Shades of Grey

RUE DU VIE— APRIL 1844

Ryder transformed from a Redlight Dragon into a Griffin and landed easily on a dirt road several miles away from Tournesol. I leapt off his back and immediately walked into the cover of the woods, listening as he transformed into himself and caught up to me.

“Are you alright?” I asked, watching as he stretched out his weak limbs. I imagined making such a large transformation after numerous weeks of captivity was no easy task.

“I’m fine,” he said dismissively, though his breathing had become heavy and laboured. “How are you feeling?”

I looked down at my uniform, which was slightly loose over my thin frame, and wrapped my coat tighter around myself.

“I’m fine,” I replied in the same tone he had used.

He grinned and stood up tall, looking around the darkened forest before he turned to me with dark resolve.

“Do we dare go to the Underground?”

We looked at each other for a moment, each wanting desperately to go but both dreading what we might find. I nodded after a long moment, recalling Liam’s casual mention of the Underground being raided. A swell of hot anger rose within me.

“I think we’ll wonder forever if we don’t.”

He nodded in agreement and we both began walking through the wood towards the cave opening.

“So…since year three, eh?”

Ryder laughed aloud and — with some mild persuasion from me — regailed tales of his and Forma’s secret trysts. To my surprise, they had been remarkably cunning.

“My goodness,” I said as he finished. “I feel so stupid. Did you really sneak to the top of the South Turret the night before year five finals? I always wanted to go up there…”

Ryder laughed.

“Yes we did and it was not as fantastic as everyone thought. We both got vertigo after an hour or so and had to come down. And don’t feel too bad about not knowing: we worked hard to keep it quiet…”

Ryder’s voice died as we came upon the cave entrance and noticed the scorch marks on the rocks outside. We both shared a horrified look before racing inside and stopping when we saw what lay before us.

Everything was destroyed. There were piles of ash where there had once been tall bookshelves and smoking heaps of what had once been sleeping quarters. The entire room stank of smoke and invasion.

“My God…” Ryder said under his breath. It was not difficult to guess where his thoughts were falling. I took his shoulder.

“There’s no way you could have known,” I consoled.

“But I should have known!” he cried, racing forward and kicking a pile of ruined cabinetry that had once housed linens. “I should have foreseen that this is something he would have done!”

A third voice then caught both of us off-guard.

“Hello?”

We turned around quickly and saw Giselle frozen on the stone stairs, gaping at us in relieved shock.

“Thank God!” she cried, racing across the ruins and throwing her arms around Ryder. “You’re alright!”

“I should say the same for you!” he said as she released him and turned to me.

“We were so worried!” Giselle said before pulling away as she felt my bony shoulder. “My God, you’re so thin!”

I chuckled once and then grew serious.

“Giselle, what happened?”

She looked at us gravely.

“We noticed an abnormally high amount of patrols sweeping the surrounding areas so we began evacuating. When the last of us were to leave, agents of Verrilius arrived and attacked. We were prepared to fight, however and we lost no one. They, on the other hand, were not so lucky.”

She smiled slightly and Ryder and I both breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh, good…” I exhaled, looking around at the carnage. Giselle then turned abruptly to me, having remembered something.

“What happened? Where’s Forma?”

My hand flew to my pocket and I opened it, looking at the unconscious Forma inside. She was pale and thin, even in her natural size. I bit my lips and closed my pocket, thinking of her rough transformation.

“She’ll be okay,” I said to Giselle. She nodded in understanding.

“What happened to Liam?”

Ryder’s face hardened and he transformed angrily into a jaguar. He bounded furiously out of the cave entrance.

Giselle turned to me with worry.

“What is it? What did I say?”

Tentatively, I told her everything from Liam’s betrayal to Ryder’s resounding victory against Verrilius. She listened pointedly and reacted appropriately in all the right places, giving a final sigh as I finished.

“Wow…” she exhaled.

“I know,” I replied, looking once more to my pocket. Giselle then took a determined breath and gathered herself.

“Well, I have to get back to Naomi. I’m supposed to meet her at a small village just beyond the mountains.”

“Are the rest of the Hunters there as well?” I asked hopefully.

She nodded.

“We all agreed to meet there since Verrilius had learnt of our position. However, since he is dead, I can tell them it’s safe to begin their travels.”

