Run With The Wolves

Ty and I sat in the library during second period. It’s the first day back at school but we started the habit of skipping again. He’s been on edge all morning so I wanted to know what else is wrong. Then again, I didn’t want to put him on the spot and make him more uncomfortable about family issues. So instead, I brought up relationship issues.

“Do I make you uncomfortable?” I asked him, a smile spreading on my face.

“We’ve been together for how long now?” He asked, not amused with my question.

“You wouldn’t tell me if I bothered you, Ty. You’d just quietly keep it to yourself and hope I’d be the one to bring it up.” I explained to him so he knows why I asked him.

“You don’t make me uncomfortable. I hold your hand, don’t I?” He asked.

Well I want more than that.

I just shrugged and looked down at my book. I wasn’t going to bother him about sex. Something was happening but I could only guess the gist of it.

Ty has been misbehaving, and Channing picked up on it rather quickly.

It’s a wolf thing.

“What do your brothers think about what’s happening?” I asked, curious.

When Ty didn’t answer, I looked up to see his expression. He wanted to answer but he didn’t know how. Apparently a lot has been happening and it doesn’t seem to get any better. Channing having his patience tested isn’t a good thing either.

“They already told me if I try to leave, they’ll side with him.”

I didn’t think it was as serious as Ty planning on leaving. He still hasn’t told me all of it yet, but Ty’s disobedience has been getting worse. He’s refusing to listen to Channing, who is in fact the alpha of the family of wolves. So Ty trying to leave when Channing says he can’t is causing problems.

I think I know why.

I closed my book. “Stay with your family.” I told him.

“It’s not that easy.” Ty glanced at me.

“You should always pick your family.” I said anyway.

Ty seemed tormented. “It’s not that easy.” he said again. What he feels for me, it was the reason why he was trying to leave.

It must be a wolf thing, the whole loyalty thing.

It’s not that easy.

I can tell him to choose his family, to be with his family, to want them, but he will come towards me even more and more till we’re inseparable. I always tell him that his family should come first, and he knows that, but it’s his instincts that have taken over now.

It’s not that easy.

“Don’t do anything reckless.” I told him because I want him to be careful. I have no idea what he would do for me, and I want to make sure he doesn’t go crazy.

“I won’t.” Ty said quietly and looked down at his book.

I can’t believe he would go through all the trouble of protecting me, to want to make sure that I was okay, to fight his brothers for me. After everything we've dealt with, it's still a shocker for me.

There has to be a lot on his mind right now.

The bell rang but we didn’t move.

If we were going to skip class, we might as well. As I got that thought though, he closed his book and put it in his bag. All he had to do was glance at me to know what I was thinking. It was instant defeat.

“You don't kiss me as much anymore." I put it out there.

He wrinkled his nose and looked away somewhere else. “I kissed you this morning.” He said.

“I mean, like, really kiss me. Like, you know...” I got closer to him, knowing that it would make him nervous.

He stared at me blankly.

“We’re not doing this here.” He didn’t want to have the conversation. “I’m not going to make out with you every second of the day. I like kissing you, but that won’t happen if you don’t know how to act.” He grabbed his bag and got up.

I also like when he has an attitude with me.

“Kiss me and I’ll behave.” I smiled at him.

He mashed his lips together, actually thinking about it. I like teasing him. Sometimes he would blush and shy away, like right now.

“I’m just kidding, Ty.”

“If we skip one more class, they’ll call our parents.” He said.

Ty is a good influence. I shouldn’t try to change that. He always makes sure that I’m safe, where I’m supposed to be, and not doing anything stupid. He’s also a little rigid with rules sometimes, and that’s okay. Ty was never much for taking risks. He likes to stay quiet. He’s still a little shy, though I’ve been pushing him out of his shell lately. Maybe I should give him some time to breathe and recharge.

“Okay.” I said as I continued to smile.

He held his hand out for me to take, and I did, getting up out of my seat and putting my bag over my shoulder.

I like holding his hand.

I was glad when he didn’t let go. He can get shy around other people, and he doesn’t like being asked about our relationship. All it does is make him quieter. The others are nice about it though. They don’t pester as much as I thought they would. I expected bullying, but that’s not what happened either.

