Shades of Grey

ESTHEN— MAY 1843

Forma and I spent a restful two months in Esthen. After the initial shock of Anesthia’s understandable yet frightening anger, I soon grew to respect her. She dealt with the problems left by Lord Remacus’s poor leadership with grace and she proved herself to be a very worthy monarch. I watched as she restored order to her fallen kingdom and soon I saw Esthen as it was meant to be: thriving and full of life.

“How are you enjoying yourselves?” the queen asked one morning as the three of us ate breakfast together in the royal dining room along with Anesthia’s three young handmaidens. “I trust the real face of Esthen has pushed away the mug of sickness you saw when you first arrived?”

“Indeed. I have yet to enter such a rich, beautiful city,” I replied honestly, fearing what she had the power to do if I said otherwise.

“I am pleased to hear you say so. When were you planning to leave? I trust you have a great deal many more people to save. I feel selfish having you stay here for so long,” she said with a casual smile.

“No, it was necessary. It was a good resting period. We’ve been on the road many months; it has been good to be stationary for a while.” I looked to Forma, who looked at me with anxious eyes. She agreed but was just as eager to get back on the road.

“We were planning to leave early tomorrow morning, if that is alright,” Forma replied before taking a drink from her glass.

“Of course. You may leave whenever you wish.”

We exchanged polite smiles and I turned to my breakfast, eating gladly.

“Mistress Grey?” asked the youngest handmaiden, Lissy.

“Yes Lissy?” I probed, watching her exchange anxious glances with the other two handmaidens, Jassa and Saira. Lissy shifted in her seat, evident nerves rising.

“Go on, Lissy,” encouraged Anesthia. “You do not need to be so nervous.”

Forma and I exchanged an amused grin at her starstruck demeanour. Under such scrutiny, Lissy then found her courage.

“Will you tell us of your adventures? We are most curious to hear.”

Jassa and Saira nodded in excitement. Forma shrugged nonchalantly at me.

So, with a strange sense of celebrity, I began to divulge my story. They were attentive listeners, reacting correctly in all the correct spots. Even Anesthia (who acted almost as if she knew my story already) listened silently with a coyly observant smile.

When I had finished, the three young handmaidens were silent in awe.

“Wow that was amazing!” Lissy exhaled.

“I wish my life was exciting,” Saira bemoaned aloud. Jassa and Lissy gasped dramatically, their eyes flicking quickly to the queen. Anesthia burst out in laughter.

“Exciting? Does life in the palace not thrill you, dear Saira?”

“Your Highness, I didn’t mean it like that…it’s just…” Saira struggled, clearly missing the sarcastic and entertained inflection in Anesthia’s voice.

“It’s fine, Saira. Why don’t the three of you go to the stables and take some of my stallions out for some exercise. God knows Remacus never rode them.”

The three timid young girls left the table eagerly and Anesthia leaned back in her chair at the head of the table.

“Your handmaidens are certainly very…” I struggled for a word.

“Young? Naïve? Immature? Yes, that is because they are: very young and very naïve and very immature. But, they are good workers and will one day make very good ladies of the court. I shall turn them into nobility if it kills me.”

I nodded politely and took another bite of my food before I noticed that the queen’s attentions still rested on me.

“So, Grey, what do you think of Xanthar under the rule of a Riadas?”

I looked up at Anesthia, whose dark eyes bore into me with frighteningly audacious interest. She reminded me of the siren Lorelei, luring me to my oratorical destruction.

“It’s beautiful. You are a regal force to be reckoned with,” I smiled. “I’ve yet to see such happy people in as active a city as Esthen.”

“Thank you,” Anesthia said, observing me with an emotion I could not name, almost mischievousness like that of a child who manipulates her friends into telling her exactly what she wants to hear.

I smiled at her uneasily and returned to my meal.

“Are you enjoying the food?” she asked.

“Oh yes. It’s wonderful,” I complimented.

Anesthia smiled at me genuinely and I quickly returned to my breakfast. She noticed my unease and laughed self-consciously.

“What is it?” she asked.

“You just fascinate me, your Majesty,” I replied.

“Oh really? How so?”

I looked up at her, not really wanting to answer. I stood and walked over to one of the floor-length windows, looking at the activity in the streets.

“I’ve seen you do great wonders for this country, Your Highness, and I am certainly not one to judge on how you govern your people—”

“But...” Anesthia interjected, anticipating the negative face of my comment. I could almost feel the ice from her eyes penetrate my skin. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Forma shiver in anticipation as well.

“But I’ve been reliving my first night here...” I began.

“The night when I executed Remacus,” Anesthia finished knowingly. She set down her glass of water and stood, towering over me with regal authority. I averted my eyes, sensing an unpleasant reaction.

“Grey, I dealt with him in the same way that my ancestors before me have dealt with criminals, especially those who conspire to overthrow the crown.”

“But your highness, there will always be those who conspire!” I cried. “Are you going to kill them all?”

“REMACUS HAD ME KIDNAPPED AND TORTURED FOR FOUR MONTHS! HE DID MUCH MORE THAN CONSPIRE!” she roared, stepping right up to me. Forma stood at attention, ready to attack should Anesthia’s temper rise to dangerous levels.

“What would you have had me do?” Anesthia asked me through a mercilessly cold stare. “How would you have dealt with a backstabbing man whom you thought you could trust; whom you had trusted for years and even sought advice from when all the while he had been conspiring to steal your power?”

My mind flashed to Rodag and how I had dealt with him, wondering if the queen knew of our history. I looked at Anesthia’s expectant face.

“I would have exiled him, forbidden him to ever return.”

“What if a simple exiling would not dispel him? What if death was the only way to make sure he would never conspire against me or another Xantharian ruler again?”

“I would have put him in prison until a proper punishment could be conceived.”

Anesthia laughed and looked through the window.

“That’s why I like you, Grey. You’re so…noble.”

She observed me with dangerously inquisitive eyes and a sort of fascinated awe that made me shiver. Her wandering eyes settled on my mask.

“Why do you wear that? Is it a sin for Hunters to show their faces?”

I took a quick gulp, struggling under the weight of her observatory stare.

“We must not be recognised as an individual: only as a symbol…it helps us to remain humble. There is a danger of megalomania...” I began, remembering the exact answer I had given to Rodag when he had asked me the same question.

“I find it foolish. One must receive recognition for one’s own accomplishments, not the entire profession,” Anesthia remarked tritely, turning and leaving the room. “When you are finished, just leave your plate and one of the maids will take to the kitchen.”

She walked out into the hallway, leaving Forma and me alone.

“She’s so mysterious,” Forma said, hungrily finishing the queen’s left overs. “And frightening. Do you think she’s dangerous?”

“No, I don’t think so. The key keeps her from turning into a tyrant, but her ways do seem a bit harsh...” my voice died off as my suspicions were made clear.

“Should we leave earlier?” Forma suggested, reading my emotions.

“No. I fear what any other surprises will do to her,” I replied as I stood up. “Come on, let’s go back to our room.”

Forma nodded and stood, following me out of the dining room.