Giselle’s face brightened. I could tell that she was eager to get out and begin Hunting, just her and Naomi.

“You go then. I’ll stay with Ryder,” I offered.

“Are you sure? Do you know what he wants to do in regards to Liam?”

I looked towards the cave entrance and shook my head.

“I don’t think he’s quite ready to talk about it yet.”

Giselle nodded in understanding.

“Well, what are you planning to do?”

I touched my pocket.

“I have some things to take care of,” I replied cryptically.

Giselle nodded again, taking the hint.

“Well, if either of you change your mind, come to the village of Lustra within the Prudenza Mountain pass. We’ll be there for at least another week, should you decide to come.”

I nodded.

“Alright. Thank you.”

She smiled and wrapped her long arms around me once more.

“It’s good to see you, Grey,” she said softly. “Everyone thought you’d died.”

I chuckled.

“I got fairly close.”

Giselle laughed politely and pulled away from me, casting one final glance towards Ryder.

“Tell him I’m sorry.”

I nodded again as she changed into a falcon, flying out of the cave with speed and precision.

After a brief moment of reflection, I ascended the stairs and began searching the immediate area for Ryder. It was difficult at first: he had always gotten top marks both in stealth training with Lord Daryn and in camoflauge training with Lady Raysa. Making himself scarce was a gift of his.

I finally found him after about fifteen minutes of searching, perched on a thick branch of a tree high on the mountainside overlooking the cave to the Underground. He was eerily still as I approached and moved only after I settled next to him.

“Are you going to be alright?” I asked, gripping his shoulder.

“I’ll be fine,” he said curtly, running his fingers through his long dark hair.

In a careful tone, I relayed Giselle’s message. He gave a slightly relaxed smile as he slowly began to calm down.

“Do you mind if I stay with you for a while longer? Just until I make up my mind as to what I want to do?”

I gave a small smile and took his hand.

“Of course.”

He smiled appreciatively and then leapt off the branch, stretching his limbs. I leapt next to him, pleased at his change in mood.

“Well, where to?” he prompted.

“Oh, erm,” I stumbled. Despite the fact that I had done so for several hours, it was still strange to lead someone else’s Maisling.

“We need to find cover for the night,” I said finally, remembering that Forma’s next wolf transformation was eminent. “A cave or something…preferably nowhere close to this one…”

Ryder thought for a second and smiled as he came up with an idea.

“I know the perfect place. Follow me.”

He took off into the brush and easily through the thick forest, soon arriving at a wide river with water so smooth it looked like glass. The river pooled gently near a small cave that sat secluded under some very thick bushes and tall trees: it was the perfect spot.

“Brilliant!” I cried, walking into the cave.

“I found it several weeks ago while I was gathering supplies,” Ryder commented. “I came back here often for privacy.”

“It’s great!” I exhaled, watching as Ryder transformed into an otter and dove into the water. It rippled briefly and then stilled, almost as if the calm waters had devoured him.

I smiled and gathered several loose logs, arranging them in a circular pyramid in the mouth of the cave before I ignited them with my Flamesword. I then jumped in surprise as Ryder noisily resurfaced, back in his true form with his wings extended as far as they would reach. This caused a large amouth of water to rain over me and promptly extinguished my fire.

“Don’t do that!” I protested as I reignited the logs.

“What? Afraid of a little water?”

He shook his wings and playfully showered me in cool droplets, just as Forma had done after we had left Xanthar. My mood sank as I lifted her from my pocket.

“How is she?” Ryder asked, sitting next to me and looking at Forma’s motionless body in my hands.

“No change,” I said, removing my hat and placing her in the fold on top of it, taking care to set her close to the fire. I tried to sound strong, but there was doubt in my voice. I had never seen Forma so sick before.

Ryder saw my trepidation and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“She’s a fighter. She’ll be fine,” he assured me.

“Thank you. And thank you, by the way, for fighting for us,” I said softly.

Ryder smiled, gently running his finger along Forma’s small wings.

“I could see you were in no condition to do so.”

I would have normally retorted (he had been in no condition to fight either) but I instead coughed uncomfortably and changed the subject.

“How come you never told anyone?” I asked, gesturing to Forma.

Ryder sat back against the tree root, keeping his eyes on Forma.