There’s so much that’s gone on in the past few months that I think people have much more things to worry about than who’s in a relationship.

Ty and I have a lot to worry about, too.

He can’t leave his family. His bloodline is forcing him to stay here, to protect his land. But his instincts are screaming at him to follow me. If I leave, Ty will do his best to break ties with his brothers. He wants to go with me.

I almost want to make it easier on him so he doesn’t have to go. If I go to school here, there will be no fighting and Ty will be able to stay with his family.

It’s a serious decision. His future is on the line.

And so is mine.

We don’t talk about it much, but soon we’ll have to.

Ty's been fighting Channing for weeks now. And in their wolf form, it gets vicious. Ty leaving will make it seem like he’s disloyal. Channing won’t let him go, he’d prefer it if Ty fight his feelings for me to do what he’s supposed to.

I don’t think I should get involved, but it’s about me.

I don’t know how to bring it up to Ty in a way that will make him talk to me. We have to talk about what we're going to do. And as much as I know we should take it one day at a time, we both know that day will come much sooner than we think.

I think I want to be prepared to handle anything that happens. I don't know what he's thinking, mostly because he won't tell me.

By the end of the day, I was absolutely exhausted which is surprising considering that I didn't go to all of my classes today. There was a lot on my mind, and there was a lot on Ty's. Talking about it this morning was just barely scratching the surface. There's more for us to talk about and I want to have the conversation. We need to.

I don't want to be surprised when the time finally comes.

I need to know what I'm dealing with and what I can do to make certain outcomes happen.

“Ty...” I wanted to talk seriously about everything. “You know, one day...”

We’ll have to have the discussion at some point.

He didn’t say anything as he drove me home. I know he’s thinking hard. There was a lot he had to figure out, a lot more than I could complain about. He needed to figure himself out and that’s a big one.

It will always be frustrating for him no matter what.

“You deserve to be happy, too.” I said quietly as I looked out the window.

I know he doesn’t want to talk about it, so I won’t force him.

When we got to my house, we sat in the car quietly, not saying anything. It was just for a few seconds, but it was enough for me to decide to give him time. I took a quiet breath as I opened the car door. I told him goodbye, my voice still quiet, and he glanced at me with sad eyes.

I wish I could make things easier for him.

I went inside the house, not minding the silence. Both my parents were still at work so I’ll be home by myself for a few hours. I was tired so I tossed my bag on the couch and went upstairs to my room so I could get in bed.

My eyes closed and I drifted.

When I opened my eyes again, the sun was setting. The sky was a bright orange that lit up my room from the window. I got out of bed to bring down the shades. But I stopped as I looked outside into the backyard.

A white ball of fur was laying in the snow, curled perfectly. The white wolf was sleeping peacefully by himself. I sighed to myself as I went into my closet to get a blanket.

Ty will stay outside my house all night and not do anything.

I went down to the basement and opened the door so I could walk outside. The cold air rushed past me, a chill going down my spine and goosebumps rising on my skin although I was bundled up. I opened up the blanket and sat down next to him, leaning my body into his soft fur; the blanket was big enough for me to cover part of his body, too.

I wasn’t sure if Ty was asleep or not, but I was going to talk anyway.

"I know I tell you to pick your family all the time. Deep down, I want you to pick me." I admitted truthfully.

Of course I would love for Ty to want me, to choose me, to want me more than everything that keeps him here. He’s willing to do that for me, to risk everything for me.

Just for me.

That kind of love isn’t easy to find.

That’s not the kind of love people willingly give.

That kind of love is not easy to keep.

I’ve put Ty in bad positions with his family before. He's chosen me through all of it. He wants to protect me, and he does. He makes sure that I'm not hurt, that I'm always safe, that I'm okay.

I owe him everything.

So yes, I want him to pick me.

“Please don’t ruin your family just for me.” I said anyway. I knew what I wanted, but it wasn’t the right thing. “Your brothers need you. You shouldn’t fight them.”

He’s supposed to listen to me. Maybe telling him to be with his family will force it on him.

