Shades of Grey

JZASACH— JANUARY 1844

Forma struggled to recover her strength. The virus had ravaged her body quickly, leaving her with little appetite. It was a daily struggle to get her to eat or drink anything. Sleeping was nearly impossible for her: she was wracked with terrible coughing fits and when she finally did sleep, she awoke screaming minutes later. That wasn’t the worst of it, though. The worst were the times when Forma would disappear into a fever-induced hallucination. Those were the times I couldn’t save her, the times I had to watch and pray that she would come back.

“Forma, you have to eat something,” I pushed one night a week and a half later as she sat outside on a porch swing, drawing lightly in a sketchbook I had purchased for her at the Jzasach flea market.

She ignored me. I sat down next to her and placed her food next to her.

“Forma, please. You’re starting to scare me.”

She continued to draw, her speed growing steadily more erratic.

“Forma…”

I gripped her hand, halting her drawing. She pulled against me, desperate to continue her drawing – which I now saw was a startlingly accurate depiction of a terrifying wolf creature standing over the body of a mutilated young woman with badly cut up wings. I clung to her hand more tightly.

She suddenly turned to look at me and I saw the thick cataracts had returned in her eyes. I didn’t flinch though: this was how she had looked every night when she awoke from a nightmare. I grabbed a cold cloth from the tray of food I had brought out for her and I place it over her neck.

“…please…”

I grabbed her neck hard, forcing her to stare at only me. Linking our bonds, I concentrated on releasing my calming energy. This had worked many a night and allowed her a few precious hours of sleep. I was hopeful it would work again.

But something felt different. Suddenly I lost control and a dark, hungry energy surged into my mind, infecting my thoughts. No, this was not right: she was fighting me…

“Come on Forma,” I struggled, trying to fight the darkness I sensed inside of her. “We’ve been through this!”

Her hand suddenly flew to my neck, gripping with a vicelike strength. Her eyes then became completely red and she spoke with a dark resonance that was not hers.

“…you…destroy…me…”

A tangible heat then began to radiate from her, so much so that I could feel burns beginning to form on my neck. I had to snap her out of it before she killed me, which it looked very likely she was going to do given the dark look on her face. I noticed a broom leaning against the doorframe, just within my reach. I stretched out my arm, just a few more inches…

I was so focused on the broom that I didn’t notice Mamie as she bounded up the stairs like a beast and broke through Forma’s death grip, continuing on into the guest house with the typical clumsiness of a St. Bernard. There was a brief moment of repose as Forma and I gathered our composure and fully took in what had just happened.

“Forma? Are you alright?”

She was hunched over, turned away from me with her hands clenched so hard that she was drawing blood. I gently reached over and touched her shoulder. When she did not shake me off, I fully embraced her.

“We will get through this.”

There was a dark pause before Forma stood with significantly more poise and balance than she had had all week. She stumbled when she reached her full height and had to lean against the bannister for support, but she turned to me with a black sense of resolve that made me forget entirely that she had spent the last week nearly completely confined to a bed.

“Grey, if this gets very bad, if we can’t find a cure…if I’m too far gone…”

I stood quickly and embraced her before she could say it.

“Don’t speak like that. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

She tried her best to hide it, but I heard very clearly quiet, fearful tears falling.

We decided to leave the day after she recovered strength enough to transform. As we left the Hallington house and emerged into the streets, the people of Jzasach were waiting to show me their gratitude for my heroism. I was met with an even larger reception than we had received in Esthen: every citizen had gathered along the street, all clutching a single red rose. I rubbed my throbbing temples as I emerged from the Hallington house onto the sidewalk, my thoughts at a crossroads. Forma gripped my shoulder strongly, in spite of her clearly weakened state.

“Stop worrying about our problems. We’ve just ended a curse that has lasted for generations: the least you could do is pretend to be receptive of their appreciation.”

“Forma, you—”

“Don’t worry about me.”

Her voice was stern and sharp. I could hear her attempting to cover up her anxiety. A pang of guilt took hold of my stomach.

An elderly woman suddenly gripped my hand and kissed it respectfully, drawing my attention outward.

“We owe you so much,” she said in a shaky voice. “Thank you!”

Tears began to fall from her eyes and similar looks radiated in the faces of the surrounding people. I turned to Farrah and her father, both looking at me with gratitude. My stomach curled into knots as Farrah suddenly threw her arms around me. I weakly returned her embrace.

“You’ve done so much for us!” she whispered into my ear.

I gripped her hands, tracing the aged wrinkles in her knuckles. How many family members had she lost?

“I’m sorry for the loved ones you have lost. I’m sorry for bring that upon you…I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner.”

The woman laughed lightly and tapped my hands.

“We will mourn those who have passed, but you have guaranteed that no unnecessary slaughters will ever happen again. You have slayed the curse that has held our people hostage for centuries. You have freed us and for that, we owe you our lives.”

I began to cry, realising that being thanked for doing everything wrong would never get any easier.

No one said anything else and Forma quickly changed into a stallion, sensing that I needed to escape the rush of emotion. I quickly mounted her and the sea of people parted, allowing Forma a direct path to the city gates. They began to applaud just as she began trotting out of Jzasach. I held my head in my hands, listening as it echoed off of the metal buildings and travelled up into the atmosphere.