“Because we knew that it would be impossible. We enjoyed it during school but agreed to part upon graduation. We thought it would be for the best, especially since you and Liam couldn’t stand each other.”

I frowned in understanding. Alliances between Hunter/Maisling pairs were only possible if all four members of each union agreed. Liam would never have allied with anyone, especially me.

Ryder’s face grew stoney in sombre embarrassment as thoughts of Liam’s betrayal resurfaced.

“What are you going to do?” I asked.

“I don’t know…” he confessed through a sigh. “I really thought he had changed. He was so immature in school. I felt like the older brother always trying to calm him down. But it was alright, you know? It was how we worked best together, that was what defined our relationship. Then after we started Hunting, something changed in him. He grew so much stronger and braver, as if he understood for the first time what it was we were supposed to do. I was proud to say that he was my Hunter,” his voice faded as he recalled Liam’s confession, “I had no idea what he was doing behind my back…”

“It’s alright,” I consoled. “He fooled all of us.”

“But I’m supposed know these sorts of things! I’m supposed to sense when he’s starting to break! How could he have deceived me like that?”

“I don’t think he meant to hurt you. He fought to save you, remember?”

“Yes, but he quickly forgot about me when given his reward,” he snapped. “I can still feel him, you know?”

He shivered in disgust.

“Can you tell where he is?”

Ryder shook his head.

“He’s blocked his primary thoughts, but I can feel that he is at ease. Wherever he is, he is quite content.”

“What are you going to do? You know you can’t stay separated for long.”

He nodded, running his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t know…”

I nodded, hearing in his voice that he did not want to talk about it anymore.

A sound then broke through the tense silence. Ryder and I both looked at each other and then down at Forma. She was conscious and trying to speak but all that came out were clamorous wheezes for air.

“Oh… God…” I swore, moving as she slowly grew to her human-size with spasmodic, jarring speed.

“What?” Ryder asked.

“It’s almost time...” I stuttered dumbly.

Ryder’s eyes widened as he remembered: it was almost the next full moon.

“How long do we have?” Ryder asked, looking up at the moon. There was just a sliver of dark along the edge.

“Judging by the moon, probably about twelve hours,” I replied, watching Forma as she slowly opened her eyes.

“Grey?” she choked.

I took her hand.

“Hi. I’m here.”

She smiled weakly. She then looked around wildly.

“Did I imagine the part where Ryder saved us?” she asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

I chuckled and shook my head as Ryder sat next to her, gently stroking her hair.

“Hi, Forma,” he said softly.

She laughed and reached her other hand towards his. He gripped it strongly and didn’t fight as she pulled her head into his lap.

“I missed you,” she said gently to Ryder.

He laughed lightly, cupping her shoulder with his other hand.

“I missed you too.”

She smiled but her eyes were glossy. I remembered how sluggish she had been just before her transformation in the dungeons. It would not be long now...

“How come you never told me about you and Ryder?” I asked.

“Firstly, because it would have been impossible after Commencement, given the exact parameters of your relationship with Liam. Secondly, you can’t keep a secret. Thirdly, because you never asked.”

I laughed, relieved to hear that her telepathic voice had retained her characteristic spirit.

“Well, I think it’s great. I wish I’d known during school. I would’ve had such fun teasing you…”

She smiled.

“Another reason why I didn’t tell you.”

I laughed again, unable to find words.

Her hand found its way back to Ryder’s, which she grasped with every ounce of strength she had.

“Don’t go anywhere, alright?” she gasped, tightening her grip.

“I won’t,” he replied.

There was a moment of silence and I saw Forma’s eyes begin to flutter closed.

“Well, I’m going to sleep,” I announced, curling up against on the opposite side of the fire, giving Forma and Ryder as much privacy as possible. Ryder nodded gratefully.

“Good night, Grey,” he said.

“Good night!” exhaled Forma, just as she fell asleep.

“Good night,” I replied, turning my back to the fire before I drifted slowly to sleep.

I slowly woke later to sounds of movement. I opened my eyes and watched in the reflection of my unlit Flamesword as Forma convulsed in Ryder’s arms, deep within the grip of a nightmare. I was about to wake and tend to her, but as Ryder gently daubed a cool cloth to her forehead I felt his comfort would be a better aid to her than mine.

