Say You Swear

Pushing past the entrance, I curve right, and pound on the small door for a solid five minutes before Brady appears beside me. Slowly, he reaches up, grabbing and lowering my hands to my sides.

“Ari Baby, I don’t think he’s in there,” he says softly, and I crumble.

He hugs me, attempting to keep me upright, and Cameron slides in front of me, worry carved across her features.

“It’s been two days.” Tears fall from my eyes, and I look away as a few football players walk by, staring. “He wasn’t at practice yesterday, and he isn’t here today, so where is he?”

“Maybe he went out for food or something?” Brady’s tone is dejected, his attempt futile, and he knows it.

“Come on.” Cameron wraps her arm through mine. “We should go home. You need to—”

“Don’t say sleep, Cameron.” I rub my eyes.

“Honey, he’s not here and we don’t know if he has been in the last two days. What are you going to do, camp out in the entryway?”

“If I have to.”

“Ari, don’t do this to yourself.”

“You didn’t see his face.” I look to them. “He was… God, he was…” Devastated. “I can’t even imagine what he’s thinking.”

The front door opens, another group of guys arriving home, and I hold my breath, but it’s Chase who is the last to step through.

He looks from me to Noah’s door and back.

He walks over. “Ari.”

“Please just,” I rush out, my hands flying up as I slip past. “Not now.”

“Arianna!” Cameron shouts, chasing me out onto the porch, but I’m already down the driveway and stepping into the road.

Spinning in place, I scan the area, my hands folding over my head.

My eyes squeeze shut, and I clench my jaw, bending at the knees until I’m squatting in place.

“Fuck!” I finally scream, my body shaking.

Several heads turn my way, but I ignore them.

I jerk upright and start walking.

I walk every inch of campus, circling each building and covering all corners from the center to the outer edge. I don’t think I expected to find him, but once there’s nowhere left to go, I realize I must have hoped I would.

Defeat washes over me and I want to drop to the grass and curl into a ball, but my feet don’t stop moving.

I walk until the sun comes up, and then I go home. Locking myself in my room, I cry myself to sleep.

Later that day, when Cameron pounds on my door, I tell her to go away, and by the time I wake again, it’s after nine-thirty, tonight’s game likely almost over.

Showering last night’s sweat from my body, I quickly throw on some clothes and rush out the door, wet hair and all, but by the time the stadium is in sight, still a good hundred yards away, the campus is already flooded with fans on their way to finish off their Saturday night somewhere. Dropping onto the nearest bench, I go to the school website, where the score is already posted.

The Sharks lost the first round of playoffs, their season coming to end as of tonight.

That means tonight was Noah’s final game as a college quarterback, and I wasn’t there to see it.

A hopelessness aches inside me, and I close my eyes.

Noah hasn’t accepted any of my attempts to contact him, so it’s with a shaky soul and pure desperation that I pull up our message thread, sending him a text I’m hoping he can’t ignore.

I turn off my phone, sitting in the same spot until the parking lot is near empty, and then I head for the football house, praying when I get there, Noah will be waiting.

Unfortunately for me, he isn’t, but a keg full of cheap beer is.

So I fill a cup.

And then I fill another.

Fresh drink in hand, I spin, coming face to face with Chase.

I jerk to a stop, smiling, and he frowns.

“Hey.” He looks past me, toward the guy manning the drinks and then peeks into my cup.

My eyes follow, and I chuckle. “Yeah, he’s not the best pourer. It’s mostly foam, but it’s doing its job.” I push past him, moving through the back yard and step into the house.

He keeps pace with me, and I can feel his inquisition. “And what job is that?”

“Think about all the reasons people turn to alcohol, and check mark every single one.”

I glance his way, and his frown deepens.

“This might not be the best time, but we were supposed to talk, and we never got the chance.”

“Yeah, we never had the chance for a lot of things, did we?” I stop walking, bringing my cup to my lips. “We feel like a lifetime ago.”

“No, we don’t.”

I scoff, nodding my head. “Yeah, we do.”

Sighing, he reaches out, but I bend, evading him.

“Don’t touch me.” I laugh, finishing off my cup, and tip my head at him. “Last time you touched me, you ruined everything all over again, but I mean, hey, I ruined it first, so what’s it really matter.”

“Things don’t have to be this way, you know?”

“How else could it be, Chase?”

“Better.” He steps closer. “It could be better for us.”

“Please.” I roll my eyes. “Until Mason sees, right? Been there, thought that. Got fucked over.”

He jerks forward suddenly, and it takes a moment for my vision to adjust to his nearness.

Suddenly, he’s in my face. “Tell me I can kiss you and I will. Right here, right now, where everyone will see.” He grips my chin. “Tell me I can kiss you.”

“What the fuck?!” Mason’s voice booms from somewhere.

And just like that, the chatter around the room dies down, and my brother is gently nudging me aside, stepping between Chase and me.

Chase’s eyes widen for a split second, but then he stands up straight, facing off with his best friend.

“What’d you just say to my sister?” Mason pushes on Chase’s chest, shoving him back a few steps.