I want a lot of things for Ty. He deserves everything with all the patience and kindness that he has.

A low rumble came from the wolf’s chest. He was awake and listening. And he sounded resistant.

“Please, Ty.” I begged. “For me.”

Family is important.

“You and Channing shouldn’t be fighting.” I said.

Now he was frustrated. He huffed out a breath abruptly and shifted. He didn’t want to talk about it, and it was easier for him cause he couldn’t even respond. I was the one putting myself out there.

“Channing only wants to protect you.”

Ty doesn’t believe that now.

“You really think you’ll leave?” I asked him. “If I go across the country right now, would you come with me?” I asked.

He shifted again, getting up and standing on all fours. He didn’t want to have this conversation and I figured as much. But while he was still here, I had to say something. I got up, too, holding the blanket in my arms as I stared at him. His eyes were cold as he looked down at me.

For some reason, he’s been more temperamental lately. Me talking about our relationship wasn't making things better, but at some point he can't avoid this.

If I were to leave, he'd want to come with me. The question really is if he would be able to.

“Would you leave with me?” I asked again.

The wolf bowed his head slowly, almost like a sign of compliance and obedience. He sat on his hind legs in front of me and stayed quiet.

Ty would leave with me.

He'd try to.

He'd fight to.

My heart almost broke, not because he would do anything for me, but because he would be so quick to leave his family for me. I love him, and I want him to be happy.

“I can’t let you...”

But I can't be the thing that comes between him and his family.

There was a low whine that came from him.

“Ty, please. I just don’t like seeing all of you on edge. And it’s because of me. I don’t want to be the center of attention anymore. They’ll hate me if you leave because of me.” I wanted him to understand, I wanted him to know that I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I knew an entire family didn’t like me because I took someone they love away from them.

He didn’t care. Ty would still leave with me no matter what, and he showed me that.

He’s loyal. He’s obedient. He’s caring and kind and trustworthy. I could put my life in Ty’s hands. But I could put my life in his family’s hands, too. They’ve saved me so many times. I can’t take Ty away from them.

“If we...” I didn’t want to ask the question. “If we...had to say goodbye, would you let me go?” I asked.

There was another huff of air that came from him and he lowered himself more. He whined even louder as he laid on the ground, whining like he was wounded.

I never thought of breaking up with Ty, but it seems like a heart break would be a serious injury for him. I didn’t know how to feel. It hurt to know that Ty felt this way, that he couldn’t control it, that it was hard to manage it. And now he’s fighting with his brother because of it.

I’ll try to talk to him about it again, maybe when he’s in a better mood.

He got up slowly and bowed his head towards me again. My hand rubbed his soft fur slowly, feeling the heat of his body on my fingers. I saw his eyes close as I rubbed behind his ears.

“I love you.” I said quietly.

He nudged me.

“Do you want to come inside?” I asked. “My parents aren’t home.”

That only works half the time.

I turned away to go back towards the basement door to open it and let the white wolf inside. My heart was beating harder in my chest as the seconds went by. I think it was because I was nervous. Ty will be able to tell me anything once he changes. I guess I was a little afraid of his response.

I waited for Ty to get changed in my room. I have a lot of his clothes in my closet so it shouldn’t be too hard for him to pick something.

He came downstairs when he was dressed, and he had this concerned look on his face.

“Why are you so worried about me?” He asked abruptly. “I can handle what’s going on.” He made it seem like I didn't trust him.

“That’s not what I said.” I looked up at him. “I don’t want you fighting with your family over me. Channing-”

“Channing doesn’t get it.” Ty said over me. “He doesn’t know what it’s like. And as much as he’s trying to understand, he thinks I can just get over it.” He was frustrated and upset, and I could tell this is the conversation he didn’t want to have. “Why are we fighting over what my family thinks?”

“Knowing that I’m the one that’s making you fight with-”

“Don’t worry about it.” Ty said, completely over that argument. “Let me handle my family.” He wanted me to trust him and I did. That was never the problem I had.

"Okay." I gave in.

I shouldn't stress him out. I had to believe in him. He said he can handle it, and I have to let him do that. So for now, I tried to show him that I wasn't worried.