She suddenly sat up gasping as she slowly shook the nightmare away from the forefront of her mind. Ryder gently placed the cloth over the back of her neck, trying to calm her down.

“It’s alright…it was just a nightmare…you’re alright…” he soothed, pulling her onto his lap.

Forma began to slowly relax and molded herself against his strong chest, her frail body shaking softly.

“The things I saw…the things he did to me…” she whispered in a trembling voice.

The pathos in Ryder’s face was heart wrenching to see: all he wanted to do was to eradicate the memories from her mind. It killed him that he could do nothing for her.

“That’s all in the past now,” he soothed, stroking her hair and leaning his chin on the top of her head. “You must think of the present.”

I saw their fingers intertwine and affectionate smiles form on their faces. Forma then gripped her temples in pain, breathing laboriously to soothe the oncoming sickness. Ryder held her solidly against his strong body. Her breathing soon came easier as the pain passed and I watched her grow increasingly more content as Ryder held her tighter.

“Do you mind my asking how you came to acquire such a condition as werewolfism?” he asked softly.

Forma gave a small smile and took a breath before beginning.

“We had entered this city where the men had been cursed with werewolfism, and somehow, Grey’s presence triggered the change and all the men transformed early, which sufficiently managed to alarm the citizens.”

“I would assume so,” Ryder replied. Forma nodded.

“So, after careful explanation of Grey’s status and what we intended to do, they soon believed us and were comfortable allowing us to stay outside of their underground saferooms during the next allotted change. After dodging the entire population of wolves in the city for what felt like hours, I was captured by a messenger from the Kuligari Witch Clan and frozen in ice.”

“My word!” Ryder exclaimed. “The Kuligari?!”

Forma nodded.

“I then awoke in the dungeons of the school, chained to the wall…”

Forma’s voice grew misty as she remembered.

“I looked down at myself and saw that I had the body of a large werewolf. In my horror, I cried out but all I heard was a hideous roar, not my own voice. Unfortunately this was at the precise moment when Grey emerged from the darkened staircase at the head of the corridor. I tried to call to her, but I could not speak; I could only roar, so she naturally did not look at me in fear…she tried so very hard to ignore me…”

I gasped silently in reprehensible horror as I remembered my fervent attempts to avoid eye contact with the wolf. Had I only known then that it had been Forma calling to me in terror and frustration the entire time…I covered my gaping mouth in frustration.

“Then what happened?” Ryder pressed gently.

“The cell to my right slid open and Grey hurriedly went inside. For hours I sat, not knowing where Grey was or what the Kuligari had planned before Grey emerged from the cell again, sopping wet and carrying a Longsword. I tried to call again but I could only manage ugly, guttural roars and once more she did not acknowledge me.”

A lump of guilt welled in my throat as she continued.

“I waited again as she entered the second cell, taking much longer this time. Finally, after she had emerged once more, she turned and looked to me. I tried to speak, but once again, only roars came out. She drew her sword and held it to me, speaking with such frustration and strength… ‘You will not move,’ she told me. I screamed at her, trying to tell her the truth, but the look of terror and confusion in her eyes told me that only roaring and growling had escaped again. She tried one more time to tell me not to move, but I gave the biggest, most emotionally charged roar I could summon. Her stunned face told me that she finally understood and lowered her weapon. I hung my head, grateful that she had finally understood and frustrated that it had taken so long. She gently touched my ugly snout and called for the Witch Queen to remove us. I then awoke on the floor of the Witch’s palace, freezing from my icy prison. Grey hurriedly wrapped me in her coat and I felt a sudden lump in my chest…”

“The curse?” Ryder guessed.

“Yes. The Witch Queen had struck a deal with Grey before she had entered the hallway: if she was to locate me before I was frozen forever, Grey and I could leave peacefully and the werewolf curse would be lifted from the men of the city. If Grey failed, one of us had to take on the curse ourselves in place of the men. However, the Witch Queen was crafty and she bestowed the curse on me anyway.”

“Even though Grey had succeeded?”

“Yes…” Forma said, her eyes growing wide with understandable anger at the memory. She then smiled softly.

“Never have I seen Grey run so fast as she did running out of that camp.”

She gave several small laughs that quickly morphed into vicious coughs. She turned away and coughed towards the fire as Ryder rubbed her back comfortingly.