Brady rushes over, Cam beside him.

Chase shakes his head, lifting his hands. “I’m sorry, but… you’re going to have to get used to this.”

“What?!” Mason and I snap at the same time, both our heads jerking toward one another.

He frowns, confused, his glare quickly moving back to his friend.

Cam tries to step up. “Guys, maybe we should head outside?”

“Fuck that!” Mason throws his hands around. “What the fuck do mean I’m going to have to get used to it? Used to what? Are you fucking my sister?” Mason demands, before turning to me. “Are you fucking him?”

“Mason,” Brady clips. “Stop.”

“No, you know what, it’s fine, Brady. Let’s have a fucking therapy session right here in the middle of a party.” If my words are slurred, it’s unbeknownst to me. I pin my eyes on my brother. “No Mase. I’m not ‘fucking’ him.”

“You better fuckin’ not be!” he rears.

Ad you know what, fuck this shit.

“Oh?” I pull back, crossing my arms defiantly. “Why is that? Can’t stand the thought of your best friend on top of your ‘little’ sister?”

“Oh shit,” Brady murmurs from beside me.

Cameron tries to interject, but I push her away, and her mouth clamps shut.

“Watch your mouth, Arianna,” Mason says sternly.

“Well, guess what, asshole?” I hear Chase’s ‘no’ from beside me but fuck him too. “It already happened!” I watch my brother turn his murderous glare on Chase and start to rush forward before Brady steps in the middle of them, holding Mason back.

“Oh, but don’t worry, Mase, I was telling the truth. I’m not fucking him. Your friendship was more important than I was, just as you hoped, so congratulations, Mason.” I throw my arms out. “He’s all yours.”

I storm out the front door, ignoring the commotion that ensues with my exit.

“Ari, wait!” Chase yells, hot on my heels, but I don’t stop until he’s gripping my arm, whipping me around. “Ari, damn it, hold on!”

He jumps in front of me.

“What?! What do you want, Chase?” Emotionally drained, I drop my shoulders. “What do you want from me?”

“Everything!” he yells. “I want everything, Arianna.” I go to shout, but he holds his hands up. “Wait. Just, let me speak, okay?”

I stare at him for a few moments before nodding.

“Look, I know you said it was too late, but it doesn’t have to be. Ari, this summer…” He swallows. “I was an ass. Everything that happened between us, it shouldn’t have gone down like that. I see that now. I need you to believe me when I tell you that it won’t happen again. I won’t push you away again and I won’t allow anything to get between us, if you just give us the chance we deserve.”

I’m shaking my head before he even finishes. “Chase, no. I’m not in the same place I was this summer.”

“I get that,” he says insistently, reaching out and snagging my hands. “Honest, I do. I just want you to know I’m ready. I’m here. I know you’re scared. I know I’m the one who gave you a reason to be but—”

“Chase—”

My head continues to shake.

He’s not getting it.

He doesn’t get it.

My fingertips rub at my temples. “Please, stop talking.”

I keep walking, but he slips into my space again.

“No. You need to hear me. You need to understand what I’m saying.” He gestures toward the door. “I pretty much told my best friend to fuck off just now because I need you to know how serious I am. Just give me a chance to show you I can love you like you deserve, because Arianna, I do love—”

“I don’t love you anymore!” I scream, my muscles freezing.

Chase goes stiff, and over his shoulder, I spot my family, all rushing this way, all jolting to a stop at the same second. Slowly, they inch closer, each wearing their version of shock and confusion.

They heard what I said, maybe more.

Tears prick the backs of my eyes and my nose tingles.

Chase’s hands come up to run down his face, and his mouth forms a hard line.

I swallow past the knot in my throat. I never told Chase I was in love with him, this is the first he’s heard it. The first my brother’s heard.

The irony of this moment is lost on me, how my omission is also my rejection.

How the secret is out, but the need for it is over.

They shouldn’t have heard this before Noah.

No one should have.

Not until I’ve looked him in the eye and spoken it out loud.

Not until he knew, without a doubt, I was his.

I back away, but Chase grabs me.

“Don’t do this,” he pleads.

“Let me go.”

“Arianna, please.”

“She said” —my brother slips between us— “to let her fucking go,” he growls, shoving Chase hard in the chest.

My body jerks forward as Chase staggers back, but he quickly releases me, and I catch myself on the grass.

Cameron rushes over, but I manage to wobble to my feet, right as Mason advances on Chase, throwing a right hook before Chase can say a word, blood spilling from his lips.

“Come on, motherfucker, don’t puss out now.” Mase spits to the side, diving for him.

He tackles him to the ground, and Chase gets him into a headlock, but Mason rolls out, bringing his elbow down on his nose.

“Fuck,” Brady mumbles, moving in. “All right, that’s it.”

Brady grips Mason by the arms, yanking him backward, and Chase hops to his feet.

“I can’t fucking believe you!” Mason seethes. “You fucked my sister?!” Mason kicks, but Brady holds him at bay.

“It wasn’t like that!”

