explain, Idonia."

"Another family secret? Like Khannun Dellingr's secret journal," she says it playfully, but for me, the topic is anything but playful.

"I can't tell you why," I reply simply. Her aura changed, it stiffens and I hear her take a sharp breath.

"What's wrong? Your father... did he hurt your mother? Did he hurt you?"

"No, not really. He was just always so cold to us and I could never reason why until..."

"Rae," her hands touch mine, taking them both and placing them on her heart. "You may tell me anything."

"This, you may not like."

"If it is about your cruel father, then I would only have concern for you. I would have concern for our pups being with their grandfather."

"Your concern should not be of their safety," I start. My hands retract themselves from her and I put them both on my lap. I knew a time would come when I needed to tell my mate of this... issue. One I had learned about at a young age and swore to keep from my siblings, my friends, and the court.

"I did ask my father."

"And when did my brother tell you?"

"I didn't ask him."

"But you said--"

"You're my father." He tensed, turned, and covered my mouth quickly with his large hands. I may have only had six years, but I could see myself in him. Father, Khannun Kol, had brown hair like many Khannuns before him. My grandmother had been red-headed, where we told people I got the color from.

But Uncle Ragnvald had red hair too. His was a bit darker, losing most of his brightness to age, but I still saw in it the shimmer mine had.

"You must never say those words to anyone," he ordered me. "Never. Do you hear me, boy?"

I nodded my head in fear and shock. He was not sounding like himself. My Uncle, no, my Father had never been rough or mean with me, those acts were saved for Khannun Kol.

"Now, where did you hear this?"

"Before Avon was presented, I snuck into Mother's room to see him. I-" some sniffles rang as I felt bad for snooping. "I heard you and Mother speaking."

A bell rang on the boat, summoning him to the decks. He looked back at his getaway before looking back at me. "We will speak when I return, boy. You must, and I repeat, MUST not speak of this to anyone. Not Hella or Hertha, not your Mother, and especially not your Father."

I gave him many more nods, showing him I understood before I let him leave me to board the ship.

"You should be concerned for their legitimacy."