Ryder gently handed her a flask of water from his belt once she had finished.

“Thank you,” she said softly after several vigorous gulps. “Where was I?” Forma asked in a weak voice.

“Grey running out of the camp,” Ryder replied with a smile.

“Ah yes. Grey left the camp running faster than I have ever seen her run before. Almost instantly we were back at the guesthouse we had stayed at in the city. In no time at all, she lit the fireplace and every candle in the room, wrapping me tightly in the bedsheets as she tried to fight the effects of hypothermia.”

“I’m guessing she succeeded?”

“She did. I awoke early the next morning to her moping on the front porch, blaming herself as usual. I tried to assure her that it was not her fault and that she could not have anticipated such a manoeuvre, but she will not listen to me. She continues to blame herself.”

Ryder laughed softly.

“You are lucky to have a Hunter who cares so much for you and for others,” Ryder lamented, casting a sorrowful glance in my direction. Forma noticed.

“What happened?” she asked in a soft voice.

Ryder’s eyes hardened and his body stiffened.

“Liam betrayed us all…”

“My God…” Forma whispered, aghast. “How?”

With great difficulty, Ryder began to tell her all of the information that I had not gotten the chance to relay: the details of the Underground, how our escape from the Hybrid attack on the school allowed everyone else the chance to run to safety, our collective imprisonment in Tournesol, Liam’s deception…

“No!” Forma gasped. “He was responsible for…?!” Forma could not finish the sentence in horror.

“Yes. Immediately after, Verrilius imprisoned me in a dark wing of the castle.”

“I’m so sorry…” she said softly, her thin fingers stroking his chest. “Where is Liam now?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care.”

Forma watched his hard face with dolorous sympathy. She understood completely.

Ryder took a shaky inhale before starting on a new subject.

“So where will you and Grey be heading once you recover?”

Forma took another long breath before answering.

“Vikka.”

Ryder gave a solicitous jolt, his eyes filled with wild concern.

“You are going to the city of Vanguard Vampires in your condition?!” he cried, his grip tightening. “Werewolves and Vanguards have been feuding for centuries! You could be killed!”

“It is what Grey feels she needs to do and I have to stay with her, no matter what.”

Forma’s voice was soft but filled with the resolution and stout loyalty of the biblical Ruth. My heart broke. I had always known that she would never leave me, but to hear her confess it to the man she clearly loved further cemented this fact and further made me feel like a rotten failure. I did not deserve to have her at my side.

“Come with us!”

Ryder and looked up in shock at her sudden outcry.

“What?” Ryder cried. “Go with you and Grey?”

“Why not?!” Forma exclaimed.

“Because it has never been done before!” Ryder countered. “A Hunter with two Maislings…”

“Grey and I have been breaking nearly all the rules since leaving school, why stop now?”

Ryder stared at her, speechless.

“I can’t,” he said finally.

“Why?” Forma asked, disillusioned.

“Because Grey would not want me along.”

“Grey wouldn’t care! She would be the Hunter with two Maislings! What Hunter doesn’t want that?!”

Ryder smiled at her enthusiasm, but there was a visible dolour behind his eyes.

“I can’t. I would not be of any help.”

“Don’t say that! Of course you would be!”

Ryder then unexpectedly kissed Forma with such vigour and passion that I nearly gasped aloud. I caught myself though, watching as they grew blind to the world around them.

After a moment, they gently pulled away from each other.

“It’s not possible: not until I have the deFederation.”

Forma gasped. I covered my own gaping mouth, nearly turning and voicing my disapproval. Forma spoke first though.

“But you can’t! Your powers will lessen! You will weaken!”

Ryder shook his head.

“It has to be done. I can’t live with myself knowing that Liam was nearly responsible for the slaughter of every living Hunter. I can’t...”

His face grew stoney, but I saw a tear escape his eyes. He knew he would miss the intense bond that a Hunter and Maisling shared, the collective sense of purpose. No relationship could ever compare to it.

Forma laid her head back against his chest.

“I’m so sorry…” she whispered, her eyes slowly drifting closed again.

Ryder gave a small smile as he felt her breathing even out to the steady rhythmic patterns of sleep. He kissed the top of her head.

“I am too.”