“Yeah, it fucking was. This is why she was depressed when we got here. Because you fucked her and you left her.”

“You’re the one—”

“Don’t fucking finish that sentence, asshole. You chose to be with her and then you turned your back on her.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you!” Chase confesses, but it only makes Mason angrier.

“That’s fucked up and you know it! If hurting me protects her then that’s what you do. That’s what I’d want. You fucking know me, man!” He shakes his head. “You know this.”

Chase looks away, ashamed. “I didn’t want to ruin anything.”

“You ruined everything when you took her virginity and left her broken-hearted.”

Chase’s face is an instant sheet of white, his eyes snapping to mine. Everyone else’s follow.

My mouth is agape, my eyes brimmed with tears.

“No…” he whispers, subconsciously moving forward. “Arianna, no.”

Mason jerks an arm free, shooting it out in time to grip Chase’s shirt before he can pass, and he yanks him into his face.

But as Mason looks into the eyes of his best friend, and Chase’s shoulders fall, Mason’s frown finds me behind him. “You didn’t tell him?”

My neck is stiff, but I shake my head frantically, in apology. In regret.

I look to Cameron, who bites on her nails, to Brady, who hangs his head.

“I… have to go.” I take backward steps, my hand darting out when I bump into the car on the curb and I rush around it, crossing the street.

“Ari, come on,” Mason snaps, and together, they all move down the yard toward the sidewalk. “Get back over here.”

“Arianna, wait!” Chase calls next, and I grip my temples.

“Back the fuck up!” Mason screams.

“I’m going to grab her!”

“You’re not going anywhere near her!” he booms. “Ari! Where are you even going?!”

Shaking my head, my vision blurs.

I don’t know.

I can’t think.

“Don’t make me lay you out, Chase, because I fucking will.”

“Fuck you, Mason.”

“You guys stop!” Cameron screams. “Mason let him go!”

I squeeze my eyes shut, blocking them out.

I can hardly breathe.

I have to find Noah.

I want to talk to him.

I need to tell him I know what I want.

That it’s him.

I need to tell him that I love him.

Noah

My feet stop, and I bend, putting my hands on my knees. My chest pounds furiously, and I try for a deep breath, but it’s easier said than done.

The second I saw Ari’s text come through, I was a six pack in, but I knew I had to get to her, so I locked my truck up and started running.

I ran for no less than five miles without stopping.

My breathing calms a bit, so I stand and as I get a few feet farther, shouting reaches my ears. I look up, squinting past the last couple houses before mine, and that’s when I see her.

Ari, clutching her stomach, as she takes backward steps.

I jog toward her, my eyes widening when I spot Mason and Chase shoving at each other, and Mason throws a punch, screaming in Chase’s face, but I stop at the edge of the sidewalk.

“Mason, let him go!” Cameron yells.

I step from the sidewalk, ignoring them.

“Juliet,” I call to her.

Her body jolts upright, as if she’s slammed into an invisible wall, and slowly, she finds me.

Her lips part, a broken cry slipping from her lips. “Noah…”

The longing in her tone about wrecks me, and I clutch my chest.

Baby…

Her shoulders hunch in apprehension, her arms wrapping around herself as if readying for a blow, in case I serve her with one, like I did the other day.

Like I’ve done the last week.

My Juliet, I hurt you, too.

Regret burns through my every vein, and I glance at Mason and the others.

At Chase, who stands not ten feet from me, both his lip and right brow split open. They stand at the edge of the grass, tension whirling in the air around them, both looking from me to her, to each other. I don’t know what I walked up on, but I don’t care.

I turn to my girl, lifting my phone into the air, and her body sags.

She faces me fully now, her words a hopeful whisper, “You got my message?”

I nod. “I did.”

“And you came.”

My lips twitch, and I nod again. “I should have come sooner.”

Tears fall from her eyes, and a broken chuckle slips from her. “It’s okay. Just don’t do it again,” she teases, but it’s not enough to hide the pain in her voice.

Pain that I fed, fearing I was the only one who felt our loss.

I wasn’t. She felt it.

She feels it.

She’s mine.

“Never, baby.” My chest clenches. “Never again.”

The back of her hand comes up to cover her mouth, and she sniffles as I step around the old truck at the curb.

Her arms fall to her sides, and she smiles, and then she breaks out into a run.

I chuckle, but then a flash catches my eye.

My head snaps left, panic erupting within me.

I dart forward. “No!”

“Ari!” Mason shouts, Cameron’s scream echoing around him.

Arms wrap around my shoulders, and I’m yanked backward.

In the same second, the squeal of brakes pierces the air, followed by a boom so loud it shakes my core. Screams fill the air, and I tear free of the body behind me.

Shattered glass fills the street, cutting up my knees and hands as I crawl through it, my body lurching forward as I reach the crunched-up bumper of the old pickup.

A scream tears through me, and suddenly, others are falling beside me.

Someone clutches my shirt.

Someone cries.

Someone pleads.

I don’t move.

I can’t breathe.

All I can do is stare at the girl I love lying lifeless in the center of the street.