Sebastian The Traveler

The beach.

Ha.

"Hallelujah!" He yelled.

I laughed as I watched Sebastian raise his hands to some unseen God and then fall to his knees, kissing the sand.

Quite literally.

He furiously sputtered sand from his lips, batting away what ever else his could with his hands.

But when his gaze fell on me, I couldn't help the abrupt stop to my giggles. His expression was picturesque, a mix of embarrassment, amusement and admiration with the most boyish grin I have ever witnessed.

Be still my beating heart.

"Sweet dreamscape, gorgeous," he said after he plopped down beside me. Looking at him now, eyes sparkling in the dwindling sunlight, a lopsided grin on his face, I couldnt help but wonder why he was so happy. I knew for certain it was something my subconscious was severely lacking.

"I aim to please."

Sebastian's smile faded, but his eyes bore into mine and for a split second I was worried he would actually read into the deepest parts of my soul. I suddenly felt naked in front of him.

Naked and uncomfortable.

"What?" I snapped.

"Have you ever thought about leaving New York?" He asked softly, ignoring my rudeness.

Honestly, it hadnt crossed my mind. I often regretted moving to New York, but never once had I considered leaving. I guess I just held onto that little light of Faith that it was still possible for all my dreams to come true here. But his question brought up a quandary for me now: was New York even where I was meant to be? "No, I havent."

His brows furrowed as he studied my face. His blue eyes held a small tinge of doubt as if he couldnt believe the thought had actually never crossed my mind. "There are better places, Avery. Theres so much beauty out there, you cant limit yourself to the cold streets of New York."

"Really? And where is there more beauty than NYC?" Everywhere. I already knew the answer but since my subconscious was speaking, maybe it had some sort of suggestion to atleast ponder over. Sebastian gave me a small smile and shrugged, "I dont know, but I always kinda liked Colorado Springs. But I have to warn you, it does lack the alluring scent of exhaust fumes, cement and urine you seem to be so fond of here."

"Ha, ha," I chuckled, hitting him in the arm. He rubbed it gingerly and mouthed the word, "ow," feigning hurt.

But his suggestiong was not something I had expected. Somewhere warmer, near a beach seemed more likely. Hawaii, California, Florida... definitely not Colorado. "Why Colorado?" I asked, curious.

"You ever been to Colorado?"

"Do they have some of the coldest winters around?" I giggled as I couldnt help but compare his question to Jack in Titanic and yes, I do know what ice fishing is. Sebastian seemed lost for about two seconds before he smiled, "With all due respect miss, I'm not the one hanging off the back of a ship here."

I couldn't help but smile that he got the joke, "Good movie."

"Great movie."

"Why Colorado Springs?"

He sighed and looked towards the ocean, "I dont know, honestly. It shouldnt be any different than any other place I've ever been, but it is. The landscape is breathtaking and I just feel free, I guess? Serene almost." He turned to me, his eyes burning into mine like fire to ice, "I think you'd find inspiration there... room to breathe, ya know?"

I nodded, turning my attention to the waves rolling in. A comfortable silence fell between us as we watched the sunset. His words had seeped into my brain, on constant repeat, 'I think you'd find inspiration there.' It wasnt out of the realm of possibilities, as New York hadnt ever been that friendly to me. Not that I had had any bad experiences but it always felt like I was just spinning my wheels. Being young and idealistic, I imagined my art would propell me instantly into the spot light. Unfortunately, years later, here I still was working a job I thought would only be temporary.

But while the thought of moving should be exciting, it actually terrified me and I couldnt pinpoint exactly why. I had no qualms about relocating to the Big Apple so why would moving west bother me? Why does the thought of breaking free of my montaenous life feel like leaving the comforts of home? Loss was something I had become accustomed to, I rarely dwelled on the past anymore as I couldnt change that. Though the trauma followed me wherever I went as it had literally molded me into who I was today and I no longer tried to fight it. I am me and that wasnt going to change.

But did I want it to?

I had no family and no real friends, other than my subconscious sitting next to me, of course. Truthfully, I was alone and I had given New York enough time to change me and my situation and the city only ended up failing me in the end. Maybe it was time to let go.

My stomach suddenly twisted into a stone like ball of dread, weighing my whole soul down. If I was telling myself to take a risk, make a change, did that mean once I did, I would no longer have the need for these dreams? I would no longer need Sebastian?

It was like he was real and it wasnt as if I had know him my whole life and yet the thought of losing such a friendship brought me an overwhelming sense of sadness.

"Sebastian?"

"Hm?"

"If I leave New York, does that mean I'll never see you again?"

He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close, whispering into my hair, "I'll stay by your side, always." The feel of his breath against me sent a small wave of shivers down my spine but his words warmed my being, like hot chocolate on a cold day.

And I needed that.